o la la monsieur

Secretarial cliché -

Me: I like to give you the hard ones

Him: ….. What did you just say?

Me: …. Er, I like to give you the hard ones?

Him: OH. I thought you said you like to give me the hard ons!!

Me: …


I love the crackle effect nail varnish but note to self, gold crackle on top of red polish looks like you have had a horrific accident and smashed your nails with a hammer.

sights

I like the clip clop clip clop of the police horses going past my office window. Soothing.

how to impress

*knock on the door*

Me: Hello?
Guy: Hi, I've got an interview with R?
Me: O ok I'll just go tell him

Me: R, Mr M is here
R: WHAT? WHY? He is an hour early!! And E won't be back until 2.30!
Me: .... I dunno
R: Could you go and tell him the interview is at 2.30 and we cant see him until then because E is out
Me: Sure

Me: Hi, Mr M, you're interview was actually at 2.30...
Mr. M: Yes, that's right
Me: So . . you're an hour early. . .
Mr M: Sorry?
Me: Well, it's only 1.30 . .
Mr M: OH SHIT I FORGOT TO PUT MY WATCH BACK
Me: Dude. It's Wednesday
Mr M: Ahem
Me: HAHA

Me: R, he's gone to get some lunch. He's forgotten to put his watch back an hour . .
R: Lord. This doesn't say much for him . .
Me: WHAT? I think he is FANTASTIC!
R: Yeah but you walked into a door when you started
Me: Thought you'd forgotten that . . .
R: ...no. And we'd already hired you.

although marrying a millionaire is much easier

R: *walking past*
Me: *sticks hand in air*
R: You're excused
Me: What? No, I was going to ask . . . wait. Can I? Wicked. See ya!
R: HA
Me: I was going to say, Nina asked how we want them to pay us for using our boardroom. Bacs or cheque?
R: Ummmmm. Bacs is fine. I'll give you our account details.
Me: AWESOME. So. I get to leave AND get the company bank details? Superb
R: Ha. Yes. Would you like mine whilst you're at it?
Me: That would be lovely. Seriously. I really like working here

to me, to you

Mum and Dad and Lulu came over for dinner last night. Sophie cooked Nigella's ham in coke recipe and it was delicious. As Lulu said: "This fake meat is my favourite kind." And then, as we all said, what?

There was also a delicious salad. Again, Lulu had something to say: "Don't waste your calories on salad."

She also told me that my fringe was stupid and made me look like a member of Westlife. This is because I am constantly running my fingers through my hair and eventually my fringe separates into the vair vair attractive boyband curtain style. Actually, thinking about it. I don't know why we allow her over. All she does is insult us and steal our jewellery.

After everyone forgot Lulu had said that, Sophie said: "OMG RONANNNN IS THAT YOUUUUUUU???????" It took me a while to realise what she was talking about. Me: "He was in Boyzone you idiot."

Matt lit all the candles in the lounge. It looked lovely. Except he had not put water and oil in the oil burner so I picked up the little detachable terracotta burner part and I swear to God it was hotter than the sun. AND the only reason I thought it would be ok to pick it up was because I had seen Sophie doing THE EXACT SAME THING. I picked it up between thumb and forefinger. Dropped it onto my wrist. Tried to hold it there but FLESH! BURNING! Somehow managed to drop it onto chest. Gave up. Dropped it onto the floor. Managed not to smash it. Have blister on wrist and thumb that I hold Sophie accountable for.

Today Matt is painting Sophie's bedroom. I told him not to paint over the door frame and not be able to get out. Although I think that only happens when you are wallpapering. And are a Chuckle Brother. He said he wouldn't although you can not count out things like that happening to Matt. Evidenced by the £60 BT call plan somehow we have, even though we do not make any calls.

On Tuesday night I went bowling with M and a girl called Hollie I used to work with. It was good clean fun. Well, until Hollie said M looked very professional handling the bowling balls.

Me: M has very good ball skills

I played absolutely terribly. As I said, it is because my bowling arm is still very very stiff and bruised from falling over a bench.

Me and M shared just ONE bottle of wine. Was at Holborn station by 10pm. Piccadilly line suspended between Kings Cross and Cockfosters. Me - :(

On the platform there is a packed-out tube. Me to the platform man - Hi, could you tell me what is going on please? Him - THERE IS A BODY UNDER THE TRAIN AT WOOD GREEN. DEAD. HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY IT. STOP SHOUTING AT ME.
Me - What? Shouting? I wasn't. I just asked what was happening.
Him - THEY ARE DEAD.
Me - Right. Well. That is very tragic but please could you tell me how to get home?
Him - Oh. OK. Go outside the station and get the 91 bus to Kings Cross then the train to bla and then the bus to blah.
Me - Thank you. That is very helpful.
Him - Thats fine. I'm sorry I shouted at you. It's just I have told the people waiting on this tube for half an hour that it isn't going to move for at least an hour and they keep asking me when it is going to move. .
Me - Oh dear.
Him - I KEEP telling them to just get off the Piccaddilly Line and they aren't listening! I mean, look at them. RAMMED ON.

Anyway. Was not so so terrible journey home. I mean, 2 hours instead of 40 minutes but whatever. The tube, then bus, then train, then bus obviously had some effect though because I totally missed my stop this morning. Was just staring out the window reading the stops and whatnot when noticed as the doors closed we were pulling away from mine. All I could muster was a lame: "Oh darn."


R: Who is the lady at reception? Has A left?
Me: No, he is just on holiday for a couple of days. She is his replacement. He told me her name was Zak. I was like, Zak? He said: "Well some kind of Indian name."
R: Heh God. She bellowed: "Good morning" to me very determinedly at me as I came in.
Me: Probably wondering who this suspicious looking character is entering the building
R: Thanks.


Ah, nice:

To: Erik
From: Rosie


Incase you were struggling with content:

Following the problems in the financial sector in the US , uncertainty has now hit Japan . In the last 7 days the Origami Bank has folded, the Sumo Bank has gone belly up and the Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that the Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today’s shares in the Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cuts, the Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but hey remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at the Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Hope all 'good' there and you boys are behaving,

Rosie


From: Erik

I never struggle with content - writing bullshit comes naturally to me...

Hope you're well and enjoying working outside of the monkey group of companies!!! Miss your smile around here...

Erik


From: Rosie

Laughed at "writing bullshit." Funny. Bullshit is a major skill at Monkey Ltd!!!

Hope all is good with you. Hope your children are ok.

I am very well thanks. Moved out of my parents and so now going from one end of the tube line to the other in the morning for work. Sometimes I have a nap and come into work with creases on my face. Bringing the glamour!!!
Love my job. No one has made me go into the mens toilets to get a member of staff to the phone, I am not haggling the price of 99p binbags, searching for Brum dvd's and then getting screamed at for not having time for CR work. It is all pretty weird!

I do miss you all though. People outside of ML are not the same. They're ... normal. You were all such a funny bunch, loved kitchen chats with you.

I still see M. She works near me and meeting for lunch in the pub with her is very dangerous . . .

R


To: Rosie

Glad to hear you're keeping well and enjoying work. You must be so pleased to have ML as a distint memeory (maybe part nightmare?), but life throws all sorts of shit in our path to deal with.

I'm very well, kids driving me insane but that's nothing new. I'm stoical at work, Planet Monkey needs desperate people like me to function, so I have no illusions of what is expected, so in a way I'm happy. One has to question my sanity on that point, though...

Loved the vision of you asleep on the tube (creases ... know the feeling!)

Take care and keep in touch.

Erik


To: Erik

Trying to forget about ML but sometimes the training slips into my everyday life. Like, instead of buying paper towels for the kitchen I just went to the cleaners cupboard and stole a box of them. Also, I was very shocked to learn that petty cash here is just spent on doughnuts. Jam AND custard.

Erik, it is better to think of yourself as the backbone there. And glad to hear your children are ok. They are totally meant to drive you insane.

Ha. I think your vision of me sleeping is possibly a lot nicer than reality. Open mouth, drool etc.

Will definitely stay in touch, you guys are pretty awesome. And one day, I might reconsider and come back. HAHA.

Rosie


To: Rosie

You can check out of Hotel Monkey but you can neverrrrrr leeeeeeave... Think about that when you joke above coming back. Scary thought!!!

Erik

meatloaf

Just come in the door and my phone is ringing. Rush to answer it (kinda) and leant over the glass top shelf desk thing there is. Think I sliced my boob off. AND it was only S. He was calling to ask whether I had any Meatloaf vinyl records for him. This is because we were talking about famous people we liked and who we had crushes on. I MIGHT have said Meatloaf. So I told him I did and that he could have one and that they had kiss marks all over where I have kissed Meatloaf goodnight.

S: This was a prank call that has gone horribly wrong. I would like to back out now.

S: Richard from RS is coming over tomorrow.
Me: Thought he was from IDN
S: It used to be called that but now it is called RS
Me: Richard needs to get with the programme.
S: Oh, he doesn't know anything . . he is just an account manager. He does look a little like Meatloaf though . . .
Me: WHOA! I am going to sit in on this meeting! I can pretend to be your PA!
S: HAH. Loser! Also, can you order some DVD's for me?
Me: I can get you some out of petty cash . .
S: They have to be the same we had before though
Me: How did R buy the printer ink? Can he look into ordering the DVD's online?
S: I don't know. Why don't you look into it Miss Marple
Me: Can I not be Nancy Drew? You know, someone a bit younger. Although she is technically ancient by now.
S: Who is Nancy Drew?
Me: WHAT! Who is she??? Did you never read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys when you were younger?
S: Er, NO. And 'Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys' sounds like a DVD from my 'adult' collection.
Me: DUDE.

girlfriend, whatever works

Sadie: I have decided to deal with all my work issues in priority order of which man who gave me the problem has the cutest butt.

Jess: How jolly sensible of you!!!!

Sophie:That is an excellent method.

Me: Good plan! It is still very early. I feel travel sick.

Jess:Travel sick? Still? You travel from Mombasa in a rickshaw?

Me: Felt like it. If I get the train before 8, it is quite empty. After 8, it is rammed. And then someone stinking sat next to me.

Jess:Bless!! You chill and sit still till you is ready!!! Me and Ally have just been disco dancing in the office for at least 3 minutes until Ros pointed out there was ACTUALLY no music.

Me: HAHA! That is the way! Shake it if you got it!

Sophie: I thought I was going to throw up this morn from travel sickness.

Jess: Look I'm sorry but on my early shift I have to get up at twenty past 5 JUST to sit on bed for 20 minutes before I then retch about 10 times into the sink before I can even THINK about having a shower. And dudes I have done this ALL my life. When I was at senior school we used to go by train to school, I would throw up regularly on the tracks before I even got to school. So I think I win.

Me: Gross. Ok. You win.

Jess: Many thanks.

Sadie: I am not travel sick but I had a bad case of sleep paralysis this morning as this evillll thing in my room was crawling up my bed in a determinedly nasty way. It is a good job I have sturdy bladder control.

Jess: That's horrid dude.

Me: What evil thing????? Also, no way would I allow it to be on my bed!

Jess: Clyde?

Me: He is ALWAYS on my bed being a poo head. And his masculine ways are attracting his girlfriend into our pad and on my bed. Here is a photo of them outside. Clyde is the one in front looking all blase -



Jess: Oh lordy! He's bringing his laydee friends in already???

Sophie: Or boyfriend. His girl/boyfriend came into our house 4 times yesterday. Clyde fell asleep purring in the middle of Matt and me last night.

Jess: Oh dude, you see how snoochy he's becoming!!!!

Me: There was leaves all over my floor. I was all, IF THIS IS OFF MY PLANTS I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR LITTLE CAT BUTTS. But Matt said they had dragged them in with them. So this time they were lucky.

Jess: Oh laughing!!!!! You know it was a fair accusation though!!!

Me: I do love in the morning when you feed him and he does his slinky leg thing and purrs and miaows. Actually, he miaows quite a lot. To the point where I'm all, WHAT? Seriously, WHAT? Also he talks to himself looking in my mirror. I know what he is saying then though: RAOW I am *fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine*

Jess: Oh funny!!! I read cats meow to chat with you! I think you've got a really affectionate playful kitteh!! He's got so much personality!!!!

Me: He chats a lot then. And I don't think that it is all complimentary

Jess: Of COURSE he's not complimentary. He's a CAT. Dogs compliment you and love you ALL the time. Cats? Only when they are up to something! I was in a deeeeeeeeep sleep at 1am this morning and I heard, meow, meow, meow, MEOW, MEOWWWWW, MEEEEE---------OW!!!!!!!! I came to like a zombie and had to pet my moggie til she fell asleep. Me: wide
awake.

Sadie: Laughing at the cat stories! Been whitening my teeth over the last few days, but it makes teeth very sensitive, like someone's attacking them with a pitchfork. Been drinking coffee

Sip.......OOWWWWWWWWWW
Sip...........EEEEEEEEEECHHHHH
Sip........AAARRGHHHHHHHHh
Sip....SOBBBBBBBBB

Finish coffee going ah, lovely cup of coffee. Then realised, um, no it wasn't really.

Jess: Laughing!!!

Sophie: Clyde woke me up in my last available realms of sleep by pawing one of my new hand-made glass earrings across the bedroom floor, into the hallway and about the house.

Jess: Oh god funny!!!

Sadie: Snorting!

musical particulars

Me: Good morning! And how are you?

S: Good morning! I am well. And how are you?

(S makes me say good morning and how are you because normally when he comes over for a chat I say, whats up? And he says he doesn't always want something when he comes over (although he ALWAYS does) and that we need to say good morning and how are you to each other first. He is very firm on this and will not answer until the pleasantries are over. AND THEN he asks for something.)

Me: I am well. How are your teeth? (he went to the dentist yesterday)

S: They are good! Although I used my fiances toothpaste this morning and it wasn't as good as mine.

Me: WHAT? What? You use seperate toothpastes? You have 2 toothpastes in your bathroom?

S: Well, actually we have 5 but some are from French land. Thats France. For those not in the know.

Me: Right. But. YOU USE SEPARATE TOOTHPASTES????

S: Yeh. Well. She prefers her one and I prefer mine. I'm trying to convince her to use mine though.

Me: Why don't you use hers?

S: BECAUSE as I SAID, it tastes funny.

Me: This is SO weird. Although we DO have shampoo and conditioner wars in our house. Matt accuses Sophie of hiding the
Herbal Essences and making him use the crap stuff.

S: Shampoo is totally important. AND! TIP! I have found this place in London that sells the MASSIVE bottles at a really discounted price! They are like, THISSSSSS big (holds his hands out in a circle the same circumference as a barrell). Although they are SLIGHTLY cumbersome to use in the morning. *Ahem*

Me: How do you lug something like that home?

S: Well, I use these things? Called carrier bags? And then I throw them away after.

Me: Dude. Don't throw them away! Recycle and reuse! You are contributing to this countries landfills.

S: I do like to burn them occasionally. You should see the smoke they give off. Whew.

Me: Yeah. Thats ok. Everyone knows global warming is a myth.



Me: God. The train driver this morning was MENTAL. I was sitting in the first carriage and I could hear her being informed of all the signaling problems. She was all FOR FUCK SAAAAAAAKE! Which I kinda agreed with . . . but then she was all, HOW CAN I MOVE THE FUCKING TRAIN IF YOU ARE ALL LEANING ON THE FUCKING DOORS???? And I guess when people leaned on the doors it set off some noise on her controls because she was effing and blinding at that too. Crazy. BUT! I found my iPod! Did I tell you I lost it? I lost it after an evening out with M. Woke up and only had the headphones. Everyone was all, YOU WERE SO DRUNK YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SOMEONE STOLE YOUR IPOD! Even though I was listening to it on the way home. S said that he reckoned someone nicked it and walked along next to me singing tunes so I wouldn't notice. Anyway. Mum found it in one of the bags hanging on the end of her bed. Think it must have slipped out my jeans when I took them off and hung them over. So been listening to my music all morning too. Is lovely. Was listening to it on the train but couldn't turn it up loud enough to drown out the driver so decided to listen to her ranting instead.

Jess: Oh FFD! I'm listening to Brilliant Disguise on my iPod on my lunch....... It's so delicious im dancing in my chair and they all smiling at me.............

Me: Nice! My iPod has some very random songs on as Matt added albums to the computer.

Jess: Def Leppard now...............pour some sugarrrrrrrrrrr on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! My new headphones shut every other fucking noise out!!!!!!!!!!! FF! I bet you find some weird tunes!!! I've been downloading some random ones I keep hearing on SN, got some well good old ones!!!!

Sophie: I thought my headphones were crap but last night I hit something funny on my iPod and found out there was an internal volume setting and mine had been turned down.

Me: I am really into the Offspring at the mo:

MY FRIENDS GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND HE HATES THAT BITCHHHH HE TELLS ME EV-ER-Y DAY, I SAID MAN YOU REALLY GOTTA LOSE THAT CHICK, IN THE WORST, KIND OF WAY.

Also, I noticed that volume setting yeserday too. I was putting the clock on my iPod and it had a maximum volume level on/off. Um, hello, I decided max volume here! ONNNNNNN!!!

Sophie: Yes Ro - that was what I meant whatever that was. How strange that we both found it yesterday. Mine was only on halfway!!

Jess: Dudes!!! AC/DC in UK 2009- so going to see them!!!!

Sophie: Innit blud

Jess: FFD!!!! L'd out loud at that!!! I'll start looking into it then!!!

Sophie: The woman here who makes the funny muffins just told me she keeps accidentally putting "retards" instead of "regards" at the end of emails.

Jess: OH FFD!!!! Love it!!!!!

Me: "Accidentally." AC/DC sounds good. When is it and how much are tickets?

Jess: Well I'll sort tickets but only just found out so no idea bout nuffink at mo..they better play 'Rosie' else I shall write.

Sophie: That'll get 'em quaking in their boots. Will you throw out a menacing fist whilst you put pen to paper?

Jess: Rudeness!! Although ...I don't REALLYYYY know who to write to ... COMPLAINTS @ AC/DC?

Sophie: That made me larf!

cheques cheques all around but not a drop to drink

Me: Hey Sade! How was your holiday? Met M for lunch. She said that her boss made a comment today about her already scaring the other employees. She already has the nickname 'the Enforcer.'

Sadie: Laughing at 'the Enforcer!' I mentioned to Angela that she has a very determined walk when she walks about the office. She said I have a quite a distinctive attitude in my walk too. She called it the 'I don't give a fu ck what you think' walk. Holiday was good, 4 days of clear blue skies. Angela - as well as a few others- got burnt, I'm paler than when I started of course. We were known as 'The Girls' because the others ages ranged from 65 to 85. I could have pulled if I'd put a bit of effort in.

Me: HAHA. That is a good walk to have! Excellent to the good weather! Laughing at being 'The Girls' although I am not sure who you wanted to pull considering the ages of the others . . .

Jess: You must be joking!!! Sadie's a rough bird.

Sadie. Dude!

Jess: Funny dude! I'm looking out the window and thinking jeez it's grim.....I want some sunshine!!

Sadie:Blue skies and sun here now. Wish I was on the downs sitting amongst the horse/sheep/cow shit, eating my cheese sarnie.

Sophie: I ate so much yesterday that in the evening I could only eat a pitta. Yesterday was Eid. So now there are donuts, biscuits, sweets, chocs, cake coming out of our ears here.

Sadie: First night in fancy restaurant last week, go to pay and realise no card in my wallet. Not back at the hotel either, couldn't figure it. Phoned bank next day to cancel it just in case and they said no suspicious activity on it. Got home fully expecting it to be in my train pass holder, but no sign of it.

Sophie: How did you pay for things then?!!

Sadie: Angela's card got well used!

Sophie: Hahaha sade, I must say that was an excellent ruse on your part. I must try it when I next go on holiday. Bet you panicked a fair bit though when you realised.

Sadie: Except now I have to wait till next week for a new card. Have £8 to live on till then!

Jess: Dude!!!!! Can I get you some cash? Or you can write a cheque to cash in the bank- have you a cheque book!!!

Sadie: I think I have, somewhere. Jeez it's like going back to the seventies.

Me: I have about 17 cheque books. Barclays diligently sends me one yearly. Me and Soph have a joint account and a cheque book for that each too. Seriously. If you need a cheque book, just say the word..

Jess: FFD!!!! (fucking funny dude)

Sadie: Laughing!!!!!

Sophie: Virgin send me cheques with every bill which I will never use as they charge you for credit card cheques!

Me: I have some of them too! Cheques a-go-go!

no, srsly. Iz definitely fud time

Sadie: PRACTICALLY POOHING WITH LAUGHTER AT THAT PIC!

Me: How loverleeeee!!! He did that this morning and then,when he saw I wasn't budging (hey, I am immune to the elbow skin nibbling now, BRING IT) he lay down very very close to my face and purred. Purrrrrrrr purrrrrr purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It was like a pneumatic drill in my ear 'ole. That cat? He is SMART. We should rent him out to Guantanamo

Sadie: Laughing dude!

Jess: Oh FFD!! I can hearrrrrrrrrrrr him!



From: Rosie
To: S

HEY, NOT SURE WHAT THIS EMAIL IS BUT I RECEIVED 2 OF THEM. THOUGHT THEY MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE TESTING BUSINESS.

ROSIE


From: S
To: Rosie

THANKS! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!?!?!?


From: Rosie
To: S

I was differentiating between the email I was forwarding and what *I* wanted to say. And because what I wanted to say was a lot more important I felt it simply DEMANDED capitalisation.

For example:

MEATLOAF IS HOT, RAOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


From: S
To: Rosie

Hmmm... interesting.

I used to do a similar thing, but vocally. I might be having a regular volume-level conversation with someone and then raise my voice unnecessarily at an inappropriate time.

Basically, experimenting with volume.

Oh, by the way, there some new words you might want to add to your vocabulary like "social ostracism."

Iz vair vair comfy ackshully

headbanging longness for dinner

This blog is over a year old. Happy Birthday little blog of rubbish!
Here is a one year, beginning of the month meme:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I should probably go put on some makeup.

2. How much cash do you have on you?
£21.91

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Whore

4. Favorite planet?
I always liked Pluto and I kinda don't like all this shit spoken about it not being a planet

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Sophie. It is always Sophie. And she leaves me long rambling answerphone messages about potatoes and tonic water and the crazy lady upstairs' sex life. I don't know why. She once told my voicemail to "hold on" because I was calling her on another line.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I like the Muse ring tone I have but I had to change it to a generic ringing noise as someone mental phoned my phone continually and I started to get sick of it.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
I'm wearing a dress.

8. Do you label yourself?
Like, stick labels on my back? No. But I regularly find those apple stickers stuck to my sleeves.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
They are black ballet pumps from Accessorize and they absolutely stink.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
They seemed alright. Their favourite planet was Earth. I would have said the same since mine probably is too. But I didn't because I never think of Earth as a planet.

12. What does your watch look like?
Looks very much like a mobile phone

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Discussing farting whilst I was in bed with a pal. Because she kept farting.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I'm bored too." It was from my little sister.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Hm. I am thinking this is the Tesco Espress petrol station down the road

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Retarded. Apparently.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
M because I said I would meet her for a drink.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
My kitten Clyde. He was also the last furry, muddy, ferocious thing I touched.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Alcohol, panadol and caffeine.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
23, this year, has been pretty good.

22. Your worst enemy?
I really cannot stand Narinder from Big Brother two. I don't know why.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
Blue Windows one.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Any time Alan." After he thanked me for getting him some sausage rolls.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
That's quite tough. I would say flying but it seems quite selfish. A million pounds would probably have more of an effect on my life.

26. Do you like someone?
You'd hope, right.

27. The last song you listened to?
A song by Poison because we were watching 'Rock my World' or whatever that programme is called with Brett from Poison on. Where he has a house full of women all competing to go out with him. It is the skankingest programme EVER and I love it.

28. What time of day were you born?
Um. Evening.

29. What’s your favorite number?
I do not have a favourite number.

30. Where did you live in 1987?
Bush Hill Park, London

31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not especially.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Matt is very jealous of my singing abilities.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I remember watching it in the lounge with my mum. I had just come home from school I think and she was just sitting there watching the tv. Really shocked. I don't think I understood it at the time.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse

35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes. I would give you my last malteser. I don't really like them.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
On my hip

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Spanish

38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes. Like, to the bed.

39. Are you touchy feely?
No.

40. What’s your life motto?
I don't think sleeping is a 'waste' of a third of my life. Or whatever those statistic or sayings or whatever are.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Phone, wallet, keys. Although, if I'm honest, more like wallet, face powder and hairbrush.

42. What’s your favourite town/city?
London

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Tesco shopping. I am cooking a nice fish curry for dinner. Actually, the last thing I paid for was a lump of ginger because I forgot to buy it when I was buying the other stuff. It cost 29p.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I wrote and sent a birthday card a couple of weeks ago.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yep. I think.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
I was thinking that my feet are really cold and when I get home I am going to have a nice hot bath.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
My dad says his ancestors travelled over in the long boats wearing horned helmets. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of this

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
I don't look too bad right now. I mean, aside from the stinking shoes.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My feet are pretty cold. My back aches from sitting at the computer all day and my wrist is hurting from typing too much. Earlier, my lips hurt because I ate too much chilli.

50. Have you been burned by love?
No.


Clyde

Clyde! Clyde! Clyyyyyyyyyyyyyyde!

Want some dinner?

My weekend
(Which I wasn't going to write about because it is SO embarrassing and shaming. But I guess not really. These things happen. Mainly to me. God.)

Me: We went down to Norfolk on Saturday to see some family. I drank LOADS, fell over a stone bench and smacked my head on the concrete. My head is aching. My neck is aching. My back is aching. So stupid. Me and Sophie shared a room and I was sick on the floor too. I guess this is pay back. I have been eating the Panadol and have to sit at right angles to the computer.

Jess: ROSIE!!!!!! That is disgraceful behaviour!!!!!!!!!! But also, poor babe, not nice to hurt your head like that! ....... and dude, sort of a bit of respect thrown in too.....we'll never mention the sick bit again...cos we've all done it....

Me: Luckily I was only sick in front of Sophie. I fell over the bench in front of only a few people. Luckily most people were also drunk, including mum. Although, um, CAN I GET A CAT SCAN OVER HERE PLEASE?

Sophie: You were not just sick in front of me. You were sick on my phone, my bed, my dress AND you were pantless.

Jess: Oh dude!!!!! SO SO LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


S: Right, see you next week! I'm off to get married!

Me: Have fun!! Don't trip over any benches and smack your head . . .

S: How is your head?

Me: Not greaaat. But don't worry. I have a new box of Panadol

S: I seriously think you should see a doctor

Me: Nah, don't worry. Ain't nothin' in my head worth worrying about

S: HA. But still! I mean, you hit your head on concrete. It would have been much better if it had been grass or . . . wood or . .

Me: A mattress?

S: Yeah. Totally. Can you hear a ringing noise?

Me: Yeah. Can't everyone? It is really distracting me from the voices. . . You know, the ones that keep asking me to do IT related stuff . . .


This evening:

Sophie: I think I might make a rice dish this eve if that's ok. I really fancy that one mum makes sometimes. It's rice, veg and chicken so I'll get the stuff at lunch time. Also, I am babysitting tomorrow so we can't go swimming. Should have gone last night. I am rubbish.

Me: SOPHIE YOU BIG FAT BUM! Also, can't see me and Matt complaining about someone cooking for us. Sounds good.

Matt: I also can't go swimming tomorrow because I too am babysitting. And I can't swim.

.......

Sophie: I am losing the will to live.

Me: I can't believe it is only 3.40. Very distressing.

Sophie: But, my inbox is EMPTY!!!! Hallelujah!!!

Me: Mine -

Hey H,

There was a meeting next Thursday with I but I just reminded E and apparently you two are off to South Africa again so am rearranging. E has run through his calendar with me and it looks like we're all good for 2012.
Hope you are also free then!

Rosie


Hi R,

Well I was going to wait to tell you until we had SA confirmed but yes. Looks like we won't make I. I can't make 2012 as I plan to be in the Bahamas after I will win the lottery later this year! Sorry.

Sophie: I need some fries. I don't know what's wrong with me. Going to have some for dinner instead x

Matt: Cool

Me: Would you like me to pick some chips up from the fish and chip shop after work then?

Sophie: Nope I want frieserama. I was thinking about them last night. Going to be super healthy from tomorrow cause all this junk is making me feel ill and waddly. I don't know. I would say McDonalds but that is far. That Chicken Spot does fries. I dunno. What do you think?

Matt: You could buy some oven fries from Asda and then everybody is happy.

Sophie: I LIKE IT SPARROWBUM

Sophie: CURLY FRIES

Me: God called. He wants his master plan back

clarification

Me: Guess what I have!

Jess: OH they is well pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done!

Me: HAHA. I had to commandeer them with minimal noticability. This is A) Because SH does not know A is giving the flowers away and B) Because I do not want anyone to realise that if the flowers are the same on a Monday morning, they are free for the taking and thus meaning I have flower stealing competition.
My progress was hindered by A) Not being able to take the vase and having to find a vase big enough and B) Not realising the
flowers were stuck into a big green dripping chemicalised foam block. In the end I stuck them in a Tesco carrier bag and managed to pull them out the foam in our kitchen. They are all different lengths but I have already spent about half an hour stealing them and so cutting them to the same length is a little beyond me at this point.

Jess: Dude!!! Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! A) I loved the thievery B) How irritating these thievery transfers can be.

Me: Well I always miss out on the free flowers because A gives them away on a Friday night and I never fancy carrying them around the pub. Love the sunflowers in this display. Preferred the AS YET UNOPENED lillies and bullrushes that he threw away because I was too slow. Not anymore though! Wondering what display is there today. This is the only thing exciting about Monday.

Jess: So really you're sorted for Mondays from now on!!!! I hate this place whether it's Monday or any day. AND I can't steal any flowers. Bummer.

Me: That is not good, to hate your work everyday. Although working with your pal is good.

In other news. We untaped the cat flap and it was tres amusing watching Clyde try and get in and out. Also, I like when you let him out the front door and 5 minutes later he is climbing in Sophie's bedroom window. Or you let him out the lounge window and he climbs in the bathroom. What I do not like is washing my pillowcases and hanging them up to dry on my airer and coming in an hour later to find him sleeping on them with a staircase of muddy paw prints leading up to the top case.



Jess: Oh dude laughing at that naughty cat! I put clean sheets on mine one morning (which was a feat in itself as I did it before work) anyway, when I came home I went upstairs to say hello to Izzy. She woke up, stood up and stretched, then shook her head and she must have had some food on her face because all of a sudden on my sheets was this arc of liquid cat food stretching some 3 feet, all over my newly changed sheets. It's the haughty 'what?' face that gets me.

Me: Man that is not cool! Now Clyde goes outside he covers my bed in dirt too. Worse, last night, I was stroking him and I pulled something out of his fur that looked just like a MAGGOT. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jess: OH LAUGHING!!!!!!!!! Oh god he's gonna pick up fleas next!! I'm sitting here laughing to myself at the maggot bit.....still chuckling.

Me: It was not the funnest thing ever. AND he bit me afterwards. Matt was all, MAGGOT? MAGGOT??? THROW HIM IN THE BATH
IMMEDIATELY. But I didn't because I was too busy scrubbing my hands with bleach.

Jess: HAHA!

Me: Dad was so funny last night. We went over to theirs after Spitalfields for a lovely Sunday roast. Lulu was saying she was fat and ugly again and Dad started talking about people like Posh Spice who are so thin he says they are: "dead already." HAHA! "Who is going out with these dead women?" Then he was showing off about how much weight he had lost and LOOK! LOOK what hole he uses now on his belt! And then Matt tried it on and could wrap it round himself wayyy past the buckle holes. Dad: "Matt!! You are one of those dead people. That's not right man!" And then Jamie tried it on and tried to compete with Matt and nearly killed himself.

Jess: FUNNY!!!! Mark will never be a size zero, not unless he swaps his wine for elderflower cordial.

Me: Heh. Wondering what to have for lunch. Looking forward to going to the library for a wander. How vair vair exciting. Wish it was the weekend already. Jeez. Wonder how Lulu is getting on at college too. She had to go in this morning at 9 for photos etc. And gets her timetable. She says one of her teachers is really hot and she is going to sleep with him for a good grade. Or just sleep with him because, did she mention? He is HOTTT.

Jess: DUDE! She's been hanging around you lot too long!

Me: Well it is one way to pass your exams! Hopefully there are some lovely people on the course. Apparently Toby's mate Harry is starting at the same time as her and doing art so I would love if he was in her class or around.

Jess: Oh God, wouldn't Lulu being in Harry's class be a blast!

Me: Would be good. Would give her some confidence. Or even if he is just around the college. Dad was like, don't steal anything Lu or get into any trouble because they have CCTV and will be able to recognise you instantly. As in, she is the only white blonde girl. Unlike me apparently! I went into a cafe for lunch and the guys behind the counter started chatting to me in Turkish. I was like, what? This is disorientating. I just what a sandwich. Apparently they thought I looked Turkish. A: "Hadn't you spoken yet then? Cos as soon as you open your big gob people know you're from London."

Jess: OH FUNNNY!!!!!!!!! You is a Turkish bird!

Me: Well A thought I was Australian so he can shut up. I am obviously very ambiguous and would make a good spy. "She was Australian." "NO she was TURKISH."

Jess: HAHA. Sophie just rang me. She told me how sympathetic you were yesterday!!

Me: HAH! About her rash? Because she was moaning about it continually ("Maaaaat. Maaaat! Make me a cup of teeeeeeea because my rash is itchinnnnnnnnnng") and when I had disease of the hand she was all: "Eurgh Don't come nearrrrrr me." And anyway, I was right. It WASN'T meningitis.

Jess: HAHA! Good excuse for a cuppa anyway!

Me: Yeah. S just came over to borrow some dental floss. As I said, no, keep it. Then he started flossing in front of me. I was all DUDE THAT IS SKANKING. So he said now when he is finished he is going to blow his nose too. Nice.

Jess: As long as he doesn't shit on your desk be grateful.

Me: Christ! Does someone at your work do that?

Jess: Laughing........ Alison! Just got a funny text from Sophie, apparently her and Clyde have just kipped.

Me: What a cow.

Alison: DUDE! I DO NOT SHIT ON DESKS!!!

naptime dinner

Matt: Hello, If you want to wait until I get back I can do some Tesco's finest canneloni (i know I can't spell it), with a tomato pasta sauce on top and possibly a salad. Interested?

Me: This sounds good. I just had a sandwich and now I have sheep bloat and my jeans are now cutting off my circulation.
I think that might be how you spell it.

Sophie: Sounds lovely. Don't want to go driving. Just want to go homes to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Me: I keep wondering, if I crawl under my desk and go to sleep, how long until someone notices? Just until the phone goes unanswered I reckon.

Sophie: Me and Grannie B have practiced poses that look like we're working when we are sleeping. Most effective: hold a pen, pretend to be reading something whilst looking down but close your eyes. It helps if you have papers in front of you or you're just reading the table.

Me: If someone caught you out, you could just say you were thinking reallllll hard

I know that because he is smiling

Iz dreamin of fud. Nom nom nom

I love when Clyde squeaks. I tried to record him squeaking last night but couldn't. Like, if you wake him up when he is fast asleep on your bed, he squeeeeaks. Then he punches you in the face. He is pretty similar to an aggressive hamster we once had. If you woke him up or had the AUDACITY to clean out his manky bedding, he would hiss and spit at you and, if you made him really mad, he would go in his little house and waggle his balls out the window.


Tenant issues ( I don't think she reallyyyyyy cares how his holiday is going)(also, 'wave panels' = cattle grids):

From: M
To: SH + All Tenant Reps

Hi SH,

I know you are on holiday but the smell of the varnish that is being painted on the wave panels in reception is highly noxious. We are on the 4th floor & the smell is drifting up the stairwell & causing headaches & nausea. I can only imagine what it is like on the lower floors. I have asked the painters to stop & they have agreed but this does not get rid of the smell. Apparently you or your architect requested this paint/varnish. Could they not have chosen a less toxic option? Can it be stopped & not resumed in working hours.

Hope you are enjoying your holiday

Best Regards,
M


From: Rosie
To: S

S!

Please let me know you are all ok and have not passed out from the noxious fumes!

Worried,

Rosie


From: S
To: Rosie

Dear Worried,

Thanks for your concern and exclamation! All good here, but I must admit it is smelly in the foyer.

I'm pretty sure the whole problem could have been averted or minimised by them simply opening the front door and the 2 back foyer doors to help circulate the air from the start.

And the cattle grids are growing on me.... BIG time. In fact, I quite like BOTH them AND the plain blue walls now!

S


From: Rosie
To: S

You need to go and stand outside and get some fresh air circulating through your brain cells because obviously the fumes have got to you.

Still worried,

Rosie

Because everyone, even kittehs, need a bosom for a pillow

Iz FACT


Talking of boobies. Or something:

Me: Had to listen to Sophie and Matt arguing over whether, in prison, the top dog sticks a spoon up his bitches butt to show dominance. Or something. Matt was on the side of this being an absolute TRUTH and his brothers girlfriends brother is a prison officer and has SEEN IT HAPPEN. Sophie was on the side of YOU ARE MENTAL THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN. I was on the side of, ladle or teaspoon? (Tablespoon was, I believe, the 'correct' answer).

Sadie: Oh my goodness.

Sophie: I know.

Me: That is an example of the conversations in our house. None of us wanted to Google it and confirm.

Sadie: Laughing at 'noooooo' to Googling!

Me: Corinne stayed over last night. He tried to embroil her in the debate on spooning. I heard: "No no no no no no! Why are you telling me this??? Spooning is when two people who love each other are snuggling in bed! No no no no. Stop talking!" So I now think it is 3:1. Or I guess 3:3 if we are allowing the original instigators of this (his brother and his brothers girlfriend) to join in. This can be the question we ask anyone that comes over: "Fact or fiction? When in prison . . "


Things that are awesome:

Me: H, I have just realised that I have not sent you an updated leave form and I have taken about 4 days off since I last sent it
H: Rosie. This does not come under things that are important.
Me: Really? Well. Forget I said anything
H: Forgotten.

Being able to leave at 3 yesterday because the internet went down.


Things that are not awesome:

Leaving at 3 and getting home before Sophie and Matt, thereby being the one that has to face the hallway slug slaughter scene.

Your kitten being affectionate and you having to touch him and be affectionate back because he doesn't know that slug slaughter scenes are BAD

Having to touch your kitten whilst wondering if he is covered in slug.


Matt got home a bit later, pretty much just as I had finished cleaning up the slug slaughter, and started asking all these hideous questions about what the slugs looked like. Me: It was more a get rid of them as soon as possible without retching maneuver. I didn't stop to study.

Jess: Laughing! Clyde is so funny, he's gonna get funnier too!

Me: He won't get funnier if he keeps leaving half dead slugs in the house because I will have to kill him and put him in a stew.

Jess: A STEWWWWWWWWW? Cover your ears Cldye baby!!!

Me: Don't worry, I think the meat would be too tough. BA BOOM. Thanks. I'm here all night, try the veal.

Jess: Laughing! SO SILLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

And he don't mean in the PM

No, srsly. You need someone to wake you up at 5? I iz your kitteh.



And have we mentioned? Our offices are COLD . . .

Sophie: I have on long sleeve top, short sleeve top, jumper, scarf and I'm wearing my coat as a cape.

Sadie: I'm cold. Fleece on, Anna and I bitchin about the K2 conditions here and have Terry sent for cups of tea.

Me: Why are our offices so cold? We are obviously delicate flowers. S is totally like Dad because he comes over and is all: "Bla bla, oh WHY are you wearing fleeces? Why is the heating on? What is the matter with you?" As he gambols around in his short sleeved t-shirt.

Jess: Laughed out loud at gambols!!!!

Me: I'm all: "Witness the dead plants. Clearly they died of freezing to death." But he says I am ridiculous and if I water the plants they will come back to life. Me: "....."

oh HAI!

Kitteh thinks he is all that and a box of Whiskers

Whereas I? Am not -

Me: HOTTT engineer type guy just came in to office and asked me to print something off his memory stick. He asked me how me week had been . . . I spoke ABSOLUTE gibberish to him. I think I swallowed my tongue. Awesome.

Jess: Oh dude sooooo laughing!!!!!!

Sadie: Laughing! Oh how nice though to have a hottie in the office.

Me: At one point I said: "Um this is a Mac so I don't know where the thing is for your thing. Um, you know, the hole for your stick." So, actually? I'm dead now.

Jess: Oh fuc*******ing creasing up in here.....them all staring at me!

Me: After I said all that rubbish: *swallow* *clear throat* right. so. The IT department is that way.

Jess: Laughing!!! Bit of a windalicker moment!

Me: Yeah. I laughed too. OH WAIT. No. I didn't. I died of SHAAAAAAME. Although thinking about what I said it is quite funny now. In an unbelievable kind of way. S just came over and said:

Why are you so happy this morning? OH WAIT. Let me guess. It begins with P and ends with aul.
Me:Is that hotty mchots name then?
S: HAHA. Jeez. You haven't even asked his name?
Me: No. I just like looking at him. I haven't got round to the coherent sentences yet.

update

Me: Gosh. It is very nippy noodles around this gaff. But tell me what's new ay. Cattle grids are still looking . . . griddish. Drain cover-y if you get them in the right light. A is hidden behind a MA-HU-SIVE vase of long gladioli. As I said to him, VAST improvement. There is a bought pineapple container in our fridge that went out of date on the 8th. I am not looking at it too closely. I think it is H's but she is in Switzerland.

Currently on my desk there is a pint glass of water, an empty tea mug, 2 folders, 11 cards, 29 letters, a diary, 79 envelopes, my door pass, a lump of plasticine that I have molded into the shape of a monster and a lot of chewed ended pens. Also, my cold hands. Also, this is only the stuff I am currently using. Not counting the other pile I call "pile o crap" that I have pushed to one end or the award statue that a previous company left that no one has thrown away. Or the fax machine that occasionally beeps and scares the bejesus out of me. I guess it has a fax in it's memory or something that someone needs to jiggery pokery with to get out. Not me though. I don't need more faxes etc.
Ok, it is so cold my knees have froze. I am changing the desk items to include a full cup of tea.

Sophie: I always seem to make blu tac cats

Sadie: It is a well known fact that there will always be at least one plasticine/blue tac monster in an office at any one time.

Me: I meant blu tac. I don't know why I said plasticine. Like I got bored and bought some toys in or something. HAHA.

The post just arrived which included a parcel with 29!!!! stamps on!

Me: R! You can HAVE this parcel IF you can tell me how many stamps are on it.
R: 30
Me: Well. THAT ruined THAT game

Sadie: What an office pooper

Me: I was all, Seriously, Dude, you couldn't have started low? God. I had more fun with the IT boys playing guess how much the cattle grids cost. (£1000 EACH) (Side bar - 'cattle grids' has really caught on and now A LOT of people are calling them that.)

breadbins

From: M
Subject: Tou Up terminat paper

Hi Rosie,

Paper roll for e-pay (top up) terminal is over, could you please arrange them?

Regards,
M


From: Rosie
Subject: RE: Tou Up terminat paper

Hey, if you get it from Rymans or WH Smith, I'll pay you from petty cash.

Rosie


From: S
Subject: RE: Tou Up terminat paper

Hi Rosie,

Could you please take care of getting the e-pay terminal receipt paper? I’m afraid we don’t know what sort of paper is required, so your best bet is to call e-pay on and ask them exactly what type/size/product code of paper we need to buy and where we might get it on the High Street (probably best not to order any through e-pay). The e-pay top-up terminal that we have is a “VeriFobne V510”).


From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: RE: Tou Up terminat paper

Ok, will call ePay and sort that out.

Rosie


From: S
To: Rosie
Subject: RE: Tou Up terminat paper

I hope you spotted my mistake below for the “VeriFone V510”. Of course, this was deliberate, in line with the general email subject on the “Tou Up Terminat” (which I believe is the German model. You need to yell it violently for effect…… “TOU! UP! TERMINAT!!!”.


From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: RE: Tou Up terminat paper

I DID notice your error. And by notice I was more thinking, huh, that is a weird sounding technical term. Why do IT people have to put all these weird extra letters in.

For future reference...

ePay terminal paper is FREE. YAY. I did not have to sell any of you to acquire some. I am not sure about the German variety. I believe you have to trade schnitzels for that one whilst doing a merry jig in leiderhosen. So phew to not needing that.

Anyway, I have ordered some rolls which COULD arrive as early as tomorrow. However, it could also not. If it is SHEER DESPERADOS that you have some TODAY you can go into the shopping centre and go to Rymans which will give you one of their rolls FOR FREE as we are all ePay terminal BROTHERS.

ALSO. I am so used to using that Swiss keyboard that the letters on this new one are all back to front. I have just had to correct all my Z's used instead of y although thinking about it I could have left them spelt wrong as zis would add to ze German element of this email.

Rosie


From: S
To: Rosie
Subject: RE: Tou Up terminat paper

Yis. Zat vood huv bin velly funny! (You heard right!! “velly” funny!! My keyboard is made in China!)

I THINK we can wait for the receipt paper. Thanks.

town weirdo

Every town has one: the local weirdo. The guy in the yellow is ours. I always find it is good he dresses so distinctively as I know where he is at all times. Generally along the street outside our office shouting obscenities at people and being an all round dislikable character. But I forgive him as he is crazy. YOU'RE WELCOME JESUS.

Also, I do not know if you remember me mentioning the plants in my office and how dead they are and how S says they are 'life challenged?' Do you remember? OBSERVE THE DEAD BUSH. What is strange about this bush, and the identical looking one opposite, is that the leaves have not fallen off yet. Weird.

controversial

Me: In my first tenants meeting we were told about the redecoration of the reception. It had already been painted blue but they mentioned these metal wall art things. ANYWAY. HEEEEEE-LARIOUSSSSSSSS.They are being put up right now and OMFG there are CATTLE GRIDS on the walls!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Sorry. This is SO not funny as it was not what was described to us but AH AHAHAHAHA HA HAH !!! HEAVY ARSE CATTLE GRIDS!!!! And they are seriously WELDING these mo fo's to the wall. OOOOOOOO I am waiting for the emails to start . . . I reckon this is why SH arranged to go on holiday now. These things are controversial.

Sadie: Laughing! Your reception area is just ripe for and tension and dissension.

Jess: Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I reckon you're gonna have some mega fall out from those there cattle grids!!!!

Me: Seriouslyyyy though. MAN. WHAT are they DOING???? HA HA HA HA !!! I can't stop going out and looking at them. HA HA AHAHAHA HA.

J:Laughing!!! Can you take a piccy?

Me: Going to try but there is a heck load of men out there trying to cement them to the walls.

*moooooooooooo*

Jess: Laughing!!!!! We have some hideous tasteless water colour of the clinic one of the geriatric old consultants chose with his crappy old man who thinks he has taste. Taste? Looks like a painting by numbers effort!!!

Sadie: Watercolours are so last year. We have two lovely life size giraffe head and necks in bronze. But then we also have a piece of hideous 'Changing Rooms' perspex crap on the walls too.

Sophie: Watercolour sounds boring. Giraffes sound funky. We have huge framed photos of the properties the company owns along the south bank and some ancient leases, which are also huge, framed. They are on parchment with ink and those huge wax stamps that you see in period dramas.

Me: *emailed picture* Ok, A totally busted me. He thought I was taking photos of him. I was all, NO GROSS I AM TAKING PICTURES OF THE WALL ART. He said that the tenant, N, who is the ring leader of the group, has not seen them yet. Would explain the ominous silence. Also, blue? Dark blue? Aqua? You can now decide!!!

J: EEYUW!!! They is quite gross!!!! Dude, that N is gonna blow a gasket!!!! Sadie's sounds lovely! Only this place shi* oh, now Ro's too.

Sophie: Looks like you are photographing that dude's bum. They look like sheets of steel.

Sadie: Oh God! That's so seventies dark brown dark blue depressive dullity. As a company statement its less come in we're here to help and more, come in and we're here to help you open your veins.

J: Laughing!!!