Me: This morning on the way to the station I got a clearer look at the guy who wears a pink cowboy hat and says hello. The hat isn't actually pink but more a reddish snakeskin. I don't think it is especially an improvement.
Also, when I got to work, there was an old man standing outside the station holding a small sign in the air saying: JESUS. I desperately wanted to go: "Where??!!" But I didn't.
Sophie: FYI cowboy hat man was vomming as I went past and searching for something in the vom. The newsagents kicked him out.
Sadie: Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD! What could have POSSIBLY been in there that he might want.
Me: Very glad I didn't snog him then.
Sadie: Snorting!!!!!!
Me: Even though he is polite and yesterday told me he liked my dress, the drunken slurring and rambling put me off.
Sophie: Well, I believe this is what happened:
He walked to the newsagents
Tried to buy alcohol with coppers
Was turned away
Started his very slow walk back (he has a limp leg)
Puked and dropped coppers
Etc
I feel quite sorry for him to be honest. He told Matt is was his birthday the other day and that he should buy him a drink.
Sadie: Lord, life must be hard when coppers are that important to you. So what would I wade through sick for I wonder..............
Sophie: At least a fiver.
Sadie: Funny dude!
Sophie: Hm but true.
Unless it was that dude’s sick.
It depends if it is my own. I may even fish in a family member’s for a fiver but absolutely no way that dude from this morn.
Sadie: I'm so glad you draw the line somewhere.
I hope Toby appreciates this post in honour of his birthday.
Saturday, 14 March 2009
Friday, 13 March 2009
drivin
Jess: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! ALLY PASSED HER DRIVING TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sadie: Oh DUDE!!!!!!! WELL DONE ALLY!!!!!!!! That's SUPER!!!!!!
Sophie: OH THANK GAWD!!!! WELL DONE ALLY!
Jess: You and her both!
Sophie: My driving licence arrived today!
Sadie: So, thats everyone but me then!
Me: You should hook up with lulu. She has a vair vair interesting business plan re: hot naked chauffeur drivers.
Sophie: YOUR TURN SADIE!
Sadie: So not.
Jess: Aw, Sade, not important dude.
Sophie: Oh, that’s what I meant too!
Sadie: TOO LATE! I shall just stick to knitting and kittens. And wardrobe removal.
Me: If those 3 categories are your strengths... good luck dude.
Sadie: Mean
Sophie: Tee hee
Me: Congrats to Ally anyways. Did she get her boobs out? ME TOO
Sadie: Dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Me: Give me a break, that sht was HARD man. Also, that just proves I am entrepreneurial and forward thinking and willing to put my best foot forward etc.
Sadie: Proud of you babe. Proud.
Sadie: Oh DUDE!!!!!!! WELL DONE ALLY!!!!!!!! That's SUPER!!!!!!
Sophie: OH THANK GAWD!!!! WELL DONE ALLY!
Jess: You and her both!
Sophie: My driving licence arrived today!
Sadie: So, thats everyone but me then!
Me: You should hook up with lulu. She has a vair vair interesting business plan re: hot naked chauffeur drivers.
Sophie: YOUR TURN SADIE!
Sadie: So not.
Jess: Aw, Sade, not important dude.
Sophie: Oh, that’s what I meant too!
Sadie: TOO LATE! I shall just stick to knitting and kittens. And wardrobe removal.
Me: If those 3 categories are your strengths... good luck dude.
Sadie: Mean
Sophie: Tee hee
Me: Congrats to Ally anyways. Did she get her boobs out? ME TOO
Sadie: Dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Me: Give me a break, that sht was HARD man. Also, that just proves I am entrepreneurial and forward thinking and willing to put my best foot forward etc.
Sadie: Proud of you babe. Proud.
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Bun Control
Me: Thinking of going to Brent Cross this weekend for interview trousers/skirt. There is a Next, Evans, Dorothy Perkins across the flyover and in Brent is Monsoon and M&S. Do you want to come with? x
Sadie: That'd be cool-as long as we are allowed breakfast/lunch/snack/whatever whilst there. Sat fine with me.
Me: Right, because I was REALLY going to disallow that!! HA! Ok, so will go on Sat then. Sounds good.
Sadie: I know how strict you are with the whole bun control issue.
Me: I like buns in all forms. And I think you know what I mean.
Sadie: Yes, I think I think I know what you mean too.
Sadie: That'd be cool-as long as we are allowed breakfast/lunch/snack/whatever whilst there. Sat fine with me.
Me: Right, because I was REALLY going to disallow that!! HA! Ok, so will go on Sat then. Sounds good.
Sadie: I know how strict you are with the whole bun control issue.
Me: I like buns in all forms. And I think you know what I mean.
Sadie: Yes, I think I think I know what you mean too.
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
epic fail
Dad: Shhhhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone.....
Sophie: HAHA
Sadie: Mean. MEAN. But at least we got it half way up the sta..................OK, OK, epic fail.
Me: WHATEVER! We are wimmins not beefcakes. Which is lucky as we had to slide past that gap to get downstairs and to the pub. It was like, worst fears realised going past that - thought I was going to get stuck and be there forever.
Sadie: What Rosie means is we glided past it. Glided and shimmied I tell you.
Me: So, we got the wardrobe stuck up the stairs and Sadie was all, OK! THAT didn't work!! Let's go to the dump instead. So we lug the heaviest tv in the WHOLE WORLD down the street to my car. Manage to wedge it in the boot. Think have locked keys in mote as can't find them, haven't. Get in car. Get ready to go. Realise left something in house. Go back in. Get back in car. Go to dump. Dump closed.
ME: What shall we do now?
Sadie: Red wine.
ME: OK!
Epic fail. Epic. I mean, not to the red wine. We did that REAL well.
Sadie: Rosie said red wine. I said a nice cup of tea, and I only went with the whole red wine idea because the pub didnt serve cups of tea.
Me: Slander
Dad: F the removal
Sophie: Haha!
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
the lion, the witch and the wedged 'drobe
So. The wardrobe. I get to Sadie's where this big old wardrobe is in the hall. She's taken the bannister off and we are ready to go!!! Managed to get it half way before wedging it. Luckily there was enough room, once it had been pushed to the side, for me to get passed and down the stairs. I had to slowly edge past it and can I just say, WORST NIGHTMARES REALISED as at one point I got stuck and thought I was going to be left in the dark behind a wardrobe until I died. Frickin scary.
So then Sadie was all, ok. Forget the wardrobe. We'll take the t.v to the dump. Load the heaviest tv in the world into my car. Get to the dump. Dump closed. OH OF COURSE IT IS!
Me: Ok. What should we do now?
Sadie: Pub?
Me: Let's go.
Also, she has had to text my father and ask him to help her shift it and not mention to ANYONE that the wimmins got a wardrobe lodged up the stairs. I'd say about 2 minutes later she received numerous texts from relatives asking about whether she needed a quote to remove a wardrobe. Most amusing.
So then Sadie was all, ok. Forget the wardrobe. We'll take the t.v to the dump. Load the heaviest tv in the world into my car. Get to the dump. Dump closed. OH OF COURSE IT IS!
Me: Ok. What should we do now?
Sadie: Pub?
Me: Let's go.
Also, she has had to text my father and ask him to help her shift it and not mention to ANYONE that the wimmins got a wardrobe lodged up the stairs. I'd say about 2 minutes later she received numerous texts from relatives asking about whether she needed a quote to remove a wardrobe. Most amusing.
Monday, 9 March 2009
what's occurring?
Again with the not updating. And the being made redundant. Plus I lost my phone. That is because it doesn't rain IT SHITS ON YOUR HEAD.
Here is an update via email:
Me: Came in this morning to my formal redundancy letter :(
Ruth came round last night with pizza and wine so at least had a lovely evening.
...Sophie ruined it a little by coming home and puking like a mule.
Sophie: Hello, I am at home this day. Feeling a tad better now. Just stomach aches and rumbles. Very embarrassing. Think I got food poisoning from a Hoisin Duck Wrap from Tesco cos when I was eating it I thought 'this tastes funny'. I thought I was never going to get home. Was sick along B Ave, inside 51 B Ave a few times(had to keep it quiet from mum and dad because didnt want them worrying before they go on hol), at Southgate station a couple of times, In Southgate Mcdonalds a couple of times. Then I started crying. IN THE STREET. Just so embarrassing. Thought I was never going to get home and be able to puke in my own toilet ALL EVENING.
Would like to say I cleaned and bleached all loos involved but sadly for commuters this morning I did not clean the streets.
I would also like to add the puking was not the worst part there were other worse horrors that I can't face going in to.
Thank God Matt was there because I would probably still be slumped against a wall somewhere around Southgate. I haven't managed to wash yet because I'm thinking that I might be sick in hot steam. URGHHHHHHHH
Jess: Oh poor Sophie!!!!
I hope you are feeling better hon...that's a shi88y thing to happen!!! It certainly sounds like F.P, bless nasty thing to happen..
Me: Just adding to the puke along our road by the pubs innit.
Hope it IS food poisoning as if I am sick on my weekend I'll be kinda upset.
Jess: Rosie that's not being very supportive....if you ARE sick this weekend it will burn off the PIZZA you had.
Sophie: So not worth the day off work!! Does anyone have any good news?!!!! This is where you need Lulu to cheer you up. Apparently her 'of' and 'off' spelling test was real.
Actually, good news is that Ruth is very sweet. I text her yesterday morn to say that Ro had some bad news and might need a hug/drink and I got a reply 2 mins later saying "I'll be round at 7 with the non-healthy options".
Sadie: Bless
Me: HAHA! Mmmmm minstrels.
Jess: Poor Soph! No good news, but good news that I'm not 'puking like a mule' as Ro so delicately put, and not redundant(so far). We need something nice to happen girls. If anyone wants coffee tomorrow let me know.
Me: She was.
Jess: Very good expression!
Sophie: Me: Matt I'm sooooooo embarrassed.
Matt: Don't worry, nobody noticed.
What a lovely liar. I would like a coffee
Jess: Ar he's sweet!! OK. Lovely to coffee
Me: HAHA! Oh well. I always think, eh, I'm NEVER going to be the most disgusting person on public transport puking or not.
Clyde made Ruth laugh A LOT last night. He was sitting staring up at the wall at something (dead people) and then would LEAP up as high as he could (few cm's) and stretch out his paws. For AGES he did that (2 minutes) and then EXHAUSTION made him lie on the sofa with her. Until she petted him and then he jumped down, looked at her with disgust, and went to his basket. Seconded to coffee. Although at some point I've been volunteered to walk the dogs whilst ma and pa are in Bruges.
Can have a look in Next for some interview trousers. Deep joy.
Sadie: Laughing!
Jess: I love that cat!!!!
Oh I'll walk the dogs wiv you!!
Sophie: Me too.
Sadie: Sophs, hope you're feeling better now. I want coffee, and I want to walk the dogs, but I also need some help.
Wardrobe turned up out of the blue last night, man said he took a chance even though he hadnt booked it with me. I hadnt taken the bannister off so couldnt attempt to get it upstairs. So I need someone to help me get it up the stairs.
And also I need Rosie to take me to the dump. Not to dump me you understand, though to be fair I am a bit creaky and some bits dont work so good no more. Its the TV in my front garden, and the bust bread machine that gotta go.
Pretty please.
Sophie: IT HURTS TO LAUGH! Tee hee. I will help. Not that strong though. I think wardrobe pushing is the job for an ox...
Me. If you 2 aren't aware, she is referring to me and the time we were in the kebab shop and the kebab man said I was like an ox. She is very RUDE even though I have been very sympathetic to her malady. FRIED EGGS sophie FRIED EGGS
Jess: Oh funny!!!
Sophie: That is so cruel. Just managed to shower. Feels so good.
Me: HIGH FIVE!!! Try managing a hoover!! Is good for recovery :) Fried eggs are the WORST thing to think of when you feel sick. Yuk. Fried eggs. Who wants to think of fried eggs when they are feeling vomitous? Noone, that's who.
Jess: Heh heh
Sophie: WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THEM??
Sadie: Really REALLY laughing! Poor Sophie, she needs sympathy not cruel (but hilarious) comments.
Jess: FFD!!!!! Really laughed at that!
Sophie: I'm glad you lot can see the funny side. Makes me feel so much better.
Me: Ruth is an occupational therapist. She would probably also suggest some soothing cooking. Perhaps around 7pm.
Jess: Funny!!
Sophie: Think I would die unfortunately. Had to lie down after shower. What a pity.
Jess: Yes im not sure we're up to lifting wardrobes up stairs?
Sadie: Its not really heavy, I lifted it out of the man with a van's van, with the man with the van.
Sophie: Was the man with the van called Stan?
Sadie: I didn't catch his name as we didn't formally introduce ourselves. I shagged him anyway.
Sophie: Shocking. Look at this email:
From: Kendra at Tesco
Dear Miss S,
We've noticed that you haven't placed a grocery shop with us for a while, and we hope that we haven't let you down.
Please don't forget how easy and convenient it is to shop online. All the purchases you've made online and in-store are still kept in 'My Favourites'.
And because we'd really like to welcome you back, we'll give you £7.50 off your next grocery order when you spend £75 or more.
So why not let us do your shopping for you again soon?
Best wishes,
Kendra
From: Sophie
Dear Kendra,
Haven't shopped online for a while, that is correct. The reason for this is because we were at the end of the delivery run and our items usually turned up late and somewhat soggy. I think things melted on other things by the time they got to us. Quite often our groceries were missing or wrong or on the use by date.
I would also like to add that your Hoisin Duck Wrap made me violently ill with food poisoning and its an experience I never wish to repeat.
Kind regards,
Sophie
Me: That made me laugh!!
Sadie: Me too! Classic! Well done you!
Jess: MAN THAT WAS AN AWESOME REPLY!!!!!!! I respect you forever!!! I'm having a shi8e afternoon, people having a go at me for things wot is NOT my fault!!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sophie: Buy them duck wraps!
Jess: Excellent idea!!
Me: JESS YOU JUST 'replied all' ON THAT EMAIL AND SENT IT TO TESCO!!! HA HA
Jess: OH GOD NO NO NO NO! DUDE IM HAVING A REEEELY STRESSED OUT BTCH FROM HELL TIME HERE!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO EXPECT ME TO FOCUS!!!
Sadie: Oh, really laughing now!!!!!!!!!!! Dude! Snorting! Snorting. Big piles of snort on my keyboard!
So- there you go! Next up, the saga of the (non-heavy my butt) wardrobe.
Here is an update via email:
Me: Came in this morning to my formal redundancy letter :(
Ruth came round last night with pizza and wine so at least had a lovely evening.
...Sophie ruined it a little by coming home and puking like a mule.
Sophie: Hello, I am at home this day. Feeling a tad better now. Just stomach aches and rumbles. Very embarrassing. Think I got food poisoning from a Hoisin Duck Wrap from Tesco cos when I was eating it I thought 'this tastes funny'. I thought I was never going to get home. Was sick along B Ave, inside 51 B Ave a few times(had to keep it quiet from mum and dad because didnt want them worrying before they go on hol), at Southgate station a couple of times, In Southgate Mcdonalds a couple of times. Then I started crying. IN THE STREET. Just so embarrassing. Thought I was never going to get home and be able to puke in my own toilet ALL EVENING.
Would like to say I cleaned and bleached all loos involved but sadly for commuters this morning I did not clean the streets.
I would also like to add the puking was not the worst part there were other worse horrors that I can't face going in to.
Thank God Matt was there because I would probably still be slumped against a wall somewhere around Southgate. I haven't managed to wash yet because I'm thinking that I might be sick in hot steam. URGHHHHHHHH
Jess: Oh poor Sophie!!!!
I hope you are feeling better hon...that's a shi88y thing to happen!!! It certainly sounds like F.P, bless nasty thing to happen..
Me: Just adding to the puke along our road by the pubs innit.
Hope it IS food poisoning as if I am sick on my weekend I'll be kinda upset.
Jess: Rosie that's not being very supportive....if you ARE sick this weekend it will burn off the PIZZA you had.
Sophie: So not worth the day off work!! Does anyone have any good news?!!!! This is where you need Lulu to cheer you up. Apparently her 'of' and 'off' spelling test was real.
Actually, good news is that Ruth is very sweet. I text her yesterday morn to say that Ro had some bad news and might need a hug/drink and I got a reply 2 mins later saying "I'll be round at 7 with the non-healthy options".
Sadie: Bless
Me: HAHA! Mmmmm minstrels.
Jess: Poor Soph! No good news, but good news that I'm not 'puking like a mule' as Ro so delicately put, and not redundant(so far). We need something nice to happen girls. If anyone wants coffee tomorrow let me know.
Me: She was.
Jess: Very good expression!
Sophie: Me: Matt I'm sooooooo embarrassed.
Matt: Don't worry, nobody noticed.
What a lovely liar. I would like a coffee
Jess: Ar he's sweet!! OK. Lovely to coffee
Me: HAHA! Oh well. I always think, eh, I'm NEVER going to be the most disgusting person on public transport puking or not.
Clyde made Ruth laugh A LOT last night. He was sitting staring up at the wall at something (dead people) and then would LEAP up as high as he could (few cm's) and stretch out his paws. For AGES he did that (2 minutes) and then EXHAUSTION made him lie on the sofa with her. Until she petted him and then he jumped down, looked at her with disgust, and went to his basket. Seconded to coffee. Although at some point I've been volunteered to walk the dogs whilst ma and pa are in Bruges.
Can have a look in Next for some interview trousers. Deep joy.
Sadie: Laughing!
Jess: I love that cat!!!!
Oh I'll walk the dogs wiv you!!
Sophie: Me too.
Sadie: Sophs, hope you're feeling better now. I want coffee, and I want to walk the dogs, but I also need some help.
Wardrobe turned up out of the blue last night, man said he took a chance even though he hadnt booked it with me. I hadnt taken the bannister off so couldnt attempt to get it upstairs. So I need someone to help me get it up the stairs.
And also I need Rosie to take me to the dump. Not to dump me you understand, though to be fair I am a bit creaky and some bits dont work so good no more. Its the TV in my front garden, and the bust bread machine that gotta go.
Pretty please.
Sophie: IT HURTS TO LAUGH! Tee hee. I will help. Not that strong though. I think wardrobe pushing is the job for an ox...
Me. If you 2 aren't aware, she is referring to me and the time we were in the kebab shop and the kebab man said I was like an ox. She is very RUDE even though I have been very sympathetic to her malady. FRIED EGGS sophie FRIED EGGS
Jess: Oh funny!!!
Sophie: That is so cruel. Just managed to shower. Feels so good.
Me: HIGH FIVE!!! Try managing a hoover!! Is good for recovery :) Fried eggs are the WORST thing to think of when you feel sick. Yuk. Fried eggs. Who wants to think of fried eggs when they are feeling vomitous? Noone, that's who.
Jess: Heh heh
Sophie: WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THEM??
Sadie: Really REALLY laughing! Poor Sophie, she needs sympathy not cruel (but hilarious) comments.
Jess: FFD!!!!! Really laughed at that!
Sophie: I'm glad you lot can see the funny side. Makes me feel so much better.
Me: Ruth is an occupational therapist. She would probably also suggest some soothing cooking. Perhaps around 7pm.
Jess: Funny!!
Sophie: Think I would die unfortunately. Had to lie down after shower. What a pity.
Jess: Yes im not sure we're up to lifting wardrobes up stairs?
Sadie: Its not really heavy, I lifted it out of the man with a van's van, with the man with the van.
Sophie: Was the man with the van called Stan?
Sadie: I didn't catch his name as we didn't formally introduce ourselves. I shagged him anyway.
Sophie: Shocking. Look at this email:
From: Kendra at Tesco
Dear Miss S,
We've noticed that you haven't placed a grocery shop with us for a while, and we hope that we haven't let you down.
Please don't forget how easy and convenient it is to shop online. All the purchases you've made online and in-store are still kept in 'My Favourites'.
And because we'd really like to welcome you back, we'll give you £7.50 off your next grocery order when you spend £75 or more.
So why not let us do your shopping for you again soon?
Best wishes,
Kendra
From: Sophie
Dear Kendra,
Haven't shopped online for a while, that is correct. The reason for this is because we were at the end of the delivery run and our items usually turned up late and somewhat soggy. I think things melted on other things by the time they got to us. Quite often our groceries were missing or wrong or on the use by date.
I would also like to add that your Hoisin Duck Wrap made me violently ill with food poisoning and its an experience I never wish to repeat.
Kind regards,
Sophie
Me: That made me laugh!!
Sadie: Me too! Classic! Well done you!
Jess: MAN THAT WAS AN AWESOME REPLY!!!!!!! I respect you forever!!! I'm having a shi8e afternoon, people having a go at me for things wot is NOT my fault!!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sophie: Buy them duck wraps!
Jess: Excellent idea!!
Me: JESS YOU JUST 'replied all' ON THAT EMAIL AND SENT IT TO TESCO!!! HA HA
Jess: OH GOD NO NO NO NO! DUDE IM HAVING A REEEELY STRESSED OUT BTCH FROM HELL TIME HERE!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO EXPECT ME TO FOCUS!!!
Sadie: Oh, really laughing now!!!!!!!!!!! Dude! Snorting! Snorting. Big piles of snort on my keyboard!
So- there you go! Next up, the saga of the (non-heavy my butt) wardrobe.
Sunday, 8 March 2009
every time I read this I laugh
Dad: Lu Lu say she got 14 out of 14 for spelling today. One of the words was help another was of. She is very please with her result.
Sophie: What?!
Me: "One of the words was help another was of" - Sophie - One of the words was 'help,' another was 'of'
Jess: FD!
Me: Took a while to work out. Am surprised she got of actually and didnt write off or something
Lulu: i only got it right cos i ididnt no that u HAD to put 2 'ff' 's when writing off. i thought it was just 1. didnt no there was any difference :S
Me: You're joking . . . right?
Sophie: Im confused. Why was Lulu in a Primary School having a test and is this her?
Lulu: cos ur mum said u r an idiot thats why
Sophie: YOU ARE
Jess: Wtf?????? is.going.on?
Sophie: What?!
Me: "One of the words was help another was of" - Sophie - One of the words was 'help,' another was 'of'
Jess: FD!
Me: Took a while to work out. Am surprised she got of actually and didnt write off or something
Lulu: i only got it right cos i ididnt no that u HAD to put 2 'ff' 's when writing off. i thought it was just 1. didnt no there was any difference :S
Me: You're joking . . . right?
Sophie: Im confused. Why was Lulu in a Primary School having a test and is this her?
Lulu: cos ur mum said u r an idiot thats why
Sophie: YOU ARE
Jess: Wtf?????? is.going.on?
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