house

At the beginning, we were looking for a house to mortgage. Our hopes were high:
By Me

They dropped pretty quickly
By So


Shattering into smithereens
Me


So


Me


Sophie


me


Luckily, it has all worked out well and we love our little flat/house/maisonette thing

its like this

This website - Jamphat - explains rap in graphical terms. My favourites were: the one showing which day we were going to drink Bacardi (Shortys Birthday), Things that you can touch and things you cannot (this), Which individuals in a trailer park go round the outside (girls) and how many boys were bought to the yard by whose milkshake.

Other things I like:

Dad: Lucy! Your plant in the lounge has sprouted fruit!!
Mum: Really? Wow! Fruit?
Dad: Yeh, these red berry things!
Mum: I’ll come have a look!

*2 minutes later*

Mum: Hahahah Rosie, he thought the red plastic Christmas berries I’d put on were real! I was all, yeah and that’s a real fairy! And check it out; it’s sprouted a gold star! Ha ha, Mark! Mark! Lets call Gardeners World magazine!! I think we have an exclusive for them!

*2 minutes later*

Me: Look! Dad! That plant has sprouted a cup of tea for you!! Whoa….

homework

I just got asked to do a 5-year-olds homework because I’m ‘good at things like that.’ I would hope any adult is up to this standard frankly. The homework just got completed by 2 heads of departments:

IT Head: Do you think that it looks ok?
Me: I think that it looks very professional...you know, like how if 2 heads of departments completed it!!!


Some Seinfeld quotes I like:

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

animal, tree or bag?

When England and America collide:

America: Is that bag ‘gator?

England: No it’s Mulberry

America: What kind of animal is a mulberry?

England: It's a tree

Me: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HA

silver tongued devil

Don’t bother insulting me. I do it perfectly well for myself. Yesterday someone I email (work related) asked what I looked like and I said like a troll.

Today someone said I reminded them of a film star and I said I hope they didn’t mean Vanessa Feltz. I know she is not a film star. Just a moment ago I told someone I was channeling manatee.
Me: I don’t mean I look like a manatee….
Shamima: You really didn’t need to clarify that

What I meant was I am being all Zen. When you bother a manatee he swims away. Bother him some more? He swims further away.

Also, an email that made me laugh:

-----Original Message-----
From: Steve
Sent: 28 November 2007 16:28
To: Rosie
Subject: Testimonial

(Slightly amended genuine testimonial from a real client)

"(My Company) has an excellent understanding of the blah blah and have provided us with expert advice on the likely performance of blah blah.
Their understanding of the risks involved in this area was first-class and their independent analysis was an essential input to our decision making process.

Blah blah

Working with Steve is an absolute pleasure. The man is phenomenal. What he doesn't know about blah blah, isn't worth knowing.
Legend."

Me – I think I see where this was amended…

toilet talk

An air freshener has been fitted in all the toilets in the building. It is mounted high on the wall and you have to walk under it to get in the door. I never noticed it at first until I thought someone had spat at me. If you are unlucky it’ll randomly pffftt out air freshener over your head and you will spend the day smelling like toilet freshener. Because there is no mistaking that smell. It is like an old ladies armpit.

I personally think the air freshener is unnecessary in the ladies toilet on my floor. This is because there is only 6 full time female members of staff working here. And they are all normal and clean. The toilets are always beautiful and sparkling. I don’t know what setting they have the air freshener on but it is TOO MUCH. You go in and the cloying floral smell gets in the back of your throat. Not only do you come out stinking of flowers, you can taste them too.

Also, someone keeps turning the lights out in there and I have to grope around in the dark. I don’t want to be groping around in the dark in a toilet no matter how clean the staff.

magic and mayhem

The train was packed this morning. We were all crammed on enough and then some guy felt this wasn’t crammed enough and pushed his way on. Normally I don’t mind. There is sometimes a bit of extra space and people need to get to work on time. But this time there was no space. And yet he still forced his way on. He stood behind me so I had my back to him. Which was a mistake. First of all he finished his carton of juice. And he was going to suck up every last drop from that carton. Then he burped so violently the hair on the back of my head moved. Then he blew his nose so loudly and grossly I was glad my back was to him. Then I looked up and noticed that the guy opposite me was staring over my shoulder and grimacing. I really did not want to know what the guy behind me was up to but I was counting the minutes until my stop.

On Friday I saw a magic show. My friend Corinne’s boyfriend was doing the lights for it and his friend was the magician. It was supposed to be a combination of magic and the dark arts or whatever. It was good. I like people who can hold their own against heckling. We drove him home and he was a really funny guy. I hope he goes on to do really well.

It was a good weekend. The perfect mix of going out drinking with pals, lounging in bed reading and spending time with my family.