Nigella, Delia and Gordon

Me: A tried talking to me again this morning at 8.40 about the thing that I told him that he didn't understand that is apparently MY fault. I turned up Foo Fighters 'The Pretender.' Nearly blew my eardrums off but I think that it was worth it.
P.s. This is a very good song. Perhaps my favourite FF one. I don't know. It is far too early to make such big decisions.

Jess: Will check it out. See if I concur with your normal babbling nonsense.

Me: It is pretty fantastic. And I do not talk nonsense. That is Rude. Although I did say to Sophie on Sunday that squashes have seeds in! Just like pumpkins! And they smell like pumpkins!!!

Jess: Oh FFD! Dude- nonsense is good. Non-nonsense is net curtains.

Me: I cooked squash the other night. It was pretty delicious. The recipe was like, toast your (23,000) spices under the grill to release the aromas. Then mix in a bowl with some nut oil and carefully coat your cubed squash. Sophie came into the kitchen and was like, veering from the recipe a little then? As I was gaily throwing around paprika and cumin and whatnot straight into the roasting tin with cooking oil. And they weren't grilled to release no aromas neither.

Sophie: I wondered why you were asking Matt where the grill was

Jess:Fd!
Sounds blooming gorgeous!!!!
Srsly...gorgeous....
And 2300 spices eh.

Me: I asked him and then I was like, dude, when have we ever grilled paprika to release aromas? Surely that is a v pointless thing to do as the whole point of spices and herbs is that they just ARE. And I SWEAR there was a total LIST of spices to use. I mean, as it was I used salt, pepper, paprika, cumin and tumeric!

Jess: So not ac-tually 23,000 then. In fact about 8. Mmmm yum though, will try and cook it!

Me: Coolio. If you need instructions, let me know. I.e, do I add the 1/2 teaspoon of paprika before or after the salt? Answer: chuck it all in a pan, gaily, and do not bother using a teaspoon.

Jess: Fd! Sounds like the sort of cooky shit I like to do...... I made another interminable fucking casserole on Thursday, I'm afraid it went down the crapper yesterday... So borrrrrrrring.

Sophie: I make a nice rice one. Mum used to make it -

Cook some rice
Chop and fry some chicken
Chop and fry whatever veg you like in another pan (I make mine really tiny as don't like big bits)
Add curry paste to veg

Put cooked chicken in casserole dish
Put cooked veg in caserole dish
Add 1 can chopped toms to casserole dish
Add 1 can curry milk (or however much)

Add egg to pan and fry in the rice
Put in casserole dish

Mix everything in casserole dish and heat in oven

Written down it looks quite long but its really just chopping anything you want to eat, frying it and adding it to a casserole dish with curry paste.

Another dinner we do often is chop up some (Tesco finest, free range, organic, darlings) beef and mix it with cornflour. Then fry with some stir fry veg and sauce. Yum. But you have to remember to get it out the freezer which is where we go wrong fairly often.

The other one that we have whenever we don't know what to eat (like 3 times a week) is the one I made when you came round.

That's basically :

Fry onion, chilli, garlic, any veg going a bit mank in the fridge on low heat whilst you chop....
Bacon or sausage or if Hawk is super lucky BOTH.
Add to pan

Cook pasta

Add chopped tomatoes and water to the above veg/meat once cooked add any kind of herbification you like or have in cupboards i.e. pepper, mixed herbs, paprika

If Hawk is not looking add a teaspoon of peanut butter

Et voila!!!
This dinner doesn't really take much more time than it takes to cook pasta and we always have all the stuff which is why it gets made so often.

Jess: YUM!!! I do use peanybutt quite a lot as its delish cooked!

Me:
Matt: ROSIE!!! GUESS WHAT!!
Me: WHAT!????????????
Matt: SOPHIE PUT PEANUT BUTTER IN THE PASTA SAUCE!
Me: . . .
Matt: Like, A MASSIVE LOAD OF IT!!!
Me: ......
Matt: Like *thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis* much!!!
Me: *raises eyebrows*
Matt: I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!
Me: . . .
Matt: Don't worry though. I made her take it out.

Sophie: He said he hadn't been so outraged since he found out the cost of dishwasher tablets

Jess: Oh FFD! I like Matt- he's a nonsense person!!!! Even though.... The Hinder Extreme Behaviour album is one of my fave's and he said Hinder were a glorified boyband!!!

Me: You shouldn't listen to Matt's music opinions as they verge on the extreme. I like listening to his randomness but cor blimey don't give him the remote if you are watching the music channels. You'll never get to watch a song all the way through.

Jess: FD! Pre-ordered the new AC/DC album for Tobs, he just text me to say he's listening to it now!!! Mine should be on my mat when I get home or else!

Me: You'll write a stiff letter(on cardboard) to the fanclub?

Jess: Rude!

Me: HA. Do you have a good soup recipe? Fancy attempting one.

Jess: For a fish one I do - I finely chop, onion, celery and carrot. Sauté it for few minutes. Boil the kettle. Add water and veg stock. Then in that put big dollop of korma paste (really its to your specific taste) a huge dollop of mango chutney, and creamed coconut sachet, I think it needs 2. Cook all that up- then roughly blend it- then back on the stove, add loads of white fish and cook gently til fish is done- Delish! Once. I cooked a whole saucepan of this soup..all went well until I lifted it up off the stove to blend it and the pan handle fell clean off the pan....fish soup from my kitchen to the UCI cinema.

Me: LAUGHING at soup disaster!!!! We did our cleaning. All finished. Matt puts hoover and mop away. I open cat cupboard. Approximately 17 million cat biscuits scatter as far as the eye can see.

Jess: FFD!! Those pesky cat biscuits.............. They go everywhere!!! And the freakin cat hates them anyway!!!! I'll be using them as an alternative topping for my shepherds pie soon!

lost limbs and autumn leaves

Lovely weekend. Very funny.

Most Fridays I go out drinking. Recently I have decided I need to go home and have a hot bath and dinner and red wine with Sophie, Matt and Clyde. Somehow Sophie managed to cut her finger open cooking dinner. I am still unsure whether we had pasta and meatballs in a red sauce or pasta and her blood and stump. She showed me the tea towel she had wrapped her finger in. It wasn't white anymore that is for sure.

On Saturday Matt disappeared very very early to see if he could get a hair appointment and to see his dad. Me and Sophie stayed in bed until at least midday when we decided we needed to get up and have a cup of tea and something to eat. Had a lovely wander down our high street and sat in a cafe called Cookie for a rather tasty tuna baguette.

We take our tea very seriously:
Me: Can we have 2 strong teas too please
Sophie: *whispering* Did you say strong??
Me: 2 strong teas
Man: Yep
Me: Just a tiny bit of milk . . .
Sophie: *whispering to me* ask him to put a milk in a separate container
Me: . . can you actually put our milk in a separate container
Man: How about I just put your teabags in cups with boiling water and you can sort the rest?
Me: PERFECT

After that we raided the chemist for steristrips and plasters for Sophie and said hello to an old friend who works in our local library. Then we picked up some potatoes for dinner and wandered home. I wanted to buy some ice cream but Sophie would not let me.

Matt arrived home shortly after us and we decided to go to our local park and take some photos. Actually, Sophie decided this, me and Matt just tagged along. On the way to the park, Matt bought himself some chips and Sophie bought us an apple pie. It says a lot that SHE is allowed to choose the apple pie and yet I was not allowed to buy ice cream.

It was an absolutely beautiful Autumn day for taking photos. We wandered through the fields to the animal farm. Sophie stopped every 2 seconds to photograph a leaf or a bramble. Or me and Matt. And my God is she a harsh photographer. Screaming at Matt not to move even though he had something in his eye. Which started a conversation on how whipped Matt is. How 'under the thumb' he is. I think it was news to him.

The animal farm bit is really sweet. All the animals are rescued in some way and many have one eye or look a bit odd. Sophie and Matt fitted in pretty well.

Then we walked down a lovely leafy part home. Sophie got all David Bailey on us and was throwing leaves up in the air. Matt got all . . . Matt on us and climbed a tree (and got covered in bird poo) and kept jumping in front of the camera. It was vair vair amusing. Then we walked home. Matt bought a drink. I was again not allowed to buy ice cream. Sophie saw a jewellers. She pretended it was called Valeries so that I would sing the Valerie song as she knew it would wind Matt up. I felt dirty and used.

Here are some photos STOLEN from Sophie.

The walk took 2 hours and we all decided a nap was much in order once we got home. Napping is possibly the best thing ever. Matt woke up a bit grumpy because he hadn't meant to have napped and was instead supposed to do his homework as he has recently started an open university course in creative writing.

Dinner was delicious. Jacket potatoes and chicken. Yum. Had some red wine and watch Flight of the Conchords and then Sophie made me go to the shop and buy ice cream.

On Sunday I stayed at home with the cat whilst Sophie and Matt went shopping for coathangers and a computer mouse. When they came back we did a big clean of the house. Sophie calls this a 'deep clean' because things like the bin get hosed out and the walls wiped down and Matt cleans mould from the ceiling. Looks flipping fantastic when it's all done though. Until you open the cat cupboard, seconds after Matt has finished vacuuming and mopping, and tip approximately 17 billion cat biscuits over the floor.

Dinner was pizza, garlic bread, crisps and squash. It was pretty delicious and the first time that I have cooked a squash. Sophie came in the kitchen at one point whilst I was preparing my squash. She said: 'veering from the recipe a little then?' and she was right. This is because the recipe we had for squash called for about 29 different spices AND for them to be toasted under the grill first to 'release the aromas.' I deemed this Unnecessary. If you would like to know how to cook a squash, all you do is:

Turn the oven on to 180 degrees
Peel and cube your squash. (I found out squashes have seeds in. Just like pumpkins. As soon as I thought that and said it to Sophie, I kinda wished I hadn't.) (Also. It is nigh verily impossible to cube something that is not square.)
Chuck your squash cubes in an oiled roasting tray
Sprinkle over whatever spices are in your cupboard. I used paprika, cumin, tumeric, pepper and salt.
Mix your squash around in it all
Put in the oven for 20/30 minutes, mixing every ten

When they are done they are kinda crispy on the outside and soft in the inside. Sophie and Matt said they tasted good. When you cook squash, it is a lot easier to do if you do not also have to coordinate the differing times of pizza and garlic bread.

After dinner Matt went off to do his homework and me and Soph watched Son of Rambow. It was pretty fantastic. I loved it. I also loved when, halfway through, Matt bought in hot chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream.

It is now Monday morning and to avoid a 'discussion' with someone in the building about something he is trying to blame on me because he 'didn't understand' I turned up Foo Fighters 'The Pretender.' It nearly blew out my eardrums but was most definitely worth it.

Also, I have a cold. It started on Friday ready for my weekend with a sore throat (which I remedied with alcohol). I came in today and people (men) are off work because of it. I am obviously too slow. Or too womanly because I'm all, but . . . it's just a cold. I just need a cup of tea. Strong. Cheers.

Beef Stirfry and Noodles

Last night I cooked a beef stirfry and noodles. This dinner is very quick and simple and so delicious I burnt my lip trying to eat it whilst it was still hot.

Makes enough for 3 plus a cheeky bowl refill

You need:

Readymade stirfry. I bought the 'family' (families can also be, like, 3 people, right?) size pack from Tesco. It cost £1.50 and is a lot cheaper and easier than cutting up a load of vegetables.

Some steak. We used about 4 good sized steaks.

Noodles. I used those packets of dry ones.

Sauce. This can be any stirfry sauce you like. I think we had a Kung Po garlic and chilli one.

Cooking oil

Preparation

Sometimes you can be lucky enough to have a sister who gets vair vair hungry around 6.30 and who will prepare your meat for you before you get in for work so she doesn't have to wait an extra 5 minutes for dinner. This is handy. To prepare the meat you cut it into bite sized pieces. If you are Sophie and like to be all fancy, you can mix it up in a bowl with some flour. It made the meat taste really good and is something I would not have thought about doing.

If you bought a load of vegetables instead of taking the sensible option of a readymade stirfry box, you'll need to cut them all up, ready for stir frying. If you are normal, you bought the box/bag and just have to open it.

Open the jar of sauce


To cook:

1. Heat up some oil in a frying pan. Add your meat. You do not need to try and fit it all in the pan at the same time. You can cook two batches. It only takes about 5 minutes to cook anyway. I like it nice and brown and a bit crispy. When cooked, tip on a plate. I like to have a layer of grease proof paper on the plate as I think it absorbs the oil. If you prefer, you can cook your steaks whole under the grill and cut them up afterwards.

2. Find a glass bowl. Put in your noodles. I used 2 sheets of the dried stuff. Boil the kettle and tip the boiling water over the noodles. Cover in clingfilm and leave for about 5 minutes until your noodles are done. When they are, drain and run under the cold tap so they don't stick together. You could do this at the beginning in the preparation stage but I cook them and throw them straight in the mix.

3. Now you need a wok. Unless you aren't doing much and then I don't know. A frying pan might work. Heat some oil in the wok and add your stirfry. Cook it for about 2 minutes.

4. Add your noodles, meat and sauce. Stir and cook for a further 2 minutes, or until your sauce is hot.

5. Serve.

Optional

6. Eat whilst watching 'The Restaurant.' The nub and thrust of this programme is that chef Raymond Blanc sets challenges for some couples who have restaurants. The winners get to open a restaurant with him. Personally, all the couples seem a bit useless. They have served 14 hour old sandwiches and the food at one couples Mexican evening was a shop bought bag of tortillas. My noodles were much better.

Fish Curry

A good thing about moving out (I would say one of the best but one of the best things would be not having to listen to Phantom of the Opera 3 times in a row) is having our own kitchen. This has meant we have all started cooking more than a bowl of pasta or whatever. Last night I cooked a Nigella Lawson fish curry and, frankly, it was delicious. Matt managed to force some down even after 5 Wispas.

To serve 4 people (or, like, 3 people who refill their bowls) you need:

2 onions
2 chillis
Tumeric
Salt
Oil
Tamarind paste
Ginger
400 ml coconut milk
Cumin
Some fish. I prefer white fish and used 4 big pieces of cod.
Fish stock - smallest amount you can find as you only need a tablespoon

The good thing about this recipe is, once you can cook it, you can mess around with it. This is the second time I have cooked it and so decided to throw in some prawns. These have to be uncooked. The minging looking grey ones.

Preparation:

1. Either buy skinless and boneless fish or prepare to spend WatchDog deboning and deskinning. Chop your fish up into bite sized lumps and put in a large dish. I used the lid of a long casserole dish. I don't really think it matters. It is just where you put your fish whilst you wait to cook it. Rub some salt into your fish and some tumeric. I use about a teaspoon of tumeric or enough so that most of your fish has orangey patches. Whatever fish you are using goes in this bowl and gets rubbed with some salt and tumeric (eg, my prawns were in this bowl too).

2. Cut up your onions. Mine were finely sliced.

3. Slice your chillis. Either deseed them or don't. I prefer to deseed. If you do, too, I recommend NOT scraping them out with a fingernail. This way leads to biting your nail later, rubbing your eye and then madness.

4. You need about 4cms of peeled ginger. Slice it thinly.

5. Tip your coconut milk into a jug. Add a tablespoon of tamarind paste and a tablespoon of fish stock. Boil some water and fill the rest of your jug up with it until you get to the litre mark. The litre mark makes a soupy curry. Less liquid makes it thicker, obviously. I topped my jug up about 20 ml or so under a litre.

Cooking

1. Heat some oil in a shallow pan. I used our largest frying pan. It seemed to work.
2. Add your onions and a little salt to stop them browing.
3. Cook your onions for about 5 minutes and then add the chilli and ginger.
4. Add a pinch of cumin and another of tumeric.
5. Carry on cooking for a couple of minutes.
6. Tip in your jug of coconut milk, tamarind, fish stock and water
7. Let it all simmer for a bit.
8. When you are ready to eat, add the fish and whatnot.
9. The fish doesn't even really take 5 minutes. And neither do the prawns. The fish goes kinda flaky and the prawns turn pink.
10. Serve.

This is a pretty delicious recipe and if I can make it, a monkey could.