Wow. A whole month. Where does the time go.
Half of this month was spent in Cyprus. My friend Heather, she of the gym tyrant fame, was married in Protaris, Cyprus, on the 16 September. It was beautiful. She looked like a princess. She was married in the grounds of a hotel overlooking the ocean. I cried a little because my friend Elizabeth, and Heathers best friend and maid of honour, never cries and you could see her holding the tears back so as not to look like a big girl. Or at least just so she didn’t ruin her makeup anyway. Heather struggled slightly with her vows, giggling slightly through the tears. It was lovely.
The evening was dancing and free cocktails, again overlooking the ocean, just off the beach. Amazing. Heathers dad is a very quiet man but on the night of the wedding there was karaoke, kicked started by a spectacular rendition of Heather and Barry singing ‘Especially for you.’ Brilliant in its absolute awfulness. Her dad said: I am very quiet. I want to sing something.’ ‘Smack your bitch up’ said Heather. Three times, because he didn’t hear her, until I said ‘Heather, please stop saying smack your bitch up to your father.’ Anyway. He was like, I want to sing that Beatles song that goes, duh duh duh .. duh duh .. duh. And, as we all said, WTF? Turns out it was Baby you can drive my car. And boy did he rock it. Kiss took over on stage and then her dad sat down afterwards, quietly, again. We cheesily sang reach for the stars by S Club 7. Heather danced for hours in, I swear, foot high heels. She is a legend.
rented a villa, me, Sarah and Elizabeth (the girls I am moving in with this weekend), Corinne, Alicia, Yvonne and her 4 year old son Finn. The villa was beautiful and had its own pool. The first night we got there, at 1am, we all leapt into the pool. This set the tone for the whole holiday really. Some days we spent chilling at the villa, some we spent chilling at the beach. The evenings we walked down the strip to The Square Bar.
Heather and Barry (her now husband) have been to Cyprus a few times before and have made friends with a bartender called Costas. Costas. What can I say. The face of Cyprus. Everyone knew him. A round of 6 Sambucas, 6 Jaegar Bombs and 6 normal drinks (yeah, it got messy some nights) cost 12 euros. If Costas served you.
One night we went Ayia Napa for a joint stag and hen do. Costas got us into all the clubs free. We went to The Castle, which is apparently the best club in Ayia Napa. At one point some guy pinched one of our girls arses. A few times. Costas told him to stop and he didn’t. Costas told him again. He pushed Costas. Big. Mistake. Costas is built like a rhino and this guy was an ostrich. Cue the biggest headbutt I have ever seen. One security guy restrained the ostrich. 12 restrained Costas. None could restrain him when the ostrich broke free and hit Costas again. We all had to kiss his head better the next night.
One of my favourite days was when Corinne, Yvonne and Finn went for a nap and us four headed out to explore. We found a little beach. We snorkelled amongst the fishes for ages. Then found a little bar. We returned quite pissed 4 hours later.
Unfortunately, on day 2 of the holiday, I had an accident. The pool area was quite slippery. I am Queen of the falling and gracelessness – I can lose my balance standing still. I was all BE CAREFUL BE CARFUL. And I splat. I was holding a camera so didn’t put my hands out to cushion the fall at all and my left knee took a bashing. I was on all fours and had landed with my knees slightly splayed and O. M .G. It is the one time in my life I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. I couldn’t breathe. It was only dignity that made me roll to a sitting position. I have now had a limp for 3 weeks and work keep hassling me to get it looked at and x-rayed. Flipping doctors/osteopaths/physiotherapists/podiatrists that they are. I kinda think that if you can walk on it it is fine. Bit worried about body pumping on it though. It was one of those moments that you just want your mum. And spookily she texted me. I almost cried.
Anyway. The holiday was great. I’ll remember more moments and write about them later. Like Finn getting on stage in The Square Bar and blasting out Kings of Leons ‘your sex is on fire’ word perfectly.
Wednesday 29 September 2010
Tuesday 31 August 2010
bank holiday weekend
I am going to Cyprus in 5 days and I can't wait. EXHAUSTED. Although the bank holiday weekend was super fun. On Friday I went to the gym with Heather. That was not the super fun part, although I do enjoy the body pumping. Because Heather broke me. And I nearly broke myself by forgetting to lower the weight amount on my bar and bicep curling more weights than the instructor. I was like, this is unusually hard today.. wait... why do I have 4 weights on mine and everyone else only 2? I could barely lift my wine glass in the pub that evening.
Heather is a mystery shopper and, randomly, she was asked to mystery shop our local pub. You get a selection of drinks you are allowed to order and each is judged accordingly. My Pimms with the brown slice of lemon and lime scored prettyyyyy low.
Then on Saturday I went to Lakeside with her. Managed to buy 2 black dresses in the Dorothy Perkins sale. £6 each. Although it is a bit ridiculous as I am going to Cyprus where it is 37 degrees with a humidity of 79%.
We bought some wine in the supermarket to sit on her balcony with. Standing next to her in the queue. Both buying the same bottle of wine. I get served, no problem. SHE gets IDed. And SHE is older than me. I was all WHOA WHOA WHOA. WHY are you not ID-ing me???? And the server as like, er, cos you look old. Me - BRILLIANT. THANK YOU. HEATHER. WE NEED MORE WINE. What a knob.
On Sunday I body pumped AGAIN and then went to Sophies house to see baby Megs who is very very cute. Sophie showed me baby Fabes new clothes, as we found out he was a boy on Thursday. THOROUGHLY exciting. His wardrobe currently consists of a flat cap, a kermit outfit and some gold converse. Kids gonna rock.
On Monday I went into London with Ma, Pa and Lol. We went to the pub. Which was lovely. It is called the Fishmongers Arms. Actually. That could be wrong. It is the one opposite St Pauls, on the other side of the Thames, at the end of Embankment. It is lovely in there and you can sit outside and look moodily across the water.
We walked to St Pauls. It is perhaps where my gmas ashes will be scattered. The gardens are beautiful. Gma loved London and we would all like somewhere we can go to remember her. Not that she will be far from our minds.
At her funeral the minister had speeches from us all; memories about gma. It was beautiful. Although I lost it when the minister said June was a proud mother to ... A proud Grandmother to... and a proud great Grandmother to baby Danny and the bump. It really hit home then that she had gone. She was a massive presence in our family and a constant source of amusement. I remember calling her to tell her... I had a job or had got my A'level results or something. And she was all, that's lovely dear but I have another call waiting. I know that doesn't sound funny but it is, to me, because that is what she was like. Like a hummingbird flitting from one thing to the next. Mainly from people we didn't know to the *whisper* lesbians to the other people we didn't know to *whisper* the doctors husband who turned out to be gay.
When me and Sophie wrote our families memories about Gma we really laughed at all the things she used to say, all her stories. We told our aunt we had to curb what we said as we couldn't let a minister say gay and lesbian and whatnot in church. Her stories were pretty scandalous. My aunt said yes, she wanted to say that she admired her mothers ability to walk into a room and within minutes identify who was gay, who was straight and who was having an affair with whom. "Hello dear, hello dear, WELL HELLO DUCKY, hello dear..."
I got a litte emotional at St Pauls. There was a tiny moment where I wished I was the kind of person who prayed at church. My friend G told me he prays sometimes in the chapel of the hospital he works in. Then mum broke the moment by laughing when I said, look at that squirrel burying his nuts. Me - seriously. Did you just laugh? Mum - I will ALWAYS think it is funny when someone says look at that squirrel burying his nuts.
We then walked to St Brides church. It was the church of the Fleet Street printers. It was locked though so we could only walk round the outside. Then mum wanted to see the Pudding Lane memorial. It was quite impressive. I have photos. I wish I could be bothered to upload them. You could walk up it but mum has put her foot down with a firm hand and decided that indeed it IS only retarded farmers who walk up hundreds of steps (quote from the film, In Bruges). The memorial is a tall statue with a gold acorn type thing on top. I said it should be a burning cupcake. Something a bit more relevant.
We parked in the station carpark. When we got back to my car I realised the passanger door was unlocked. That car is ALWAYS unlocked. Once I left it in a pub car park with the keys in the ignition. No one joy rid it. Says a lot about my car.
Work again today and my boss had done all his work. Which meant I came in to a MOUNTAIN of notes and letters and paper on my desk. Literally, a stack of about 40 notes...
Cyprus. 35 degrees. 4 days.
Heather is a mystery shopper and, randomly, she was asked to mystery shop our local pub. You get a selection of drinks you are allowed to order and each is judged accordingly. My Pimms with the brown slice of lemon and lime scored prettyyyyy low.
Then on Saturday I went to Lakeside with her. Managed to buy 2 black dresses in the Dorothy Perkins sale. £6 each. Although it is a bit ridiculous as I am going to Cyprus where it is 37 degrees with a humidity of 79%.
We bought some wine in the supermarket to sit on her balcony with. Standing next to her in the queue. Both buying the same bottle of wine. I get served, no problem. SHE gets IDed. And SHE is older than me. I was all WHOA WHOA WHOA. WHY are you not ID-ing me???? And the server as like, er, cos you look old. Me - BRILLIANT. THANK YOU. HEATHER. WE NEED MORE WINE. What a knob.
On Sunday I body pumped AGAIN and then went to Sophies house to see baby Megs who is very very cute. Sophie showed me baby Fabes new clothes, as we found out he was a boy on Thursday. THOROUGHLY exciting. His wardrobe currently consists of a flat cap, a kermit outfit and some gold converse. Kids gonna rock.
On Monday I went into London with Ma, Pa and Lol. We went to the pub. Which was lovely. It is called the Fishmongers Arms. Actually. That could be wrong. It is the one opposite St Pauls, on the other side of the Thames, at the end of Embankment. It is lovely in there and you can sit outside and look moodily across the water.
We walked to St Pauls. It is perhaps where my gmas ashes will be scattered. The gardens are beautiful. Gma loved London and we would all like somewhere we can go to remember her. Not that she will be far from our minds.
At her funeral the minister had speeches from us all; memories about gma. It was beautiful. Although I lost it when the minister said June was a proud mother to ... A proud Grandmother to... and a proud great Grandmother to baby Danny and the bump. It really hit home then that she had gone. She was a massive presence in our family and a constant source of amusement. I remember calling her to tell her... I had a job or had got my A'level results or something. And she was all, that's lovely dear but I have another call waiting. I know that doesn't sound funny but it is, to me, because that is what she was like. Like a hummingbird flitting from one thing to the next. Mainly from people we didn't know to the *whisper* lesbians to the other people we didn't know to *whisper* the doctors husband who turned out to be gay.
When me and Sophie wrote our families memories about Gma we really laughed at all the things she used to say, all her stories. We told our aunt we had to curb what we said as we couldn't let a minister say gay and lesbian and whatnot in church. Her stories were pretty scandalous. My aunt said yes, she wanted to say that she admired her mothers ability to walk into a room and within minutes identify who was gay, who was straight and who was having an affair with whom. "Hello dear, hello dear, WELL HELLO DUCKY, hello dear..."
I got a litte emotional at St Pauls. There was a tiny moment where I wished I was the kind of person who prayed at church. My friend G told me he prays sometimes in the chapel of the hospital he works in. Then mum broke the moment by laughing when I said, look at that squirrel burying his nuts. Me - seriously. Did you just laugh? Mum - I will ALWAYS think it is funny when someone says look at that squirrel burying his nuts.
We then walked to St Brides church. It was the church of the Fleet Street printers. It was locked though so we could only walk round the outside. Then mum wanted to see the Pudding Lane memorial. It was quite impressive. I have photos. I wish I could be bothered to upload them. You could walk up it but mum has put her foot down with a firm hand and decided that indeed it IS only retarded farmers who walk up hundreds of steps (quote from the film, In Bruges). The memorial is a tall statue with a gold acorn type thing on top. I said it should be a burning cupcake. Something a bit more relevant.
We parked in the station carpark. When we got back to my car I realised the passanger door was unlocked. That car is ALWAYS unlocked. Once I left it in a pub car park with the keys in the ignition. No one joy rid it. Says a lot about my car.
Work again today and my boss had done all his work. Which meant I came in to a MOUNTAIN of notes and letters and paper on my desk. Literally, a stack of about 40 notes...
Cyprus. 35 degrees. 4 days.
Monday 23 August 2010
June Hudson 15/08/32 - 15/08/10
Despite being only 4”11, June was one of the biggest characters in our family. At family gatherings her stories, and the way that she delivered them, commanded the attention of the entire room. One of the more recent gems involved a blind man passing his driving test. Preparing this speech, we went through a number of June’s different tales and laughed our heads off. We tried to write them down to retell but they were all either too scandalous or politically incorrect to repeat to a room full of people.
June had a wicked sense of humour. She always told Mark that he was her favourite son-in-law. It took a while (a long while) for him to realise he was her only son-in-law.
When asked to give Ken a break from bossing him about she promptly picked up her cane and said she would give him a break, “right over the top of his head”. However, often when he left the room on an errand she would lean in close, lower her voice (not something she did too often) and say how lovely he was, and that he took great care of her and how well he does. As soon as he walked back in the room she would pass judgement on his task mastering. Flower arrangement? Or, as she put it, “WHAT flower arrangement?”
Everything about June was immaculate: her house, garden and appearance. She did not tolerate disorder or mess. In spite of this, she absolutely adored her dog Taffy. Indeed, it was not family photos displayed at her hospital bedside, but a lovely big portrait of Taffy, the most chaotic and energetic thing allowed to enter her house in a long time. When Ken dared to suggest that maybe Taffy might be too hard to handle she told him she would rather get rid of him than the dog.
June was extremely artistic and creative and this shone through in her beautiful garden and all of her artwork. In her last few weeks she made duvet covers, cushions, a skirt and baked a cake. This is more than most of us could ever really manage to achieve.
Except for her known hatred of thunderstorms, she always seemed fearless. We will never forget her standing in front of our 2 large dogs, both of which individually outweighed her by a good 3 stone waving a bag of sausage treats and commenting on how lovely they were as they were revving up ready to charge.
June was always interested in and proud of our achievements and what we had been up to. If we ever broke any news to her a thoughtful card in the post would follow saying how happy she was for us. It’s very strange to think of how different our family is now going to be, or to imagine family events without the powerhouse that was June holding court and making us all laugh.
Wednesday 11 August 2010
team 'wtf get out the bathroom' appaz
Just home from watching Twilight: Eclipse. It was good. Team Wolf or Team Cullen? Me and Lulu discussed on the way home. I say Team Cullen because when they change you into a vampire you become fabulous. Otherwise it is really just a battle as to who is hotter, Jacob or Edward. And both have their points. Although I am more drawn to hot wolf than cold vamp.
Considering me and Lulu were out all evening, I really do not see why both my brothers chose the minute we walked in the door to hog the bathroom. Espesh when I needed to pee. I don't remember, from living at home previously, either brother having an extensive face care regime. I don't even really remember them washing their faces, let alone both heading into the bathroom with hands full of products. Jeez.
Amusing moment of the night, for me, was getting my bag checked at the door of the cinema. My gym bag. After a class of legs bums and tums. There was a moment when he looked at the sports bra and couldn't decide whether to search further or stop. I think he chose the right option for all of us and waved me on in 2.5 seconds.
My stomach muscles were aching from crunching. As I said to Sophie, What did this woman think I was ? The Crunch master? But as Sophie said, I've never done a crunch in my life so after 2 I was gonna start being pissed.
I had my first complaint letter from a patient today. It was pretty annoying since it wasn't my fault that another secretary didn't get back to him. My boss wrote a letter that was basically to that effect. As I typed it from his dictaphone I wanted to go hug him. I am finally working for someone that sticks up for me. Its pretty great to know that you never have to explain yourself; that he knew that I had done my best. That's pretty major.
Also, busting a gut (poss literally, jury out until morning) means being allowed a tub of popcorn for dinner, right? Yeah. That's what I thought.
Good night.
Considering me and Lulu were out all evening, I really do not see why both my brothers chose the minute we walked in the door to hog the bathroom. Espesh when I needed to pee. I don't remember, from living at home previously, either brother having an extensive face care regime. I don't even really remember them washing their faces, let alone both heading into the bathroom with hands full of products. Jeez.
Amusing moment of the night, for me, was getting my bag checked at the door of the cinema. My gym bag. After a class of legs bums and tums. There was a moment when he looked at the sports bra and couldn't decide whether to search further or stop. I think he chose the right option for all of us and waved me on in 2.5 seconds.
My stomach muscles were aching from crunching. As I said to Sophie, What did this woman think I was ? The Crunch master? But as Sophie said, I've never done a crunch in my life so after 2 I was gonna start being pissed.
I had my first complaint letter from a patient today. It was pretty annoying since it wasn't my fault that another secretary didn't get back to him. My boss wrote a letter that was basically to that effect. As I typed it from his dictaphone I wanted to go hug him. I am finally working for someone that sticks up for me. Its pretty great to know that you never have to explain yourself; that he knew that I had done my best. That's pretty major.
Also, busting a gut (poss literally, jury out until morning) means being allowed a tub of popcorn for dinner, right? Yeah. That's what I thought.
Good night.
Tuesday 10 August 2010
downward dog
Yoga class tonight. You cannot even believe how much it makes you sweat. At one point we all had to get into a position that required you lean both hands on the mirrors. Oh yes, my sweaty hands on a slippery surface.It did throw my calm breathing off somewhat.
I actually find yoga harder than body pump. Although today some woman on the train was super rude to me because I shut the window because I was getting rained on. I was all prepared to be rude back and all DONT MESS WITH ME BITCH I BODY PUMP!! But luckily it didnt come to that as she looked at my pumped arms (glaring face) and totally apologised. Oh yeaa I gotta get me some of thattttttt (The sit up song from body pump. Not the Evita song which is for arm pumping).
Today there was A MOUSE in our reception. In our Harley Street reception. Luckily the only patient who noticed it did not speak English so the other patients were moved to consulting rooms and it was removed. Awesome.
I actually find yoga harder than body pump. Although today some woman on the train was super rude to me because I shut the window because I was getting rained on. I was all prepared to be rude back and all DONT MESS WITH ME BITCH I BODY PUMP!! But luckily it didnt come to that as she looked at my pumped arms (glaring face) and totally apologised. Oh yeaa I gotta get me some of thattttttt (The sit up song from body pump. Not the Evita song which is for arm pumping).
Today there was A MOUSE in our reception. In our Harley Street reception. Luckily the only patient who noticed it did not speak English so the other patients were moved to consulting rooms and it was removed. Awesome.
Monday 9 August 2010
fists up
Sophie has a Flickr account. She put some photos up recently of us lot. Some guy called Diego 'favourited' a picture of my brother. It is great fun to tease Jamie about this, although HE says Diego is not after his butt and more is a very good photographer with an eye for a good photo.
Me: I think Diego has printed that photo and laminated it
Jamie: *Half not listening* What's wrong with laminating? I love laminating things. I laminate everything at the church (where he works).
Explaining why we were all laughing was super fun.
It was Sophuses birthday. By her next birthday she will be a mumma. How odd is that. Can't wait.
I have managed to keep up body pump classes. Even though they are on Friday nights.
Mum: So, tonight... are you going to go body pump and then body hump!??!!!11!
Me: Jesus Christ mother... huh. That sounds good actually.
So I went to G's where he told me he is thinking about becoming Muslim. It made me laugh A LOT when he sat bolt upright in the morning at 10 with FUCK!
Me: O god what?!!
G: I forgot to go pray.
HAHAH. This was possibly a lot more funny at the time.
Baby Megs had her vaccinations.
Ruth: She screamed and screamed.
Me: I am glad that she screams when some stranger stabs her with a needle. Bet she was proper good at it too.
Ruth: Yeah she put her fists up too.
Me: Her mighty aunt is proper proud.
I snuggled her on Sunday and she smiled at me. First smile! Absolutely amazing.
Me: I think Diego has printed that photo and laminated it
Jamie: *Half not listening* What's wrong with laminating? I love laminating things. I laminate everything at the church (where he works).
Explaining why we were all laughing was super fun.
It was Sophuses birthday. By her next birthday she will be a mumma. How odd is that. Can't wait.
I have managed to keep up body pump classes. Even though they are on Friday nights.
Mum: So, tonight... are you going to go body pump and then body hump!??!!!11!
Me: Jesus Christ mother... huh. That sounds good actually.
So I went to G's where he told me he is thinking about becoming Muslim. It made me laugh A LOT when he sat bolt upright in the morning at 10 with FUCK!
Me: O god what?!!
G: I forgot to go pray.
HAHAH. This was possibly a lot more funny at the time.
Baby Megs had her vaccinations.
Ruth: She screamed and screamed.
Me: I am glad that she screams when some stranger stabs her with a needle. Bet she was proper good at it too.
Ruth: Yeah she put her fists up too.
Me: Her mighty aunt is proper proud.
I snuggled her on Sunday and she smiled at me. First smile! Absolutely amazing.
Wednesday 28 July 2010
16
So anyways. I survived legs bums and tums. I ENJOYED the ache from it. Body pump on Sunday, however, almost killed me.
Legs bums and tums was quite hard because the instructor was crazy fast and I am crazy uncoordinated. Body Pump was relatively easy compared. Basically you have weights and a weight bar thing – no idea what the technical name for the bar with weights on either end is called – and you pump to the music. Haha. Sounds rude. Anyways. I quite liked this class. Until afterwards. We went for a nice swim and I couldn’t lower myself into the pool. And the next day I couldn’t do stairs. Or walk. I almost had to ride the train to the end of the line because I couldn’t get off it. I am still feeling uber thigh ache now. And I am going back on Friday. Madness.
Today I even bought some proper gym leggings. My previous gym clothes were mens joggers because they have pockets, and womens don’t, for my iPod. Now I just talk to Heather. Or, you know, listen to her yelling INCREASE THE INCLINE!!
The leggings are from M&S. I went to try them on and the queue was massive. Luckily I was wearing my patented shopping outfit – skirt, leggings, vest, slip on shoes. This outfit means that you can try pretty much any item of clothing on without queueing for a changing room. Although I admit, taking my leggings off on the shop floor today was the most audacious I have ever been.
There was quite a large lady also looking at the M&S gym range. I was buying from there because I know they have big sizes and they are ok priced. Not from any particular know how or whatnot. So she starts asking my advice. And I’m all.. uh.. dude.. I dunno. Basically I am getting a cropped pair because I did yoga the other day and tripped over the long bottoms on my joggers whilst doing downward dog. And in black because it matches my trainers. She was all, oh. Um. But what do you think of these? And she held up a grey pair. Now, Heather told me not to get grey because of the sweating issue and it showing through. So this lady was all, putting these back then! And what about these? And I was all, srsly, dude. WTF. Look at my butt. It clearly does not know much about gyms. NOT YET ANYWAY.
One of the additional benefits of the gym is that it stops you eating ‘bad’ food. My office is junk food central. Cookies here, brownies there. Now I am all DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE TO MARCH ON AN INCLINE TO WEAR THAT OFF?? MY THIGHS DID NOT SUFFER FOR A COOKIE. You bet your ass when I break this diet it will be for something worthwhile.
This evening I made a delicious spaghetti bolognaise. Mum was all, this is delicious. I did not know you could cook. But I am pretty sure everyone knew that I can cook the shit out of a packet of mince. This spag bol had tomatoes, courgettes, aubergines, onions, mushrooms and peppers and kidney beans. It was too too healthy and yum.
I ate it whilst watching a Gok Wan programme in mum and dads room. Lulu came in and wedged herself on the bed between them. Then she said: “Gok would just dress me naked since every part of me is hot.” Haha. Then she did a big sneeze and Dad said: “Gosh. That was so big I almost fell off of the bed."
Legs bums and tums was quite hard because the instructor was crazy fast and I am crazy uncoordinated. Body Pump was relatively easy compared. Basically you have weights and a weight bar thing – no idea what the technical name for the bar with weights on either end is called – and you pump to the music. Haha. Sounds rude. Anyways. I quite liked this class. Until afterwards. We went for a nice swim and I couldn’t lower myself into the pool. And the next day I couldn’t do stairs. Or walk. I almost had to ride the train to the end of the line because I couldn’t get off it. I am still feeling uber thigh ache now. And I am going back on Friday. Madness.
Today I even bought some proper gym leggings. My previous gym clothes were mens joggers because they have pockets, and womens don’t, for my iPod. Now I just talk to Heather. Or, you know, listen to her yelling INCREASE THE INCLINE!!
The leggings are from M&S. I went to try them on and the queue was massive. Luckily I was wearing my patented shopping outfit – skirt, leggings, vest, slip on shoes. This outfit means that you can try pretty much any item of clothing on without queueing for a changing room. Although I admit, taking my leggings off on the shop floor today was the most audacious I have ever been.
There was quite a large lady also looking at the M&S gym range. I was buying from there because I know they have big sizes and they are ok priced. Not from any particular know how or whatnot. So she starts asking my advice. And I’m all.. uh.. dude.. I dunno. Basically I am getting a cropped pair because I did yoga the other day and tripped over the long bottoms on my joggers whilst doing downward dog. And in black because it matches my trainers. She was all, oh. Um. But what do you think of these? And she held up a grey pair. Now, Heather told me not to get grey because of the sweating issue and it showing through. So this lady was all, putting these back then! And what about these? And I was all, srsly, dude. WTF. Look at my butt. It clearly does not know much about gyms. NOT YET ANYWAY.
One of the additional benefits of the gym is that it stops you eating ‘bad’ food. My office is junk food central. Cookies here, brownies there. Now I am all DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE TO MARCH ON AN INCLINE TO WEAR THAT OFF?? MY THIGHS DID NOT SUFFER FOR A COOKIE. You bet your ass when I break this diet it will be for something worthwhile.
This evening I made a delicious spaghetti bolognaise. Mum was all, this is delicious. I did not know you could cook. But I am pretty sure everyone knew that I can cook the shit out of a packet of mince. This spag bol had tomatoes, courgettes, aubergines, onions, mushrooms and peppers and kidney beans. It was too too healthy and yum.
I ate it whilst watching a Gok Wan programme in mum and dads room. Lulu came in and wedged herself on the bed between them. Then she said: “Gok would just dress me naked since every part of me is hot.” Haha. Then she did a big sneeze and Dad said: “Gosh. That was so big I almost fell off of the bed."
Wednesday 21 July 2010
possibly last post
Tonight. Legs, Bums and Tums.
Or, as Heather says TONED LEGS BUMS AND TUMS YAY!
Help. me.
Or, as Heather says TONED LEGS BUMS AND TUMS YAY!
Help. me.
Tuesday 20 July 2010
splish splash i was takin a bath
On Sunday I met my pal Liz for a dog walk. She said the magic words (bacon sadwich) and I was there. I was slightly worried because my parents dogs are raving lunatics and the size of ponies. Which is a bad combination. But all was well and Lilly the lab charmed the pants off of them and they were all very well behaved.
Monty is a water dog. Unfortunately he is now an elderly water dog and streams and rivers and lakes that he would joyfully bound in he struggles to get out of. This happened in the muddiest ditchiest deepest under a bridge swamp land. I had to go and rescue him. I was wearing a nice Monsoon summer dress. Filthy. And my face. And my arms. And legs. I was like a spa victim. It is just sheer luck that I did not fall in.
We went for a lovely ramble through the woods and to a gorgeous lake. Liz was like, we just have to wait for the ducklings to swim away and then we can... SPLASH. My heffalump hounds were in. The biggest belly flops you ever did see. Ducklings scattered in all directions on a tidal wave of dirty water. Lilly gracefully slipped in. Those dogs fetched sticks and swam for ages and the whole surrounding area was absolutely ruined. Chewed sticks everywhere, mud and half the lake. That is when we decided to go home. It was rough dirty fun.
When I got home, I had just enough time to shower before Ruth and baby Megs came round. Ruth said Megs was crying because the house smelt like shit and she was right. Boris likes to perfume himself with the stench of death and decay. I locked him in the garden for a bit. I can’t believe Megs is now 7 weeks old. She is too cute and tiny and snuggable. Can’t wait to meet Baby Fabe.
Then Lulu, Ma and Pa came home and we drank champagne.Because Lulu birthdays are 4 day affairs.
Then I went to work today and shared a bottle of champagne from a patient with my boss. He has been waiting for a whole week to drink it and tonight I finally allowed it to be opened. Too exciting. This morning he was raving about someone who wrote something annoying to him. He was like, why are you not annoyed about this? Why does this not totally work you up? And I was all, a lot of caring is used up on myself, innit. And that is true. I am really not bothered about people outside my sphere of family and friends. I mean seriously, have you seen the spots on my chin?
Monty is a water dog. Unfortunately he is now an elderly water dog and streams and rivers and lakes that he would joyfully bound in he struggles to get out of. This happened in the muddiest ditchiest deepest under a bridge swamp land. I had to go and rescue him. I was wearing a nice Monsoon summer dress. Filthy. And my face. And my arms. And legs. I was like a spa victim. It is just sheer luck that I did not fall in.
We went for a lovely ramble through the woods and to a gorgeous lake. Liz was like, we just have to wait for the ducklings to swim away and then we can... SPLASH. My heffalump hounds were in. The biggest belly flops you ever did see. Ducklings scattered in all directions on a tidal wave of dirty water. Lilly gracefully slipped in. Those dogs fetched sticks and swam for ages and the whole surrounding area was absolutely ruined. Chewed sticks everywhere, mud and half the lake. That is when we decided to go home. It was rough dirty fun.
When I got home, I had just enough time to shower before Ruth and baby Megs came round. Ruth said Megs was crying because the house smelt like shit and she was right. Boris likes to perfume himself with the stench of death and decay. I locked him in the garden for a bit. I can’t believe Megs is now 7 weeks old. She is too cute and tiny and snuggable. Can’t wait to meet Baby Fabe.
Then Lulu, Ma and Pa came home and we drank champagne.Because Lulu birthdays are 4 day affairs.
Then I went to work today and shared a bottle of champagne from a patient with my boss. He has been waiting for a whole week to drink it and tonight I finally allowed it to be opened. Too exciting. This morning he was raving about someone who wrote something annoying to him. He was like, why are you not annoyed about this? Why does this not totally work you up? And I was all, a lot of caring is used up on myself, innit. And that is true. I am really not bothered about people outside my sphere of family and friends. I mean seriously, have you seen the spots on my chin?
Monday 19 July 2010
the land of the scots and heather
Well. It has been a very busy few days.
On Thursday night it was birthday drinks for Lulu who was almost 18. As dad says, old enough to buy us all a pint. Which is the most important thing. There was family, pizza and beer. Although the pizza didnt stick around for long because Boris is a ninja.
On Friday Lulu was taken to Scotland. Our aunts were born in Scotland and apparently Lulu bombarded them with messages such as: I need a wee. How do you say toilet in Scottish? (To which my aunt was replying, I am going to mash you). I decided to leave work early and walk the dogs. Obviously it was the day that I forgot my door key so I had to trek to my brothers work and home again and by that point I may as well have just finished work at the regular time. I walked the dogs with G because he was all, I would love to walk a dog, and I was all...dude. That is easily arranged. He loved holding Monty.
On Saturday my friend Heather took me to the gym. I have told her that I need to lose weight for her wedding in Cyprus in September and she has made it her mission to gym buddy me. She is one scary mother though and I thought she was going to kill me. I had my induction (when I joined a previous gym I asked for an ugly woman to show me round. Obv Hevs picks the hottest man. Him – So why are you joining the gym. Me – Oh. For entirely glamorous reasons..).
After the induction Heather was like, so, what shall we do now? And I was all, sit by the pool and have a chat? So. That was the wrong answer. Ok. 10 minutes on the cross trainer. Just whilst we are here. And I prefer it if you didn’t hold on. Puff puff. Ok. Just 10 minutes on the treadmill. Oh. Piece of piss! I can walk for England. Appaz not on an incline of MOUNTAIN going at a slow jog. Just 10 minutes was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Then we went on the power plate. I was all, yay, this one is the celebrity one that you just stand on and it does the work for you. Not in Heather land. In Heather land you hold a sit up on it, and a squat, and you feel the burn like nothing before. Although I was kept amused by some guy who was just lying on it. I tell you something though. Make sure you have gone to the toilet in all departments before you get on because everything gets shaken loose. As it were. *Ahem*
Luckily my treat was then going for a swim. Which I totally heart. I love swimming. Especially in a beautiful clean empty outdoor heated pool. And then in the jacuzzi. Then the steam room. And then a guilty squeeze of all spots that were steamed loose.
After the gym, we went to the gym cafe. I joked I was going to order a bottle of red and some cheesecake – which was randomly on the menu – but after a stern look from Heather I ordered the jacket potato.
Then my pallios came over for a drink and some pasta in the evening. Living at home makes it easy to host last minute glamorous alfresco dinner parties as my mother has hundreds of cute bowels and plates and outdoor furniture and lamps and candles.
Slept like the dead. Muscles woke me up in the morning. Every single one of them.
On Thursday night it was birthday drinks for Lulu who was almost 18. As dad says, old enough to buy us all a pint. Which is the most important thing. There was family, pizza and beer. Although the pizza didnt stick around for long because Boris is a ninja.
On Friday Lulu was taken to Scotland. Our aunts were born in Scotland and apparently Lulu bombarded them with messages such as: I need a wee. How do you say toilet in Scottish? (To which my aunt was replying, I am going to mash you). I decided to leave work early and walk the dogs. Obviously it was the day that I forgot my door key so I had to trek to my brothers work and home again and by that point I may as well have just finished work at the regular time. I walked the dogs with G because he was all, I would love to walk a dog, and I was all...dude. That is easily arranged. He loved holding Monty.
On Saturday my friend Heather took me to the gym. I have told her that I need to lose weight for her wedding in Cyprus in September and she has made it her mission to gym buddy me. She is one scary mother though and I thought she was going to kill me. I had my induction (when I joined a previous gym I asked for an ugly woman to show me round. Obv Hevs picks the hottest man. Him – So why are you joining the gym. Me – Oh. For entirely glamorous reasons..).
After the induction Heather was like, so, what shall we do now? And I was all, sit by the pool and have a chat? So. That was the wrong answer. Ok. 10 minutes on the cross trainer. Just whilst we are here. And I prefer it if you didn’t hold on. Puff puff. Ok. Just 10 minutes on the treadmill. Oh. Piece of piss! I can walk for England. Appaz not on an incline of MOUNTAIN going at a slow jog. Just 10 minutes was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Then we went on the power plate. I was all, yay, this one is the celebrity one that you just stand on and it does the work for you. Not in Heather land. In Heather land you hold a sit up on it, and a squat, and you feel the burn like nothing before. Although I was kept amused by some guy who was just lying on it. I tell you something though. Make sure you have gone to the toilet in all departments before you get on because everything gets shaken loose. As it were. *Ahem*
Luckily my treat was then going for a swim. Which I totally heart. I love swimming. Especially in a beautiful clean empty outdoor heated pool. And then in the jacuzzi. Then the steam room. And then a guilty squeeze of all spots that were steamed loose.
After the gym, we went to the gym cafe. I joked I was going to order a bottle of red and some cheesecake – which was randomly on the menu – but after a stern look from Heather I ordered the jacket potato.
Then my pallios came over for a drink and some pasta in the evening. Living at home makes it easy to host last minute glamorous alfresco dinner parties as my mother has hundreds of cute bowels and plates and outdoor furniture and lamps and candles.
Slept like the dead. Muscles woke me up in the morning. Every single one of them.
Friday 16 July 2010
peaceful
I think that one of my least favourite things in life is bitchy women. Especially bitchy women in the workplace. He said she said I SAID WE ARE NOT 16 ANY MORE BITCHES, JEEZ.
Living at home is going well. I have started drinking coffee in the morning before work with ma and pa. Or, rather:
Mum: Mark, make Ro a coffee
Dad: WHY DON’T I GET FUCKING STARBUCKS TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD.
It was Lulus 18th birthday evening last night. She got quite a bit of money and there was champagne and cake. She was happy. I dropped Sophie and Matt home. Matt bought out my big furry mate Clyde to say hello. I miss that mad furry bastard.
Mum and Dad have taken her to Scotland for the weekend. I am dog sitting. I decided to leave work early and have a nice afternoon with them. Obviously today is the day I forgot my keys. Had to trek to get my brothers keys and by the time I’d got thebus back home there was really not much of the afternoon left. Met G in the park. He told me last weekend that he would love to walk a dog and I was all.. easily arranged dude. We lay flat in a field for about an hour. Peaceful.
Living at home is going well. I have started drinking coffee in the morning before work with ma and pa. Or, rather:
Mum: Mark, make Ro a coffee
Dad: WHY DON’T I GET FUCKING STARBUCKS TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD.
It was Lulus 18th birthday evening last night. She got quite a bit of money and there was champagne and cake. She was happy. I dropped Sophie and Matt home. Matt bought out my big furry mate Clyde to say hello. I miss that mad furry bastard.
Mum and Dad have taken her to Scotland for the weekend. I am dog sitting. I decided to leave work early and have a nice afternoon with them. Obviously today is the day I forgot my keys. Had to trek to get my brothers keys and by the time I’d got thebus back home there was really not much of the afternoon left. Met G in the park. He told me last weekend that he would love to walk a dog and I was all.. easily arranged dude. We lay flat in a field for about an hour. Peaceful.
Sunday 11 July 2010
i love steps
I had a fantastic day yesterday. My friend G has decided to give up beer, fags and being a lazy uncultured bum and has decided to visit galleries around London. Yesterday he invited me to come to the National Gallery with him. I am the first to admit that I am pretty geographically clueless. I can only map parts of London in my mind once I have worked there for a while or been a few times. G tells me The National Gallery is at Embankment. We travel to Embankment.
Me - I am pretty sure no galleries are on this side of the river in this area.
Him - Eh, I dunno. Lets cross then.
Me - Ok..
*Walking along the Hungerford Bridge, we come to the map/skyline of London*
Me - Crap. The gallery is on that side.
G - O mannn. What do we do?
Me - I dunno. Carry on and walk along South Bank instead? Or go find the Gallery?
G - I don't mind.
Me - Ok, lets not be a pair of losers who can't find a famous gallery.
*We cross back over the bridge in the 30 degree heat and start heading towards The Tower of London*
G - Must be down here somewhere
Me - I just don't remember a gallery being on this side of the river in this area.
*20 minutes later*
Me - Another map over here lets just... oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
G - So lets head back the way we came shall we?
Me - Srsly. We are a total pair of losers. I'm embarrassed.
*Back to the Hungerford Bridge but right at the top instead of left*
Have you ever turned right at the top of that bridge?? There is a whole other town up there! Market stalls and whatnot. By this point though I would have stabbed a man for a glass of water. We found a little newsagent and I downed my water. Delicious. Best water ever. And FINALLY we found signs to the gallery. Which was just where I remember it being, down from Leicester Square tube. If only I'd remembered that. Especially since me, so, Matt and Lol were there on St Georges Day.
I loved that G thought the place was so amazing. He had never been before and could not quite get his head round the fact that he was 3 foot from Van Goghs Sunflowers.
"But, like, I can TOUCH that! What is it DOING here? Is this for real? Do you know how famous this picture is?? How old? How come it is here? This must be one of the best galleries in the world."
It was great taking someone so enthusiastic although he did 'wain' "get it? I am hay WAINING! Waning! Need to get out of here" after an hour. Although so had I at that point.
He loved the Constables and Turners whilst I am more Monet and Van Gogh.
When we left, we walked past the Portrait Gallery and popped in to look at the BP portrait exhibition.
G - That's a photo!
Me - No, all are paintings.
G - But this one is a photo.
Me - Nope. Brilliant isn't it?
G - THIS one is a photo. Must be.
Me - ALL of them are paintings.
G - But THIS one ..
Me - Srsly. I will kill you.
By this point we had clearly had enough culture and needed to lie flat on some grass with a sandwich. We had a slight debate about where to get a sandwich - I voted Costa or Starbucks but he was all pooh pooh American chains so we went to a Subway style sandwich shop. In HIS face though because I ordered a vege baguette and he ordered a meatball baguette and the server was a twit so he also ended up with a vege sub. Haha.
I have been very stressed recently. There were work moments that made my hands start curling into fists, I moved and my gma is very ill. So to lie in the sun on the grass was just a moment of gorgeous. I rested my head on G's stomach and he stroked my hair and we discussed the most important issues in life - if you could live anywhere but London, where would it be? Pigeons - friend or foe? Is that mark on my shirt your dribble or dressing from my sandwich?
Then we bought an ice cream and shambled over the Hungerford Bridge (for the 3rd time). It was BOILING and I'd kinda had enough of The Hungerford Bridge but it was beautiful out so I said, instead, I LOVE STEPS I DO. Which made G laugh for up to and including 4 minutes. By this time I needed another bottle of water. Hydration is very important. So we wandered along South Bank to the end where the little beach is. For some reason there was a small group of tiny flags on it with photographers. So we sat in the sun and watched that for a bit. I had another bottle of water. As G said, gosh, you like water don't you. It was really flippin hot. Then we walked back and over the bridge and walked to St James' Park. I was kinda bursting for a wee at that point but it was really too hot to look for a toilet.
We spreadeagled on the grass here, with one eye open for pelicans. Those bastards will eat anything.
Then we walked all the way round the lake and back to where we started because G wanted to know what the Horse Guard place was. Basically it was a slight tunnel thing with one poor guard standing in full dress and to attention whilst tourists hung off him for photos. As we both said, poor bastard.
Then we walked to Covent Garden.
G - Do you KNOW how to walk to Covent Garden.
Me - I know roughly where Covent Garden is and am more hinging this on that we can't miss it.
Luckily we found it; more specifically we found a pub. I went straight to the toilet. By this time I had drunk about 4 bottles of water. Deep joy. Then I washed all my makeup off because it was totally melted anyway and just covered all bare skin with sun cream. G says that there is no need for sun lotion in England but he is Italian and a twit.
So we had a nice beer in the sun and by that time it was 6pm and we both decided to head back to North London to a pub garden where we could actually sit down. It had pretty much got to the point where I had enough of standing and walking. To sit down in the pub garden finally was bliss.
Then we got some chips and walked home. Perfect end to the perfect day.
Me - I am pretty sure no galleries are on this side of the river in this area.
Him - Eh, I dunno. Lets cross then.
Me - Ok..
*Walking along the Hungerford Bridge, we come to the map/skyline of London*
Me - Crap. The gallery is on that side.
G - O mannn. What do we do?
Me - I dunno. Carry on and walk along South Bank instead? Or go find the Gallery?
G - I don't mind.
Me - Ok, lets not be a pair of losers who can't find a famous gallery.
*We cross back over the bridge in the 30 degree heat and start heading towards The Tower of London*
G - Must be down here somewhere
Me - I just don't remember a gallery being on this side of the river in this area.
*20 minutes later*
Me - Another map over here lets just... oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
G - So lets head back the way we came shall we?
Me - Srsly. We are a total pair of losers. I'm embarrassed.
*Back to the Hungerford Bridge but right at the top instead of left*
Have you ever turned right at the top of that bridge?? There is a whole other town up there! Market stalls and whatnot. By this point though I would have stabbed a man for a glass of water. We found a little newsagent and I downed my water. Delicious. Best water ever. And FINALLY we found signs to the gallery. Which was just where I remember it being, down from Leicester Square tube. If only I'd remembered that. Especially since me, so, Matt and Lol were there on St Georges Day.
I loved that G thought the place was so amazing. He had never been before and could not quite get his head round the fact that he was 3 foot from Van Goghs Sunflowers.
"But, like, I can TOUCH that! What is it DOING here? Is this for real? Do you know how famous this picture is?? How old? How come it is here? This must be one of the best galleries in the world."
It was great taking someone so enthusiastic although he did 'wain' "get it? I am hay WAINING! Waning! Need to get out of here" after an hour. Although so had I at that point.
He loved the Constables and Turners whilst I am more Monet and Van Gogh.
When we left, we walked past the Portrait Gallery and popped in to look at the BP portrait exhibition.
G - That's a photo!
Me - No, all are paintings.
G - But this one is a photo.
Me - Nope. Brilliant isn't it?
G - THIS one is a photo. Must be.
Me - ALL of them are paintings.
G - But THIS one ..
Me - Srsly. I will kill you.
By this point we had clearly had enough culture and needed to lie flat on some grass with a sandwich. We had a slight debate about where to get a sandwich - I voted Costa or Starbucks but he was all pooh pooh American chains so we went to a Subway style sandwich shop. In HIS face though because I ordered a vege baguette and he ordered a meatball baguette and the server was a twit so he also ended up with a vege sub. Haha.
I have been very stressed recently. There were work moments that made my hands start curling into fists, I moved and my gma is very ill. So to lie in the sun on the grass was just a moment of gorgeous. I rested my head on G's stomach and he stroked my hair and we discussed the most important issues in life - if you could live anywhere but London, where would it be? Pigeons - friend or foe? Is that mark on my shirt your dribble or dressing from my sandwich?
Then we bought an ice cream and shambled over the Hungerford Bridge (for the 3rd time). It was BOILING and I'd kinda had enough of The Hungerford Bridge but it was beautiful out so I said, instead, I LOVE STEPS I DO. Which made G laugh for up to and including 4 minutes. By this time I needed another bottle of water. Hydration is very important. So we wandered along South Bank to the end where the little beach is. For some reason there was a small group of tiny flags on it with photographers. So we sat in the sun and watched that for a bit. I had another bottle of water. As G said, gosh, you like water don't you. It was really flippin hot. Then we walked back and over the bridge and walked to St James' Park. I was kinda bursting for a wee at that point but it was really too hot to look for a toilet.
We spreadeagled on the grass here, with one eye open for pelicans. Those bastards will eat anything.
Then we walked all the way round the lake and back to where we started because G wanted to know what the Horse Guard place was. Basically it was a slight tunnel thing with one poor guard standing in full dress and to attention whilst tourists hung off him for photos. As we both said, poor bastard.
Then we walked to Covent Garden.
G - Do you KNOW how to walk to Covent Garden.
Me - I know roughly where Covent Garden is and am more hinging this on that we can't miss it.
Luckily we found it; more specifically we found a pub. I went straight to the toilet. By this time I had drunk about 4 bottles of water. Deep joy. Then I washed all my makeup off because it was totally melted anyway and just covered all bare skin with sun cream. G says that there is no need for sun lotion in England but he is Italian and a twit.
So we had a nice beer in the sun and by that time it was 6pm and we both decided to head back to North London to a pub garden where we could actually sit down. It had pretty much got to the point where I had enough of standing and walking. To sit down in the pub garden finally was bliss.
Then we got some chips and walked home. Perfect end to the perfect day.
Wednesday 7 July 2010
paragraphs
Now that I have my own laptop, it is much easier to update this. Which I should really because lots of things are happening at the moment.
Firstly, I love my job. I am THAT bitch who really likes what she does. Which is ironic because I have no ambition and there was nothing I wanted to be when I was 'older.' Actually, that is a lie, I though I would be a physiotherapist. Until I realised how much studying had to go into it. Noooo thank you.
Secondly, my sister is pregnant. I cannot wait to meet baby Fabe.
Thirdly, my best friend had a baby and she is beautiful and I could snuggle her for hours.
However. All this is at the moment underlyed by my beautiful gma being very very unwell. Me and my sister went to visit her in the hospital and it was very emotional and I get very choked up thinking about it. But I am glad that gma looked beautifully coiffed, had a framed photo of her dog by her bedside and had kept her sense of humour. I hope she makes it home to a comfy chair, her dog at her feet, looking at her garden and talking to my gpa. I have my fingers crossed.
Did I just sum up the last year in a few paragraphs??!!
Firstly, I love my job. I am THAT bitch who really likes what she does. Which is ironic because I have no ambition and there was nothing I wanted to be when I was 'older.' Actually, that is a lie, I though I would be a physiotherapist. Until I realised how much studying had to go into it. Noooo thank you.
Secondly, my sister is pregnant. I cannot wait to meet baby Fabe.
Thirdly, my best friend had a baby and she is beautiful and I could snuggle her for hours.
However. All this is at the moment underlyed by my beautiful gma being very very unwell. Me and my sister went to visit her in the hospital and it was very emotional and I get very choked up thinking about it. But I am glad that gma looked beautifully coiffed, had a framed photo of her dog by her bedside and had kept her sense of humour. I hope she makes it home to a comfy chair, her dog at her feet, looking at her garden and talking to my gpa. I have my fingers crossed.
Did I just sum up the last year in a few paragraphs??!!
Tuesday 6 July 2010
hillbilly rock
I have moved back home for a bit until I move in with friends. So far it is working out ok.
Things I have heard:
STOP PISSING ON MY RHUBARB!
The box says you can leave a thin layer on overnight, or a fat layer on for 10 minutes. I am leaving a medium layer on for 5 hours because I do not follow the rules.
As well as this, my washing is done every night, my little sister makes evening cups of tea and my mum cooked a delicious lamb curry for dinner.
Things I have heard:
STOP PISSING ON MY RHUBARB!
The box says you can leave a thin layer on overnight, or a fat layer on for 10 minutes. I am leaving a medium layer on for 5 hours because I do not follow the rules.
As well as this, my washing is done every night, my little sister makes evening cups of tea and my mum cooked a delicious lamb curry for dinner.
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