villerettes

Wow. A whole month. Where does the time go.

Half of this month was spent in Cyprus. My friend Heather, she of the gym tyrant fame, was married in Protaris, Cyprus, on the 16 September. It was beautiful. She looked like a princess. She was married in the grounds of a hotel overlooking the ocean. I cried a little because my friend Elizabeth, and Heathers best friend and maid of honour, never cries and you could see her holding the tears back so as not to look like a big girl. Or at least just so she didn’t ruin her makeup anyway. Heather struggled slightly with her vows, giggling slightly through the tears. It was lovely.

The evening was dancing and free cocktails, again overlooking the ocean, just off the beach. Amazing. Heathers dad is a very quiet man but on the night of the wedding there was karaoke, kicked started by a spectacular rendition of Heather and Barry singing ‘Especially for you.’ Brilliant in its absolute awfulness. Her dad said: I am very quiet. I want to sing something.’ ‘Smack your bitch up’ said Heather. Three times, because he didn’t hear her, until I said ‘Heather, please stop saying smack your bitch up to your father.’ Anyway. He was like, I want to sing that Beatles song that goes, duh duh duh .. duh duh .. duh. And, as we all said, WTF? Turns out it was Baby you can drive my car. And boy did he rock it. Kiss took over on stage and then her dad sat down afterwards, quietly, again. We cheesily sang reach for the stars by S Club 7. Heather danced for hours in, I swear, foot high heels. She is a legend.

rented a villa, me, Sarah and Elizabeth (the girls I am moving in with this weekend), Corinne, Alicia, Yvonne and her 4 year old son Finn. The villa was beautiful and had its own pool. The first night we got there, at 1am, we all leapt into the pool. This set the tone for the whole holiday really. Some days we spent chilling at the villa, some we spent chilling at the beach. The evenings we walked down the strip to The Square Bar.

Heather and Barry (her now husband) have been to Cyprus a few times before and have made friends with a bartender called Costas. Costas. What can I say. The face of Cyprus. Everyone knew him. A round of 6 Sambucas, 6 Jaegar Bombs and 6 normal drinks (yeah, it got messy some nights) cost 12 euros. If Costas served you.

One night we went Ayia Napa for a joint stag and hen do. Costas got us into all the clubs free. We went to The Castle, which is apparently the best club in Ayia Napa. At one point some guy pinched one of our girls arses. A few times. Costas told him to stop and he didn’t. Costas told him again. He pushed Costas. Big. Mistake. Costas is built like a rhino and this guy was an ostrich. Cue the biggest headbutt I have ever seen. One security guy restrained the ostrich. 12 restrained Costas. None could restrain him when the ostrich broke free and hit Costas again. We all had to kiss his head better the next night.

One of my favourite days was when Corinne, Yvonne and Finn went for a nap and us four headed out to explore. We found a little beach. We snorkelled amongst the fishes for ages. Then found a little bar. We returned quite pissed 4 hours later.

Unfortunately, on day 2 of the holiday, I had an accident. The pool area was quite slippery. I am Queen of the falling and gracelessness – I can lose my balance standing still. I was all BE CAREFUL BE CARFUL. And I splat. I was holding a camera so didn’t put my hands out to cushion the fall at all and my left knee took a bashing. I was on all fours and had landed with my knees slightly splayed and O. M .G. It is the one time in my life I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. I couldn’t breathe. It was only dignity that made me roll to a sitting position. I have now had a limp for 3 weeks and work keep hassling me to get it looked at and x-rayed. Flipping doctors/osteopaths/physiotherapists/podiatrists that they are. I kinda think that if you can walk on it it is fine. Bit worried about body pumping on it though. It was one of those moments that you just want your mum. And spookily she texted me. I almost cried.
Anyway. The holiday was great. I’ll remember more moments and write about them later. Like Finn getting on stage in The Square Bar and blasting out Kings of Leons ‘your sex is on fire’ word perfectly.