texts

Texts that made me happy:

My pal M had cooked lunch for us. I texted and asked how it was going:
Chickens ready (it stopped screaming). I had a hard time getting it in the water but after a few minutes it gave up. Who's the chef?

When I left my old company and asked M whether anyone emailed me:
There are some tips on a harder weiner which won't let you down..

My first day at my new work after M asked how it was going:
Me:I walked into the door
M: You're not wearing your contact lense again, are you? Did it wake you up at least?

To my grandma who was going into hospital for major surgery:
Me: Hey Gma, good luck, thinking about you. Also, please let me know if your doctor is hot.
Gma: You ought to know that the only man in my life is the milkman.

To a pal, who was not coming to a fancy dress party, but asked whether another pal looked hot:
Um no because I made her dress like a monkey so I wasn't the only one looking retarded. Though unfortunately the plan fell through and she looks like a hot simian and I look like one who fell out the tree.

On way to party after drinking with Mike and Lottie first:
Chris! Me and Mike and Lots are on way? The park is about to get started. Mike is naked.