I met up with some pals last week. Elizabeth and Sarah have just moved into new place so me and Cor went over. Also Cor was going on holiday with them and was stressing about a belt she had left there that she wanted to take. She hadn't done her washing, packed, bought toiletries, got euros etc but the belt was her most important thing to do.
Anyway, Cor works in the British Museum and regularly trips down to the basement for something. Apparently, recently, she keeps seeing ghosts. My first reaction is to mock and laugh because ghosts do not exist. But then Liz's mum was there at the house and saying she totally believes in them and sees them. Liz also says she sees ghosts and has seen her ex-boyfriends Grandad who spoke to her. She told her boyfriend what he said and it was stuff only him and his Grandad would have known.
Elizabeth also said she hears her sister in her head and regularly phones her to ask whats up or whatever and her sister will be all, stop listening to me in your head. So, thats weird. Then Sarah says she heard her friend have his car accident and die in her dream. Dude.
Liz's mum started telling Cor to 'let the spirits in' and to confront them. To say 'Ok I am listening' or something like that. Or to say that they could talk to her in her dream.
Anyway. It was all very freaky deaky and I am a massive hedge better in that I am not going to say they dont exist because then they will all come get me whilst I am driving home alone in the dark.
Mainly I think your imagination and brain are massively powerful and you fixate or imagine something enough you can convince yourself you heard it or that it happened. Put yourself in a spooky basement with mummies and when you are already quite a fraidy cat of course you are going to freak yourself out.
I remember watching a programme about ghosts once and a lady said a ghost grabbed her ankle and pulled her down the bed. She still lives in the same house and sees the ghost occasionally. Whenever I am half freaked out in bed I always think of that story and begin to feel a hand slowly creep round my ankle.
I drove Cor home later and she said. 'No way am I telling some freaky ghosts they can come visit me whilst I am sleeping.'
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Monday, 7 April 2008
massively d.i.y-ed snowage
I had a good weekend. On Friday I went to the leaving drinks of an ex work colleague, Steve. My favourite part of the night was Lorenzo and Marks bet on who could drink a pint of red wine the quickest. Ok, that wasn't fun to watch but the photos of Lorenzo pausing every 10 seconds and putting his pint down to do a little psyching up dance were. Mark won but we all thought he was going to puke so stood far far away.
Also what made me laugh was Lorenzo who kept trying to include the phrase 'Rosie likes massive...' into every conversation. This is because he found a condom in my bag ages ago and he likes to bring it up alllll the time. He told everyone I had a condom designed for a beast basically so now he busts out with 'Rosie likes a massive....challenge.' And people who don't know what he is talking about are all, to me, 'do you? Like what?' Tres amusing.
Then on Saturday me and my sister Sophs drove to Norfolk to see our cousins Gemma, and her 2 children Chloe and Tavi, and Holly. We drove to our aunt and uncles house first because the odds of finding their (separate) new houses were overwhelmingly low, even with the Sat Nav. We both had set of car keys because I have a habit of locking the keys in the car. I guess I didn't figure on us both locking the keys in the car. Luckily Holly has car-breaking-in experience and instructed our uncle on how to bend the door back. I think he was shocked to find his daughter was an experienced felon.
We haven't seen our cousins for ages and it seems so weird that we are all adults. Gemma's children both seem so old. We hadn't seen Tavi and suddenly he was 18 months. Chloe was surprisingly un-shy and kept whispering that she wanted 'to drive in the car with her cousins.' (We are second cousins I think but have all decided that is far far too confusing and now everyones future and present children will all be cousins.)
So we drove into Norwich together and had lunch then went to see Hollys new house then on to Gemmas.
Conversations I really liked:
Pulling into the car park (we had taken two seperate cars with Gemma and Holly both driving):
Gemma: Look at her showing off with her bloody reverse parking.
Then later, after Holly repeatedly (even though she has lived there for years) wandering off in the wrong direction:
Me: Well, she may be able to reverse park but it is going to be bloody miles from where she is supposed to be.
Holly telling us that Gemmas husband Relu loves DIY and Gemma often goes home to find he has painted or hammered or destroyed something.
Holly: Once I went over to find he had cut her sofa into 3 pieces and made a hole in the wall. He had bought a 3 piece suite but couldn't get the old sofa down the stairs and had made a massive hole in the wall. I was like, RELU!!! How do you think the sofa went up there????
Gemma: Yeah but it is because he enlists the help of the mad man down the road. I swear, if Relu had seen some of the things I had seen that man doing.... I drove past him once trying to fit a piano into his people carrier. He was trying to drive and hold it with one hand and he waved at me. I was like, oh my God, WHAT is he doing?
Obviously things like this are very amusing to me and Sophie so we were making them give us other examples. Like the time Relu was trying to wash his car so he attached the hose to the kitchen tap but he attached it to the wrong thing and ended up flooding the kitchen. Gemma came home to him trying to dry the lino and tearing it as he tried to lift it up. And the time she came home and he had repainted the lounge.
Holly: OOOH I haven't heard this. What colour is it?
Gemma: Er...hard to describe...
So obviously when Gemma called home and said 'What the fuck have you done now?' it was tres amusing.
We drove over to see Holly's new house and it is beautiful. My favourite things that happened here were:
Gemma putting Tavi's hat and coat on then shutting him in the garden and sitting down to have a cup of tea. Then her eating a chocolate biscuit and Tavi pointing and pressing his nose against the window and her being all, Tavi I don't know what you want.
Then Chloe came and told us Holly's boyfriend Adam was playing hide and seek and she couldn't find him. Turns out he hadn't told the children he was playing hide and seek and pretty much had just hidden. Holly gave up looking for him and suddenly it started pouring so she bought Chloe and Tavi in. But Adam still maintained his hiding place. It was like something out of David Attenborough - us all with our noses against the windows trying to spot him. We eventually saw some Conifer bushes rustling and him doing a mission impossible style roll through them. I like that he did all that whilst drinking his cup of tea.
Then we drove over to Gemma's house where Relu greeted us with a hammer in his hand. Holly was like, he is always apprehensive when he sees me. Probably because I am so judgmental about stuff he has done. Luckily he had only put up some pictures. One was a random photo of Manhattan. It was alright really. Just incredibly out of place. He had also put up 2 frames that could both hold 2 photos and the top photo in each had slid down. Nothing too drastic though. We all looked at the cracked lino and said nothing. We all looked at the colour of the paint in the lounge. Holly said, she's right, it is hard to describe.
Then me and Sophie drove home, picked up Hawk, and met ma and pa and our brother and sister in the pub for dinner. Nice.
Sunday it snowed A LOT and it was beautiful walking the dogs around the park and through the woods. Apparently it was the most snow London had had for about 20 years. It had all cleared up though by lunchtime and it was really odd to have the sunshine after that.
Also what made me laugh was Lorenzo who kept trying to include the phrase 'Rosie likes massive...' into every conversation. This is because he found a condom in my bag ages ago and he likes to bring it up alllll the time. He told everyone I had a condom designed for a beast basically so now he busts out with 'Rosie likes a massive....challenge.' And people who don't know what he is talking about are all, to me, 'do you? Like what?' Tres amusing.
Then on Saturday me and my sister Sophs drove to Norfolk to see our cousins Gemma, and her 2 children Chloe and Tavi, and Holly. We drove to our aunt and uncles house first because the odds of finding their (separate) new houses were overwhelmingly low, even with the Sat Nav. We both had set of car keys because I have a habit of locking the keys in the car. I guess I didn't figure on us both locking the keys in the car. Luckily Holly has car-breaking-in experience and instructed our uncle on how to bend the door back. I think he was shocked to find his daughter was an experienced felon.
We haven't seen our cousins for ages and it seems so weird that we are all adults. Gemma's children both seem so old. We hadn't seen Tavi and suddenly he was 18 months. Chloe was surprisingly un-shy and kept whispering that she wanted 'to drive in the car with her cousins.' (We are second cousins I think but have all decided that is far far too confusing and now everyones future and present children will all be cousins.)
So we drove into Norwich together and had lunch then went to see Hollys new house then on to Gemmas.
Conversations I really liked:
Pulling into the car park (we had taken two seperate cars with Gemma and Holly both driving):
Gemma: Look at her showing off with her bloody reverse parking.
Then later, after Holly repeatedly (even though she has lived there for years) wandering off in the wrong direction:
Me: Well, she may be able to reverse park but it is going to be bloody miles from where she is supposed to be.
Holly telling us that Gemmas husband Relu loves DIY and Gemma often goes home to find he has painted or hammered or destroyed something.
Holly: Once I went over to find he had cut her sofa into 3 pieces and made a hole in the wall. He had bought a 3 piece suite but couldn't get the old sofa down the stairs and had made a massive hole in the wall. I was like, RELU!!! How do you think the sofa went up there????
Gemma: Yeah but it is because he enlists the help of the mad man down the road. I swear, if Relu had seen some of the things I had seen that man doing.... I drove past him once trying to fit a piano into his people carrier. He was trying to drive and hold it with one hand and he waved at me. I was like, oh my God, WHAT is he doing?
Obviously things like this are very amusing to me and Sophie so we were making them give us other examples. Like the time Relu was trying to wash his car so he attached the hose to the kitchen tap but he attached it to the wrong thing and ended up flooding the kitchen. Gemma came home to him trying to dry the lino and tearing it as he tried to lift it up. And the time she came home and he had repainted the lounge.
Holly: OOOH I haven't heard this. What colour is it?
Gemma: Er...hard to describe...
So obviously when Gemma called home and said 'What the fuck have you done now?' it was tres amusing.
We drove over to see Holly's new house and it is beautiful. My favourite things that happened here were:
Gemma putting Tavi's hat and coat on then shutting him in the garden and sitting down to have a cup of tea. Then her eating a chocolate biscuit and Tavi pointing and pressing his nose against the window and her being all, Tavi I don't know what you want.
Then Chloe came and told us Holly's boyfriend Adam was playing hide and seek and she couldn't find him. Turns out he hadn't told the children he was playing hide and seek and pretty much had just hidden. Holly gave up looking for him and suddenly it started pouring so she bought Chloe and Tavi in. But Adam still maintained his hiding place. It was like something out of David Attenborough - us all with our noses against the windows trying to spot him. We eventually saw some Conifer bushes rustling and him doing a mission impossible style roll through them. I like that he did all that whilst drinking his cup of tea.
Then we drove over to Gemma's house where Relu greeted us with a hammer in his hand. Holly was like, he is always apprehensive when he sees me. Probably because I am so judgmental about stuff he has done. Luckily he had only put up some pictures. One was a random photo of Manhattan. It was alright really. Just incredibly out of place. He had also put up 2 frames that could both hold 2 photos and the top photo in each had slid down. Nothing too drastic though. We all looked at the cracked lino and said nothing. We all looked at the colour of the paint in the lounge. Holly said, she's right, it is hard to describe.
Then me and Sophie drove home, picked up Hawk, and met ma and pa and our brother and sister in the pub for dinner. Nice.
Sunday it snowed A LOT and it was beautiful walking the dogs around the park and through the woods. Apparently it was the most snow London had had for about 20 years. It had all cleared up though by lunchtime and it was really odd to have the sunshine after that.
Friday, 4 April 2008
tinfoil hats
On the train home last night was a crazy person. My crazy antenna is finely tuned so I made sure to sit near enough to witness any crazy action but far away enough so it didn't involve me.
So this American tourist with her other American tourist pal got on and crazy sensed foreign and vulnerable and pounced.
Crazy: (to American Tourist 1) Is that your natural hair? (fair question. It was massively permed and orange.)
AM1: Em...yes.
Crazy: I once permed my hair. I had a photoshoot and I wanted to look good for it and I thought a perm was the way to go.
AM1: Right. Ok. I bet that looked real nice honey.
Crazy: Where you from?
AM1:America
Crazy: Ever been to Scotland?
AM1:No can't say I have
Crazy: Because I have a kilt. I wore it to the photoshoot. I had on my kilt and sporran and I had on some nice shoes and the right socks. Not the small socks. You have to wear the big socks with the kilt. Y'know? The big grey ones. Anyway. I did that. The kilt and sporran is everyday wear really. Can wear it all the time. Everyday clothes. Just casual y'know? But smart.
Then the train stopped randomly in the tunnel.
Crazy: I hate when the train stops like this. And they don't tell you what is happening and you just sit here and have to wait and I have places I need to go. I need to maybe go for a photoshoot and...
Train Announcer: Sorry for the delay. We are just waiting for the train in front to leave the station. We will be moving in just a moment.
AM1: There you go sweetie. No problem. Only a minute.
Crazy: But SOMETIMES they don't tell you and you sit here thinking it could be anything. It could be MONSTERS on the track or something and we would be sitting here and noone would know to run away and . .
AM1: Erm...sweetie. That's not likely to happen because . . .
Crazy: And it makes me soooo nervous because they don't say and
Then the train pulled into the station
AM2: Oh look! Our stop!
AM1: Oh, no our stop is. .
AM2: This one!! Ha ahahah ahha Come along Barbara.
Then I got off the train and received a message from my sister saying:
Oh my God there is a complete Alpen head sitting in front of me on the bus and I feel so sick.
That is the worst kind of crazy. The smelling, diseased, sick etc ones. My old business studies teacher had a car accident and it left his balding head covered in scabs. The whole back of it. Gradually they dried but instead of creaming his head up and washing it he left it for ages. Everytime he turned to the blackboard I retched. It put me off business studies totally.
So this American tourist with her other American tourist pal got on and crazy sensed foreign and vulnerable and pounced.
Crazy: (to American Tourist 1) Is that your natural hair? (fair question. It was massively permed and orange.)
AM1: Em...yes.
Crazy: I once permed my hair. I had a photoshoot and I wanted to look good for it and I thought a perm was the way to go.
AM1: Right. Ok. I bet that looked real nice honey.
Crazy: Where you from?
AM1:America
Crazy: Ever been to Scotland?
AM1:No can't say I have
Crazy: Because I have a kilt. I wore it to the photoshoot. I had on my kilt and sporran and I had on some nice shoes and the right socks. Not the small socks. You have to wear the big socks with the kilt. Y'know? The big grey ones. Anyway. I did that. The kilt and sporran is everyday wear really. Can wear it all the time. Everyday clothes. Just casual y'know? But smart.
Then the train stopped randomly in the tunnel.
Crazy: I hate when the train stops like this. And they don't tell you what is happening and you just sit here and have to wait and I have places I need to go. I need to maybe go for a photoshoot and...
Train Announcer: Sorry for the delay. We are just waiting for the train in front to leave the station. We will be moving in just a moment.
AM1: There you go sweetie. No problem. Only a minute.
Crazy: But SOMETIMES they don't tell you and you sit here thinking it could be anything. It could be MONSTERS on the track or something and we would be sitting here and noone would know to run away and . .
AM1: Erm...sweetie. That's not likely to happen because . . .
Crazy: And it makes me soooo nervous because they don't say and
Then the train pulled into the station
AM2: Oh look! Our stop!
AM1: Oh, no our stop is. .
AM2: This one!! Ha ahahah ahha Come along Barbara.
Then I got off the train and received a message from my sister saying:
Oh my God there is a complete Alpen head sitting in front of me on the bus and I feel so sick.
That is the worst kind of crazy. The smelling, diseased, sick etc ones. My old business studies teacher had a car accident and it left his balding head covered in scabs. The whole back of it. Gradually they dried but instead of creaming his head up and washing it he left it for ages. Everytime he turned to the blackboard I retched. It put me off business studies totally.
Thursday, 3 April 2008
sinners
An email exchange with M regarding MS and how I told her (when I was told strictly not to. Whoops) that he kept asking me out because apparently I said if he could open my bra with one hand I would sleep with him and now he thinks that is, like, fact. Also, I don't remember even saying it (although . . I mayyyy have been drinking).
ME: Just got a text from MS asking if I was coming to the pub this evening (remember you are not aware of what I told you the other evening) and that he had bought me a DVD. I wonder what it is. With him it could be ANYTHING
M:Love is in the air.......... lalala
Of course, you didn't tell me a thing, in fact I already forgot. What thing? What are you talking about? Who's MS?
Yeah, I would be more worried than excited about the DVD!!! Let's see what it is!
ME: Haven't texted him back yet... dunno what to say. And well done secret squirrel. We spoke about nothing on Wednesday. In fact, we didnt even meet on Wednesday. Who are you again?
M: Text him that it had better be an Oscar winning movie! Why am I talking to you? Are you real? Or is it just a voice in my head?
ME: I texted him and asked if it was Charlies Angels. He said:
"well i havent bought u one i have brought u one though with such cultural aspirations as charlies angels looks like you could do with some culture break from norf london"
This is an exact wording of his message. I dont understand it so not replying. And yes I am just a voice in your head! Wooooooooooooo buy Rosie a drinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk woooooo
M: Everybody's looking forward to seeing you in the pub later. Davis can't do today 'cause they have men only church session. I asked him if they talk about sex. Probably that explains why he ran away :)
ME: Laughing at you asking Davis whether the men only session is about sex. I bet it is. Sex and how to abstain from it and how 'more than 3 shakes is a sin.' I think everyone is looking forward to a Friday drink more than seeing me.
M: Maybe it's only me then.. Andy is wearing a light blue shirt today. I told him that he never knows, he might get lucky tonight!
ME: Why does a light blue shirt mean he might get lucky? Are you telling me it makes him look like a fox?
M: He looks hot! ;) He never wears shirts, only T-shirts and jumpers..
ME: He only wears shirts when he hasn't done his washing
M:I know... he told me!
ME: I think that means we have both been working there too long... sad man.
M: All the alcoholics left for pub already (Alicja, Andy, Lorenzo, Ben, Mark)... I will follow them soon :) It might take you quite a time to get here, so you better hurry up!
....
M: Off now... see you in a bit:)
Later, in the pub, I made Andy explain to her what '3 shakes is a sin' meant. HA
ME: Just got a text from MS asking if I was coming to the pub this evening (remember you are not aware of what I told you the other evening) and that he had bought me a DVD. I wonder what it is. With him it could be ANYTHING
M:Love is in the air.......... lalala
Of course, you didn't tell me a thing, in fact I already forgot. What thing? What are you talking about? Who's MS?
Yeah, I would be more worried than excited about the DVD!!! Let's see what it is!
ME: Haven't texted him back yet... dunno what to say. And well done secret squirrel. We spoke about nothing on Wednesday. In fact, we didnt even meet on Wednesday. Who are you again?
M: Text him that it had better be an Oscar winning movie! Why am I talking to you? Are you real? Or is it just a voice in my head?
ME: I texted him and asked if it was Charlies Angels. He said:
"well i havent bought u one i have brought u one though with such cultural aspirations as charlies angels looks like you could do with some culture break from norf london"
This is an exact wording of his message. I dont understand it so not replying. And yes I am just a voice in your head! Wooooooooooooo buy Rosie a drinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk woooooo
M: Everybody's looking forward to seeing you in the pub later. Davis can't do today 'cause they have men only church session. I asked him if they talk about sex. Probably that explains why he ran away :)
ME: Laughing at you asking Davis whether the men only session is about sex. I bet it is. Sex and how to abstain from it and how 'more than 3 shakes is a sin.' I think everyone is looking forward to a Friday drink more than seeing me.
M: Maybe it's only me then.. Andy is wearing a light blue shirt today. I told him that he never knows, he might get lucky tonight!
ME: Why does a light blue shirt mean he might get lucky? Are you telling me it makes him look like a fox?
M: He looks hot! ;) He never wears shirts, only T-shirts and jumpers..
ME: He only wears shirts when he hasn't done his washing
M:I know... he told me!
ME: I think that means we have both been working there too long... sad man.
M: All the alcoholics left for pub already (Alicja, Andy, Lorenzo, Ben, Mark)... I will follow them soon :) It might take you quite a time to get here, so you better hurry up!
....
M: Off now... see you in a bit:)
Later, in the pub, I made Andy explain to her what '3 shakes is a sin' meant. HA
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
ho bags and curry
I saw a really old wrinkled lady buying Number 7's protect and perfect serum. This made me think for ages. Like, is it worth using that now? But then, well, you don't want any more wrinkles. Though there is nowhere else they could fit on her face...
On Good Friday my brother Jamie came home from uni for the weekend. As a whole family we went out for dinner. My favourite sentence was Jamie struggling to read 'hor d'ourves.'
Jamie: Hor ... hor.. hmm.
Me: *pronouncing it for him* y'know...starter
Jamie: I think you'l find the whore comes after the meal.
On Good Friday my brother Jamie came home from uni for the weekend. As a whole family we went out for dinner. My favourite sentence was Jamie struggling to read 'hor d'ourves.'
Jamie: Hor ... hor.. hmm.
Me: *pronouncing it for him* y'know...starter
Jamie: I think you'l find the whore comes after the meal.
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
texts
Texts that made me happy:
My pal M had cooked lunch for us. I texted and asked how it was going:
Chickens ready (it stopped screaming). I had a hard time getting it in the water but after a few minutes it gave up. Who's the chef?
When I left my old company and asked M whether anyone emailed me:
There are some tips on a harder weiner which won't let you down..
My first day at my new work after M asked how it was going:
Me:I walked into the door
M: You're not wearing your contact lense again, are you? Did it wake you up at least?
To my grandma who was going into hospital for major surgery:
Me: Hey Gma, good luck, thinking about you. Also, please let me know if your doctor is hot.
Gma: You ought to know that the only man in my life is the milkman.
To a pal, who was not coming to a fancy dress party, but asked whether another pal looked hot:
Um no because I made her dress like a monkey so I wasn't the only one looking retarded. Though unfortunately the plan fell through and she looks like a hot simian and I look like one who fell out the tree.
On way to party after drinking with Mike and Lottie first:
Chris! Me and Mike and Lots are on way? The park is about to get started. Mike is naked.
My pal M had cooked lunch for us. I texted and asked how it was going:
Chickens ready (it stopped screaming). I had a hard time getting it in the water but after a few minutes it gave up. Who's the chef?
When I left my old company and asked M whether anyone emailed me:
There are some tips on a harder weiner which won't let you down..
My first day at my new work after M asked how it was going:
Me:I walked into the door
M: You're not wearing your contact lense again, are you? Did it wake you up at least?
To my grandma who was going into hospital for major surgery:
Me: Hey Gma, good luck, thinking about you. Also, please let me know if your doctor is hot.
Gma: You ought to know that the only man in my life is the milkman.
To a pal, who was not coming to a fancy dress party, but asked whether another pal looked hot:
Um no because I made her dress like a monkey so I wasn't the only one looking retarded. Though unfortunately the plan fell through and she looks like a hot simian and I look like one who fell out the tree.
On way to party after drinking with Mike and Lottie first:
Chris! Me and Mike and Lots are on way? The park is about to get started. Mike is naked.
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
spin spin spin
Man people at my work are funny. I am really going to miss them.
Sanjay totally cracked my shit up today and it was completely unintentional. We have an Italian guy in the office who is always eating. I don’t know how he is not a heffalump. Anyway, I bought some milk today because peeps were complaining and, because they just seemed like children, I bought them some cookies and put them in the kitchen. Everyone was taking A cookie with their tea. Then the Italian guy headed to the kitchen and Sanjay was all, UH OH THERE GOES THE COOKIES!!! I don’t know why this was so funny but I lost it. I laughed A LOT. I snorted. It was very unladylike.
This evening, because our washing machine finally gave up the ghost (though to be fair it had probably done about a gazillion loads), I headed to the launderette.
OH MY GOD. It is so very very Eastenders. Well, maybe mine is. First off all I had to go ask for some change from the shop. The woman was very pissy. Then I asked a guy in the launderette for a money swap and he lectured me on how he has come organised and blab bla and I was all apologetic and I have never felt more middle class than asking a woman in a ‘Juicy’ (this is what her arse said) tracksuit for help opening the machine door. Then I helped a pregnant woman fold her sheets whilst the first guy was asking me whether I wanted to iron for him and be his woman (tempting offer but I’m good thanks) thennnnn some guy came up to me and said: ‘so.... can I have a pair of your pants then?’ Me: ‘Er, no.’ Dude.
Sanjay totally cracked my shit up today and it was completely unintentional. We have an Italian guy in the office who is always eating. I don’t know how he is not a heffalump. Anyway, I bought some milk today because peeps were complaining and, because they just seemed like children, I bought them some cookies and put them in the kitchen. Everyone was taking A cookie with their tea. Then the Italian guy headed to the kitchen and Sanjay was all, UH OH THERE GOES THE COOKIES!!! I don’t know why this was so funny but I lost it. I laughed A LOT. I snorted. It was very unladylike.
This evening, because our washing machine finally gave up the ghost (though to be fair it had probably done about a gazillion loads), I headed to the launderette.
OH MY GOD. It is so very very Eastenders. Well, maybe mine is. First off all I had to go ask for some change from the shop. The woman was very pissy. Then I asked a guy in the launderette for a money swap and he lectured me on how he has come organised and blab bla and I was all apologetic and I have never felt more middle class than asking a woman in a ‘Juicy’ (this is what her arse said) tracksuit for help opening the machine door. Then I helped a pregnant woman fold her sheets whilst the first guy was asking me whether I wanted to iron for him and be his woman (tempting offer but I’m good thanks) thennnnn some guy came up to me and said: ‘so.... can I have a pair of your pants then?’ Me: ‘Er, no.’ Dude.
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