Subject: Sophie's birthday
From: Matt
To: Rosie
Hey, I just text your mum and she's not sure if she will be able to do Friday because of her back, but she'll wait and see. I'll give it a couple of days and see how she feels and make plans accordingly.
That's all I have to report.
Represent x
From: Rosie
God. Hopefully she will be ok by Friday and can manage to sit for the evening. Only Monday so can worry about it then.
Did you get the camera?
Over and out
R x
From: Matt
I've got the camera (well it's delivered tomorrow).
From: Rosie
Cool!! Delivered to ours?
From: Matt
No, delivered to family home... I was paranoid it wouldn't turn up in time. They had Tuesday or Friday morning and my brother can can in for it
From: Rosie
Nice one. Can can for it? Wow. These Parcel Force guys seriously make you jump through hoops for your goods
From: Matt
Yes can can is the way they say 'can sign' in the ghetto as a way to hide a drug deal going on. Yeah, I don't like Parcel Force anymore.
From: Rosie
Drugs and a camera? Wow. What a good boyfriend.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
typical
From: Sophie
To: Jessica; Sadie; Rosie
Subject: Another typical Matt story.
I forgot to say. Matt called Sky who said they delivered our internet filter to one of our neighbours, a Mr Shah. No Asian neighbours. No men neighbours either. Only one neighbour in fact - Mrs Crazy. So then he called Parcel Force who delivered on behalf of Sky for tracking details. They kept him on hold for ages, had a scuffle around and told him that it had been delivered to the post office on our road. Hm, funny, that doesn't exist thinks I. So I called 118118 and asked. Nope. So. He is going to take time off work to track down post offices in our local area to find our filter (or Mr Shah) as post offices are closed
when we get home from work. It was delivered on July 14th. They didn't leave us a note to say it had been delivered or left with a neighbour/post office.
From: Jess
This is sky's responsibility not yours, get back onto them or have you sorted it? bloody disgraceful, it's obviously been taken by parcel force courier.
From: Rosie
It's ok. Matt hunted down the responsible parties, got the internet modem and then shot all involved. All's well that ends well ay.
From: Jess
Good old matt!!! gold star and a knighthood for the slaying.
From: Rosie
He asserted his alpha male authority
To: Jessica; Sadie; Rosie
Subject: Another typical Matt story.
I forgot to say. Matt called Sky who said they delivered our internet filter to one of our neighbours, a Mr Shah. No Asian neighbours. No men neighbours either. Only one neighbour in fact - Mrs Crazy. So then he called Parcel Force who delivered on behalf of Sky for tracking details. They kept him on hold for ages, had a scuffle around and told him that it had been delivered to the post office on our road. Hm, funny, that doesn't exist thinks I. So I called 118118 and asked. Nope. So. He is going to take time off work to track down post offices in our local area to find our filter (or Mr Shah) as post offices are closed
when we get home from work. It was delivered on July 14th. They didn't leave us a note to say it had been delivered or left with a neighbour/post office.
From: Jess
This is sky's responsibility not yours, get back onto them or have you sorted it? bloody disgraceful, it's obviously been taken by parcel force courier.
From: Rosie
It's ok. Matt hunted down the responsible parties, got the internet modem and then shot all involved. All's well that ends well ay.
From: Jess
Good old matt!!! gold star and a knighthood for the slaying.
From: Rosie
He asserted his alpha male authority
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
jus flirtin
Me: Whatcha doin A?
A: Flirtin with the younger ladies
Me: Dude. Everyone is younger than you.
A: Iz a lotta choice, I agree
A: Flirtin with the younger ladies
Me: Dude. Everyone is younger than you.
A: Iz a lotta choice, I agree
Monday, 28 July 2008
silly
Lulu: Me and Dad have decided that you cannot send the pictures over the internet. That there is no possible way. Oops. x
Me: Send what over the internet? Are you talking about uploading my photos to facebook? don't you know how to do that?
Lulu: WHAT? You wanted me to do that?! O, God, I having been working out how to send them through Hotmail!! Ok, I will do that now.
Me: What?? Why did you think that I sent you my Facebook log in info? Why would I need you to email them? DUDE!
Lulu: Whatever. I forgot you used your email to log into Facebook. You sent your email so it was natural of me to think that. Ok no harm done. I will just do it now.
Me. And my password! You even made comments about me giving you access to my fb account silly! In M&S getting dinner for me, So and Matt. Dunno what though.
Lulu: Yeh ha ha gosh that was a bit retarded of me. O. Yum. I want M&S food. Tesco and Coffee man came today though.
Me: Ha ha! Laughing! Thinking of Kievs for dinner. Hmm. Nice to the Tesco man coming. Bet he ain't brought any cookies though!
Lulu: O Yum Kiev I could eat one of those now. No cookies. :( I don't like talking about them as they were the best in the world. Have made the Facebook album kind of. Not sure it will work as I am not a Facebook addict unlike some. Still loading . . . I really need some Blu Tak. Everyone is asleep.
Me: Sometimes I had to download only 5 at a time or something . . Kievs and chips for dinner. Dirty. Why do you need blu tak? Wish I was sleeping.
Lulu: For my cupboard. Yum. I am not sure what I am having for tea but chips sounds gorgeous. chips and mayo!!! Some little fuckers are screaming outside, In a sec I am going to scream at them as otherwise I will get the blame for waking the babies up.
Me: Come over for dinner if you want. Clyde woke me up this morning banging my hair dryer around.
Lulu: I am being healthy! Aw, he is so cute. I put that picture of me and him on my Myspace and i've gotten lots of "awwwws."
Me: We are meant to be too! HA HA
Me: Send what over the internet? Are you talking about uploading my photos to facebook? don't you know how to do that?
Lulu: WHAT? You wanted me to do that?! O, God, I having been working out how to send them through Hotmail!! Ok, I will do that now.
Me: What?? Why did you think that I sent you my Facebook log in info? Why would I need you to email them? DUDE!
Lulu: Whatever. I forgot you used your email to log into Facebook. You sent your email so it was natural of me to think that. Ok no harm done. I will just do it now.
Me. And my password! You even made comments about me giving you access to my fb account silly! In M&S getting dinner for me, So and Matt. Dunno what though.
Lulu: Yeh ha ha gosh that was a bit retarded of me. O. Yum. I want M&S food. Tesco and Coffee man came today though.
Me: Ha ha! Laughing! Thinking of Kievs for dinner. Hmm. Nice to the Tesco man coming. Bet he ain't brought any cookies though!
Lulu: O Yum Kiev I could eat one of those now. No cookies. :( I don't like talking about them as they were the best in the world. Have made the Facebook album kind of. Not sure it will work as I am not a Facebook addict unlike some. Still loading . . . I really need some Blu Tak. Everyone is asleep.
Me: Sometimes I had to download only 5 at a time or something . . Kievs and chips for dinner. Dirty. Why do you need blu tak? Wish I was sleeping.
Lulu: For my cupboard. Yum. I am not sure what I am having for tea but chips sounds gorgeous. chips and mayo!!! Some little fuckers are screaming outside, In a sec I am going to scream at them as otherwise I will get the blame for waking the babies up.
Me: Come over for dinner if you want. Clyde woke me up this morning banging my hair dryer around.
Lulu: I am being healthy! Aw, he is so cute. I put that picture of me and him on my Myspace and i've gotten lots of "awwwws."
Me: We are meant to be too! HA HA
Sunday, 27 July 2008
thievin
Jess: Mum and Dad came over yesterday to help me take my broken cooker to the dump. Was a right effort lugging it from the back garden to their car. . . When we got back from the CLOSED dump we had to try and get the cooker back out of the car. I refused to let dad take it back into the garden and said it can stay out the front and I'll ring the council and see if they will take it. Dad said, you sure you don't mind it blocking up your front path? No! I said. Anyway we then went off to the Harvester to have some lunch. When we came back I went up the path and inserted my key in the lock. Dad: "Wasn't there a cooker here before we went to lunch?" Gone. No idea who took it. Didn't even notice it had gone. Shame we went to all that trouble of driving to the CLOSED dump and getting hit by another car instead of just putting it by my front door for whoever to help themselves.
Me: Laughing at what people there are about. Cooker stealing. Jeez. Convenient though.
Jess: Dad was so funny: "Wasn't there a cooker here before we went to lunch?" I've left a pc monitor and keyboard and pc attachment leads on my path, hoping that'll go too!!!
Me: HAHAHAH - I'm gonna leave upstairs crazy lady in your porch
Jess: Imagine.....
Me: Reckon you two would get on
Me: Laughing at what people there are about. Cooker stealing. Jeez. Convenient though.
Jess: Dad was so funny: "Wasn't there a cooker here before we went to lunch?" I've left a pc monitor and keyboard and pc attachment leads on my path, hoping that'll go too!!!
Me: HAHAHAH - I'm gonna leave upstairs crazy lady in your porch
Jess: Imagine.....
Me: Reckon you two would get on
Saturday, 26 July 2008
notes from today
There was a nice moment this morning when I realised it was Wednesday and not Tuesday. That were lovely that. Then there was a bad moment where I thought I had messed something up but turned out I hadn't. Then some guy walked past the window wearing a t-shirt that said: "Knock Knock jokes are wasted on the homeless" and that made me laugh. Now I am . . . just blah. Want to go home and have dinner and a glass of wine and watch something good and MAYBE have a bath. And beat up Clyde a bit.
- R just went into the ladies toilets
- A didn't get my innuendo about him and crazy cleaner both taking leave at the same time
- The IT guys are having a golf competition
Bit nippy noodles.
- R just went into the ladies toilets
- A didn't get my innuendo about him and crazy cleaner both taking leave at the same time
- The IT guys are having a golf competition
Bit nippy noodles.
Friday, 25 July 2008
not paying attention
From: S
To: Rosie
Subject: Backup DVD's
Rosie,
Could you please order a box of DVDs for me? The details are;
“Imation DVD +R, 120 min, 4.7GB, 16x” (Box of 10) “Ref: 51122 21746” …. Made In India …….. silver… round.
Thanks,
S
From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: Re: Backup DVD's
Ok pokey artichokey
From: S
To: Rosie
Subject: RE: Backup DVD's
Oh what?!?
Not even a reaction to the “… Made In India… silver … round” bit?!!
That is champagne comedy!!
From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: Re: Backup DVD's
Oh. Ha ha. Sorry. I stopped reading after “imation.” You know how your geek speak gives me the mental droop.
To: Rosie
Subject: Backup DVD's
Rosie,
Could you please order a box of DVDs for me? The details are;
“Imation DVD +R, 120 min, 4.7GB, 16x” (Box of 10) “Ref: 51122 21746” …. Made In India …….. silver… round.
Thanks,
S
From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: Re: Backup DVD's
Ok pokey artichokey
From: S
To: Rosie
Subject: RE: Backup DVD's
Oh what?!?
Not even a reaction to the “… Made In India… silver … round” bit?!!
That is champagne comedy!!
From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: Re: Backup DVD's
Oh. Ha ha. Sorry. I stopped reading after “imation.” You know how your geek speak gives me the mental droop.
Thursday, 24 July 2008
not taking it seriously
On Saturday Ruth came over for lunch. She bought us house warming gifts of a lava lamp and a oil burner. Perfecto. She was telling us about the Slimming World club she and her boyfriend have joined.
Sophie: What happens there?
Ruth: Well, the lady says: "lets welcome our new members, Ruth and Andy * people clap*. Now, tell us all why you have joined. Ruth: Err.... Because we are fat?
Then everyone gets weighed.
Lady: Everybody, Rosemary has lost 1/2 a pound!! *clapping*. Tell us how you did that Rosemary.
Sophie: Errr, I had a shit before I came out..
Lady: Barbara has put on 8 pounds . . .
Ruth: And then we all boo at that.
Sophie: What happens there?
Ruth: Well, the lady says: "lets welcome our new members, Ruth and Andy * people clap*. Now, tell us all why you have joined. Ruth: Err.... Because we are fat?
Then everyone gets weighed.
Lady: Everybody, Rosemary has lost 1/2 a pound!! *clapping*. Tell us how you did that Rosemary.
Sophie: Errr, I had a shit before I came out..
Lady: Barbara has put on 8 pounds . . .
Ruth: And then we all boo at that.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Lulu's 16th (went on for aboutttt a week)
Saturday evening was awesome. Went for cocktails for Lulu's birthday. When we told the waitress it was Lulu's birthday she asked how old she was:
Lulu: um um, er, errrrr, um, 16?
Waitress. OH MY GOOOOOODNESS, UNDERAAAAGE DRINKINGGGGGGGGGG. Happy Birthday! Shall I get another jug?
Summation:
Sophie and Lulu's curry was v v hot
Lulu had been on a diet all week and so snarfed her food down in 7 seconds
We all ordered a slice of cake when REALLY we POSSIBLY should have shared
Lulu snorted her birthday cake candle out accidentally
The cocktails were delicious
When we got home Matt said we were drunken as Sophie crawled in the front door (easily explainable) and I was making a pig talk like Ali G to Clyde.
Good times.
Lulu: um um, er, errrrr, um, 16?
Waitress. OH MY GOOOOOODNESS, UNDERAAAAGE DRINKINGGGGGGGGGG. Happy Birthday! Shall I get another jug?
Summation:
Sophie and Lulu's curry was v v hot
Lulu had been on a diet all week and so snarfed her food down in 7 seconds
We all ordered a slice of cake when REALLY we POSSIBLY should have shared
Lulu snorted her birthday cake candle out accidentally
The cocktails were delicious
When we got home Matt said we were drunken as Sophie crawled in the front door (easily explainable) and I was making a pig talk like Ali G to Clyde.
Good times.
Friday, 18 July 2008
Happy Birthday Lulu!
Dad: Did you know it is Lulu's birthday today? I did because she has told me 23 times.
It was also my pal Alejandro's birthday and another pal Marks.
Subject: Birthday drinks
From: Alejandro
To: Michael; Charlotte; Rosie; M; Andy; Lorenzo
Hello all,
I'll be having a little gathering tomorrow at about 7pm at the address below. The occasion: my birthday.
The way I see it is that we engage in a nice relaxed drinking session at a cool place until last man standing. Simple and easy
I'd like you all to come so I very much hope to see you all there (except for you, M, you stink for going to Paris... I joke, love;)
From: Rosie
Is there something wrong with the Goose then ay? Not glamorous enough?
I will be there! Even though I can finish work early tomorrow and go home to play with my kitten. That wasn't innuendo. We have a real kitten.
Now I am going back to hide in the toilets because they keep giving me work to do that I don't understand.
From: Alejandro
The Goose has become too...commercial, so bourgeois. Kidding, only this place is more central and looks cool (google it)
I've been laughing for 5min non-stop picturing you in the cubicle with your feet up and containing your breath (for more than one reason)
From: Rosie
ALE!!! RUUUUUUUDE!!!
I have been drinking at Dirties with M a few times. Its cool. I have just come out of the toilet for some coffee. Heading back in in a mo because someone just said to me: "Can you help me with the trouble shooting of these core systems?" I said yep. Come over to my desk in 5. So. Any hints on core systems = Helpful. I assume it has somethin to do with apples.
From: Andy
To: Rosie
Dude,
Me and Milan's finest are up for tomorrow night and will be accompanied by essex's second finest. Also if you feel slightly lost with the tech speak, just tell them that you think its the flux capacitor. That normally does the trick.
From: Rosie
To: Andrew
You know it is Essexs second finests birthday tomorrow? . . . And I always thought Jamie Oliver was Essexs first finest too.
Thanks for the tech talk. I feel better equipped now. I am WELL lost today. There is some investor meeting going on and I am meant to be providing averages and statistics. I am all, I can tell you the statistics for how much I am going to drink tomorrow.
From: Andy
Jamie Oliver struggles to make the top 10 such is the talent in Englands holy land.
I didn't realise it was Marks bday?? I guess that's cause for a double celebration. We will be starting in the King if you finish early and fancy some pre party drinks??
Just tell the people at work that you are more of an ideas person......
From: Rosie
Dude. You're right. I TOTALLY forgot about Darren Day. And I would say I am more of a napping type person.
From: Andy
To: Rosie
Well, the gun squad will be in the KOD from 5 tomorrow. I should warn you that Mark has just joined my gym and the Italian stallion has been going to his local gym so the gun squad is packing some serious weaponry these days......
From: Rosie
To: Andy
"Hi, Dr? I reconsider"
It was also my pal Alejandro's birthday and another pal Marks.
Subject: Birthday drinks
From: Alejandro
To: Michael; Charlotte; Rosie; M; Andy; Lorenzo
Hello all,
I'll be having a little gathering tomorrow at about 7pm at the address below. The occasion: my birthday.
The way I see it is that we engage in a nice relaxed drinking session at a cool place until last man standing. Simple and easy
I'd like you all to come so I very much hope to see you all there (except for you, M, you stink for going to Paris... I joke, love;)
From: Rosie
Is there something wrong with the Goose then ay? Not glamorous enough?
I will be there! Even though I can finish work early tomorrow and go home to play with my kitten. That wasn't innuendo. We have a real kitten.
Now I am going back to hide in the toilets because they keep giving me work to do that I don't understand.
From: Alejandro
The Goose has become too...commercial, so bourgeois. Kidding, only this place is more central and looks cool (google it)
I've been laughing for 5min non-stop picturing you in the cubicle with your feet up and containing your breath (for more than one reason)
From: Rosie
ALE!!! RUUUUUUUDE!!!
I have been drinking at Dirties with M a few times. Its cool. I have just come out of the toilet for some coffee. Heading back in in a mo because someone just said to me: "Can you help me with the trouble shooting of these core systems?" I said yep. Come over to my desk in 5. So. Any hints on core systems = Helpful. I assume it has somethin to do with apples.
From: Andy
To: Rosie
Dude,
Me and Milan's finest are up for tomorrow night and will be accompanied by essex's second finest. Also if you feel slightly lost with the tech speak, just tell them that you think its the flux capacitor. That normally does the trick.
From: Rosie
To: Andrew
You know it is Essexs second finests birthday tomorrow? . . . And I always thought Jamie Oliver was Essexs first finest too.
Thanks for the tech talk. I feel better equipped now. I am WELL lost today. There is some investor meeting going on and I am meant to be providing averages and statistics. I am all, I can tell you the statistics for how much I am going to drink tomorrow.
From: Andy
Jamie Oliver struggles to make the top 10 such is the talent in Englands holy land.
I didn't realise it was Marks bday?? I guess that's cause for a double celebration. We will be starting in the King if you finish early and fancy some pre party drinks??
Just tell the people at work that you are more of an ideas person......
From: Rosie
Dude. You're right. I TOTALLY forgot about Darren Day. And I would say I am more of a napping type person.
From: Andy
To: Rosie
Well, the gun squad will be in the KOD from 5 tomorrow. I should warn you that Mark has just joined my gym and the Italian stallion has been going to his local gym so the gun squad is packing some serious weaponry these days......
From: Rosie
To: Andy
"Hi, Dr? I reconsider"
Thursday, 17 July 2008
stupid building tenants issues
From: Rosie
To: ALL-London
Subject: CCTV plans
We have about a month to contest the CCTV plans.
Basically, the building will be unguarded between 10pm and 7am and instead will be monitored remotely (POSSIBLY from Bolton, we just don't know yet) with CCTV, intruder alarms, badgers etc. If the guard thinks something sneaky and underhand is afoot he will call the local constabulary. Similarly with fire, injury etc.
Anyone wishing to work between 10 and 7 will have to give their details to A who will forward to the remote access guards. Access will be denied if you haven't informed anyone you are coming in until they call whoever is top of their list in each company to give permission. Although anyone who just wants to go on their list of 24/7 access can do.
During the weekend a guard will arrive at 8 to open and then will lock at 5/6pm.
The saving is £5000 a year (I think) after it is all set up bla bla. Apparently this will be balanced out with the electricity bills though so it is all pretty similar cost-wise.
Any comments/questions/queries/hopes&dreams let me know.
Rosie
P.S. The colour of the new carpets will not be "espresso" anymore as this colour is now out of stock. A meeting will be held next month to debate which other brown colour we can all agree on.
From: S
To: Rosie
I'm not sure I'm happy about Michael Bolton watching me on CC TV (if I understand correctly?)!
And brown is so 80's!! Who the hell is leading this revolution, Qantas?!?
From: Rosie
To: S
I would rather Michael Bolton spent his time watching you than singing.
Also, dude. Stop googling "air-stewardesses in their uniforms" Dirtyyyyyy
From: S
To: Rosie
WHOAH!!! "Air Stewardesses"?!?!? Welcome back to the sixties!!
P.S. I'm going to pretend I didn't read that comment about the Boltster!
From: Rosie
To: S
OHHHHHH, now I see who your hair style icon is!
Also, sorry, didn't realise you were so free and easy. Stop googling air stewards too.
To: ALL-London
Subject: CCTV plans
We have about a month to contest the CCTV plans.
Basically, the building will be unguarded between 10pm and 7am and instead will be monitored remotely (POSSIBLY from Bolton, we just don't know yet) with CCTV, intruder alarms, badgers etc. If the guard thinks something sneaky and underhand is afoot he will call the local constabulary. Similarly with fire, injury etc.
Anyone wishing to work between 10 and 7 will have to give their details to A who will forward to the remote access guards. Access will be denied if you haven't informed anyone you are coming in until they call whoever is top of their list in each company to give permission. Although anyone who just wants to go on their list of 24/7 access can do.
During the weekend a guard will arrive at 8 to open and then will lock at 5/6pm.
The saving is £5000 a year (I think) after it is all set up bla bla. Apparently this will be balanced out with the electricity bills though so it is all pretty similar cost-wise.
Any comments/questions/queries/hopes&dreams let me know.
Rosie
P.S. The colour of the new carpets will not be "espresso" anymore as this colour is now out of stock. A meeting will be held next month to debate which other brown colour we can all agree on.
From: S
To: Rosie
I'm not sure I'm happy about Michael Bolton watching me on CC TV (if I understand correctly?)!
And brown is so 80's!! Who the hell is leading this revolution, Qantas?!?
From: Rosie
To: S
I would rather Michael Bolton spent his time watching you than singing.
Also, dude. Stop googling "air-stewardesses in their uniforms" Dirtyyyyyy
From: S
To: Rosie
WHOAH!!! "Air Stewardesses"?!?!? Welcome back to the sixties!!
P.S. I'm going to pretend I didn't read that comment about the Boltster!
From: Rosie
To: S
OHHHHHH, now I see who your hair style icon is!
Also, sorry, didn't realise you were so free and easy. Stop googling air stewards too.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Clyde
Our new kitten Clyde! Don't be fooled by how cute he looks. He is no McLovin'. His affection seems to be hiding under the sofa and swiping your legs and feet as you go past.
This morning, on my bed:
*Playing with Clyde. He is a foot off the bed attached to my hand with tooth and claw*
*10 minutes later*
Me: Ok, Clyde. I gotta dash mate. Give me a hug instead. YOW. that was not a hug. Let me just pat your head. OUCH. No. Stop playing. I gotta go. Say goodbye. Eeeeep. Clyde! I just want to .... youchhhhh....dude.... I was just going to.... no dude that isn't
friendly....
Sophie's impression of her trying to hug Clyde:
Clyde: MEOWrrow *panic* *leap into the abyss* *ANYTHING BUT THIS*
Sophie: CLYYYYYDE COME HERE! COME HERE I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU.
Sophie: *Getting Clyde from under the sofa from where he has wedged himself after his last launch from her arms*
Sophie *Hugging Clyde* Stay here! Clyde, I just want to . . .
Me: Did he just hiss at you?
Friday, 11 July 2008
My Saturday
From: Michael
To: Rosie; Alejandro; Charlotte; M; Andy; Lorenzo
Subject: Bbq!
Hello everyone
Hope you've been enjoying your first week on the outside M and that the jail-birds left inside aren't missing you too much.
Just wanted to let you know that we still plan to BBQ tomorrow (don't think rain is forecast, just cloud). Come anytime from 5.30.
See you then!
Mike
From: Charlotte
Hi all
Will be great to see you then - sorry I lamed out last week. I was so looking forward to it, but started on the old alcohol a little too early that afternoon. By 9pm ish, it wasn't pretty. You've seen it before...
Yay for bbq!
xx
From: Rosie
Hey Kids,
All good for Saturday. Fingers crossed for sun. Or just not rain anyway because M could melt if it touches her.
Charlotte! Animal!
Mike - Do you want us to bring anything? Aside from the hotness?
Ro x
From: Michael
Additional hotness is always brilliant but if you could also bring some booze that would be much appreciated!
From: Rosie
Ok, will tell Andy and M not to bother coming in their hotpants and just to bring beer instead.
From: Andy
Great so now I wasted my money on a perfectly good pair of spandex hotpants.....
From: Michael
Well if you've already bought them Andy...
From: Rosie
Andy - don't pretend you bought hotpants especially. Everyone knows they are standard dress in Essex.
To: Rosie; Alejandro; Charlotte; M; Andy; Lorenzo
Subject: Bbq!
Hello everyone
Hope you've been enjoying your first week on the outside M and that the jail-birds left inside aren't missing you too much.
Just wanted to let you know that we still plan to BBQ tomorrow (don't think rain is forecast, just cloud). Come anytime from 5.30.
See you then!
Mike
From: Charlotte
Hi all
Will be great to see you then - sorry I lamed out last week. I was so looking forward to it, but started on the old alcohol a little too early that afternoon. By 9pm ish, it wasn't pretty. You've seen it before...
Yay for bbq!
xx
From: Rosie
Hey Kids,
All good for Saturday. Fingers crossed for sun. Or just not rain anyway because M could melt if it touches her.
Charlotte! Animal!
Mike - Do you want us to bring anything? Aside from the hotness?
Ro x
From: Michael
Additional hotness is always brilliant but if you could also bring some booze that would be much appreciated!
From: Rosie
Ok, will tell Andy and M not to bother coming in their hotpants and just to bring beer instead.
From: Andy
Great so now I wasted my money on a perfectly good pair of spandex hotpants.....
From: Michael
Well if you've already bought them Andy...
From: Rosie
Andy - don't pretend you bought hotpants especially. Everyone knows they are standard dress in Essex.
Thursday, 10 July 2008
mmmm salty
R was telling us all one lunchtime about all the different food he has eaten: Grubs, Kangaroo penis . . . Stuff like that.
From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: MMMM
Edible Unique - Check out this website and their recipes!!! Eurgh, ant toffees!
When is R's birthday? Think I is gonna bake him a CRICKET CAKE
From: S
To: Rosie
"Oregano, to taste"!
I can't help but wonder how much oregano is required to drown the flavour of 1 CAN OF ANT LARVAE???!!!!
From: Rosie
To: S
I do not think there is enough Oregano IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
Edible Unique Shop – I am playing a game called ‘If I had to eat one thing off here . . ‘ It is not going so well. SCORPION? SURELY that is dangerous.
What is wrong with people? Hello. KitKats anyone. Dude.
Also, this is so work related. I was researching. Not, y’know, googling the WORST THINGS YOU COULD PUT IN YOUR MOUTH EVER
From: Rosie
To: S
Subject: MMMM
Edible Unique - Check out this website and their recipes!!! Eurgh, ant toffees!
When is R's birthday? Think I is gonna bake him a CRICKET CAKE
From: S
To: Rosie
"Oregano, to taste"!
I can't help but wonder how much oregano is required to drown the flavour of 1 CAN OF ANT LARVAE???!!!!
From: Rosie
To: S
I do not think there is enough Oregano IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
Edible Unique Shop – I am playing a game called ‘If I had to eat one thing off here . . ‘ It is not going so well. SCORPION? SURELY that is dangerous.
What is wrong with people? Hello. KitKats anyone. Dude.
Also, this is so work related. I was researching. Not, y’know, googling the WORST THINGS YOU COULD PUT IN YOUR MOUTH EVER
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
fish revisited
Last night I cooked fish cakes. They were a lot more stressful to cook than Jamie Oliver led me to believe. However, I can confirm that all housemates thought they were delicious.
'cooking'
Lulu: I cooked myself a DELICIOUS dinner last night
Me: Oh yeah, what was it?
Lulu: I did salmonnn and asparagussss and . . .
Me: Wait, hold up. YOU cooked salmon?
Lulu: Well, it was a ready meal from M&S but I followed the heating instructions . . .
Me: Oh yeah, what was it?
Lulu: I did salmonnn and asparagussss and . . .
Me: Wait, hold up. YOU cooked salmon?
Lulu: Well, it was a ready meal from M&S but I followed the heating instructions . . .
Monday, 7 July 2008
word
From: Rosie
To: Sophie
Can't believe she is getting married. Seems quite weird. Seriously cannot imagine it is going to last. Not that I know the guy, but still. She is so young and hasn't been with him for that long.
From: Sophie
To: Rosie
I dunno. Before I would have agreed but now I think you can just know it's gravy, like, 4eva. I hope that she feels that way anyway.
From: Rosie
To: Sophie
Did you just use the phrase 'gravy 4eva???' Whatttttt
From: Sophie
To: Rosie
I didn't just use it. I used it yesterday and you have to have the like in there.
To: Sophie
Can't believe she is getting married. Seems quite weird. Seriously cannot imagine it is going to last. Not that I know the guy, but still. She is so young and hasn't been with him for that long.
From: Sophie
To: Rosie
I dunno. Before I would have agreed but now I think you can just know it's gravy, like, 4eva. I hope that she feels that way anyway.
From: Rosie
To: Sophie
Did you just use the phrase 'gravy 4eva???' Whatttttt
From: Sophie
To: Rosie
I didn't just use it. I used it yesterday and you have to have the like in there.
Sunday, 6 July 2008
bbq
From: Michael
To: Alejandro; Charlotte; Rosie; M; Andy
Subject: bbq!
Hello all!
Very much looking forward to M's independence day happening very soon! So pleased you got another job!
On Saturday 12th July (come rain or shine), I am having a BBQ at my house and it would be great to have you over if you're going to be around...the company might not be great (haha!) but you know the food will be great!
Hope you can come...
Mike
From: Rosie
To: Michael; Alejandro; Charlotte; Martina; Andy
Subject: RE: bbq!
MIKE!
What's up dirty?
Me and M have been discussing whether bbq's and drinking with pals is something we enjoy. It was a very long discussion but in the main because M hijacked it to talk about shoes and torture techniques, as she is wont to do. Anyway, I said, M, do you want to come to this SHINDIG? And she said, will there be hot men? And IIII said NO. So SHEEE said, will there be alcohol? And that is why we are both coming.
Do you have a time for us?
Ro xxx
From: Michael
Ha!
Shoes, torture techniques and M in the same sentence...sounds painful.
Should be a good bbq - we're setting up a tent in our small garden and there will be food and drink abound. I will try and arrange some hot men for you both.
I think we're going to be starting late afternoon - probably around 5ish, but of course, you're welcome earlier. Although not too much earlier, we might run out of things to say to one another.
Ha! All good here - how are you going?
From: Rosie
Me and M talking about the reply I sent you:
M: I look like an alcoholic manhunter weirdo with a shoe fetish and practicing torture techniques :)
Me: That is your personal information statement right there
Anyway, after 5 is cool. Gives me time to groom. It is a long and desperate job. And also, to travel from zone sticks.
All good with me. I moved into my sexy new bachelor pad with my sister Soph and her boyf Matt. I am not sure about housemate choice though. Sophie 'just opened' the oven door and one hinge came out then Matt tried to fix it and it fell off. Hmmm.
From: Alejandro
I use my oven for storage
From: Rosie
How veryyyyy Carrie Bradshaw darling
From: Charlotte
Back on email and back in business....count me IN!!
xx
From: Andy
Hi Guys,
Sorry for late reply. I took a few days off. I will definately be there mate. I may not be on email today as there has been an errr...technical hitch i.e they havn't paid the bill for my software again!
From: Rosie
Heh. Oh dear . . .
Me and Lady M are meeting up beforehand at a pub by the station if you guys want to meet us there. M was all, I WANNA GET MY DRINKKKKKK ON. And I was all, DUDE, we are going to a party, there will be drink there. But she was all, I wanna be buzzzzzzinn beforrrre the party. Or something. I dunno. She was slurring her words a bit when we talked.
To: Alejandro; Charlotte; Rosie; M; Andy
Subject: bbq!
Hello all!
Very much looking forward to M's independence day happening very soon! So pleased you got another job!
On Saturday 12th July (come rain or shine), I am having a BBQ at my house and it would be great to have you over if you're going to be around...the company might not be great (haha!) but you know the food will be great!
Hope you can come...
Mike
From: Rosie
To: Michael; Alejandro; Charlotte; Martina; Andy
Subject: RE: bbq!
MIKE!
What's up dirty?
Me and M have been discussing whether bbq's and drinking with pals is something we enjoy. It was a very long discussion but in the main because M hijacked it to talk about shoes and torture techniques, as she is wont to do. Anyway, I said, M, do you want to come to this SHINDIG? And she said, will there be hot men? And IIII said NO. So SHEEE said, will there be alcohol? And that is why we are both coming.
Do you have a time for us?
Ro xxx
From: Michael
Ha!
Shoes, torture techniques and M in the same sentence...sounds painful.
Should be a good bbq - we're setting up a tent in our small garden and there will be food and drink abound. I will try and arrange some hot men for you both.
I think we're going to be starting late afternoon - probably around 5ish, but of course, you're welcome earlier. Although not too much earlier, we might run out of things to say to one another.
Ha! All good here - how are you going?
From: Rosie
Me and M talking about the reply I sent you:
M: I look like an alcoholic manhunter weirdo with a shoe fetish and practicing torture techniques :)
Me: That is your personal information statement right there
Anyway, after 5 is cool. Gives me time to groom. It is a long and desperate job. And also, to travel from zone sticks.
All good with me. I moved into my sexy new bachelor pad with my sister Soph and her boyf Matt. I am not sure about housemate choice though. Sophie 'just opened' the oven door and one hinge came out then Matt tried to fix it and it fell off. Hmmm.
From: Alejandro
I use my oven for storage
From: Rosie
How veryyyyy Carrie Bradshaw darling
From: Charlotte
Back on email and back in business....count me IN!!
xx
From: Andy
Hi Guys,
Sorry for late reply. I took a few days off. I will definately be there mate. I may not be on email today as there has been an errr...technical hitch i.e they havn't paid the bill for my software again!
From: Rosie
Heh. Oh dear . . .
Me and Lady M are meeting up beforehand at a pub by the station if you guys want to meet us there. M was all, I WANNA GET MY DRINKKKKKK ON. And I was all, DUDE, we are going to a party, there will be drink there. But she was all, I wanna be buzzzzzzinn beforrrre the party. Or something. I dunno. She was slurring her words a bit when we talked.
Saturday, 5 July 2008
dinner plans
From: Rosie
To: Matthew; Sophie
Subject: Dinner Plans
I called Ma. She says she vaguely remembers the dinner offer this evening. RUDE. Rearranged for them all to come over tomorrow evening then Lulu can stay over. Dad picking Jamie up tomorrow so should be back in London around 3. Hope that ok with you guys.
From: Matthew
To: Rosie; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Did you mention that they (all except one) would need to bring their own chair?
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Matt this is my favourite response to an email EVER xx
Ro, good organising.
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
We should have a fixed oven tomorrow so all good...or it could be broken even more so . . .
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
We have to take the door off the hinges again this evening. Think a quick hoover may be in order as well unfortunately. Mainly because 1 - all the crap fell out of the oven when the door came off and 2 - Ro walked it all in with her bare feet.
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Which members of your family are coming round tomorrow?
From: Rosie
To: Matthew; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Mum, Dad, Jamie and Lulu I think. Toby I'm thinking isn't but will check. So -
Sophie:
Meat
Strawberries
Rosie:
Salad stuff
Mayo
This ok? Additions?
From: Matthew
To: Rosie; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Seems like it's all under control then...it's gonna be pretty crowded but a little rearranging and it will work out fine.
I forgot I was gonna go cinema tomorrow... shall I do it another day?
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Up to you and Toby really. I'm not sure..
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Well I haven't arranged it yet so it's easy to leave it til next week or something
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Cool mo bruvva
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Recognise
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Heard
From: Rosie
To: Matthew; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
I will call ma tomorrow regarding keys and chairs.
Ok, well we'll stick to that shopping list I just sent. You get meat and strawberries and I'll get the salad and mayo. I don't know about eyescream. I think stick to a nice fruit salad.
Also, does Lol eat lamb chops?
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
One time
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
RESPECTA!
From: Rosie
To: Sophie; Matthew
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Laaaaaaaaame (bruvs)
From: Sophie
To: Rosie; Matthew
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Bare jealous
From: Sophie
To: Rosie; Matthew
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Yes but Jamie et possible moi et possible Hawk would not just want strawberries. We may have to set the living it up room into a diner all nice like cause will be too cramped in our kitchen
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Definately have to move things into the living room, impossible to have it any other way.
We'll pick up some ice cream because ice cream is awesome.
Gangsta love
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Peace out
To: Matthew; Sophie
Subject: Dinner Plans
I called Ma. She says she vaguely remembers the dinner offer this evening. RUDE. Rearranged for them all to come over tomorrow evening then Lulu can stay over. Dad picking Jamie up tomorrow so should be back in London around 3. Hope that ok with you guys.
From: Matthew
To: Rosie; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Did you mention that they (all except one) would need to bring their own chair?
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Matt this is my favourite response to an email EVER xx
Ro, good organising.
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
We should have a fixed oven tomorrow so all good...or it could be broken even more so . . .
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
We have to take the door off the hinges again this evening. Think a quick hoover may be in order as well unfortunately. Mainly because 1 - all the crap fell out of the oven when the door came off and 2 - Ro walked it all in with her bare feet.
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Which members of your family are coming round tomorrow?
From: Rosie
To: Matthew; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Mum, Dad, Jamie and Lulu I think. Toby I'm thinking isn't but will check. So -
Sophie:
Meat
Strawberries
Rosie:
Salad stuff
Mayo
This ok? Additions?
From: Matthew
To: Rosie; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Seems like it's all under control then...it's gonna be pretty crowded but a little rearranging and it will work out fine.
I forgot I was gonna go cinema tomorrow... shall I do it another day?
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Up to you and Toby really. I'm not sure..
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Well I haven't arranged it yet so it's easy to leave it til next week or something
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Cool mo bruvva
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Recognise
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Heard
From: Rosie
To: Matthew; Sophie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
I will call ma tomorrow regarding keys and chairs.
Ok, well we'll stick to that shopping list I just sent. You get meat and strawberries and I'll get the salad and mayo. I don't know about eyescream. I think stick to a nice fruit salad.
Also, does Lol eat lamb chops?
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
One time
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
RESPECTA!
From: Rosie
To: Sophie; Matthew
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Laaaaaaaaame (bruvs)
From: Sophie
To: Rosie; Matthew
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Bare jealous
From: Sophie
To: Rosie; Matthew
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Yes but Jamie et possible moi et possible Hawk would not just want strawberries. We may have to set the living it up room into a diner all nice like cause will be too cramped in our kitchen
From: Matthew
To: Sophie; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Definately have to move things into the living room, impossible to have it any other way.
We'll pick up some ice cream because ice cream is awesome.
Gangsta love
From: Sophie
To: Matthew; Rosie
Subject: RE: Dinner Plans
Peace out
Friday, 4 July 2008
unclean
I always find a blob of conditioner on the top of my ear halfway through the day. How many people sit next to me on the train in the morning thinking I am diseased?
Thursday, 3 July 2008
wednesday and thursday
This morning, I got on the train, and there was this guy with his feet up on the seat opposite absolutely SNORING. I was like, jeez. WRONG CARRIAGE. But it wasn't. Because that man was a source of amusement from us all all the way until Leicester Square where he was jolted awake, scanned around, then leaped up and out the carriage. It was a lot of action for one who had been so heavily asleep.
Anyway, he SNOREDDDDDDDDD loudly the whole journey. Someone knocked his feet off the seat and sat opposite him and people sat next to him. FOOLS. Seriously. I NEVER would have sat next to him. He kept dropping his head onto the woman's shoulder next to him. It kept getting lower and lower. And everyone was staring at her, then him, then her. Until she got the TOTAL giggles and he woke up and shifted a bit. It was quite a gross sight though.
Last night I was requested to buy salad dressing on my way home to accompany (the delicious) dinner Matt cooked. When I got home I then had to go out again to get a salad to accompany the dressing.
Then we spent the evening sorting out CD's. Well, not so much mine as I only have about 10. Matt was very upset that his collection had to touch my Meatloaf and Sophie's Coldplay. SMICKLED MY CD'S WILL BE SMICKLED!!!!
I emptied 4 HUGE boxes and put them into piles of A B C etc. Then Matt would rearrange into alphabetical by 'A' ANDDDD chronological. Then Sophie shelved. We are going to have to fashion a sign that says 'if you do not know the chronological order of all of Audioslaves bajillion albums, you are not qualified to touch this shelf.' After a few glasses of wine it was muchos fun. I was challenging Matt as I went along. 'Which album has a picture of a dog balancing an apple on it's head?' Matt - "SNOT. Also, fun fact, the lead singer of that band was in a car crash and him and his dog both died." He answered every question I asked him and also threw in facts about every band and I tell you something, these rock people (or whatever they are) (SNOTTTT) have not lived lives of sunshine and roses. I had to tell him to stop giving me this information as it was really bringing me down.
Anyway, he SNOREDDDDDDDDD loudly the whole journey. Someone knocked his feet off the seat and sat opposite him and people sat next to him. FOOLS. Seriously. I NEVER would have sat next to him. He kept dropping his head onto the woman's shoulder next to him. It kept getting lower and lower. And everyone was staring at her, then him, then her. Until she got the TOTAL giggles and he woke up and shifted a bit. It was quite a gross sight though.
Last night I was requested to buy salad dressing on my way home to accompany (the delicious) dinner Matt cooked. When I got home I then had to go out again to get a salad to accompany the dressing.
Then we spent the evening sorting out CD's. Well, not so much mine as I only have about 10. Matt was very upset that his collection had to touch my Meatloaf and Sophie's Coldplay. SMICKLED MY CD'S WILL BE SMICKLED!!!!
I emptied 4 HUGE boxes and put them into piles of A B C etc. Then Matt would rearrange into alphabetical by 'A' ANDDDD chronological. Then Sophie shelved. We are going to have to fashion a sign that says 'if you do not know the chronological order of all of Audioslaves bajillion albums, you are not qualified to touch this shelf.' After a few glasses of wine it was muchos fun. I was challenging Matt as I went along. 'Which album has a picture of a dog balancing an apple on it's head?' Matt - "SNOT. Also, fun fact, the lead singer of that band was in a car crash and him and his dog both died." He answered every question I asked him and also threw in facts about every band and I tell you something, these rock people (or whatever they are) (SNOTTTT) have not lived lives of sunshine and roses. I had to tell him to stop giving me this information as it was really bringing me down.
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
religion
"Girl's court fight to wear Sikh bangle"
A teenager is taking her school to court for not letting her wear a 'Kara' - a steel bracelet and symbol of her faith. The Kara is one of the five K's of Sikhism - the others being the Kesh (uncut hair), the Kanga (wooden shorts) and the Kirpan (sword). This article about it is pretty rubbish as that is only four K's but whatever.
My point is, she is not wearing wooden shorts in the picture of her wearing her school uniform. So. Picking and choosing there which K's she is following. I would say, wear the wooden shorts to school and you can wear the bracelet. Lets not mention the sword since loads of school kids would be turning to Sikhism if that were allowed to be carried into school.
Always these court battles, TO ME, seem to boil down to some teenager wanting to wear jewellery to school.
A teenager is taking her school to court for not letting her wear a 'Kara' - a steel bracelet and symbol of her faith. The Kara is one of the five K's of Sikhism - the others being the Kesh (uncut hair), the Kanga (wooden shorts) and the Kirpan (sword). This article about it is pretty rubbish as that is only four K's but whatever.
My point is, she is not wearing wooden shorts in the picture of her wearing her school uniform. So. Picking and choosing there which K's she is following. I would say, wear the wooden shorts to school and you can wear the bracelet. Lets not mention the sword since loads of school kids would be turning to Sikhism if that were allowed to be carried into school.
Always these court battles, TO ME, seem to boil down to some teenager wanting to wear jewellery to school.
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
furries
I just read THE FUNNIEST article in the Metro. It is in the Metrosexual section and is called 'Unleash your inner beast' by Lisa Scott. It is about these people who believe they are an animal inside a human body. They call themselves 'Furries.' There is a picture of people with those massive animal heads on. But then there is a guy who has made up his face instead and the quote says 'Marcony expresses his felinity with sophisticated makeup.' I tell you something. I spot him walking down the street and sophisticated ain't gonna be the first word I is gonna be thinking.
The lingo:
Yiff = Sex
Yiffing = Mating
Yiffy = Horny or sexual (mmmm I'm feelinggggg sexual) (ha ha ha ha ha)
Fur Pile = A group of furries lying on top of each other, trying to get comfortable (what? that is a long description. Maybe they would be more comfortable if they took those massive hot heads off).
Furvert = Anyone who is sexually attracted to mascots or someone in a fur suit
FurryMUCK = A chatroom KINGDOM where users pretend they're polar bears and red-tailed hawks (specific).
The lingo:
Yiff = Sex
Yiffing = Mating
Yiffy = Horny or sexual (mmmm I'm feelinggggg sexual) (ha ha ha ha ha)
Fur Pile = A group of furries lying on top of each other, trying to get comfortable (what? that is a long description. Maybe they would be more comfortable if they took those massive hot heads off).
Furvert = Anyone who is sexually attracted to mascots or someone in a fur suit
FurryMUCK = A chatroom KINGDOM where users pretend they're polar bears and red-tailed hawks (specific).
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