she's a vildddd voooooman

Me:Telling a nice guy that you think they were taking advantage of a drunk woman and that they are a sexual predator is probably the worst thing you can say to a man.

M: I thought that was: 'is it in yet?'


Me: I just looked up and the crazy cleaner was staring at me through the door, O HI THERE CRAZY

M: Oh, you sexy chick

Me: Luckily I wasn't scratching my butt or something innit. And I don't think sexy has anything to do with it. I just think it is a matter of proximity. I think I give out some ... sign .... please approach me. And if you could also be weirdly pervy, that would be cool.

M: Signs that only crazy people can read?

Me: Yep

M: Cool! you dirty bitch :)

Me: So the part about them being all weird and pervy went over your head then?


M: Doing f***ing lateness sheet! Such a wais of time! waist? west?

Me: Waste

M: Coast?

Me: Vaaaaaaste

M: That's what I meant!!!


M: Since you left, there's noone here to make me laugh ;'( ok, maybe pickle and dirty... I'm not complaining though! At least I have time to look for new job and be more motivated to get my ass out of here!

Me: God. Stop. You are totally bringing me down man. Joke. You have to remind yourself that you have a banging body and a sexy sex life and a vicked sense of humour and I love you. DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? Ain't nothing better than the love of a good woman. Shame you only get the love of a bad vooooooman. But still.

M: Oh, you just made my day much better! I love you too! I'm all good and happy that's it's nice weather! AND!!!!!!!!!! I talked to my mom yesterday... and Denise is expecting another GIRL :) they will be three pricesses like in fairy tales but now all the pressure is on me to have a baby boy! OMG!

Me: I love you M but we cannot have babies together. I'm sorry


Me: S asked me to buy some paper towels for the kitchen. I said what is wrong with nicking them from the toilet like everyone else? Though apparently it is just me that does that. So I stole the whole bunch that was in there and put them in the kitchen.

M: Hehehehehehehe. That's *ex company* style! Noone else think this way! We are brainwashed the minute since we walked into this office

Me: As soon as I said it and he looked at me blankly I was like, stealing paper towels from the toilet is so *ex company* isn't it? It's like being schizophrenic. Trying to hide the *ex company* training.


Me: First first aid moment M! Some guy working in the hallway cut open his finger. I totally bandaged that sucker up. Well, put a plaster on it anyway.

M: I knew you were the best fire and first aid marshall in one!

Me: I KNOW. And I advised him to have a soothing cup of tea

M: The medical AND psychological help, nice!

Me: And I showed him my boobs to distract him from the pain (I learnt that on the Long Kiss Goodnight)

M: Good one! :D But be honest. Is that the reason he cut himself in the first place?


M: Fucking Dick Head just called and I told him about the book and he asked me soooo many other questions about the book and I was replying obviously very annoyingly... then he was like: M, am I giving you headache? and I said yes... then he was like, ok just send me the link and I will have a look at it tomorrow.

Me: HIGH FIVE. VIIIIIIIIILD VOOOOOOOOOMAN