This year, our Christmas tree was the one my housemate, Mouse, had kept alive from last year. Yes, it had a few dead bare branches but he is a little survivor and it seemed mean leaving him out in the cold when his purpose was to also be Christmas tree 2011.
I packed away Christmas yesterday. Took down the Christmas cards, Christmas figures, threw out the holly… and repotted the tree back outside. When we bought our tree in I was told to do it in hourly stages so he could acclimatise to the inside. That seemed mental so we bought him, covered him in tinsel and hoped for the best. Putting him back outside I did think, hmm, this MAY send him into shock. Centrally heated house and whatnot. And then I thought nahhhh. And put him outside. Today was the most rainy day I have seen for a while.
A: Just pop down to the Co-op now.
Me: POP DOWN?! Have you looked outside?! I would need a frickin ark!
…. My tree may not make Christmas 2012.
On the upside, I tidied my garden. Me and Mouse, Mouse and I, spent a lot of time in the garden last Spring / Summer. Planted some lovely herbs, grew plants from seeds, seeded the lawn, grew and ate the most delicious tomatoes… unfortunately we live with Cat who is a hoarder. The full extent of what has been happening in our garden during these wintery, weathery months was only apparent when I decided it was definitely time to compost the tomato plants. I am pretty sure they were almost compost anyway…
We have a side passage to our garden. This is where our bins are kept. And, seemingly, Steptoes second yard.
Thing I found:
The massive plastic box of dog biscuits our elderly neighbour gave us as her dog did not like them. Funny that, what with them teaminggg with moths. She sprayed them with insect killer and passed them on to us…. And…. Cat kept them. Apparently she was too embarrassed to through them away in case the neighbour found out. I had no such problem. I then used the empty box to collect and store….
Many, many paint brushes, cans of paint (giving you some idea how big this box of moths biscuits was
At least 5 broken chairs
A bucket of wet sand and a pile of firewood
An old door
2 table tops; 1 marble, 1 plastic
An old picture in a frame with broken glass
I also found a MONSTROSITY. We used to have small green food / garden waste bins, until they were replaced with massive garden waste bins, which are much more useful. Cat has an allotment. When we had the little bin it was used for unwanted food. Mouldy food. Leftovers. Garden waste. Cat said she would take this bin to the allotment and empty it in the compost bin. This was a while ago. Enough time ago for the food in the bin to have liquefied and formed a whole new world. A world of the worst smell imaginable. A world of maggots. Rot. Mould. Once I had finished heaving, I took the bin down the mud track next to our house. Far enough away that I would not smell it on the breeze and fall down dead. I tipped that mother over and ran like the wind, heaving all the way home.
I could not look at Cat for a few hours. I had to go out for some wine.
I used to watch a programme called The Life of Grime. I would come in from the late shift at work, make dinner and that is what was on tv. Nigh on every time I would wonder why I put it on whilst eating. You wonder how these peoples lives, rooms, houses end up like that. I think it just builds. I think they store something in a place and fill it up. Get overwhelmed dealing with it so shut the room instead. It doesn’t help that they choose to go out with people who have similar hoarding habits. I am pretty sure her boyfriend encourages the hoarding. This is the difference between us. Mine encourage whoreing, hers encourages the collection of old pail handles from woods to make ‘tree ornaments.’
I am very aware that I have not written in this blog for ages. Which is a shame because I read some posts about my family and they still make me laugh remembering them. It has been a year and many things have happened. My nephew was born, possibly being the most awesome. But I need to ease back into this with the little things on my mind now. Like how I am going to manage to clear a scrap yard from my garden. Anyone for a game of scrapheap challenge?!
Showing posts with label Renting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Renting. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Thursday, 22 January 2009
can you tell what it is yet?
Me and Matt were home alone last night. Matt said, Sophie will be home at 11pm. I said, why are you telling me that? So that we can sit up and worry? And he was all, no. Just thought you might want to know. And I was like, ARRRRR COS SHE'S MY BABY SISTER??? And Matt was like, er... no she isn't. And I was all, but that's how I think of her.
Anyway. The point is. The conversations me and Matt had later in the evening flew in the face of that. Plus the fact that we had ready meals for dinner and 12 doughballs.
David: Evening
Rosie: DAVID. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
David: I dunno what is happening??
Rosie: Well. Matt is on the phone to his mum. He is asking her what Rolf Harris' wobble board is called. Because he doesn't believe it is called a wobble board. So he called his mum. What do you think it is called? I won't give you any hints.
David: That is some surreal shit
Rosie: She is also online. I have just written 'Wobble Board' in her window
David: Amazing
David: So is it?
Rosie: HAHA. She has told him wobble board!! Although she has also told him I told her wobble board online. She is a snitchnose. I'm going to write THAT in her window now too.
David: Ok.
Rosie: Now we are talking about the band Razzmus. Or whatever their name is. Matt is 'singing' their song to me. It's pretty much entirely unrecognisable.
David: Wow. I need to come hang out with you lot. You have some abstract evenings
Rosie: Get on it Dave. I'll put the kettle on
David: Cool
Rosie: I can show you my burnt foot as well if you like
David: I'm on my way. I'll bring the Savlon
Rosie: Ok. But you cant touch my foot. As that is gross
David: Ahh man.... Haha. Right I'm off. My bro is kicking me out like a bastard.
Rosie: Rude. Tell him you are discussing some very important matters
David: HAHA. Yeah. OK!
So me and Matt were having a conversation about wobble boards and it is all the fault of Winston Churchill. Or whatever that bulldog advert on tv is for. Because Rolf is in it. With his wobble board. And Matt was all OH WHAT IS THAT THING CALLLLED?? And I was like er, duh, wobble board. But he thinks it has a technical name. I googled it and wikipedia says it is a wobble board and Rolf basically invented it whilst trying to wobble a picture dry. And then Sophie came home and said it is DEFINITELY called a wobble board. I was speaking to Corinne online and her and her sister also say "wobble board." I think that makes it, like, 24-1 and yet Matt is unshakable in his belief that it is not called a wobble board. That is because he is a nincompoop. It went as far as Matt holding the remote hostage and keeping Elephant Man on the tv until I said ALRIGHT ALRIGHT YOU BIG BABY IT'S A WOBBLE BOARD. But he was all YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE ELEPHANT MAN. Luckily Sophie came home before Rolf Harris could start a beatdown.
Anyway. The point is. The conversations me and Matt had later in the evening flew in the face of that. Plus the fact that we had ready meals for dinner and 12 doughballs.
David: Evening
Rosie: DAVID. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
David: I dunno what is happening??
Rosie: Well. Matt is on the phone to his mum. He is asking her what Rolf Harris' wobble board is called. Because he doesn't believe it is called a wobble board. So he called his mum. What do you think it is called? I won't give you any hints.
David: That is some surreal shit
Rosie: She is also online. I have just written 'Wobble Board' in her window
David: Amazing
David: So is it?
Rosie: HAHA. She has told him wobble board!! Although she has also told him I told her wobble board online. She is a snitchnose. I'm going to write THAT in her window now too.
David: Ok.
Rosie: Now we are talking about the band Razzmus. Or whatever their name is. Matt is 'singing' their song to me. It's pretty much entirely unrecognisable.
David: Wow. I need to come hang out with you lot. You have some abstract evenings
Rosie: Get on it Dave. I'll put the kettle on
David: Cool
Rosie: I can show you my burnt foot as well if you like
David: I'm on my way. I'll bring the Savlon
Rosie: Ok. But you cant touch my foot. As that is gross
David: Ahh man.... Haha. Right I'm off. My bro is kicking me out like a bastard.
Rosie: Rude. Tell him you are discussing some very important matters
David: HAHA. Yeah. OK!
So me and Matt were having a conversation about wobble boards and it is all the fault of Winston Churchill. Or whatever that bulldog advert on tv is for. Because Rolf is in it. With his wobble board. And Matt was all OH WHAT IS THAT THING CALLLLED?? And I was like er, duh, wobble board. But he thinks it has a technical name. I googled it and wikipedia says it is a wobble board and Rolf basically invented it whilst trying to wobble a picture dry. And then Sophie came home and said it is DEFINITELY called a wobble board. I was speaking to Corinne online and her and her sister also say "wobble board." I think that makes it, like, 24-1 and yet Matt is unshakable in his belief that it is not called a wobble board. That is because he is a nincompoop. It went as far as Matt holding the remote hostage and keeping Elephant Man on the tv until I said ALRIGHT ALRIGHT YOU BIG BABY IT'S A WOBBLE BOARD. But he was all YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE ELEPHANT MAN. Luckily Sophie came home before Rolf Harris could start a beatdown.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
spooooooooky
The last stretch before home. The spooky part where I hold my bag closer, turn my iPod off and clutch my keys in my fist.
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
taster
Matt: I never thought I would say this, but, Beyonce on the X-Factor on Saturday night was excellent
Me: IF I WERRRRRRRRRRRE A BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY . . . That was just a taster
Sophie: Of what? HELL?
Matt: Oh. That was MEAN!
Me: Yeah. Thanks.
Matt: I mean, I thought the same but still. You didn't have to say it aloud.
Me: IF I WERRRRRRRRRRRE A BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY . . . That was just a taster
Sophie: Of what? HELL?
Matt: Oh. That was MEAN!
Me: Yeah. Thanks.
Matt: I mean, I thought the same but still. You didn't have to say it aloud.
Thursday, 11 December 2008
yes!
Coming home from a night out and finding this stuck to the toilet mirror warms the cockles.
Coming home from a night out and finding a hot water bottle in your bed warms your cockles AND your feet.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
The victorian era
Sometimes some things in life are just too big to deal with. That just the thought of having to deal with them makes you think, God, I'm staying at work another 15 minutes just so I can avoid dealing with them. However, I just read this and it made me laugh so . .
On November 30th, there were definite toilet problems in our house. As in, it was taking ages for stuff to flush and for the water to go down. This was an unfortunate thing to find out at midnight on a Sunday. On Monday, we should have called our landlady and asked for a plumber. Instead, we let things get progressively worse until, on the following Saturday, a literal shit storm occurred. Luckily it was my uncles 50th birthday and so we had anothers facilities to use for the evening. Which, being classy peeps, we told him. Or, at least, I did. It was definitely, DEFINITELY, time to call the landlady and arrange a plumber.
You would think that that would be the end of the story and I am sure, for most people, they call a plumber and shit (literally, remember) would get sorted. But. NO. In fact, I would say, we went BACKWARDS. Somehow (THAMES WATER CONTRACTORS COCKSUCKERS) we ended up with a call out charge of £65 with NOTHING BEING DONE because we weren't at the house. We were at work. Where a large proportion of people are on a Monday afternoon.
All I wanted to do on Monday was come home, find the toilet sorted and watch the last episode of Spooks. But did this happen? NO. I mean, I managed to watch Spooks but only because Matthew cannily convinced us to get Sky wherein live TV can be paused. And pause Spooks I did. I paused it to answer numerous calls from our landlady which varied from: "I mean, what the fuck?" and "This never happened when *I* was living there" and "Could you go and knock on the neighbours doors and ask if they are also experiencing any problems." So that is how I found myself standing shivering my bollocks off knocking on neighbours doors and asking them about toilet troubles at 10pm. Spooks is confusing enough at the best of times. Pausing it every 5 minutes meant that I was forgetting plot lines from an hour beforehand and I was all, OH JESUS SAVE LONDON FROM THE CRAZY RUSSIANS ALREADY I NEED A BOUNTY AND BED.
The best part of Monday night was picking ticks off of the cat and that is an experience neither me, Sophie or Clyde would like to remember.
On November 30th, there were definite toilet problems in our house. As in, it was taking ages for stuff to flush and for the water to go down. This was an unfortunate thing to find out at midnight on a Sunday. On Monday, we should have called our landlady and asked for a plumber. Instead, we let things get progressively worse until, on the following Saturday, a literal shit storm occurred. Luckily it was my uncles 50th birthday and so we had anothers facilities to use for the evening. Which, being classy peeps, we told him. Or, at least, I did. It was definitely, DEFINITELY, time to call the landlady and arrange a plumber.
You would think that that would be the end of the story and I am sure, for most people, they call a plumber and shit (literally, remember) would get sorted. But. NO. In fact, I would say, we went BACKWARDS. Somehow (THAMES WATER CONTRACTORS COCKSUCKERS) we ended up with a call out charge of £65 with NOTHING BEING DONE because we weren't at the house. We were at work. Where a large proportion of people are on a Monday afternoon.
All I wanted to do on Monday was come home, find the toilet sorted and watch the last episode of Spooks. But did this happen? NO. I mean, I managed to watch Spooks but only because Matthew cannily convinced us to get Sky wherein live TV can be paused. And pause Spooks I did. I paused it to answer numerous calls from our landlady which varied from: "I mean, what the fuck?" and "This never happened when *I* was living there" and "Could you go and knock on the neighbours doors and ask if they are also experiencing any problems." So that is how I found myself standing shivering my bollocks off knocking on neighbours doors and asking them about toilet troubles at 10pm. Spooks is confusing enough at the best of times. Pausing it every 5 minutes meant that I was forgetting plot lines from an hour beforehand and I was all, OH JESUS SAVE LONDON FROM THE CRAZY RUSSIANS ALREADY I NEED A BOUNTY AND BED.
The best part of Monday night was picking ticks off of the cat and that is an experience neither me, Sophie or Clyde would like to remember.
Monday, 8 December 2008
oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree
This weekend, we bought a Christmas tree. Matt was VERY particular about the decorations. He can be a right pain when it comes to colour schemes and decorations etc.
Lights
Tinsel
Baubles
Presents
Luckily the tree didn't hold Clyde's attention for too long. I assume this is because it was neither made of food nor worms
This makes me want to go home immediately and put my slippers on and have a glass of wine
Lights
Tinsel
Baubles
Presents
Luckily the tree didn't hold Clyde's attention for too long. I assume this is because it was neither made of food nor worms
This makes me want to go home immediately and put my slippers on and have a glass of wine
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
what I have to put up with
Sophie: Matt- are you going to do some homework tonight?
Matt: I have brought one booklet to work with me, so I'll flick through it at lunchtime, then I have to read a chapter in my book at home. Already started the actual work but it's going slowly. Think Friday and Saturday might be the days for some Severe typing.
Sophie: I thought Saturday you were doing some severe D I Y at your Marge's?
Matt: Friday...it's only if Dominic does what he says he will... for which I'm doubtful!
Me: How comes you can be a complete Nazi with me but not make your brother pull his socks up with a firm hand? It's a mystery.
Matt: When am I ever a complete Nazi with you?
Me: "BLA BLA BLA STOP SINGINGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
Matt: Ha ha ha... that's not being a Nazi that's just trying to protect Clyde and Sophie's hearing. Plus I think I only said your singing was not up to standard with the Cheeky Girls. And, one final point, ...you never stop singing!!!
Me: Yes. That is because I am not bowing to such oppression. Freedom of speech and whatnot.
Sophie: Ohhhh! FUNNNYYYYY!
Matt: I have brought one booklet to work with me, so I'll flick through it at lunchtime, then I have to read a chapter in my book at home. Already started the actual work but it's going slowly. Think Friday and Saturday might be the days for some Severe typing.
Sophie: I thought Saturday you were doing some severe D I Y at your Marge's?
Matt: Friday...it's only if Dominic does what he says he will... for which I'm doubtful!
Me: How comes you can be a complete Nazi with me but not make your brother pull his socks up with a firm hand? It's a mystery.
Matt: When am I ever a complete Nazi with you?
Me: "BLA BLA BLA STOP SINGINGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
Matt: Ha ha ha... that's not being a Nazi that's just trying to protect Clyde and Sophie's hearing. Plus I think I only said your singing was not up to standard with the Cheeky Girls. And, one final point, ...you never stop singing!!!
Me: Yes. That is because I am not bowing to such oppression. Freedom of speech and whatnot.
Sophie: Ohhhh! FUNNNYYYYY!
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
importance
Me: Sophieeee. I have really bad period pains. What should I do?
OtherSophie: Heatpad and sex
Me: Right. Not very helpful Soph. I'm at work.
OtherSophie: A Guinness!
Me: Seriously. Are you trying to get me fired?
OtherSophie: Ha. Ok. Just suggest some chocolate then! Last night I went to Chris's for dinner. Didn't get home until 1.30.
Me: Gosh. More exciting than my evening for sure. We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned our little house until it sparkled because the landlady is coming over this morning to look at the damp and MOULD on the walls. Yes. Mould. DISGUSTINGGGGGG. MOULD!! THERE IS MOULD ON THE WALLS!! ARGH! IT IS GOING TO GET INTO MY LUNGS AND I WILL DIE A MOULDY DEATH!! Plus, it makes my clean washing and clothes smell. And no one wants that.
*Later*
Sophie: "Condensation differs from rising and penetrating damp in that it is caused by excessive moisture that cannot escape from a building rather than damp coming in. The first sign that condensation is a problem is when black pinpricks of mould appear on walls, ceilings and even furnishings. There is usually a musty smell present and clothes and shoes in cupboards can become covered in a white or green furry mould. Factors, which contribute to condensation, include not opening windows, drying washing inside or using unvented tumble dryers and inadequate heating, but the biggest cause of condensation is the use of portable calor gas heaters. If the cause of the condensation is not rectified the pin pricks of mould will grow and can eventually cover whole walls and ceilings and ruin clothes and decorations."
Me: 'Drying washing inside.' Basically, we need to do that open window locking thing. Not sure about the kitchen though. She needs to sort that wall out.
Sophie: I think it's a shady area. I.e. we are living normally but that is causing it. It's not our fault that we are living in a usual manner; washing, cooking, breathing moisture into the air. Apparently we are the worst case because we work all day allowing the house to cool and then the mould to spread.
My jumper today STINKS of mould but I can't take it off. I think we have to try and dry our washing outside at the weekends (apart from it is usually pissing down).
Me: So, landlord is liable, but it's a tenant fault. Eg, it is definitely because of you drying washing in your room and there being not enough ventilation, causing excessive condensation.
Sophie: Ok, have taken my jumper off but my dress smells too and I can't take that off!!! GROSS.
Me: Monica just called. She says that she has just finished looking at the mould and it is definitely condensation. 3 of us breathing + wet washing + washing etc etc. We just need to wash the mould off and then lock the windows so they are slightly open when we leave for work to get some ventilation going. Or I guess leaving the bathroom light on WHEN I AM NOT THERE will keep the fan running and help, too.
The damp in the kitchen is not condensation. She thinks it is seeping through from the stairs up to Janet's and is going to get a company in to have a look at it. So, even though she just confirmed what we thought about the mould (it's there because of the wet washing and no open windows) she is glad we pointed out the kitchen problem. She was really nice, said sorry about it all and hopes we can deal with it.
Sophie: Plus, on the website, it suggested a dehumidifier, which we have. Did you tell her that? I'm up for the window thing. I don't know if others can smell me or if it's just making me want to vom and no one else can smell it. Paranoia. Basically we have to open the bathroom window whenever we wash and close the door so that it only escapes out the window, leave the light on, leave the windows open-locked and leave our washing til the weekend when we can hang it outside. I need to wash my wardrobe because mould has seeped in.
Me:Um. I think only you can smell it. Because I HATE that smell and whenever I've asked you if you can smell it on me, you say no. And I've asked M and other people in the pub before because I've been paranoid about it and they have all said no, too. We just need to have a demould spring clean and leave the windows 'open.'
Matt: Are we having spaghetti for dinner tonight?
Sophie: Wow.
Matt: Wow what?
Sophie: Wow we just had 10 emails about mould and you replied about spaghetti.
Do you think Monica liked the house how we have it?
Me: How could she not? The colour scheme is a work of art.
Sophie: She didn't comment? Not even on the state of our curtains?
Me: No. I guess she was more focussed on the mould than the fact you shrunk her curtains in the wash, mine are ripped to shreds by the cat, both of us bent our poles hanging up washing ... I mean, the mould is pretty spectacular
OtherSophie: Heatpad and sex
Me: Right. Not very helpful Soph. I'm at work.
OtherSophie: A Guinness!
Me: Seriously. Are you trying to get me fired?
OtherSophie: Ha. Ok. Just suggest some chocolate then! Last night I went to Chris's for dinner. Didn't get home until 1.30.
Me: Gosh. More exciting than my evening for sure. We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned our little house until it sparkled because the landlady is coming over this morning to look at the damp and MOULD on the walls. Yes. Mould. DISGUSTINGGGGGG. MOULD!! THERE IS MOULD ON THE WALLS!! ARGH! IT IS GOING TO GET INTO MY LUNGS AND I WILL DIE A MOULDY DEATH!! Plus, it makes my clean washing and clothes smell. And no one wants that.
*Later*
Sophie: "Condensation differs from rising and penetrating damp in that it is caused by excessive moisture that cannot escape from a building rather than damp coming in. The first sign that condensation is a problem is when black pinpricks of mould appear on walls, ceilings and even furnishings. There is usually a musty smell present and clothes and shoes in cupboards can become covered in a white or green furry mould. Factors, which contribute to condensation, include not opening windows, drying washing inside or using unvented tumble dryers and inadequate heating, but the biggest cause of condensation is the use of portable calor gas heaters. If the cause of the condensation is not rectified the pin pricks of mould will grow and can eventually cover whole walls and ceilings and ruin clothes and decorations."
Me: 'Drying washing inside.' Basically, we need to do that open window locking thing. Not sure about the kitchen though. She needs to sort that wall out.
Sophie: I think it's a shady area. I.e. we are living normally but that is causing it. It's not our fault that we are living in a usual manner; washing, cooking, breathing moisture into the air. Apparently we are the worst case because we work all day allowing the house to cool and then the mould to spread.
My jumper today STINKS of mould but I can't take it off. I think we have to try and dry our washing outside at the weekends (apart from it is usually pissing down).
Me: So, landlord is liable, but it's a tenant fault. Eg, it is definitely because of you drying washing in your room and there being not enough ventilation, causing excessive condensation.
Sophie: Ok, have taken my jumper off but my dress smells too and I can't take that off!!! GROSS.
Me: Monica just called. She says that she has just finished looking at the mould and it is definitely condensation. 3 of us breathing + wet washing + washing etc etc. We just need to wash the mould off and then lock the windows so they are slightly open when we leave for work to get some ventilation going. Or I guess leaving the bathroom light on WHEN I AM NOT THERE will keep the fan running and help, too.
The damp in the kitchen is not condensation. She thinks it is seeping through from the stairs up to Janet's and is going to get a company in to have a look at it. So, even though she just confirmed what we thought about the mould (it's there because of the wet washing and no open windows) she is glad we pointed out the kitchen problem. She was really nice, said sorry about it all and hopes we can deal with it.
Sophie: Plus, on the website, it suggested a dehumidifier, which we have. Did you tell her that? I'm up for the window thing. I don't know if others can smell me or if it's just making me want to vom and no one else can smell it. Paranoia. Basically we have to open the bathroom window whenever we wash and close the door so that it only escapes out the window, leave the light on, leave the windows open-locked and leave our washing til the weekend when we can hang it outside. I need to wash my wardrobe because mould has seeped in.
Me:Um. I think only you can smell it. Because I HATE that smell and whenever I've asked you if you can smell it on me, you say no. And I've asked M and other people in the pub before because I've been paranoid about it and they have all said no, too. We just need to have a demould spring clean and leave the windows 'open.'
Matt: Are we having spaghetti for dinner tonight?
Sophie: Wow.
Matt: Wow what?
Sophie: Wow we just had 10 emails about mould and you replied about spaghetti.
Do you think Monica liked the house how we have it?
Me: How could she not? The colour scheme is a work of art.
Sophie: She didn't comment? Not even on the state of our curtains?
Me: No. I guess she was more focussed on the mould than the fact you shrunk her curtains in the wash, mine are ripped to shreds by the cat, both of us bent our poles hanging up washing ... I mean, the mould is pretty spectacular
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Unsuspecting
To: Sophie, Matt
From: Me
Hey Kiddies,
Matt, cover your eyes.
I have booked Clyde in for THE CHOP tomorrow. I phoned the vet and tomorrow is the earliest they have which means we can unlock the catflap at night! Yes! Plus I figure we can watch him at the weekend to make sure he is ok.
This means. He can have his dinner this evening but as soon as he is finished all food needs to be taken away and the catflap locked. His water can stay down until the morning when that too needs to be removed.
He needs to be at the vets at 8.30. Generally you can get your cat back mid-afternoon but it depends how they react to the anesthetic.
The operation costs £55 in total.
However. The nurse suggests that, whilst he is anesthetised, we get him microchipped. This costs £26.54
Pros:
People will know he belongs to us if found (council, police, vets, pounds)
It won't hurt him because he'll be under anesthetic.
If you get it done during the ball operation, it is cheaper
Cons:
People will know he belongs to us
I could spend my microchip money (£9) on beer
I have the whole day off tomorrow. Sorry if either of you wanted to be there. If so, emergency leave? If you really do want to be there I can rearrange?
P.s. If you say 'spading' instead of 'neutering' you will be very confused when they ask if your cat has been in season yet.
From: Sophie
Hello, oh good. Well done for booking Clyde. And sorting out Monica's rent. Matt did you transfer her money yet?
Can't believe you said spade hahaha. I want tomorrow off but don't think it's wise. Shame you dont have the car!
From: Rosie
Well. Maybe you could tell them you need emergency leave???
Shame about car but can just get the bus with you and Matt in the morning.
So, did you want the microchipping? I said yes to the nurse but we can change our mind.
P.s. No. I cannot believe I said spade either. I can do a funny interpretation of me on the phone though. Highlight was when I nearly called it 'the ball operation'
From: Matt
I wouldn't worry, when I picked up my cat from the vet after having his bollocks chopped off, I said "I'm here to pick up my cat, you've just taken his balls." She gave me a weird look.
Not sure if I can get tomorrow off but I don't think I want to be there anyway. He's gonna be a shell of a cat tomorrow I imagine.
I have not transferred the money yet as I'm very very busy but will drop everything to do it now.
I'm hungry
From: Me
HAHA!!!
Also, when she said, 'you need to starve your cat for 12 hours' I said: oh LORDYYYYYYYYYY.
Don't worry Matt, I think he'll be ok. Maybe he might even become normal!
Monica (obviously) hadn't noticed the rent money deficit yet so no worries. Sometime today is fine.
I am also hungry. Just ate a DairyLea triangle. I have a couple left if you want?
From: Sophie
Funny Hawk. I was going to ask - what does the microchip say on it?
I'll let you handle it on your own tomorrow if that's ok?
From: Matt
Quick update -
Money has been transferred and standing order corrected.
And how is clyde going to be ok????
HE'S LOSING HIS FUCKING BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not normal thing to do.
From: Me
FUNNY!!!! Loads of men don't have balls so don't worry. He'll fit in.
Good stuff on the Monica money. Well done.
Sophie - I'm fine taking him on my own tomorrow. I'll just be dropping him off anyways. And when I pick him him, I doubt I'll be his favourite person. And the microchip has name, address and number. Also, it is free to call and have numbers etc changed. No odds to them, they just change the details on the computer.
From: Sophie
Matt, if it's any consolation I imagine Clyde has already spread his wild seed numerous times and there are possibly (but Dear God hopefully not) some mini Clyde's on the way out there to the poor unsuspecting owner(s) of lady cat(s).
From: Me
We'll deny all knowledge.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Happy Birthday Sadie!
Well, our order arrived at the right house, in our order slot. Now we just have to figure out how to store it all. 
Clyde says he thinks he has figured out where to put all the cat food
The dishwasher tablets were on special offer. Bargainous. Wedge them in the shed.
Me: Sophie, CORRRRRR. 'Ow we gonna fit THESE in the cupboard??!!
Sophie: SHUT UPPPPP. It is very difficult to see the size of something on screen
Me: CORRRR
Why do we have so much tomato sauce?
Me: Why do we need so much bathroom cleaner?!
Sophie: I never ordered that many! I only ordered one!
*Checks substitution list*
Sophie: Oh. I see. They have substituted all our bleach for bathroom bleach
Matt: Well, we probably won't need to order bleach next month then
Sophie: Or the month after that . . .
Toilet roll mountain
Fat Matt
All that thinking fair tuckered him out
Clyde says he thinks he has figured out where to put all the cat food
The dishwasher tablets were on special offer. Bargainous. Wedge them in the shed.
Me: Sophie, CORRRRRR. 'Ow we gonna fit THESE in the cupboard??!!
Sophie: SHUT UPPPPP. It is very difficult to see the size of something on screen
Me: CORRRR
Why do we have so much tomato sauce?
Me: Why do we need so much bathroom cleaner?!
Sophie: I never ordered that many! I only ordered one!
*Checks substitution list*
Sophie: Oh. I see. They have substituted all our bleach for bathroom bleach
Matt: Well, we probably won't need to order bleach next month then
Sophie: Or the month after that . . .
Toilet roll mountain
Fat Matt
All that thinking fair tuckered him out
Friday, 31 October 2008
rubbish
Sadie: Sophie left at 18.30 last night, that's very dedicated.
Sophie: How do you know that?!
Sadie: I installed spyware on my pc, its great!
Sophie: What can you spy on?
Sadie: Quite a lot. SPOOK SADIE
Sophie: Can you see me eating my plum?
Sadie: Yes.
Me: ... Lordy
Sadie: Actually, its just that when you don't open emails - cos you can read the one line without opening them- and delete them, it moves the email to your delete box. Then when you turn off your pc for the evening I'm sent an email saying user deleted email at 18.30 without reading it!
Sophie: Ohhhh mine has that too dudette! I can always see when people have read my mails. One time this guy kept deleting without reading and every time he did I resent it until he responded.
Sadie: Respect!
Sophie: Something I have to do which I find really annoying is make sure people are listed as Mr and Mrs. I.e. Mr and Mrs Jones if you have Mr J Jones and Ms S Jones. So if Jamie and I had bought a house we would be Mr and Mrs S. It's just so flipping archaic in this day and age to assume such things since no one can afford houses and is buying with relatives/friends.
And worse, if we have a first initial only I have to run reports making them all Mr. E.g - if we have S. Jones I make that Mr S. Jones. This is some outdated way of being polite because is it more polite to address a female as Dear Mr Jones than to address it to Dear S. Jones?? It is because it is assumed, in 2008, that only MEN can buy their own houses. So Rosie and I would be dear Misses S?! Then we have Cheif, Dr, Prof, Rev and that causes all kinds of palava. Not to mention the Chinese names...
E: "Would you say Ping Ping Lee is male or female?" "What about Xi Li Mi Pi Wi Cheung?"
Hmm, rant over.
Me: Really??? That is RIDICULOUS!!! I would have thought companies like yours would be more up to date than that!! I send letters out just to, eg, R Jones. This is because there is no title confusion AND at County, a self defense officer came in and said if possible have your mail not addressed to you as Miss because it means are more likely to live alone. Or somesuch.
Sadie: Really really laughing at Chinese names! Outrageous. When I get letters addressed to Mr H I ignore them on the basis that I'm not Mr H and its an offence to open someone else's mail. And exactly to the security reasons. I keep meaning to change my bank card which says Miss. Nobody needs that info about me unless they are planning to date me. Therefore, to the best of my belief, big sigh, nobody needs that info about me.
Me: Is it that they just want to jump your bones??
Sadie: I wish. Jump over my bones to get to the next in line more like.
Sophie: Tweeee tweeeeeeeee twannnnng twaaaangggg screech ... that was the sound of my violin.
I am going to change my bank card to Cheif. Or Doctor, since seemingly ANYONE can be a doctor. You have a masters in studying brickwork? You are not a dr.
Me: Cheif? Not chief of spelling that is for sure! BLEARRRRRRRRRRRS!!!!
Ye. My last boss was a 'dr.' But I tell you something. If I was having a heart attack he is the last person I want helping. And not just because he is a fake Dr but because if his mouth went anywhere near mine I would die and it would be very counter productive.
Sadie: LAUGHING!! Is all very confusing!
Me: People should write and complain . . . hey . . . where's Jessica?
Sophie: *put on my 'mum calling the dogs' voice*
JEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa
Sadie: Yes, where IS Jessica?
Me: Napping probably.
Dad is coming over tonight to fix our sink:
Me: Why is the bathroom sink blocked?
Sophie: It's Matt's fault
Matt: No it's not. It's yours!!! You dropped the glass down there!
Me: . . . .
Sophie: Well YOU dropped a razor blade down there
Me: . . . .
Matt: Well YOU dropped an earring down there
Me: BLIMEY MOSES
Sadie: Dear goodness. Do they live over the sink?
Sophie: Eh, I think the razor blade was a previous tenant. The glass was from the toothpaste mug and we only found all of this out because I lost my beloved earring (sob)
Me: I dunno. Living with maniacs. AND that includes Clyde. Do you know what he did last night!!!! DO YOU????!!!!!
We have been watching 'The restaurant' now for months. The 100 couples all competing to open a restaurant with Raymond Blanc being whittled down and eliminated each week. Final episode last night. We pause live tv so that we can watch it with our dinner. We watch the 2 teams battle it out on the Orient Express to cook for 40 passengers. Final moments. Raymond is just about to say who has won . . . CLYDE SITS ON THE REMOTE AND 100 POUND OF CAT PRESSED THE STOP BUTTON. The TV returned to normal viewing. It was UNBELIEVABLE. Matt's cat is proper stupid.
Sadie: Snorting!
Sophie: The whingey couple won! I know, awful.
Me: TRAVESTY.
Sophie: How do you know that?!
Sadie: I installed spyware on my pc, its great!
Sophie: What can you spy on?
Sadie: Quite a lot. SPOOK SADIE
Sophie: Can you see me eating my plum?
Sadie: Yes.
Me: ... Lordy
Sadie: Actually, its just that when you don't open emails - cos you can read the one line without opening them- and delete them, it moves the email to your delete box. Then when you turn off your pc for the evening I'm sent an email saying user deleted email at 18.30 without reading it!
Sophie: Ohhhh mine has that too dudette! I can always see when people have read my mails. One time this guy kept deleting without reading and every time he did I resent it until he responded.
Sadie: Respect!
Sophie: Something I have to do which I find really annoying is make sure people are listed as Mr and Mrs. I.e. Mr and Mrs Jones if you have Mr J Jones and Ms S Jones. So if Jamie and I had bought a house we would be Mr and Mrs S. It's just so flipping archaic in this day and age to assume such things since no one can afford houses and is buying with relatives/friends.
And worse, if we have a first initial only I have to run reports making them all Mr. E.g - if we have S. Jones I make that Mr S. Jones. This is some outdated way of being polite because is it more polite to address a female as Dear Mr Jones than to address it to Dear S. Jones?? It is because it is assumed, in 2008, that only MEN can buy their own houses. So Rosie and I would be dear Misses S?! Then we have Cheif, Dr, Prof, Rev and that causes all kinds of palava. Not to mention the Chinese names...
E: "Would you say Ping Ping Lee is male or female?" "What about Xi Li Mi Pi Wi Cheung?"
Hmm, rant over.
Me: Really??? That is RIDICULOUS!!! I would have thought companies like yours would be more up to date than that!! I send letters out just to, eg, R Jones. This is because there is no title confusion AND at County, a self defense officer came in and said if possible have your mail not addressed to you as Miss because it means are more likely to live alone. Or somesuch.
Sadie: Really really laughing at Chinese names! Outrageous. When I get letters addressed to Mr H I ignore them on the basis that I'm not Mr H and its an offence to open someone else's mail. And exactly to the security reasons. I keep meaning to change my bank card which says Miss. Nobody needs that info about me unless they are planning to date me. Therefore, to the best of my belief, big sigh, nobody needs that info about me.
Me: Is it that they just want to jump your bones??
Sadie: I wish. Jump over my bones to get to the next in line more like.
Sophie: Tweeee tweeeeeeeee twannnnng twaaaangggg screech ... that was the sound of my violin.
I am going to change my bank card to Cheif. Or Doctor, since seemingly ANYONE can be a doctor. You have a masters in studying brickwork? You are not a dr.
Me: Cheif? Not chief of spelling that is for sure! BLEARRRRRRRRRRRS!!!!
Ye. My last boss was a 'dr.' But I tell you something. If I was having a heart attack he is the last person I want helping. And not just because he is a fake Dr but because if his mouth went anywhere near mine I would die and it would be very counter productive.
Sadie: LAUGHING!! Is all very confusing!
Me: People should write and complain . . . hey . . . where's Jessica?
Sophie: *put on my 'mum calling the dogs' voice*
JEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa
Sadie: Yes, where IS Jessica?
Me: Napping probably.
Dad is coming over tonight to fix our sink:
Me: Why is the bathroom sink blocked?
Sophie: It's Matt's fault
Matt: No it's not. It's yours!!! You dropped the glass down there!
Me: . . . .
Sophie: Well YOU dropped a razor blade down there
Me: . . . .
Matt: Well YOU dropped an earring down there
Me: BLIMEY MOSES
Sadie: Dear goodness. Do they live over the sink?
Sophie: Eh, I think the razor blade was a previous tenant. The glass was from the toothpaste mug and we only found all of this out because I lost my beloved earring (sob)
Me: I dunno. Living with maniacs. AND that includes Clyde. Do you know what he did last night!!!! DO YOU????!!!!!
We have been watching 'The restaurant' now for months. The 100 couples all competing to open a restaurant with Raymond Blanc being whittled down and eliminated each week. Final episode last night. We pause live tv so that we can watch it with our dinner. We watch the 2 teams battle it out on the Orient Express to cook for 40 passengers. Final moments. Raymond is just about to say who has won . . . CLYDE SITS ON THE REMOTE AND 100 POUND OF CAT PRESSED THE STOP BUTTON. The TV returned to normal viewing. It was UNBELIEVABLE. Matt's cat is proper stupid.
Sadie: Snorting!
Sophie: The whingey couple won! I know, awful.
Me: TRAVESTY.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
9% proof beer? can you even beeelieve?
Goodness. I cannot believe how quickly the weekend goes. Mainly, in a blur of alcohol.
On Friday night I stayed at my friend Sophie's house in Hertford. She has the same name as my sister. Confusing. I used to call her 'other Sophie' but she got a bit offended. Plans were carried out like a military operation:
Me: What is the plan tomorrow then? Did you get my message about only being able to stay over on Friday because I am busy on Saturday night???
S: Yep got it, sorry thought I mailed you back . . . That I HATED YOU!!! And then changed my mind and told you actually . . . I couldn't live without you and your sexatronic curves. What time can you finish work tomorrow? sx
Me: OH marvellous! I am so glad. I was so worried. I can't afford to lose friends. I mean, as it is it is only you and the crazy lady upstairs. And she isn't really a friend. More like someone who keeps locking the bin cupboard so I cannot put my rubbish in there. Hm. What time do you finish tomorrow and can pick me up?
S: She sounds like a better friend than me, dude . . . You ain't using my bin cupboard! (Do we actually mean a bin cupboard or are we being rude???) May be able to get away at 3pm? But then will have to get over to you. x
Me: I'l be home and ready at 6.30. OK? Also. OMG. When did bin cupboard become euphemism?
S: Ok I will drive like a bat out of hell, I'll be there when the morning comes. Or, like, 6.30 like we organised! x
Me: So, like you normally drive then!!!! Looking forward!!!! What alcohol shall I bring? I have eaten SO MANY wotsits
S: I ate a MINGING and Yes I mean bloody Minging Chicken and pasta thing - I feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick!
Me: Gross. Anyway. How about I just text you when I leave work? It takes mean hour to get home so you can leave yours accordingly. What shall I bring? What alcohol do you like drinking? Or are we just going out? Let me know. Love, xxx
S: My head hurts soooo much!!! My brother had his leaving do last night as he is flying to Hong Kong this AM (To live there for the rest of his life!!!) Sounds good to pick you up later. Can you remind me of the location again. The Maze . . . Something . . . Somewhere! Will have to AA routeplan it. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH my head hurts and I've just eaten a chicken burger for breakfast in an attempt to make myself feel better. Hungover people should not be allowed to eat fatty, disgusting food! Wasn't sure what you fancied doing tonight, maybe a couple of drinkies out and about and a takeaway!?
Me: Dude. Animal. Gross to chicken burger for breakfast! Will send you directions to mine. Also. Fact: I have now eaten too much rocky road
S: Next Fact: I have started on the ROAST BEEF Monster Munch. Verdict: Its all going very downhill from here . . . Could poss be starting on the Redbull any, and I mean ANY, minute!
Me: Want pickled onion Monster Munch now.
S: Have you seen the Old - New packs . . . Loving them! And guess what else I just bought?
Me: A Wispa?
S: WHOA! Good guess lady!! Spot on!
Me: HAHA! People at my sisters company are going a bit mad for them apparently. Sophie said Matt bought about 7 yesterday and so did her boss. Funny because I don't remember them being this exciting first time round . . .
S. They are delish. Just eaten a jacket pot, with chilli and cheese. Now trying to sit at my desk and arrange myself so that I look as if I'm working but I'm actually asleep x
Me: Sent you directions. Laughing at you arranging yourself. Best to have head in hands and look like you are reading something on the table. Always good to actually have something on the table as otherwise it gives le game away.
S: Just route planned your ass! Did you realise that we only live 36 mins away from each other. . . Why don't we see each other more???
Me: Because you smell
S: Good point.
There was beer drinking (9% beer!!!!!!!!), Thai food and wine. Sadly we are old ladies these days and couldn't keep our eyes open much later than midnight. On Saturday, Sophie went to work at the butt crack of dawn for an hour. She works in a large plant nursery and had to oversee a delivery. She got dressed in a beautiful nursery branded fleece.
Me: Wow. That's trendy. Can I have one of those?
S: Er. I'll try and get you one. . .
Me: Would you? I'd love that.
S: Oh. Okkk *looks at my face* ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS???
Me: DUH
S: *Talking to her dog, Bo* Aunty Rosie is very mean isn't she? I thought she would like a nice dog walking fleece and instead I find out she is being horrible.
Me: SSSSH I am trying to sleep. Go to work already. Go check for your greenfly and whatnot.
When she got home we went for lunch in Cafe Rouge. We sat outside in the most glorious weather. But it took AGES to be served. No one came to even take our drinks order:
Me: OMG I am 99% parched over here
S: In a minute I am going to go inside, tip the flowers out of their vases and drink the water to make my point
Me: HAH. I am going to go inside and just start drinking from the tap
S: I am going to go inside and make my own. I'll be all, RIGHT, WHERE IS THE MILK?
Me: HAHA Yeah!
But we got served eventually and the waitress was very stressed as machines were breaking and people were shouting at her. Our lunch was delicious. Some kind of prawn in tomato sauce dish with french bread to dip. Also some garlic coated bread stick things and some fries. Atkins took one look at it all and died. Again.
Sophie drove me home around 4. Bo met Clyde. I was very impressed that even though Clyde puffed himself up to the size of a small dog and made growling noises, he didn't run away. He eventually got nose to nose with Bo and gave her a good old sniff. Then carried on growling.
Bo is the nicest dog ever, and that is including Boris and Monty who I love but who are complete poo heads. Sophie has just spent about 4 thousand pounds on Bo because she inhaled a grass seed into her lungs. Luckily Sophie had her insured otherwise it would have been another 4.
Sophie: I mean, I wouldn't even consider putting her down when it is something as stupid as a grass seed but . . seriously . . 4 grand!!! Eurgh. It was my house deposit. My rainy day money . . . and this month has been a fucking thunderstorm. (She also had to replace the brakes on her car and pay her housemates rent) (She also had to dislodge her housemates poo from the toilet because it was so big it wouldn't flush and her housemate had walked off without noticing. It was the grossest story ever and she had to tell me over the phone before she drove over because it had affected her so much she couldn't wait half an hour) ("I used oven cleaner and everything!!!!").
On Saturday night I went out for dinner with Ruth. We went to a nice Indian restaurant near my house. Again with the SLOW service although this time had nothing to do with broken machines etc and more to do with lazy staff or something. We were shown to our seats and sat there for 20 minutes at least before Ruth nearly killed someone for a glass of wine. Then it was another half hour before we were asked if we were ready to order. It was nicely busy in there but still each waiter only had 2 tables each. We ordered 2 onion bahjis ( I can't spell that and spell check is asking me if I meant banjos) and instead of 2 bhajis they gave us 2 portions. They must have taken one look at us and thought, fat bitches probably do mean 2 portions. Bastards. Although we did eat them all.
Then she came back to ours for a cuppa and to watch X-Factor which Sophie and Matt had recorded. I don't know when we became such losers but this is not the only lame thing we record but TOTALLY enjoy (Rock of Love, Strictly Come Dancing . . .). We had a good old time dissing everyone. Sophie said we were very very pissed. This is entirely possible. And, in fact, true.
Sunday morning, none of us woke up until 12. I can honestly say I have not done this since I was about 15. Sophie woke me up. Apparently I slept talked to her for a bit about rabbits until I finally came to. She made me a delicious coffee out of some really sweet mugs she basically stole from a charity shop. Stealing from a charity shop. My God. What is next ay? In our house, a delicious bacon sandwich made by Matt and then a nice sunshiney jaunt to Asda to buy a mop since Sophie broke the last one. Don't even ASK what she was doing to it. She's changed man.
Even though we only went to Asda for a mop and some milk, we somehow managed to spend £50. This was partly due to a vair vair delicious dinner Sophie cooked which was about 79% garlic. She was obviously worried about vampires. I would give her dinner 9/10. She is missing a point because she forgot to put lemon on it and that is unforgivable.
Sophie and Matt spent the weekend painting their room white instead of the glowing purple that it was. You didn't even need lights in there it was so florescent. Also, I say Sophie painted it, but she isn't the one with tons of paint still in her hair. I also tidied my room this weekend. It is a very satisfying feeling knowing all your cupboards are junk free and organised and your clothes in colour order isn't it? Yes.
On Friday night I stayed at my friend Sophie's house in Hertford. She has the same name as my sister. Confusing. I used to call her 'other Sophie' but she got a bit offended. Plans were carried out like a military operation:
Me: What is the plan tomorrow then? Did you get my message about only being able to stay over on Friday because I am busy on Saturday night???
S: Yep got it, sorry thought I mailed you back . . . That I HATED YOU!!! And then changed my mind and told you actually . . . I couldn't live without you and your sexatronic curves. What time can you finish work tomorrow? sx
Me: OH marvellous! I am so glad. I was so worried. I can't afford to lose friends. I mean, as it is it is only you and the crazy lady upstairs. And she isn't really a friend. More like someone who keeps locking the bin cupboard so I cannot put my rubbish in there. Hm. What time do you finish tomorrow and can pick me up?
S: She sounds like a better friend than me, dude . . . You ain't using my bin cupboard! (Do we actually mean a bin cupboard or are we being rude???) May be able to get away at 3pm? But then will have to get over to you. x
Me: I'l be home and ready at 6.30. OK? Also. OMG. When did bin cupboard become euphemism?
S: Ok I will drive like a bat out of hell, I'll be there when the morning comes. Or, like, 6.30 like we organised! x
Me: So, like you normally drive then!!!! Looking forward!!!! What alcohol shall I bring? I have eaten SO MANY wotsits
S: I ate a MINGING and Yes I mean bloody Minging Chicken and pasta thing - I feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick!
Me: Gross. Anyway. How about I just text you when I leave work? It takes mean hour to get home so you can leave yours accordingly. What shall I bring? What alcohol do you like drinking? Or are we just going out? Let me know. Love, xxx
S: My head hurts soooo much!!! My brother had his leaving do last night as he is flying to Hong Kong this AM (To live there for the rest of his life!!!) Sounds good to pick you up later. Can you remind me of the location again. The Maze . . . Something . . . Somewhere! Will have to AA routeplan it. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH my head hurts and I've just eaten a chicken burger for breakfast in an attempt to make myself feel better. Hungover people should not be allowed to eat fatty, disgusting food! Wasn't sure what you fancied doing tonight, maybe a couple of drinkies out and about and a takeaway!?
Me: Dude. Animal. Gross to chicken burger for breakfast! Will send you directions to mine. Also. Fact: I have now eaten too much rocky road
S: Next Fact: I have started on the ROAST BEEF Monster Munch. Verdict: Its all going very downhill from here . . . Could poss be starting on the Redbull any, and I mean ANY, minute!
Me: Want pickled onion Monster Munch now.
S: Have you seen the Old - New packs . . . Loving them! And guess what else I just bought?
Me: A Wispa?
S: WHOA! Good guess lady!! Spot on!
Me: HAHA! People at my sisters company are going a bit mad for them apparently. Sophie said Matt bought about 7 yesterday and so did her boss. Funny because I don't remember them being this exciting first time round . . .
S. They are delish. Just eaten a jacket pot, with chilli and cheese. Now trying to sit at my desk and arrange myself so that I look as if I'm working but I'm actually asleep x
Me: Sent you directions. Laughing at you arranging yourself. Best to have head in hands and look like you are reading something on the table. Always good to actually have something on the table as otherwise it gives le game away.
S: Just route planned your ass! Did you realise that we only live 36 mins away from each other. . . Why don't we see each other more???
Me: Because you smell
S: Good point.
There was beer drinking (9% beer!!!!!!!!), Thai food and wine. Sadly we are old ladies these days and couldn't keep our eyes open much later than midnight. On Saturday, Sophie went to work at the butt crack of dawn for an hour. She works in a large plant nursery and had to oversee a delivery. She got dressed in a beautiful nursery branded fleece.
Me: Wow. That's trendy. Can I have one of those?
S: Er. I'll try and get you one. . .
Me: Would you? I'd love that.
S: Oh. Okkk *looks at my face* ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS???
Me: DUH
S: *Talking to her dog, Bo* Aunty Rosie is very mean isn't she? I thought she would like a nice dog walking fleece and instead I find out she is being horrible.
Me: SSSSH I am trying to sleep. Go to work already. Go check for your greenfly and whatnot.
When she got home we went for lunch in Cafe Rouge. We sat outside in the most glorious weather. But it took AGES to be served. No one came to even take our drinks order:
Me: OMG I am 99% parched over here
S: In a minute I am going to go inside, tip the flowers out of their vases and drink the water to make my point
Me: HAH. I am going to go inside and just start drinking from the tap
S: I am going to go inside and make my own. I'll be all, RIGHT, WHERE IS THE MILK?
Me: HAHA Yeah!
But we got served eventually and the waitress was very stressed as machines were breaking and people were shouting at her. Our lunch was delicious. Some kind of prawn in tomato sauce dish with french bread to dip. Also some garlic coated bread stick things and some fries. Atkins took one look at it all and died. Again.
Sophie drove me home around 4. Bo met Clyde. I was very impressed that even though Clyde puffed himself up to the size of a small dog and made growling noises, he didn't run away. He eventually got nose to nose with Bo and gave her a good old sniff. Then carried on growling.
Bo is the nicest dog ever, and that is including Boris and Monty who I love but who are complete poo heads. Sophie has just spent about 4 thousand pounds on Bo because she inhaled a grass seed into her lungs. Luckily Sophie had her insured otherwise it would have been another 4. Sophie: I mean, I wouldn't even consider putting her down when it is something as stupid as a grass seed but . . seriously . . 4 grand!!! Eurgh. It was my house deposit. My rainy day money . . . and this month has been a fucking thunderstorm. (She also had to replace the brakes on her car and pay her housemates rent) (She also had to dislodge her housemates poo from the toilet because it was so big it wouldn't flush and her housemate had walked off without noticing. It was the grossest story ever and she had to tell me over the phone before she drove over because it had affected her so much she couldn't wait half an hour) ("I used oven cleaner and everything!!!!").
On Saturday night I went out for dinner with Ruth. We went to a nice Indian restaurant near my house. Again with the SLOW service although this time had nothing to do with broken machines etc and more to do with lazy staff or something. We were shown to our seats and sat there for 20 minutes at least before Ruth nearly killed someone for a glass of wine. Then it was another half hour before we were asked if we were ready to order. It was nicely busy in there but still each waiter only had 2 tables each. We ordered 2 onion bahjis ( I can't spell that and spell check is asking me if I meant banjos) and instead of 2 bhajis they gave us 2 portions. They must have taken one look at us and thought, fat bitches probably do mean 2 portions. Bastards. Although we did eat them all.
Then she came back to ours for a cuppa and to watch X-Factor which Sophie and Matt had recorded. I don't know when we became such losers but this is not the only lame thing we record but TOTALLY enjoy (Rock of Love, Strictly Come Dancing . . .). We had a good old time dissing everyone. Sophie said we were very very pissed. This is entirely possible. And, in fact, true.
Sunday morning, none of us woke up until 12. I can honestly say I have not done this since I was about 15. Sophie woke me up. Apparently I slept talked to her for a bit about rabbits until I finally came to. She made me a delicious coffee out of some really sweet mugs she basically stole from a charity shop. Stealing from a charity shop. My God. What is next ay? In our house, a delicious bacon sandwich made by Matt and then a nice sunshiney jaunt to Asda to buy a mop since Sophie broke the last one. Don't even ASK what she was doing to it. She's changed man.
Even though we only went to Asda for a mop and some milk, we somehow managed to spend £50. This was partly due to a vair vair delicious dinner Sophie cooked which was about 79% garlic. She was obviously worried about vampires. I would give her dinner 9/10. She is missing a point because she forgot to put lemon on it and that is unforgivable.
Sophie and Matt spent the weekend painting their room white instead of the glowing purple that it was. You didn't even need lights in there it was so florescent. Also, I say Sophie painted it, but she isn't the one with tons of paint still in her hair. I also tidied my room this weekend. It is a very satisfying feeling knowing all your cupboards are junk free and organised and your clothes in colour order isn't it? Yes.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
70's hostess
Me: Alriiiiight?! At work today after a lover-leeee long weekend. Have obviously come in and simply DIVED into the work and. . . eh. I have spent the morning reading your emails. 48! Nice one kids! I would like to comment on a couple of points.
1 - Sadie. I do not know what you are talking about when you say I have had my fair share of embarrassments already. I do not own a Dennis Waterman album.
2 - Sophie. The nursery all have to wear yellow shirts???? HAHA. Laughing at "one size fits all". Idiots.
3 - Jess. Laughing at Izzy keeping you awake. That is why cats are so cute. Because otherwise you would not allow it. Clyde was bugging me this morning. And it is really disquieting that he purrs whilst attacking. I also do not like that when I put my extremities under the cover he still roots around with his little paw. What is he? Some kind of genius cat? (HA, NO). I spent yesterday afternoon at home. I was like, cool. Can see what he gets up to. In the main, sleeping. Sleeping and then manic running down the hall and through the cat flap. And vice versa. Continually. Whilst one is trying to nap.
In other news. The weekend was awesome and the weather was amazing! Went to the Tate on Friday with Lulu and then the Thames Festival on Saturday with Sophie and Matt and M. And Sunday was Enfield and then me and Lol saw Mama Mia at the cinema and it was hilarious. Mainly because me and Lulu are easily amused.
Sophie: Clyde was so relentlessly annoying this morning. I shut him out and woke up to find him frolicking with my bra. He must have pushed the door open. I took that off him, listened to him crashing about for ages, took my earphones out of his mouth, listened to him crashing about some more and then my alarm went off. Then I underdressed and went out in the cold. Waited for a bus for 25 mins and the next one for 20.It's ok now because I have had tea and Readybrek and feeling a bit warmer. Not warmer to mankind. Just warmer internally.
Me: I'd love some Readybrek man. Clyde licked my face this morning. It was more gross than cute. Also, why are his paws ALWAYS wet? Actually, don't answer that. Yesterday whilst I was napping he was batting something across the floor. I woke up and was like, what the heck is that? Oh. Glass. OF COURSE IT IS. And it wasn't even glass from our house. He bought it in from outside. Glass. Glass in his mouth. Glass as cat toy. OH HAI MORE VET BILLS! HOW ARE YOU?
Sadie: OOOPS to glass. He obviously likes the shiny sparklies. Hmmm, playing with glass earrings and bras, I think I see a
pattern. You have a transvestite cat.
Me: HA. He is half cat, half magpie, wholly insane.
Sophie: He ate cocktail sticks and pineapple last night
Sadie: So, half cat, half magpie, half 70's hostess.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAH. Though I won't be laughing soon. I have a tenants meeting at 11. NL just sent out an email saying she cannot attend. What a cow. She said she was too scared to sit near me incase she caught my eye and started laughing.
Me: R, there is a tenants meeting this morning. Do you have any issues you would like me to bring up?
R: The colour of that bloody carpet. I mean, what the heck?
M: N is WELL mad about that carpet. She says that the only reason they chose this building for their office was because of the previous blue carpet.
R: Just for the carpet? There must have been another reason...
M: Nope. This is how seriously the tenants take the carpet.
Sadie: In our building - newly built for us - they chose beautiful grey stone for the main walkways, reception etc. What
they didn't appreciate is that the stone is porous and absorbs everything thrown on it - coffee, tea, milk, vomit, ink, pitch tar etc. Many hours of research into cleaning fluids and they still haven't found anything that properly cleans it. I did laugh.
Had goats milk mixed with a little coconut milk for my breakfast. Now THAT'S delicious.
My new TV came yesterday. It spent 9 hours glaring malevolently at me from inside its cardboard box before I gave up and installed it. It is not as easy as you think removing on your own a 5 stone TV off the table, attaching the stand to the new 3 foot wide TV and setting it up. The instructions says it requires 2 people. Pah to that. All done now and it's properly connected to the cable box and the DVD recorder, which I thought would be a nightmare.
Sophie: Very impressive! Don't think I could face goat and coconut milk for brekkie.
*Later*
Me: The tenants meeting was crazy awesome! Ha! I'm lying. The high points was the scuffed walls, the ugly carpet, the damaged chair and the dirty outside steps. OH!! I am so lying! The high point was M saying that there was no ventilation in the upstairs toilets and smell was an issue!!! I will admit it. I snorted.
Sadie: Smelly toilets are no laughing matter. Not when you have to spend 20 minutes in there putting your make up on, it's a disgrace I say.
Me: Laughing! I put my makeup on at my desk. Our toilets have no windows either but they never smell. "We don't even have AN AIRRRRR FRESHENER!!!"
Sophie: Drowning out work with some very loud Foo Fighters in my ears. Having to use Ro's earphones that she gave to Hawk because Clyde ate my (expensive Sony ones) this morning.
Jess: Dude
Also,
Living with my sister and her boyfriend could have gone hideously wrong and yet, it doesn't seem to have. I can't remember any arguments, or at least none that have been serious and not totally forgotten by cooking dinner or making cups of tea. In fact, we all seem to get on pretty well. Matt scrubs mould off of the bathroom ceiling, Sophie cooks dinner:
Sophie: What are you cooking me for dinner tonight?
Me: Well, the meatballs are defrosted and in the fridge . . .
Sophie: Ok, shall I cook those then?
Me: HAHA. Yes.
Sophie: Wait. What just happened? Am I cooking? Did I just volunteer?
And I . . . holy crap. I can't think. Buy hot water bottles?
The only example of an argument I can think of is:
Sophie: *In the bathroom, showering*
Clyde: *Runs in through the cat flap and to his dinner bowl*
Matt: HEY CLYDE!!! YOU'RE IN!! HI!!
Sophie: What?
Matt: Was just saying Clyde is in
Sophie: What?????? I can't hearrrrr you
Matt: CLYYYYDES INNNNNNN
Sophie: WHAT??? I can't HEARRRR you because I'm in the BATHROOOOOOOOOOOM
Me: JESUS CHRIST SHUT UPPPPPPP
Sophie: WHAT? *Comes out the bathroom*
Me: Blood-eeeeeee Hell. He wasn't even speaking to you, he was speaking to the cat.
Sophie: Oh.
Matt: I can't hearrrrrrr you
Me: I'm in the bathroooooooooooooooom
Sophie: Shut up! You two are MEAN.
1 - Sadie. I do not know what you are talking about when you say I have had my fair share of embarrassments already. I do not own a Dennis Waterman album.
2 - Sophie. The nursery all have to wear yellow shirts???? HAHA. Laughing at "one size fits all". Idiots.
3 - Jess. Laughing at Izzy keeping you awake. That is why cats are so cute. Because otherwise you would not allow it. Clyde was bugging me this morning. And it is really disquieting that he purrs whilst attacking. I also do not like that when I put my extremities under the cover he still roots around with his little paw. What is he? Some kind of genius cat? (HA, NO). I spent yesterday afternoon at home. I was like, cool. Can see what he gets up to. In the main, sleeping. Sleeping and then manic running down the hall and through the cat flap. And vice versa. Continually. Whilst one is trying to nap.
In other news. The weekend was awesome and the weather was amazing! Went to the Tate on Friday with Lulu and then the Thames Festival on Saturday with Sophie and Matt and M. And Sunday was Enfield and then me and Lol saw Mama Mia at the cinema and it was hilarious. Mainly because me and Lulu are easily amused.
Sophie: Clyde was so relentlessly annoying this morning. I shut him out and woke up to find him frolicking with my bra. He must have pushed the door open. I took that off him, listened to him crashing about for ages, took my earphones out of his mouth, listened to him crashing about some more and then my alarm went off. Then I underdressed and went out in the cold. Waited for a bus for 25 mins and the next one for 20.It's ok now because I have had tea and Readybrek and feeling a bit warmer. Not warmer to mankind. Just warmer internally.
Me: I'd love some Readybrek man. Clyde licked my face this morning. It was more gross than cute. Also, why are his paws ALWAYS wet? Actually, don't answer that. Yesterday whilst I was napping he was batting something across the floor. I woke up and was like, what the heck is that? Oh. Glass. OF COURSE IT IS. And it wasn't even glass from our house. He bought it in from outside. Glass. Glass in his mouth. Glass as cat toy. OH HAI MORE VET BILLS! HOW ARE YOU?
Sadie: OOOPS to glass. He obviously likes the shiny sparklies. Hmmm, playing with glass earrings and bras, I think I see a
pattern. You have a transvestite cat.
Me: HA. He is half cat, half magpie, wholly insane.
Sophie: He ate cocktail sticks and pineapple last night
Sadie: So, half cat, half magpie, half 70's hostess.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAH. Though I won't be laughing soon. I have a tenants meeting at 11. NL just sent out an email saying she cannot attend. What a cow. She said she was too scared to sit near me incase she caught my eye and started laughing.
Me: R, there is a tenants meeting this morning. Do you have any issues you would like me to bring up?
R: The colour of that bloody carpet. I mean, what the heck?
M: N is WELL mad about that carpet. She says that the only reason they chose this building for their office was because of the previous blue carpet.
R: Just for the carpet? There must have been another reason...
M: Nope. This is how seriously the tenants take the carpet.
Sadie: In our building - newly built for us - they chose beautiful grey stone for the main walkways, reception etc. What
they didn't appreciate is that the stone is porous and absorbs everything thrown on it - coffee, tea, milk, vomit, ink, pitch tar etc. Many hours of research into cleaning fluids and they still haven't found anything that properly cleans it. I did laugh.
Had goats milk mixed with a little coconut milk for my breakfast. Now THAT'S delicious.
My new TV came yesterday. It spent 9 hours glaring malevolently at me from inside its cardboard box before I gave up and installed it. It is not as easy as you think removing on your own a 5 stone TV off the table, attaching the stand to the new 3 foot wide TV and setting it up. The instructions says it requires 2 people. Pah to that. All done now and it's properly connected to the cable box and the DVD recorder, which I thought would be a nightmare.
Sophie: Very impressive! Don't think I could face goat and coconut milk for brekkie.
*Later*
Me: The tenants meeting was crazy awesome! Ha! I'm lying. The high points was the scuffed walls, the ugly carpet, the damaged chair and the dirty outside steps. OH!! I am so lying! The high point was M saying that there was no ventilation in the upstairs toilets and smell was an issue!!! I will admit it. I snorted.
Sadie: Smelly toilets are no laughing matter. Not when you have to spend 20 minutes in there putting your make up on, it's a disgrace I say.
Me: Laughing! I put my makeup on at my desk. Our toilets have no windows either but they never smell. "We don't even have AN AIRRRRR FRESHENER!!!"
Sophie: Drowning out work with some very loud Foo Fighters in my ears. Having to use Ro's earphones that she gave to Hawk because Clyde ate my (expensive Sony ones) this morning.
Jess: Dude
Also,
Living with my sister and her boyfriend could have gone hideously wrong and yet, it doesn't seem to have. I can't remember any arguments, or at least none that have been serious and not totally forgotten by cooking dinner or making cups of tea. In fact, we all seem to get on pretty well. Matt scrubs mould off of the bathroom ceiling, Sophie cooks dinner:
Sophie: What are you cooking me for dinner tonight?
Me: Well, the meatballs are defrosted and in the fridge . . .
Sophie: Ok, shall I cook those then?
Me: HAHA. Yes.
Sophie: Wait. What just happened? Am I cooking? Did I just volunteer?
And I . . . holy crap. I can't think. Buy hot water bottles?
The only example of an argument I can think of is:
Sophie: *In the bathroom, showering*
Clyde: *Runs in through the cat flap and to his dinner bowl*
Matt: HEY CLYDE!!! YOU'RE IN!! HI!!
Sophie: What?
Matt: Was just saying Clyde is in
Sophie: What?????? I can't hearrrrr you
Matt: CLYYYYDES INNNNNNN
Sophie: WHAT??? I can't HEARRRR you because I'm in the BATHROOOOOOOOOOOM
Me: JESUS CHRIST SHUT UPPPPPPP
Sophie: WHAT? *Comes out the bathroom*
Me: Blood-eeeeeee Hell. He wasn't even speaking to you, he was speaking to the cat.
Sophie: Oh.
Matt: I can't hearrrrrrr you
Me: I'm in the bathroooooooooooooooom
Sophie: Shut up! You two are MEAN.
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
it was really really nice
I had a really lovely weekend. On Thursday night, Sophie and Matt went babysitting so I decided to clean the house. This meant that on Friday night when I got in from work, the place was looking lovely and clean. I bought a big bunch of flowers from the market man and lit all the candles in the lounge. 
I love when it gets dark enough outside that your room looks all cosy.
Sophie and Matt were in their bedroom. We were all waiting for our Tesco delivery and from their room I heard:
Sophie: I'm hungryyyy
Matt: Let's wait until the Tesco man has been
5 minutes later
Sophie: But I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyy
I waited in the lounge watching Eastenders with some wine. Eventually Sophie decided she was too hungry to wait and ordered us all some Chinese takeaway. This turned out to be a very good plan as our Tesco order did not arrive until 9.30. The Ponders End Tesco seem pretty useless. This is also evident in their 'substitution' options. We order shampoo, we get handwash. Anyway, the Chinese arrived just as we had finished unloading our order and it was pretty delicious. Me and Clyde managed to stay up and watch Jonathan Ross but it was tough going after such a riotous evening.
Clyde came and snuggled up with me on the couch and let me stroke him for more than 2 minutes. Matt says that Clyde is the least affectionate cat he has ever had, and some of the cats he has owned have been feral. At one point he was laying on the floor near us, but not near enough so we could touch him. I leant over to stoke his paw and he whipped it away and moved further back. Sophie found this very amusing.
Saturday was also really nice. Chilled in the lounge with Sophie and Matt. Decided to invite Lulu round because we hadn't seen her for a while and she is pretty funny. Called her at 10. No answer. Called her at 12. No answer. She managed to wake up around 1 and drag her arse over. She said it looked very 'weathery' outside. This made me laugh. Is it weathery? Yes! Wrap up warm! Weather is a total hinderance to people like Sophie and Lulu as they wear glasses and weather tends to fog them up and make visibility poor. Unloading the dishwasher is also a hazard for them but very funny to me. By the time she arrived, it was about 4pm and we had eaten tuna pasta (me and Sophie) and 2 muffins (Matt) and watched quite a few episodes of 'Flight of the Conchords' which is excellent and very funny. Lulu hadn't eaten so I put leftover Chinese noodles in a bowl for her.
Lulu: I can't eat that much
Me: Well, no one else is going to eat this so just eat what you want
Lulu: Ok. Put the rest of the rice on top whilst your at it.
Me: . . . . .
5 minutes later
Lulu. *licking bowl clean*
Me: Right. Couldn't manage it all then
Lulu: I am doing it for the anorexics
She then told us all about the diet she is on. Basically, you eat a packet of Rolos for lunch and have mango for dinner. Or, a burger for lunch, mango for dinner. This is perhaps why she ate us out of house and home. Chips and sausages for dinner, an ice cream for pudding, a bowl of bombay mix whilst watching the X factor and a bar of chocolate. And I tell you something, it might have been Clyde once, but the other 13 times it wasn't.
Also, the ice cream was very odd. It was a Crunchy one and when I bit into it, my ears started popping. I could not work out where the popping crackling noise was coming from so I kept very quiet for a few moments. Then I thought maybe it could be coming from the ice cream so I held it up to my ear and listened to that. Then I heard Sophie giggling. I asked Matt what she was laughing at. He said I was not meant to eat my ice cream so quickly and that I was supposed to appreciate the crackling. Sophie said it was very funny watching me listen to my ice cream and not be able to work out what the noise was. I am not sure why Crunchy made their ice creams to crackle but they did. It makes for a very disconcerting experience.
We played Monopoly whilst dinner was cooking.
It was very interesting to see the different ways families play this game. Matt's rules seemed pretty forgiving, whereas me, Lol and Sophie's version seemed to be charge money whenever and cheat. It took Sophie approximately a million years to get round the board once. 
Clyde slept through most of the action as he likes to be up with the larks in the morning.
This was the first weekend that we have needed the heating on. We sat on the floor to play Monopoly and Sophie leaned against the radiator. At one point she said she felt like she was turning into Dad because she felt very very hot. Apparently, you do not need to be wearing 5 layers if you are also going to lean against a radiator and drink red wine.
In bed, I taught Lolly a very funny game you can play with Clyde. By funny I mean, THE SCARIEST GAME IN THE WHOLE WORLD. When he is under the bed, you tap your fingers on the headboard. It is a test of nerves because Clydes role in this game is to leap up the side of the bed like Jaws. Lulu did not believe me when I said this was a scary game. I think she does now.
It is lucky he is cute because she went home with loads of scratches over her hands (check out her purple nailvarnish. Only took her about 17 hours to do).
On Sunday Matt wasn't feeling very well so he went home to his mother for some chicken soup and love. He doesn't really get that with me and Sophie. We come from a family where nothing can't be fixed with panadol, whisky or a plaster. He headed off into the weather (pouring rain) and me, So and Lol went to Brent Cross with our pal Ruth. I managed to buy a new black top. It just isn't a shopping trip unless you buy either a black top or a new black eyeliner. Sophie also managed to buy a top and was wearing it this morning. It looked very nice. Lulu bought some jeans. They were quite tight and she had problems bending down in them. She'll have to go back on the mango for dinner (trademark) diet this week or do some lunges to loosen them up.
On Sunday night we all went to mum and dads for dinner. It was delicious. So was the cheesecake for pudding. Sophie always makes herself eat the pudding because once she didn't and all week she was very upset about that. It is probably her only regret in life. Highlights of Sunday evening were Dad and Jamie telling us how they were bringing in the inside plants from the garden. Mum puts them out there in the summer. It is very funny listening to them tell us how they managed to get 'a tree' upstairs.
Dad, doing an impression of mum: Ooooh whats this bit of furniture here? We don't need that. Put a plant there instead. Ooooh what is that chair doing there? Bin it and put a plant there instead.
Toby gave them a laugh whilst they were wedged up the staircase though. He had made himself some toast and was taking it to his room to enjoy. Unfortunately on the way out the kitchen he dropped a slice on the floor and before you could say NO! BAD PUPPY! Boris had snarfed it down. Our dogs are the biggest thieves ever. Jamie made some mashed potato for them all. It took him two hours and was seasoned and smoothed and mashed to perfection. Then he left it on the side, picked up his guitar and wandered into the lounge to see mum and dad. Mum says there was a moment where he entered the lounge, strummed his guitar, looked at them and RAN back to the kitchen. To find Boris with his whole head in his carefully made mash. Boris got the guitar strummed over his head.
I think he thinks it was worth it though
Also, apparently Monty is depressed and has been for 2 weeks. He lay on the floor the whole time we were there and sighed. Poor Monty. Life is so hard being an overloved retriever.
Matt told mum he wasn't feeling well. She gave him a whisky.
It was a very good evening and not only because of the cheesecake. Grandma used to be a size 18 and bought a load of jackets from M&S. They are not jackets I would have bought myself but are surprisingly funky. She even sewed new buttons on them as she didn't like the originals. So now I have 5 new jackets with mother of pearl buttons. It says a lot about my grandma that the replaced buttons ended up costing more than the coat did. Her losing weight and giving me these jackets is the only silver lining to her getting cancer because otherwise it has been a total pain in the arse. My poor grandma. Hopefully she is back to her kickass self soon and is round here drinking and calling me a farm girl. I love my grandparents a lot.
We got a cab back to ours as it was still pretty weathery outside and I had a ton of coats to carry. It would have possibly been the only time in my life I would not have frozen to death waiting at the bus stop for a 121. I used to have to wait for that bus way back in Enfield Lock after uni. I would have already had at least an hours journey, 2 train rides and another bus by then. This would be the last leg of the trip home. I waited there once, in the winter. It was really dark and cold. I cried on the bus. Some guy asked if I was ok. I said: "I'm just soooo co-olddddd *sob*. And that is saying something because the women in my family do NOT like to be cold and will generally be wearing 4 layers of clothing. The last time I cried over something so stupid was during some serious PMT and I wanted some Philadelphia and lemon curd on French bread and mum forgot to buy the lemon curd. Man was I upset. This was after I had walked out of school, cried on the bus home and lay on the door mat because I had forgotten my key and standing and calling anyone was TOO MUCH.
Anywayyy. The cab driver was pretty rubbish. It is a simple route from my parents house to ours. Our house is quite tucked away but I was happy to direct the driver. This driver told me he knew where it was and was fine. He pulled away from my parents and drove the long way round the park. Then he decided to go down some twisty roads instead of 1 minute along the main. It seems odd that if you don't know where you are going, you go down the complicated streets. I directed him back to the main road. I said 'left right at the end of this road.' He misunderstood and started to turn right. I said no, left at the end. He said, BUT YOU SAID RIGHT. Hm. I did but you misunderstood. He irritated me quite a bit because I didn't care if he didn't know the exact route to our place but he never accepted help from me, tried to blame me for him going wrong and then at the end he decided to overcharge us by £2. This isn't much but we regularly get a cab for this journey and it is normally £7. We normally pay £10 and let them keep the change. This time he charged £9 and it was not the smoothest of rides. I did not give him a tip. We got out the car. Sophie said: "I hope you did not give him a tip."
We then had a nice cup of tea and watched the X Factor judges final-3 results. I don't know what was wrong with all the boys but they were SOBBING. Seriously, dudes, pull it together. Then we went to bed.
I am now at work wearing my new black top. It looks really nice with the bargainous £7 (PLUS postage and packaging) black leather boots I bought off eBay. In a minute I am going to go buy some salad for dinner to go with the ham we have been meaning to cook for about a month.
I love when it gets dark enough outside that your room looks all cosy. Sophie and Matt were in their bedroom. We were all waiting for our Tesco delivery and from their room I heard:
Sophie: I'm hungryyyy
Matt: Let's wait until the Tesco man has been
5 minutes later
Sophie: But I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyy
I waited in the lounge watching Eastenders with some wine. Eventually Sophie decided she was too hungry to wait and ordered us all some Chinese takeaway. This turned out to be a very good plan as our Tesco order did not arrive until 9.30. The Ponders End Tesco seem pretty useless. This is also evident in their 'substitution' options. We order shampoo, we get handwash. Anyway, the Chinese arrived just as we had finished unloading our order and it was pretty delicious. Me and Clyde managed to stay up and watch Jonathan Ross but it was tough going after such a riotous evening.
Clyde came and snuggled up with me on the couch and let me stroke him for more than 2 minutes. Matt says that Clyde is the least affectionate cat he has ever had, and some of the cats he has owned have been feral. At one point he was laying on the floor near us, but not near enough so we could touch him. I leant over to stoke his paw and he whipped it away and moved further back. Sophie found this very amusing. Saturday was also really nice. Chilled in the lounge with Sophie and Matt. Decided to invite Lulu round because we hadn't seen her for a while and she is pretty funny. Called her at 10. No answer. Called her at 12. No answer. She managed to wake up around 1 and drag her arse over. She said it looked very 'weathery' outside. This made me laugh. Is it weathery? Yes! Wrap up warm! Weather is a total hinderance to people like Sophie and Lulu as they wear glasses and weather tends to fog them up and make visibility poor. Unloading the dishwasher is also a hazard for them but very funny to me. By the time she arrived, it was about 4pm and we had eaten tuna pasta (me and Sophie) and 2 muffins (Matt) and watched quite a few episodes of 'Flight of the Conchords' which is excellent and very funny. Lulu hadn't eaten so I put leftover Chinese noodles in a bowl for her.
Lulu: I can't eat that much
Me: Well, no one else is going to eat this so just eat what you want
Lulu: Ok. Put the rest of the rice on top whilst your at it.
Me: . . . . .
5 minutes later
Lulu. *licking bowl clean*
Me: Right. Couldn't manage it all then
Lulu: I am doing it for the anorexics
She then told us all about the diet she is on. Basically, you eat a packet of Rolos for lunch and have mango for dinner. Or, a burger for lunch, mango for dinner. This is perhaps why she ate us out of house and home. Chips and sausages for dinner, an ice cream for pudding, a bowl of bombay mix whilst watching the X factor and a bar of chocolate. And I tell you something, it might have been Clyde once, but the other 13 times it wasn't.
Also, the ice cream was very odd. It was a Crunchy one and when I bit into it, my ears started popping. I could not work out where the popping crackling noise was coming from so I kept very quiet for a few moments. Then I thought maybe it could be coming from the ice cream so I held it up to my ear and listened to that. Then I heard Sophie giggling. I asked Matt what she was laughing at. He said I was not meant to eat my ice cream so quickly and that I was supposed to appreciate the crackling. Sophie said it was very funny watching me listen to my ice cream and not be able to work out what the noise was. I am not sure why Crunchy made their ice creams to crackle but they did. It makes for a very disconcerting experience.
We played Monopoly whilst dinner was cooking.
It was very interesting to see the different ways families play this game. Matt's rules seemed pretty forgiving, whereas me, Lol and Sophie's version seemed to be charge money whenever and cheat. It took Sophie approximately a million years to get round the board once. 
Clyde slept through most of the action as he likes to be up with the larks in the morning. This was the first weekend that we have needed the heating on. We sat on the floor to play Monopoly and Sophie leaned against the radiator. At one point she said she felt like she was turning into Dad because she felt very very hot. Apparently, you do not need to be wearing 5 layers if you are also going to lean against a radiator and drink red wine.
In bed, I taught Lolly a very funny game you can play with Clyde. By funny I mean, THE SCARIEST GAME IN THE WHOLE WORLD. When he is under the bed, you tap your fingers on the headboard. It is a test of nerves because Clydes role in this game is to leap up the side of the bed like Jaws. Lulu did not believe me when I said this was a scary game. I think she does now.
It is lucky he is cute because she went home with loads of scratches over her hands (check out her purple nailvarnish. Only took her about 17 hours to do).On Sunday Matt wasn't feeling very well so he went home to his mother for some chicken soup and love. He doesn't really get that with me and Sophie. We come from a family where nothing can't be fixed with panadol, whisky or a plaster. He headed off into the weather (pouring rain) and me, So and Lol went to Brent Cross with our pal Ruth. I managed to buy a new black top. It just isn't a shopping trip unless you buy either a black top or a new black eyeliner. Sophie also managed to buy a top and was wearing it this morning. It looked very nice. Lulu bought some jeans. They were quite tight and she had problems bending down in them. She'll have to go back on the mango for dinner (trademark) diet this week or do some lunges to loosen them up.
On Sunday night we all went to mum and dads for dinner. It was delicious. So was the cheesecake for pudding. Sophie always makes herself eat the pudding because once she didn't and all week she was very upset about that. It is probably her only regret in life. Highlights of Sunday evening were Dad and Jamie telling us how they were bringing in the inside plants from the garden. Mum puts them out there in the summer. It is very funny listening to them tell us how they managed to get 'a tree' upstairs.
Dad, doing an impression of mum: Ooooh whats this bit of furniture here? We don't need that. Put a plant there instead. Ooooh what is that chair doing there? Bin it and put a plant there instead.
Toby gave them a laugh whilst they were wedged up the staircase though. He had made himself some toast and was taking it to his room to enjoy. Unfortunately on the way out the kitchen he dropped a slice on the floor and before you could say NO! BAD PUPPY! Boris had snarfed it down. Our dogs are the biggest thieves ever. Jamie made some mashed potato for them all. It took him two hours and was seasoned and smoothed and mashed to perfection. Then he left it on the side, picked up his guitar and wandered into the lounge to see mum and dad. Mum says there was a moment where he entered the lounge, strummed his guitar, looked at them and RAN back to the kitchen. To find Boris with his whole head in his carefully made mash. Boris got the guitar strummed over his head.
I think he thinks it was worth it thoughAlso, apparently Monty is depressed and has been for 2 weeks. He lay on the floor the whole time we were there and sighed. Poor Monty. Life is so hard being an overloved retriever.
Matt told mum he wasn't feeling well. She gave him a whisky.
It was a very good evening and not only because of the cheesecake. Grandma used to be a size 18 and bought a load of jackets from M&S. They are not jackets I would have bought myself but are surprisingly funky. She even sewed new buttons on them as she didn't like the originals. So now I have 5 new jackets with mother of pearl buttons. It says a lot about my grandma that the replaced buttons ended up costing more than the coat did. Her losing weight and giving me these jackets is the only silver lining to her getting cancer because otherwise it has been a total pain in the arse. My poor grandma. Hopefully she is back to her kickass self soon and is round here drinking and calling me a farm girl. I love my grandparents a lot.
We got a cab back to ours as it was still pretty weathery outside and I had a ton of coats to carry. It would have possibly been the only time in my life I would not have frozen to death waiting at the bus stop for a 121. I used to have to wait for that bus way back in Enfield Lock after uni. I would have already had at least an hours journey, 2 train rides and another bus by then. This would be the last leg of the trip home. I waited there once, in the winter. It was really dark and cold. I cried on the bus. Some guy asked if I was ok. I said: "I'm just soooo co-olddddd *sob*. And that is saying something because the women in my family do NOT like to be cold and will generally be wearing 4 layers of clothing. The last time I cried over something so stupid was during some serious PMT and I wanted some Philadelphia and lemon curd on French bread and mum forgot to buy the lemon curd. Man was I upset. This was after I had walked out of school, cried on the bus home and lay on the door mat because I had forgotten my key and standing and calling anyone was TOO MUCH.
Anywayyy. The cab driver was pretty rubbish. It is a simple route from my parents house to ours. Our house is quite tucked away but I was happy to direct the driver. This driver told me he knew where it was and was fine. He pulled away from my parents and drove the long way round the park. Then he decided to go down some twisty roads instead of 1 minute along the main. It seems odd that if you don't know where you are going, you go down the complicated streets. I directed him back to the main road. I said 'left right at the end of this road.' He misunderstood and started to turn right. I said no, left at the end. He said, BUT YOU SAID RIGHT. Hm. I did but you misunderstood. He irritated me quite a bit because I didn't care if he didn't know the exact route to our place but he never accepted help from me, tried to blame me for him going wrong and then at the end he decided to overcharge us by £2. This isn't much but we regularly get a cab for this journey and it is normally £7. We normally pay £10 and let them keep the change. This time he charged £9 and it was not the smoothest of rides. I did not give him a tip. We got out the car. Sophie said: "I hope you did not give him a tip."
We then had a nice cup of tea and watched the X Factor judges final-3 results. I don't know what was wrong with all the boys but they were SOBBING. Seriously, dudes, pull it together. Then we went to bed.
I am now at work wearing my new black top. It looks really nice with the bargainous £7 (PLUS postage and packaging) black leather boots I bought off eBay. In a minute I am going to go buy some salad for dinner to go with the ham we have been meaning to cook for about a month.
Friday, 3 October 2008
supernatural capers
Jess: Morning! Well, crispy cake was delish. We managed to prise a bit each from Ally's paws to take home. AND she bought me the new Supernatural DVD, Season 3 (Rosie, it's only one box this time so I can't give you half the DVDs like I did before!)
Sophie: Morning morning, I could eat some of that now. My morning -
Sophie (on the bus): Matt, why are we going to work an hour early again?
Matt: Because I have to go to a conference and we need to leave early to get there for 9.30
S: Oh. Where is it?
M: Royal Opera House in Covent Garden
S: Huh. You mean, the Covent Garden that is half an hour or less away from our house on the Picadilly Line?
S:????
S:????????????????????
M: Ehhhhh, yessss
S: So, you are travelling an hour to work and then and hour or so to Covent Garden?
M:.... YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!
S: Didn't think about saying "I'll meet you there" ?
M: Let's stop talking.
Sadie: Oh LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!
Jess: Oh God funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a plum!!!! I'd stretch that one out!
Sophie: Don't worry, I will. I feel wide awake. It's so odd. Even though the antibiotics gave me a rash they did clear up my sinuses. I can't remember the last time I woke up and it didn't feel like i'd been stamped in the head.
Jess: Oh that's good then!!! What's worse - an all invading rash or painful sinus'?
Sophie: The sinuses are worse! Hate it! Trying to work something really tedious out now.
Me: COOLNESS to the Supernatural present. That was nice of her! Watching the DVD's backwards was ok because at least I knew none of them died at the end of any episodes. Well. Kinda. Matt is an idiot. I cannot believe he didn't meet them there. Although at least you had someone to travel to work with and have now got some more overtime.
I do not want ANY of the crispy cake as my blackberries are delicious. YUM YUM YUM. And they are ever so good for you what with being a SUPERFOOD and all. So my skin etc is really feeling the benefits.
Jess: HAHA WHATEVER! Actually the crispy cake was 400 grams of dark+milk choccy, so can you IMAGINE the calorie count in it! Best not to have these things. We had a little bit each last night in the pub and I have to say the blueberries with the crispy and chocolate was inspired! It really worked. But dudes, very fattening. Blackberries are much better for us!
Matt episode still making me chuckle!
Me: Oink.
Sophie: Matt etc have to go early for tea and biscuits!!! I'm so jealous of tea, biscuits, lunch and Covent Garden. I hope it's so so so so boring. Also -
Sophie: Your shirt is HUGE dude
Matt: Yes
Sophie: But I mean, that shirt looks like a dress
Matt: Yep. I love this shirt. It is from the fatty bombatty section of John Lewis.
He is also wearing Converse ("I can't wear my smart shoes for work things") and all his jewellery collection.
Jess: Laughing! Really funny idiot chats you two have!
Me: Matt wears more jewellery than me most days. He is a funny guy. When me and Sophie tell him he is funny he gets all defensive and says we are mean because he says we mean it in a: "funny SPECIAL" kind of way.
Jess: Laughing!!!!!!!!! Dudes you DO mean it that way!
Me: Well sometimes we mean it that way.
Last night:
Sophie: Ro, those lillies you bought are lovely
Matt: Yeah, I really like them too.
Me: Wow. Matt. You NEVER like anything that I buy.
Matt: That isn't true. I loved the steak you bought home the other day.
He was very worried on Sunday when we came home with peacock feathers but he didn't say anything as he thought they were Ruths. He was very relieved when we took them home to mum.
Jess: Laughing!!! Peacock feathers inside the house are meant to be unlucky....
Me: Some lady interrupted us on the tube to say peacock feathers ARE unlucky unless they are paired together in which case they are LUCKY. So. DON'T WORRY!
Jess: Phewwwwwwwwwww
Me: The 'fairy liquid' here makes my hands sticky. Which is pretty much the opposite of what I want it to do.
Sophie: The cleaners water down our fake fairy as well. It is a false economy because it just means when I turn the bottle up to wash my hands half of it tips out instead of a normal amount.
Me: Yeah. It is very weird. I mean, already this is fake fairy we are using. Lets just leave it at that.
Jessica, I could eat that cake PLUS my blackberries. Although they WERE delicious and I was very upset when I ate them all because I thought I had one left. How was your evening? What present did you get Ally?
Jess: Lovely evening!!!! Managed to light candles and sing Happy Birthday in the pub! Got her some pendants and some charms for her charm bracelet. I think she got 5 pendants. But she is vair vair greedy.
Me: Well, as a wise old man in India once said, you can never have enough pendants.
Jess: Laughing!! Ally has just said she needs to go to the loo again as she has another shi* brewing. This is her 2nd one since 8am this morning!!! When I said I think we should change her name to turdy she got most defensive. Until Sarah said it should really be fatty turdy!!! How I laughed... and agreed!
Sophie: I laughed too.
Jess: LAUGHING!!! Dudes I've been so snappish to every fu**er whose been phoning me since 5 PAST 8!!!
Sophie: I don't answer to people before 9. And I'm snappy until 10. It's just intrusive.
Jess: I know!!!! You should have heard me...... Yes, no, no, yes, I don't know, no, yes, I have no idea, ...my name? Jessica.
Sadie: Laughing out loud at 'intrusive.' I haven't even said/snarled good morning to anyone yet. I'm sh*gged from loads of
horrid unrelenting work and I need my lunchtime coffee and sarnie.
So has Lulu actually started at college then? That was quick.
Me: Yep. She started on Monday. Don't know anything other than she is enjoying it, her tutor is HOTTT and she has friends who like to go for coffee. Am starvin marvin now so going to find some lunch.
Sadie: I want a hot panini. And a hot coffee. And a hot tutor.
Me: Me 3
Sophie: Me 4. I am ok on the food front but a hot coffee would be good. And a tutor too as long as I don't have to actually study anything workish. Found a cool game on my phone (by accident) where you go deep sea diving with fish. Killing a dull moment every hour or so. Just had this message..... "Mr Diggle rang asking for you, said he has left several messages and for you to call him back asap please." DELETE!!!
Jess: Laughing!!!!!!!!! DELEEEEEEEEEETE!
Me: He has a funny name. Tried to sit and eat my 10 for a £1 Tesco hot chicken wings and the phone kept ringing. Obviously. There is now spicy sauce all over the gaff. Also, 10 is slightly too many. I mean, I ate them all but now my mouth is approx 17 sizes bigger than it was. They really were spicy.
Jess: But dude your gob is so big you must have been able to fit all 10 in one go and have room for a monster truck too......... sorry, thought I was talking to Ally then....habit.
Me: . . .
Sadie: Mr Diggle cannot be normal otherwise he would have changed his name by now. And as we all know, there's no point phoning up insane people because, well, they are insane, so totally appropriate to delete and ignore message. Laughing at Ro's gob X 17!
Me: That's what I thought. Crazies shouldn't be given a phone.
Sadie: Yes, absolutely dootley.
Below is my boss's Resource Plan for the next two months for me. It made me laugh out loud when I saw the first line. Apparently I consult. Get me, I'm a consultant!
General Admin & Consultancy
Portia Data Trails
Migration of Recon to TLM for HK
Unquoted Price Report Spec
Hong Kong Caper Pricing Issue
New ER file from IDD to FMC- Completion of Spec
Automation of adding ICVC prices to Onshore Price file - Completion of Spec
Holiday, Training & other absence
Me: Hong Kong have a caper pricing issue? They should go to Tesco. They are pretty cheap
Sophie: I thought that too! I would do the last one straight away. Migration of Recon sounds like something out of Star Trek.
Sadie: Laughing at both of you. Next time they say at work Caper pricing issue I shall mumble 99p at Tescos under my breath.
Sophie: Morning morning, I could eat some of that now. My morning -
Sophie (on the bus): Matt, why are we going to work an hour early again?
Matt: Because I have to go to a conference and we need to leave early to get there for 9.30
S: Oh. Where is it?
M: Royal Opera House in Covent Garden
S: Huh. You mean, the Covent Garden that is half an hour or less away from our house on the Picadilly Line?
S:????
S:????????????????????
M: Ehhhhh, yessss
S: So, you are travelling an hour to work and then and hour or so to Covent Garden?
M:.... YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!
S: Didn't think about saying "I'll meet you there" ?
M: Let's stop talking.
Sadie: Oh LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!
Jess: Oh God funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a plum!!!! I'd stretch that one out!
Sophie: Don't worry, I will. I feel wide awake. It's so odd. Even though the antibiotics gave me a rash they did clear up my sinuses. I can't remember the last time I woke up and it didn't feel like i'd been stamped in the head.
Jess: Oh that's good then!!! What's worse - an all invading rash or painful sinus'?
Sophie: The sinuses are worse! Hate it! Trying to work something really tedious out now.
Me: COOLNESS to the Supernatural present. That was nice of her! Watching the DVD's backwards was ok because at least I knew none of them died at the end of any episodes. Well. Kinda. Matt is an idiot. I cannot believe he didn't meet them there. Although at least you had someone to travel to work with and have now got some more overtime.
I do not want ANY of the crispy cake as my blackberries are delicious. YUM YUM YUM. And they are ever so good for you what with being a SUPERFOOD and all. So my skin etc is really feeling the benefits.
Jess: HAHA WHATEVER! Actually the crispy cake was 400 grams of dark+milk choccy, so can you IMAGINE the calorie count in it! Best not to have these things. We had a little bit each last night in the pub and I have to say the blueberries with the crispy and chocolate was inspired! It really worked. But dudes, very fattening. Blackberries are much better for us!
Matt episode still making me chuckle!
Me: Oink.
Sophie: Matt etc have to go early for tea and biscuits!!! I'm so jealous of tea, biscuits, lunch and Covent Garden. I hope it's so so so so boring. Also -
Sophie: Your shirt is HUGE dude
Matt: Yes
Sophie: But I mean, that shirt looks like a dress
Matt: Yep. I love this shirt. It is from the fatty bombatty section of John Lewis.
He is also wearing Converse ("I can't wear my smart shoes for work things") and all his jewellery collection.
Jess: Laughing! Really funny idiot chats you two have!
Me: Matt wears more jewellery than me most days. He is a funny guy. When me and Sophie tell him he is funny he gets all defensive and says we are mean because he says we mean it in a: "funny SPECIAL" kind of way.
Jess: Laughing!!!!!!!!! Dudes you DO mean it that way!
Me: Well sometimes we mean it that way.
Last night:
Sophie: Ro, those lillies you bought are lovely
Matt: Yeah, I really like them too.
Me: Wow. Matt. You NEVER like anything that I buy.
Matt: That isn't true. I loved the steak you bought home the other day.
He was very worried on Sunday when we came home with peacock feathers but he didn't say anything as he thought they were Ruths. He was very relieved when we took them home to mum.
Jess: Laughing!!! Peacock feathers inside the house are meant to be unlucky....
Me: Some lady interrupted us on the tube to say peacock feathers ARE unlucky unless they are paired together in which case they are LUCKY. So. DON'T WORRY!
Jess: Phewwwwwwwwwww
Me: The 'fairy liquid' here makes my hands sticky. Which is pretty much the opposite of what I want it to do.
Sophie: The cleaners water down our fake fairy as well. It is a false economy because it just means when I turn the bottle up to wash my hands half of it tips out instead of a normal amount.
Me: Yeah. It is very weird. I mean, already this is fake fairy we are using. Lets just leave it at that.
Jessica, I could eat that cake PLUS my blackberries. Although they WERE delicious and I was very upset when I ate them all because I thought I had one left. How was your evening? What present did you get Ally?
Jess: Lovely evening!!!! Managed to light candles and sing Happy Birthday in the pub! Got her some pendants and some charms for her charm bracelet. I think she got 5 pendants. But she is vair vair greedy.
Me: Well, as a wise old man in India once said, you can never have enough pendants.
Jess: Laughing!! Ally has just said she needs to go to the loo again as she has another shi* brewing. This is her 2nd one since 8am this morning!!! When I said I think we should change her name to turdy she got most defensive. Until Sarah said it should really be fatty turdy!!! How I laughed... and agreed!
Sophie: I laughed too.
Jess: LAUGHING!!! Dudes I've been so snappish to every fu**er whose been phoning me since 5 PAST 8!!!
Sophie: I don't answer to people before 9. And I'm snappy until 10. It's just intrusive.
Jess: I know!!!! You should have heard me...... Yes, no, no, yes, I don't know, no, yes, I have no idea, ...my name? Jessica.
Sadie: Laughing out loud at 'intrusive.' I haven't even said/snarled good morning to anyone yet. I'm sh*gged from loads of
horrid unrelenting work and I need my lunchtime coffee and sarnie.
So has Lulu actually started at college then? That was quick.
Me: Yep. She started on Monday. Don't know anything other than she is enjoying it, her tutor is HOTTT and she has friends who like to go for coffee. Am starvin marvin now so going to find some lunch.
Sadie: I want a hot panini. And a hot coffee. And a hot tutor.
Me: Me 3
Sophie: Me 4. I am ok on the food front but a hot coffee would be good. And a tutor too as long as I don't have to actually study anything workish. Found a cool game on my phone (by accident) where you go deep sea diving with fish. Killing a dull moment every hour or so. Just had this message..... "Mr Diggle rang asking for you, said he has left several messages and for you to call him back asap please." DELETE!!!
Jess: Laughing!!!!!!!!! DELEEEEEEEEEETE!
Me: He has a funny name. Tried to sit and eat my 10 for a £1 Tesco hot chicken wings and the phone kept ringing. Obviously. There is now spicy sauce all over the gaff. Also, 10 is slightly too many. I mean, I ate them all but now my mouth is approx 17 sizes bigger than it was. They really were spicy.
Jess: But dude your gob is so big you must have been able to fit all 10 in one go and have room for a monster truck too......... sorry, thought I was talking to Ally then....habit.
Me: . . .
Sadie: Mr Diggle cannot be normal otherwise he would have changed his name by now. And as we all know, there's no point phoning up insane people because, well, they are insane, so totally appropriate to delete and ignore message. Laughing at Ro's gob X 17!
Me: That's what I thought. Crazies shouldn't be given a phone.
Sadie: Yes, absolutely dootley.
Below is my boss's Resource Plan for the next two months for me. It made me laugh out loud when I saw the first line. Apparently I consult. Get me, I'm a consultant!
General Admin & Consultancy
Portia Data Trails
Migration of Recon to TLM for HK
Unquoted Price Report Spec
Hong Kong Caper Pricing Issue
New ER file from IDD to FMC- Completion of Spec
Automation of adding ICVC prices to Onshore Price file - Completion of Spec
Holiday, Training & other absence
Me: Hong Kong have a caper pricing issue? They should go to Tesco. They are pretty cheap
Sophie: I thought that too! I would do the last one straight away. Migration of Recon sounds like something out of Star Trek.
Sadie: Laughing at both of you. Next time they say at work Caper pricing issue I shall mumble 99p at Tescos under my breath.
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
headbanging longness for dinner
This blog is over a year old. Happy Birthday little blog of rubbish!
Here is a one year, beginning of the month meme:
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I should probably go put on some makeup.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
£21.91
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Whore
4. Favorite planet?
I always liked Pluto and I kinda don't like all this shit spoken about it not being a planet
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Sophie. It is always Sophie. And she leaves me long rambling answerphone messages about potatoes and tonic water and the crazy lady upstairs' sex life. I don't know why. She once told my voicemail to "hold on" because I was calling her on another line.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I like the Muse ring tone I have but I had to change it to a generic ringing noise as someone mental phoned my phone continually and I started to get sick of it.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
I'm wearing a dress.
8. Do you label yourself?
Like, stick labels on my back? No. But I regularly find those apple stickers stuck to my sleeves.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
They are black ballet pumps from Accessorize and they absolutely stink.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
They seemed alright. Their favourite planet was Earth. I would have said the same since mine probably is too. But I didn't because I never think of Earth as a planet.
12. What does your watch look like?
Looks very much like a mobile phone
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Discussing farting whilst I was in bed with a pal. Because she kept farting.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I'm bored too." It was from my little sister.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Hm. I am thinking this is the Tesco Espress petrol station down the road
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Retarded. Apparently.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
M because I said I would meet her for a drink.
18. Last furry thing you touched?
My kitten Clyde. He was also the last furry, muddy, ferocious thing I touched.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Alcohol, panadol and caffeine.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
23, this year, has been pretty good.
22. Your worst enemy?
I really cannot stand Narinder from Big Brother two. I don't know why.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
Blue Windows one.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Any time Alan." After he thanked me for getting him some sausage rolls.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
That's quite tough. I would say flying but it seems quite selfish. A million pounds would probably have more of an effect on my life.
26. Do you like someone?
You'd hope, right.
27. The last song you listened to?
A song by Poison because we were watching 'Rock my World' or whatever that programme is called with Brett from Poison on. Where he has a house full of women all competing to go out with him. It is the skankingest programme EVER and I love it.
28. What time of day were you born?
Um. Evening.
29. What’s your favorite number?
I do not have a favourite number.
30. Where did you live in 1987?
Bush Hill Park, London
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not especially.
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Matt is very jealous of my singing abilities.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I remember watching it in the lounge with my mum. I had just come home from school I think and she was just sitting there watching the tv. Really shocked. I don't think I understood it at the time.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes. I would give you my last malteser. I don't really like them.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
On my hip
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Spanish
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes. Like, to the bed.
39. Are you touchy feely?
No.
40. What’s your life motto?
I don't think sleeping is a 'waste' of a third of my life. Or whatever those statistic or sayings or whatever are.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Phone, wallet, keys. Although, if I'm honest, more like wallet, face powder and hairbrush.
42. What’s your favourite town/city?
London
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Tesco shopping. I am cooking a nice fish curry for dinner. Actually, the last thing I paid for was a lump of ginger because I forgot to buy it when I was buying the other stuff. It cost 29p.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I wrote and sent a birthday card a couple of weeks ago.
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yep. I think.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
I was thinking that my feet are really cold and when I get home I am going to have a nice hot bath.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
My dad says his ancestors travelled over in the long boats wearing horned helmets. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of this
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
I don't look too bad right now. I mean, aside from the stinking shoes.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My feet are pretty cold. My back aches from sitting at the computer all day and my wrist is hurting from typing too much. Earlier, my lips hurt because I ate too much chilli.
50. Have you been burned by love?
No.
Clyde
Clyde! Clyde! Clyyyyyyyyyyyyyyde!
Want some dinner?
My weekend
(Which I wasn't going to write about because it is SO embarrassing and shaming. But I guess not really. These things happen. Mainly to me. God.)
Me: We went down to Norfolk on Saturday to see some family. I drank LOADS, fell over a stone bench and smacked my head on the concrete. My head is aching. My neck is aching. My back is aching. So stupid. Me and Sophie shared a room and I was sick on the floor too. I guess this is pay back. I have been eating the Panadol and have to sit at right angles to the computer.
Jess: ROSIE!!!!!! That is disgraceful behaviour!!!!!!!!!! But also, poor babe, not nice to hurt your head like that! ....... and dude, sort of a bit of respect thrown in too.....we'll never mention the sick bit again...cos we've all done it....
Me: Luckily I was only sick in front of Sophie. I fell over the bench in front of only a few people. Luckily most people were also drunk, including mum. Although, um, CAN I GET A CAT SCAN OVER HERE PLEASE?
Sophie: You were not just sick in front of me. You were sick on my phone, my bed, my dress AND you were pantless.
Jess: Oh dude!!!!! SO SO LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Right, see you next week! I'm off to get married!
Me: Have fun!! Don't trip over any benches and smack your head . . .
S: How is your head?
Me: Not greaaat. But don't worry. I have a new box of Panadol
S: I seriously think you should see a doctor
Me: Nah, don't worry. Ain't nothin' in my head worth worrying about
S: HA. But still! I mean, you hit your head on concrete. It would have been much better if it had been grass or . . . wood or . .
Me: A mattress?
S: Yeah. Totally. Can you hear a ringing noise?
Me: Yeah. Can't everyone? It is really distracting me from the voices. . . You know, the ones that keep asking me to do IT related stuff . . .
This evening:
Sophie: I think I might make a rice dish this eve if that's ok. I really fancy that one mum makes sometimes. It's rice, veg and chicken so I'll get the stuff at lunch time. Also, I am babysitting tomorrow so we can't go swimming. Should have gone last night. I am rubbish.
Me: SOPHIE YOU BIG FAT BUM! Also, can't see me and Matt complaining about someone cooking for us. Sounds good.
Matt: I also can't go swimming tomorrow because I too am babysitting. And I can't swim.
.......
Sophie: I am losing the will to live.
Me: I can't believe it is only 3.40. Very distressing.
Sophie: But, my inbox is EMPTY!!!! Hallelujah!!!
Me: Mine -
Hey H,
There was a meeting next Thursday with I but I just reminded E and apparently you two are off to South Africa again so am rearranging. E has run through his calendar with me and it looks like we're all good for 2012.
Hope you are also free then!
Rosie
Hi R,
Well I was going to wait to tell you until we had SA confirmed but yes. Looks like we won't make I. I can't make 2012 as I plan to be in the Bahamas after I will win the lottery later this year! Sorry.
Sophie: I need some fries. I don't know what's wrong with me. Going to have some for dinner instead x
Matt: Cool
Me: Would you like me to pick some chips up from the fish and chip shop after work then?
Sophie: Nope I want frieserama. I was thinking about them last night. Going to be super healthy from tomorrow cause all this junk is making me feel ill and waddly. I don't know. I would say McDonalds but that is far. That Chicken Spot does fries. I dunno. What do you think?
Matt: You could buy some oven fries from Asda and then everybody is happy.
Sophie: I LIKE IT SPARROWBUM
Sophie: CURLY FRIES
Me: God called. He wants his master plan back
Here is a one year, beginning of the month meme:
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I should probably go put on some makeup.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
£21.91
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Whore
4. Favorite planet?
I always liked Pluto and I kinda don't like all this shit spoken about it not being a planet
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Sophie. It is always Sophie. And she leaves me long rambling answerphone messages about potatoes and tonic water and the crazy lady upstairs' sex life. I don't know why. She once told my voicemail to "hold on" because I was calling her on another line.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I like the Muse ring tone I have but I had to change it to a generic ringing noise as someone mental phoned my phone continually and I started to get sick of it.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
I'm wearing a dress.
8. Do you label yourself?
Like, stick labels on my back? No. But I regularly find those apple stickers stuck to my sleeves.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
They are black ballet pumps from Accessorize and they absolutely stink.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
They seemed alright. Their favourite planet was Earth. I would have said the same since mine probably is too. But I didn't because I never think of Earth as a planet.
12. What does your watch look like?
Looks very much like a mobile phone
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Discussing farting whilst I was in bed with a pal. Because she kept farting.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I'm bored too." It was from my little sister.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Hm. I am thinking this is the Tesco Espress petrol station down the road
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Retarded. Apparently.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
M because I said I would meet her for a drink.
18. Last furry thing you touched?
My kitten Clyde. He was also the last furry, muddy, ferocious thing I touched.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Alcohol, panadol and caffeine.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
23, this year, has been pretty good.
22. Your worst enemy?
I really cannot stand Narinder from Big Brother two. I don't know why.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
Blue Windows one.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Any time Alan." After he thanked me for getting him some sausage rolls.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
That's quite tough. I would say flying but it seems quite selfish. A million pounds would probably have more of an effect on my life.
26. Do you like someone?
You'd hope, right.
27. The last song you listened to?
A song by Poison because we were watching 'Rock my World' or whatever that programme is called with Brett from Poison on. Where he has a house full of women all competing to go out with him. It is the skankingest programme EVER and I love it.
28. What time of day were you born?
Um. Evening.
29. What’s your favorite number?
I do not have a favourite number.
30. Where did you live in 1987?
Bush Hill Park, London
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not especially.
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Matt is very jealous of my singing abilities.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I remember watching it in the lounge with my mum. I had just come home from school I think and she was just sitting there watching the tv. Really shocked. I don't think I understood it at the time.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes. I would give you my last malteser. I don't really like them.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
On my hip
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Spanish
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes. Like, to the bed.
39. Are you touchy feely?
No.
40. What’s your life motto?
I don't think sleeping is a 'waste' of a third of my life. Or whatever those statistic or sayings or whatever are.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Phone, wallet, keys. Although, if I'm honest, more like wallet, face powder and hairbrush.
42. What’s your favourite town/city?
London
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Tesco shopping. I am cooking a nice fish curry for dinner. Actually, the last thing I paid for was a lump of ginger because I forgot to buy it when I was buying the other stuff. It cost 29p.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I wrote and sent a birthday card a couple of weeks ago.
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yep. I think.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
I was thinking that my feet are really cold and when I get home I am going to have a nice hot bath.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
My dad says his ancestors travelled over in the long boats wearing horned helmets. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of this
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
I don't look too bad right now. I mean, aside from the stinking shoes.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My feet are pretty cold. My back aches from sitting at the computer all day and my wrist is hurting from typing too much. Earlier, my lips hurt because I ate too much chilli.
50. Have you been burned by love?
No.
Clyde
Clyde! Clyde! Clyyyyyyyyyyyyyyde!
Want some dinner?
My weekend
(Which I wasn't going to write about because it is SO embarrassing and shaming. But I guess not really. These things happen. Mainly to me. God.)
Me: We went down to Norfolk on Saturday to see some family. I drank LOADS, fell over a stone bench and smacked my head on the concrete. My head is aching. My neck is aching. My back is aching. So stupid. Me and Sophie shared a room and I was sick on the floor too. I guess this is pay back. I have been eating the Panadol and have to sit at right angles to the computer.
Jess: ROSIE!!!!!! That is disgraceful behaviour!!!!!!!!!! But also, poor babe, not nice to hurt your head like that! ....... and dude, sort of a bit of respect thrown in too.....we'll never mention the sick bit again...cos we've all done it....
Me: Luckily I was only sick in front of Sophie. I fell over the bench in front of only a few people. Luckily most people were also drunk, including mum. Although, um, CAN I GET A CAT SCAN OVER HERE PLEASE?
Sophie: You were not just sick in front of me. You were sick on my phone, my bed, my dress AND you were pantless.
Jess: Oh dude!!!!! SO SO LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Right, see you next week! I'm off to get married!
Me: Have fun!! Don't trip over any benches and smack your head . . .
S: How is your head?
Me: Not greaaat. But don't worry. I have a new box of Panadol
S: I seriously think you should see a doctor
Me: Nah, don't worry. Ain't nothin' in my head worth worrying about
S: HA. But still! I mean, you hit your head on concrete. It would have been much better if it had been grass or . . . wood or . .
Me: A mattress?
S: Yeah. Totally. Can you hear a ringing noise?
Me: Yeah. Can't everyone? It is really distracting me from the voices. . . You know, the ones that keep asking me to do IT related stuff . . .
This evening:
Sophie: I think I might make a rice dish this eve if that's ok. I really fancy that one mum makes sometimes. It's rice, veg and chicken so I'll get the stuff at lunch time. Also, I am babysitting tomorrow so we can't go swimming. Should have gone last night. I am rubbish.
Me: SOPHIE YOU BIG FAT BUM! Also, can't see me and Matt complaining about someone cooking for us. Sounds good.
Matt: I also can't go swimming tomorrow because I too am babysitting. And I can't swim.
.......
Sophie: I am losing the will to live.
Me: I can't believe it is only 3.40. Very distressing.
Sophie: But, my inbox is EMPTY!!!! Hallelujah!!!
Me: Mine -
Hey H,
There was a meeting next Thursday with I but I just reminded E and apparently you two are off to South Africa again so am rearranging. E has run through his calendar with me and it looks like we're all good for 2012.
Hope you are also free then!
Rosie
Hi R,
Well I was going to wait to tell you until we had SA confirmed but yes. Looks like we won't make I. I can't make 2012 as I plan to be in the Bahamas after I will win the lottery later this year! Sorry.
Sophie: I need some fries. I don't know what's wrong with me. Going to have some for dinner instead x
Matt: Cool
Me: Would you like me to pick some chips up from the fish and chip shop after work then?
Sophie: Nope I want frieserama. I was thinking about them last night. Going to be super healthy from tomorrow cause all this junk is making me feel ill and waddly. I don't know. I would say McDonalds but that is far. That Chicken Spot does fries. I dunno. What do you think?
Matt: You could buy some oven fries from Asda and then everybody is happy.
Sophie: I LIKE IT SPARROWBUM
Sophie: CURLY FRIES
Me: God called. He wants his master plan back
Sunday, 28 September 2008
and there was me thinking the acoustics in the bathroom made me sound wicked
Sophie: Loved your version of Easy Lover in the shower this morning
Me: What? I wasn't singing that! I was singing a Good Charlotte song
Matt: I TOLD you she couldn't hold a tune
Me: What? I wasn't singing that! I was singing a Good Charlotte song
Matt: I TOLD you she couldn't hold a tune
Saturday, 27 September 2008
naptime dinner
Matt: Hello, If you want to wait until I get back I can do some Tesco's finest canneloni (i know I can't spell it), with a tomato pasta sauce on top and possibly a salad. Interested?
Me: This sounds good. I just had a sandwich and now I have sheep bloat and my jeans are now cutting off my circulation.
I think that might be how you spell it.
Sophie: Sounds lovely. Don't want to go driving. Just want to go homes to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Me: I keep wondering, if I crawl under my desk and go to sleep, how long until someone notices? Just until the phone goes unanswered I reckon.
Sophie: Me and Grannie B have practiced poses that look like we're working when we are sleeping. Most effective: hold a pen, pretend to be reading something whilst looking down but close your eyes. It helps if you have papers in front of you or you're just reading the table.
Me: If someone caught you out, you could just say you were thinking reallllll hard
Me: This sounds good. I just had a sandwich and now I have sheep bloat and my jeans are now cutting off my circulation.
I think that might be how you spell it.
Sophie: Sounds lovely. Don't want to go driving. Just want to go homes to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Me: I keep wondering, if I crawl under my desk and go to sleep, how long until someone notices? Just until the phone goes unanswered I reckon.
Sophie: Me and Grannie B have practiced poses that look like we're working when we are sleeping. Most effective: hold a pen, pretend to be reading something whilst looking down but close your eyes. It helps if you have papers in front of you or you're just reading the table.
Me: If someone caught you out, you could just say you were thinking reallllll hard
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
fatty
Man do you feel it when he jumps off the window ledge onto your stomach in the middle of the nightMe: Matt! Take a picture of me and Clyde! I look just like Sarah Jessica Parker sitting here typing away on the laptop with the cat sleeping next to me.
Matt: SJP doesn't have a cat. And, I know this may sound like a weird compliment but, you don't have a horse face.
Me: But other than that, IDENTICAL right?
Budget living . . .
Me: Brand Tumeric = £1.18. Tesco version = 68p. HA
Sophie: You go there
Me: I am
Me: Can you hear Clyde squeaking?
Me: Can you hear him squeaking now?
Me: Listen... Clyde makes this funny squeaking sound when he is asleep and you wake him up . . .
Sophie and Matt: Can't hear anything . . .
Sophie: *sitting on the sofa - accidentally sitting on Clyde*
Clyde: SQUEEAK!
Overheard: "I'm not gay! I'm FLAMBOYANT!"
Overheard, some hippy talking to another: "I'm thinking of changing my first name to rain and my second to bow, what do you think?"
Lulu and me: snort
Lulu: I am going to change my name to buttock.
Me: HAHA. Yeh. Funny. People would be all, what's up butty?
Lulu: And I'd be all, it's BUTTOCK
Me: It's pronounced boo-tock ACTUALLY
Lulu: HAHA, yeh. It's FRENCH. You're pronouncing it wrong. Jeez.
Me: Whatever BUTTOCK.
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