Saturday 31 January 2009
SMASH
Background: Since I watched the Hulk on Sunday night, every conversation I've had with David has included the words: "Hulk SMASH!!!
David: Right, I'm off for a blood test.
Rosie: Are you off to see if you are the Hulk?
David: No. I know I'm the Hulk. What with forever waking up in random locations naked. A trail of destruction behind me and a raging headache.
Rosie: ARE YOU REALLY THE HULK??!! OMG. WAIT RIGHT THERE. I AM COMING TO JUMP YOUR BONES.
David: What?? Do you fancy the Hulk!!????
Rosie: Er... YEAH. Who doesn't??
David: We've talked about this. What about his penis problems?
Rosie: What?! What penis problems??! We just said that no one could fell him by kicking him in the nuts!
David: You're only going out with him because of his big arms. I mean, it certainly ain't the conversation. Especially when all he can say is "Betty."
Rosie: What can I say. I chose big arms over conversation. I am shallow like that. Plus, I don't mind him calling me Betty.
Someone I used to work with used to call me Audrey.
David: "Yes darling, Hulk smash!, now come on lets go to the cinema"
Rosie: Jealous
David: I just cant believe youve found someone better at smashing than me. I'll just have to go find me a radioactive chick
Rosie: Good luck with that
David: Wow. We talk a lot of bollocks.
David: Right, I'm off for a blood test.
Rosie: Are you off to see if you are the Hulk?
David: No. I know I'm the Hulk. What with forever waking up in random locations naked. A trail of destruction behind me and a raging headache.
Rosie: ARE YOU REALLY THE HULK??!! OMG. WAIT RIGHT THERE. I AM COMING TO JUMP YOUR BONES.
David: What?? Do you fancy the Hulk!!????
Rosie: Er... YEAH. Who doesn't??
David: We've talked about this. What about his penis problems?
Rosie: What?! What penis problems??! We just said that no one could fell him by kicking him in the nuts!
David: You're only going out with him because of his big arms. I mean, it certainly ain't the conversation. Especially when all he can say is "Betty."
Rosie: What can I say. I chose big arms over conversation. I am shallow like that. Plus, I don't mind him calling me Betty.
Someone I used to work with used to call me Audrey.
David: "Yes darling, Hulk smash!, now come on lets go to the cinema"
Rosie: Jealous
David: I just cant believe youve found someone better at smashing than me. I'll just have to go find me a radioactive chick
Rosie: Good luck with that
David: Wow. We talk a lot of bollocks.
Friday 30 January 2009
madness
7:05 - Clyde clambers up on my bed and onto the headrest (preparing to leap into the dresser) Me: *Mumble* nooo Clyde. Drags him down
7:06 - Clyde looks at me. I try and snuggle back down for the last few pre getting up precious minutes
7:07 - Clyde puts his paw on my head in the 2nd attempt to get on the dresser. Me: mmmphhhhffff Clydeee noooo and God your foot is wetttttt blahhhhhhhhhh *pushes him to the floor*
7:07 - Clyde attempts a quick leap up onto dresser from floor position. Clyde and mini jewellery box come tumbling down. Me: *pillow over head* arghhhhhhh
7:08 - Clyde slinks up onto the bed, trying to act unsuspicious and nochalant. He bites my shoulder REALLY HARD. Me: mmmmmmmmpfhhhhhhh *pushes him to floor again*
7:09 - Clyde leaps up onto bed and pretends to snuggle. All the while his body is edging nearer and nearer to the dresser edge. Me: I'm not stupid. *Pushes him to floor*
This went on until 7:21 when Matt got out the shower and went to feed him. It was like Groundhog Day but even more annoying and I hate that film.
7:06 - Clyde looks at me. I try and snuggle back down for the last few pre getting up precious minutes
7:07 - Clyde puts his paw on my head in the 2nd attempt to get on the dresser. Me: mmmphhhhffff Clydeee noooo and God your foot is wetttttt blahhhhhhhhhh *pushes him to the floor*
7:07 - Clyde attempts a quick leap up onto dresser from floor position. Clyde and mini jewellery box come tumbling down. Me: *pillow over head* arghhhhhhh
7:08 - Clyde slinks up onto the bed, trying to act unsuspicious and nochalant. He bites my shoulder REALLY HARD. Me: mmmmmmmmpfhhhhhhh *pushes him to floor again*
7:09 - Clyde leaps up onto bed and pretends to snuggle. All the while his body is edging nearer and nearer to the dresser edge. Me: I'm not stupid. *Pushes him to floor*
This went on until 7:21 when Matt got out the shower and went to feed him. It was like Groundhog Day but even more annoying and I hate that film.
Thursday 29 January 2009
sleepin all over the world
Sleepin on mamas old duffle coat. Dats pretty cuwte.
Sleepin on mamas clean washing. That is VERY VERY ANNOYING.
Wednesday 28 January 2009
questions mainly based on scary programmes on tv
Me: Would you rather:
Suck a slimy, snotty slug
or
Crunch a cockroach?
Gio: Great, great question….cockroach I think.
A woman here just said she wouldn’t sell her cat for £20 million. I told her to get a grip.
Me: I think cockroach too. The thought of even touching the slug makes me gag.
£20 million!!!!!! Firstly, I would question the sanity of anyone offering £20 million for Clyde. Second, I would question it whilst cashing my £20 million down Barclays.
Would you rather:
Suck a tramps crusty infected toes for up to and including 5 minutes
or
Give him £1000?
Gio: Have to give them a grand of my dosh I suppose.
Looked at my CD collection yesterday and really worried about myself when I saw Kylie, Aqua, Take That and Chapzone staring back at me.
Me: Me too.
Don't worry re: the albums. Matt has some of those too. He just hides them between albums like: omgihateeveryonetheyareallsuchloserswhydoesntanyoneunderstandmegoingtohavetopokemyselfintheeyeargh
Would you rather be:
Half ton son
or
Half man/half tree?
P.s. It is the year of the Ox. Even though I am rattus rattus, I feel this is my year.
Gio: Have to be Half ton son, at least he can do something about it I suppose.
I’m an Ox an’all!!
Me: Good answer. I don't think I could still be your friend if you were the tree man. Freaks me out too much. I could only watch 4 minutes of that programme. Like the Elephant Man. Me and Matt were arguing the other day about what Rolf harris' wobble board was called and he wouldn't change the channel off of the Elephant Man until I said, alright alright it is called something more technical than wobble board.
We have some very sophisticated debates in our house.
ARE YOU ALSO AN OX???!!!! HAHA! Biiiiiig and strongggggg.
Would you rather get off with:
One of those extreme doll things
Or
A bollard?
Gio: Some of those "extreme doll things" are very nice I'll have you known.
Me: ... Lordy
Suck a slimy, snotty slug
or
Crunch a cockroach?
Gio: Great, great question….cockroach I think.
A woman here just said she wouldn’t sell her cat for £20 million. I told her to get a grip.
Me: I think cockroach too. The thought of even touching the slug makes me gag.
£20 million!!!!!! Firstly, I would question the sanity of anyone offering £20 million for Clyde. Second, I would question it whilst cashing my £20 million down Barclays.
Would you rather:
Suck a tramps crusty infected toes for up to and including 5 minutes
or
Give him £1000?
Gio: Have to give them a grand of my dosh I suppose.
Looked at my CD collection yesterday and really worried about myself when I saw Kylie, Aqua, Take That and Chapzone staring back at me.
Me: Me too.
Don't worry re: the albums. Matt has some of those too. He just hides them between albums like: omgihateeveryonetheyareallsuchloserswhydoesntanyoneunderstandmegoingtohavetopokemyselfintheeyeargh
Would you rather be:
Half ton son
or
Half man/half tree?
P.s. It is the year of the Ox. Even though I am rattus rattus, I feel this is my year.
Gio: Have to be Half ton son, at least he can do something about it I suppose.
I’m an Ox an’all!!
Me: Good answer. I don't think I could still be your friend if you were the tree man. Freaks me out too much. I could only watch 4 minutes of that programme. Like the Elephant Man. Me and Matt were arguing the other day about what Rolf harris' wobble board was called and he wouldn't change the channel off of the Elephant Man until I said, alright alright it is called something more technical than wobble board.
We have some very sophisticated debates in our house.
ARE YOU ALSO AN OX???!!!! HAHA! Biiiiiig and strongggggg.
Would you rather get off with:
One of those extreme doll things
Or
A bollard?
Gio: Some of those "extreme doll things" are very nice I'll have you known.
Me: ... Lordy
Tuesday 27 January 2009
riddles and revelations
Sophie: There's a body lying dead on a bed, and on the floor beside it is a pair of scissors. The scissors were instrumental in his death, yet there's no trace of blood. The body reveals no signs of any cuts or bruises. How could the person have been murdered with the pair of scissors?
Me: Rubber/metal allergy. You hear about people with allergies like that. They can't wear condoms.
Jess: Shouldn't we call the police instead of trying to solve the crime ourselves? I mean...someone's dead!
Sophie: I think they need to call EXTREME FORENSICS!
Me: I reckon
he swallowed the scissors
and then
pooped them out.
No need for extreme forensics. I'm on it.
Jess: FD!! It's rather sad that i immediately think of stupid things to say RATHER than actually be bothered enough to work out the riddle... I spose it's because I just don't really give a f**k... and I'm immature.
Sophie: Or me:
What was he wearing? What time was it? How long had he been dead for? Where was the suspect? Was there any DNA evidence? Fingerprints?
Actually, that line of questioning would serve me well for a career with the fowensics.
Jess: FD!!!
Me: No. You'd be going:
Where did he get his socks from?
What was his paternal grandparents called?
Jess: She SO would!!!
Sophie: Background research!!!
Me: She'd keep on like that until there was a new murder. Hers.
Jess: FD! Fowensics funny! It was probably a perverts death of some sort anyway.
Me: CASE CLOSED
Me: YOU CAN ALL GO HOME. SORTED.
Me: PUT THAT MICROSCOPE AWAY! DIDN'T YOU HEARRR??? PERVERTS DEATH
Jess: Oh reeeely laughing here!!!!
Sophie: I’d LOVEEEEEEEEE that job. Best job ever.
Me: That job is GROSS. You have to deal with dead bodies in refrigerators. That is not my idea of a good time. Unless I put them there.
Jess: FD! I could kill very easily.
Sophie: Me too, especially with a gun where you wouldn’t have to jab flesh or anything squeamish
Me: I've never thought of shooting anyone. If I was going to kill someone I could easily run them over. Or beat them to death. I think once I started battering someone, I wouldn't stop. I'm not like one of those people who get startled by a burglar or attacked and who manage to knock them down but then run off. If I got them down I am going to mash them. Get Clyde to sit on them whilst I call the old bill. Throw bleach and nailvarnish remover at them. ... I've thought it through.
Jess: Srsly you HAVE thought this through!!!
Jess: Oh man I'm still pissing myself here!!!! NAILVARNISH REMOVER???? BLEACH????? What is WRONG with you???
Sophie: Dunno but getting scared. Especially with the sleepwalking tendencies.
Me Srlsy, Sophie threw that shit in my eyes once. Thought I'd been blinded.
Sophie: WHAT! WHEN?
Me: Years ago. You were sitting on the top bunk. I was standing. I remember the burn like it was yesterday.
Jess: Snigger.......elephant memory much!
Me: It is hard to forget these things. Also, if you are ever attacked and you throw nailvarnish remover at them and you survive... YOU'RE WELCOME
.
.
.
.
.
Sadie: Am on a course..
At 4.30 I had had enough.
At 4.45 I had had more than enough.
At 5.15 I had zoned out
At 5.20 I threw a murderous look at Paul when he said 'can I just ask..............'
At 5.21, with the aid of a pair of scissors...............
Me: Rubber/metal allergy. You hear about people with allergies like that. They can't wear condoms.
Jess: Shouldn't we call the police instead of trying to solve the crime ourselves? I mean...someone's dead!
Sophie: I think they need to call EXTREME FORENSICS!
Me: I reckon
he swallowed the scissors
and then
pooped them out.
No need for extreme forensics. I'm on it.
Jess: FD!! It's rather sad that i immediately think of stupid things to say RATHER than actually be bothered enough to work out the riddle... I spose it's because I just don't really give a f**k... and I'm immature.
Sophie: Or me:
What was he wearing? What time was it? How long had he been dead for? Where was the suspect? Was there any DNA evidence? Fingerprints?
Actually, that line of questioning would serve me well for a career with the fowensics.
Jess: FD!!!
Me: No. You'd be going:
Where did he get his socks from?
What was his paternal grandparents called?
Jess: She SO would!!!
Sophie: Background research!!!
Me: She'd keep on like that until there was a new murder. Hers.
Jess: FD! Fowensics funny! It was probably a perverts death of some sort anyway.
Me: CASE CLOSED
Me: YOU CAN ALL GO HOME. SORTED.
Me: PUT THAT MICROSCOPE AWAY! DIDN'T YOU HEARRR??? PERVERTS DEATH
Jess: Oh reeeely laughing here!!!!
Sophie: I’d LOVEEEEEEEEE that job. Best job ever.
Me: That job is GROSS. You have to deal with dead bodies in refrigerators. That is not my idea of a good time. Unless I put them there.
Jess: FD! I could kill very easily.
Sophie: Me too, especially with a gun where you wouldn’t have to jab flesh or anything squeamish
Me: I've never thought of shooting anyone. If I was going to kill someone I could easily run them over. Or beat them to death. I think once I started battering someone, I wouldn't stop. I'm not like one of those people who get startled by a burglar or attacked and who manage to knock them down but then run off. If I got them down I am going to mash them. Get Clyde to sit on them whilst I call the old bill. Throw bleach and nailvarnish remover at them. ... I've thought it through.
Jess: Srsly you HAVE thought this through!!!
Jess: Oh man I'm still pissing myself here!!!! NAILVARNISH REMOVER???? BLEACH????? What is WRONG with you???
Sophie: Dunno but getting scared. Especially with the sleepwalking tendencies.
Me Srlsy, Sophie threw that shit in my eyes once. Thought I'd been blinded.
Sophie: WHAT! WHEN?
Me: Years ago. You were sitting on the top bunk. I was standing. I remember the burn like it was yesterday.
Jess: Snigger.......elephant memory much!
Me: It is hard to forget these things. Also, if you are ever attacked and you throw nailvarnish remover at them and you survive... YOU'RE WELCOME
.
.
.
.
.
Sadie: Am on a course..
At 4.30 I had had enough.
At 4.45 I had had more than enough.
At 5.15 I had zoned out
At 5.20 I threw a murderous look at Paul when he said 'can I just ask..............'
At 5.21, with the aid of a pair of scissors...............
Monday 26 January 2009
I like big butts and I can not lie
Jes: Oh man…Monday…and Saturday to look forward to. Not.
Sophie: Nooooooooooooooo(nonononononononononono)
Jess: FD.... though I do feel that pain.
Sophie: Where is Sadie then?
Jess: I dunno!! Any idea?
Sophie: Chillaxing at home?
Me: Funny! That is what I think too. I am eating porridge. Taking it slowly.
Jess: She may be on a course I suppose? Now I want to know.... I'll text her.
Sophie: Company brekkie being delivered in a mo. Good thing about that is the crate of yummy seasonal fruit from I believe the only English greengrocers left in London. I like to make myself a platter to last the week
Me: Wish we had fresh fruit delivered here. Instead we get doughnuts. Loads and loads of doughnuts and custard creams. My butt. Jess - I had a dream last night that you lost so much weight that you butt was like... TINY. But, like, DEFORMED tiny. I don't know why I am dreaming of your butt instead of, for e.g., Jensen Ackles' butt. You need to write and complain for me.
Jess: Oh funny!!!!!!!! Laughing big time!!! New series of Supernatural started last night........gosh those two lads are lovely.... bestest tv programme eva! I'd damwell love to see Jensen's butt.
Me: Talking of butts-
Me: Get down. Down. GET DOWN. DOWN. GET... Clyde.. I am NEVER going to feed you again unless you get down
Clyde: SPLATTTTTTTTTTTTT
Me: Graceful.
He is a big butt head. He was sitting in the front of the dresser getting ready to leap up. I was lying in my bed going, sternly, NO CLYDE. NO. NO. He was all WHATEVER *preparing to leap* I rolled up my magazine and was like NO CLYDE. He looked at me and was all, pffft. *Walks round to side of dresser, out of reach of me by the door and leapt up. Me: Ok. That was impressively done. But GET DOWN
Sophie: He did that to me yesterday. When I was going “OI. OIIIIIII, GET. OFF.” He just sat his fat a r s e down and looked me in the eye.
Jess: Oh FFDD!!!! So FD! "Sat his fat a r s e down!"
Sophie: The thing was I was sitting on my bed sorting out my scarves so he was literally looking me in the eye in a blatant display of “Yeah…. And?” It’s just so rhude! He has every ledge and sofa, bed and even the kitchen table to plonk on but I take offence to the one area I have made nice with jewellery, photos, make up etc
Me: I know. The ONE surface. The one with glasses of water, coffee cups, perfume bottles. What a d i c k.
ALSO. He came and snuggled last night. Too late I was all, dude you are WET and pushed him off the white sheets. This morning there is a perfect trail of muddy paw prints. Gross.
Jess: Fd! HE'S A RIGHT BOY THAT CAT!!! Rude and ignorant...actually that is so cat!
Sophie: It’s the only surface that I have covered with trinkets and bits and bobs that I like.
I typed bits and boobs then but that is definitely not right.
Jess: SNIGGER. Funny tho.
Sophie: Nooooooooooooooo(nonononononononononono)
Jess: FD.... though I do feel that pain.
Sophie: Where is Sadie then?
Jess: I dunno!! Any idea?
Sophie: Chillaxing at home?
Me: Funny! That is what I think too. I am eating porridge. Taking it slowly.
Jess: She may be on a course I suppose? Now I want to know.... I'll text her.
Sophie: Company brekkie being delivered in a mo. Good thing about that is the crate of yummy seasonal fruit from I believe the only English greengrocers left in London. I like to make myself a platter to last the week
Me: Wish we had fresh fruit delivered here. Instead we get doughnuts. Loads and loads of doughnuts and custard creams. My butt. Jess - I had a dream last night that you lost so much weight that you butt was like... TINY. But, like, DEFORMED tiny. I don't know why I am dreaming of your butt instead of, for e.g., Jensen Ackles' butt. You need to write and complain for me.
Jess: Oh funny!!!!!!!! Laughing big time!!! New series of Supernatural started last night........gosh those two lads are lovely.... bestest tv programme eva! I'd damwell love to see Jensen's butt.
Me: Talking of butts-
Me: Get down. Down. GET DOWN. DOWN. GET... Clyde.. I am NEVER going to feed you again unless you get downClyde: SPLATTTTTTTTTTTTT
Me: Graceful.
He is a big butt head. He was sitting in the front of the dresser getting ready to leap up. I was lying in my bed going, sternly, NO CLYDE. NO. NO. He was all WHATEVER *preparing to leap* I rolled up my magazine and was like NO CLYDE. He looked at me and was all, pffft. *Walks round to side of dresser, out of reach of me by the door and leapt up. Me: Ok. That was impressively done. But GET DOWN
Sophie: He did that to me yesterday. When I was going “OI. OIIIIIII, GET. OFF.” He just sat his fat a r s e down and looked me in the eye.
Jess: Oh FFDD!!!! So FD! "Sat his fat a r s e down!"
Sophie: The thing was I was sitting on my bed sorting out my scarves so he was literally looking me in the eye in a blatant display of “Yeah…. And?” It’s just so rhude! He has every ledge and sofa, bed and even the kitchen table to plonk on but I take offence to the one area I have made nice with jewellery, photos, make up etc
Me: I know. The ONE surface. The one with glasses of water, coffee cups, perfume bottles. What a d i c k.
ALSO. He came and snuggled last night. Too late I was all, dude you are WET and pushed him off the white sheets. This morning there is a perfect trail of muddy paw prints. Gross.
Jess: Fd! HE'S A RIGHT BOY THAT CAT!!! Rude and ignorant...actually that is so cat!
Sophie: It’s the only surface that I have covered with trinkets and bits and bobs that I like.
I typed bits and boobs then but that is definitely not right.
Jess: SNIGGER. Funny tho.
Friday 23 January 2009
not an animal
Sadie: Wanted to read and reply to all emails as I have 5 mins but PC crashing all over the place so can barely type this email. Forgodsakeandallthatsholyalready...........
Sophie: 5 mins til what?
Me: You could do a lot in 5 minutes. Madge and Justin saved the world in only 4
Sadie: I didnt quite save the world, but I have managed to get through the week without performing a face to desk bounce on anyone, and thats quite a remarkable feat.
I am having a nightmare time again, no lunch for days, early mornings, late nights. And I also had a reasonably rubbish time on Saturday. Went for a meal before O2 concert, forty quid for some chicken and chips and a glass of water. Right put me in a bad mood that did. Plus 25 quid taxi cos 02 is in such a shite place you cant get home from it.
Still at least...............no, there's no at least.
Jess: Morning ho's. 'fraid I'm gonna have to get the expression 'face to desk bounce' in SOMEWHERE today!!! Srsly like that!!!!!
Sophie: Who did you see at the O2? £40 for chicken and chips? I go to the Pizza Express if I go to the O2. Just put on contact lenses, face powder, eyeliner, mascara and a coat of nail polish at my desk (over the chipping coat).
Added bonus: someone came to talk to me whilst I was trying to put my lenses in and said “bad time” and walked off.
Went to see The Reader last night.
Jess: CLEVER! What was The Reader like?...................My Bloody Valentine was mega tosh, but Mr Ackles was stunningly gorgeous eye candy homicidal maniac in it so I enjoyed that!!! Can't stand these men falling in love with stupid chicks so sexy murdering slasher quite appeals to me...hmm.... I know what I WROTE is so wrong but I just can't seem to care.......
Me: You are into homicidal maniacs Titch? Because I am sure out of all the crazies I talk to, some must fit that description. Let me know if you wanna be hooked up.
Disclaimer: None look like Jensen Ackles.
Jess: I ONLY WANT CRAZY IF HE LOOKS LIKE JENSEN...............
Sophie: No dude, I hate all that crud as well. Lulu and Rosie LOVE those films though. I find it quite shocking the b*llocks they watch as no one else in the entire family is into that tripe. I quite enjoyed The Reader, although it was a bit odd.
Jess: God I DETEST them........I honestly can't think of anything worse than romcoms or chickflicks! I love films mind!!! Don't mind rooood films tho, s'long as there's not a fu**ing squeak of *sneery face* romance!!!
Me: Me and Lol love us a bit of Charlies Angels COME ON and Miss Congeniality. And Happy Go Lucky is great.
Jess: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sophie:Hahahahhahahahahahaa. Do you know what…. I was going to say in my 1st email if it’s got Cameron Diaz (vom) in it they love it.
Jess: Cameron freakin Diaz is a freak.
Me: I wouldn't mind being freaky like her.
Sadie: I agree with Jess and Soph re the Romcoms. Although I do have a sneaky fondness for the Doris Day/Rock Hudson Pillow Talk. Personally I like a jolly good action thriller with plenty of bad language. Angela likes films about paraplegic's who then have something dreadful happen to them.................srysly
I saw Carmina Burana and Verdi at the O2, cos I is posh totty. What is The Reader?
Re face to desk bounce, I do love the idea of doing it silently. I can imagine my arm swiftly lashing out, followed by a loud thwack ringing out in the silence of the office as desk connectivity is made. And I've still got bad sinuses, so they should just leave me the F**K alone today.
Me: I like most films but me and Lol love a good crappy one. Not too crappy though 'PS I LOVE YOU' I AM LOOKING AT YOU.
I HATE the depressing ones like paraplegics and whatnot. Sophie went out last night and Matt was trying to get me to watch Elephant Man with him. I was all NO and he was all *pretending to be elephant man* AIIIIII AMMMMM NOTTTTTT ANNNN ANIMALLLLLLLLLLLL.
I love the thought of someone coming up to you and asking a stupid question whilst you are typing and you just do the head bounce thing. I'm just gonna pretend that is what you are doing.
Cool re: Carmen. Was it good?
Poor you with the sinuses. I just have a headache from dealing with idiots. Oh the FATIGUE of it all!
Sadie: Laughing at Matt impression! Dude, Elephant Man though, what a deeeeeeeeeeepressing film.
Carmen was good, although the performance art during it was a bit strange. At one point Angela turned to me and in a loud whisper said 'Oh what the F*CK are they doing now'
Clearly we just ain't that cultured.
Sophie: Carmina Burana – good one.
I imagine the head, desk interface Wallace and Gromit plasticine style for some reason.
Matt text me last night “let me know when you’re on your way home and I’ll do your hot water bottle” how sweet is that.
Sinuses – mine are HIDEOUS too!!!! It’s back. Waking up feeling like someone smashed my face in again, perpetually tired. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT SO I AM WITH YOU THERE
Sadie: Matt is sooooo sweet!
Poor you, I thought your sinuses were a thing of the past. The first day I got it I woke myself up at three in the morning shouting MY NOSE REALLY HURTS. My shouting really made my heart race, and I spent half an hour trying to calm down. And another half hour searching for nurofen.
Sophie: I feel your pain but that made me larfffff. I a bit behind due to lunch break commitments and typing one handedly
Sadie: Laughing!Is the one handed typing due to holding food in the other?
Also, I was a bit embarrassed after that shout. Said to myself, there's not actually anyone in the room to tell.
Sophie: Mate, I’ve just eaten 6 baby pitas and tarama (again). Feel like I’ve eaten a breeze block. Woooo. Very full now.
Me: Have I told you how irritating Clyde has been lately? For some reason he has decided that the best place to be is on my dresser. Which is crowded with delicate things. Like lamps. And glasses of water. And, also, he likes it best up there at night. So I get woken up by him standing on my head so his fat butt can leap up. That is the first insult. Second he bumbles around up there and I have to get up and get him down before I'm cleaning up broken glass and whatnot at 3am. Third. Stupid cat.
Although he was amusing me GREATLY last night by sticking his head in the top of my lamp whilst I was in bed reading. Like, his whole head. Then I guess he realised the bulb was really hot because it kept making him sneeze. But he kept sticking his head back in it. And sneezing. And his little head would come out looking all confused and puzzled and dazed. I laughed a lot. Until he woke me up all night jumping onto my dresser.
Jess: I so laughed at this mail!!!!
Sadie: Laughing! Ah, he sounds such a cutie. A big mountainous lump of a cutie, but a cutie nevertheless. Wish I could have a cat, it's not fair.
Sophie: This morning he lay in wait in the bathroom and then leapt on to my leg in attack as I walked in (having woken up 10 seconds previously). Very shocking. Very shocking indeed.
Jess: Izzy has worked out that why smack my face once during the night when she can keep smacking it as it wakes me up and i larf!!!
I woke up this morning with a pin prick spot of blood on the bridge of my nose, yup, a rather violent reminder of an izzy swipe....
AND again she sneezed full in my face last night!!! I.MEAN.FULL.ON.SNEEZE!!!!
Sadie: Dude. Hasnt she seen those adverts on the tube escalator saying USE A HANKIE.
Me: I hate those adverts. Next to the word moist, I hate 'water droplets' in terms of those posters. Makes me retch.
Sadie: So, you wouldnt like a hanky, made moist from water droplets? Hanky is a silly word when written down. Or is is Hankie?
Jess: Snot rag dude.
Sadie: But I am a lady.
Jess: Again, snot rag dude.
Sophie: Titch, did you go to finishing school? It’s just with that turn of phrase I’m sure you must have.
Jess: Well I know school finished me off...does that count?
Sophie: 5 mins til what?
Me: You could do a lot in 5 minutes. Madge and Justin saved the world in only 4
Sadie: I didnt quite save the world, but I have managed to get through the week without performing a face to desk bounce on anyone, and thats quite a remarkable feat.
I am having a nightmare time again, no lunch for days, early mornings, late nights. And I also had a reasonably rubbish time on Saturday. Went for a meal before O2 concert, forty quid for some chicken and chips and a glass of water. Right put me in a bad mood that did. Plus 25 quid taxi cos 02 is in such a shite place you cant get home from it.
Still at least...............no, there's no at least.
Jess: Morning ho's. 'fraid I'm gonna have to get the expression 'face to desk bounce' in SOMEWHERE today!!! Srsly like that!!!!!
Sophie: Who did you see at the O2? £40 for chicken and chips? I go to the Pizza Express if I go to the O2. Just put on contact lenses, face powder, eyeliner, mascara and a coat of nail polish at my desk (over the chipping coat).
Added bonus: someone came to talk to me whilst I was trying to put my lenses in and said “bad time” and walked off.
Went to see The Reader last night.
Jess: CLEVER! What was The Reader like?...................My Bloody Valentine was mega tosh, but Mr Ackles was stunningly gorgeous eye candy homicidal maniac in it so I enjoyed that!!! Can't stand these men falling in love with stupid chicks so sexy murdering slasher quite appeals to me...hmm.... I know what I WROTE is so wrong but I just can't seem to care.......
Me: You are into homicidal maniacs Titch? Because I am sure out of all the crazies I talk to, some must fit that description. Let me know if you wanna be hooked up.
Disclaimer: None look like Jensen Ackles.
Jess: I ONLY WANT CRAZY IF HE LOOKS LIKE JENSEN...............
Sophie: No dude, I hate all that crud as well. Lulu and Rosie LOVE those films though. I find it quite shocking the b*llocks they watch as no one else in the entire family is into that tripe. I quite enjoyed The Reader, although it was a bit odd.
Jess: God I DETEST them........I honestly can't think of anything worse than romcoms or chickflicks! I love films mind!!! Don't mind rooood films tho, s'long as there's not a fu**ing squeak of *sneery face* romance!!!
Me: Me and Lol love us a bit of Charlies Angels COME ON and Miss Congeniality. And Happy Go Lucky is great.
Jess: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sophie:Hahahahhahahahahahaa. Do you know what…. I was going to say in my 1st email if it’s got Cameron Diaz (vom) in it they love it.
Jess: Cameron freakin Diaz is a freak.
Me: I wouldn't mind being freaky like her.
Sadie: I agree with Jess and Soph re the Romcoms. Although I do have a sneaky fondness for the Doris Day/Rock Hudson Pillow Talk. Personally I like a jolly good action thriller with plenty of bad language. Angela likes films about paraplegic's who then have something dreadful happen to them.................srysly
I saw Carmina Burana and Verdi at the O2, cos I is posh totty. What is The Reader?
Re face to desk bounce, I do love the idea of doing it silently. I can imagine my arm swiftly lashing out, followed by a loud thwack ringing out in the silence of the office as desk connectivity is made. And I've still got bad sinuses, so they should just leave me the F**K alone today.
Me: I like most films but me and Lol love a good crappy one. Not too crappy though 'PS I LOVE YOU' I AM LOOKING AT YOU.
I HATE the depressing ones like paraplegics and whatnot. Sophie went out last night and Matt was trying to get me to watch Elephant Man with him. I was all NO and he was all *pretending to be elephant man* AIIIIII AMMMMM NOTTTTTT ANNNN ANIMALLLLLLLLLLLL.
I love the thought of someone coming up to you and asking a stupid question whilst you are typing and you just do the head bounce thing. I'm just gonna pretend that is what you are doing.
Cool re: Carmen. Was it good?
Poor you with the sinuses. I just have a headache from dealing with idiots. Oh the FATIGUE of it all!
Sadie: Laughing at Matt impression! Dude, Elephant Man though, what a deeeeeeeeeeepressing film.
Carmen was good, although the performance art during it was a bit strange. At one point Angela turned to me and in a loud whisper said 'Oh what the F*CK are they doing now'
Clearly we just ain't that cultured.
Sophie: Carmina Burana – good one.
I imagine the head, desk interface Wallace and Gromit plasticine style for some reason.
Matt text me last night “let me know when you’re on your way home and I’ll do your hot water bottle” how sweet is that.
Sinuses – mine are HIDEOUS too!!!! It’s back. Waking up feeling like someone smashed my face in again, perpetually tired. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT SO I AM WITH YOU THERE
Sadie: Matt is sooooo sweet!
Poor you, I thought your sinuses were a thing of the past. The first day I got it I woke myself up at three in the morning shouting MY NOSE REALLY HURTS. My shouting really made my heart race, and I spent half an hour trying to calm down. And another half hour searching for nurofen.
Sophie: I feel your pain but that made me larfffff. I a bit behind due to lunch break commitments and typing one handedly
Sadie: Laughing!Is the one handed typing due to holding food in the other?
Also, I was a bit embarrassed after that shout. Said to myself, there's not actually anyone in the room to tell.
Sophie: Mate, I’ve just eaten 6 baby pitas and tarama (again). Feel like I’ve eaten a breeze block. Woooo. Very full now.
Me: Have I told you how irritating Clyde has been lately? For some reason he has decided that the best place to be is on my dresser. Which is crowded with delicate things. Like lamps. And glasses of water. And, also, he likes it best up there at night. So I get woken up by him standing on my head so his fat butt can leap up. That is the first insult. Second he bumbles around up there and I have to get up and get him down before I'm cleaning up broken glass and whatnot at 3am. Third. Stupid cat.
Although he was amusing me GREATLY last night by sticking his head in the top of my lamp whilst I was in bed reading. Like, his whole head. Then I guess he realised the bulb was really hot because it kept making him sneeze. But he kept sticking his head back in it. And sneezing. And his little head would come out looking all confused and puzzled and dazed. I laughed a lot. Until he woke me up all night jumping onto my dresser.
Jess: I so laughed at this mail!!!!
Sadie: Laughing! Ah, he sounds such a cutie. A big mountainous lump of a cutie, but a cutie nevertheless. Wish I could have a cat, it's not fair.
Sophie: This morning he lay in wait in the bathroom and then leapt on to my leg in attack as I walked in (having woken up 10 seconds previously). Very shocking. Very shocking indeed.
Jess: Izzy has worked out that why smack my face once during the night when she can keep smacking it as it wakes me up and i larf!!!
I woke up this morning with a pin prick spot of blood on the bridge of my nose, yup, a rather violent reminder of an izzy swipe....
AND again she sneezed full in my face last night!!! I.MEAN.FULL.ON.SNEEZE!!!!
Sadie: Dude. Hasnt she seen those adverts on the tube escalator saying USE A HANKIE.
Me: I hate those adverts. Next to the word moist, I hate 'water droplets' in terms of those posters. Makes me retch.
Sadie: So, you wouldnt like a hanky, made moist from water droplets? Hanky is a silly word when written down. Or is is Hankie?
Jess: Snot rag dude.
Sadie: But I am a lady.
Jess: Again, snot rag dude.
Sophie: Titch, did you go to finishing school? It’s just with that turn of phrase I’m sure you must have.
Jess: Well I know school finished me off...does that count?
Thursday 22 January 2009
can you tell what it is yet?
Me and Matt were home alone last night. Matt said, Sophie will be home at 11pm. I said, why are you telling me that? So that we can sit up and worry? And he was all, no. Just thought you might want to know. And I was like, ARRRRR COS SHE'S MY BABY SISTER??? And Matt was like, er... no she isn't. And I was all, but that's how I think of her.
Anyway. The point is. The conversations me and Matt had later in the evening flew in the face of that. Plus the fact that we had ready meals for dinner and 12 doughballs.
David: Evening
Rosie: DAVID. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
David: I dunno what is happening??
Rosie: Well. Matt is on the phone to his mum. He is asking her what Rolf Harris' wobble board is called. Because he doesn't believe it is called a wobble board. So he called his mum. What do you think it is called? I won't give you any hints.
David: That is some surreal shit
Rosie: She is also online. I have just written 'Wobble Board' in her window
David: Amazing
David: So is it?
Rosie: HAHA. She has told him wobble board!! Although she has also told him I told her wobble board online. She is a snitchnose. I'm going to write THAT in her window now too.
David: Ok.
Rosie: Now we are talking about the band Razzmus. Or whatever their name is. Matt is 'singing' their song to me. It's pretty much entirely unrecognisable.
David: Wow. I need to come hang out with you lot. You have some abstract evenings
Rosie: Get on it Dave. I'll put the kettle on
David: Cool
Rosie: I can show you my burnt foot as well if you like
David: I'm on my way. I'll bring the Savlon
Rosie: Ok. But you cant touch my foot. As that is gross
David: Ahh man.... Haha. Right I'm off. My bro is kicking me out like a bastard.
Rosie: Rude. Tell him you are discussing some very important matters
David: HAHA. Yeah. OK!
So me and Matt were having a conversation about wobble boards and it is all the fault of Winston Churchill. Or whatever that bulldog advert on tv is for. Because Rolf is in it. With his wobble board. And Matt was all OH WHAT IS THAT THING CALLLLED?? And I was like er, duh, wobble board. But he thinks it has a technical name. I googled it and wikipedia says it is a wobble board and Rolf basically invented it whilst trying to wobble a picture dry. And then Sophie came home and said it is DEFINITELY called a wobble board. I was speaking to Corinne online and her and her sister also say "wobble board." I think that makes it, like, 24-1 and yet Matt is unshakable in his belief that it is not called a wobble board. That is because he is a nincompoop. It went as far as Matt holding the remote hostage and keeping Elephant Man on the tv until I said ALRIGHT ALRIGHT YOU BIG BABY IT'S A WOBBLE BOARD. But he was all YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE ELEPHANT MAN. Luckily Sophie came home before Rolf Harris could start a beatdown.
Anyway. The point is. The conversations me and Matt had later in the evening flew in the face of that. Plus the fact that we had ready meals for dinner and 12 doughballs.
David: Evening
Rosie: DAVID. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
David: I dunno what is happening??
Rosie: Well. Matt is on the phone to his mum. He is asking her what Rolf Harris' wobble board is called. Because he doesn't believe it is called a wobble board. So he called his mum. What do you think it is called? I won't give you any hints.
David: That is some surreal shit
Rosie: She is also online. I have just written 'Wobble Board' in her window
David: Amazing
David: So is it?
Rosie: HAHA. She has told him wobble board!! Although she has also told him I told her wobble board online. She is a snitchnose. I'm going to write THAT in her window now too.
David: Ok.
Rosie: Now we are talking about the band Razzmus. Or whatever their name is. Matt is 'singing' their song to me. It's pretty much entirely unrecognisable.
David: Wow. I need to come hang out with you lot. You have some abstract evenings
Rosie: Get on it Dave. I'll put the kettle on
David: Cool
Rosie: I can show you my burnt foot as well if you like
David: I'm on my way. I'll bring the Savlon
Rosie: Ok. But you cant touch my foot. As that is gross
David: Ahh man.... Haha. Right I'm off. My bro is kicking me out like a bastard.
Rosie: Rude. Tell him you are discussing some very important matters
David: HAHA. Yeah. OK!
So me and Matt were having a conversation about wobble boards and it is all the fault of Winston Churchill. Or whatever that bulldog advert on tv is for. Because Rolf is in it. With his wobble board. And Matt was all OH WHAT IS THAT THING CALLLLED?? And I was like er, duh, wobble board. But he thinks it has a technical name. I googled it and wikipedia says it is a wobble board and Rolf basically invented it whilst trying to wobble a picture dry. And then Sophie came home and said it is DEFINITELY called a wobble board. I was speaking to Corinne online and her and her sister also say "wobble board." I think that makes it, like, 24-1 and yet Matt is unshakable in his belief that it is not called a wobble board. That is because he is a nincompoop. It went as far as Matt holding the remote hostage and keeping Elephant Man on the tv until I said ALRIGHT ALRIGHT YOU BIG BABY IT'S A WOBBLE BOARD. But he was all YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE ELEPHANT MAN. Luckily Sophie came home before Rolf Harris could start a beatdown.
Wednesday 21 January 2009
spooooooooky
The last stretch before home. The spooky part where I hold my bag closer, turn my iPod off and clutch my keys in my fist.
Tuesday 20 January 2009
priorities
Dad: Do you miss living here?
Me: Well, I miss not having to wash mould off the walls that is for sure
Dad: ... anything else?
Me: Not having to deal with stupid blimmin plumbing problems was great too
Dad: ANYTHING ELSE
Me: OH! OH! I MISS LIVING WITH YOU DAD!
Dad: I'M BEHIND MOULD AND BLOCKED TOILETS?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Well, I miss not having to wash mould off the walls that is for sure
Dad: ... anything else?
Me: Not having to deal with stupid blimmin plumbing problems was great too
Dad: ANYTHING ELSE
Me: OH! OH! I MISS LIVING WITH YOU DAD!
Dad: I'M BEHIND MOULD AND BLOCKED TOILETS?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday 14 January 2009
lamp or wall fixture?
Sophie: Matt: Yesterday Clive was wearing one of those things that you tie around your neck
Me: A neckerchief?! Really!? When?!
Matt: Dude, not the cat, Clyde. Cli-V-e. From work.
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Matt: I think they wear them where he's from
Me: The Scouts?!
Matt: No, South Africa
Matt: Jesus, I wish I never bother sometimes.
Me: Funny. I don't like telling you stories because you question everything. E.g, what colour where his socks? And I'm all, dude, I was telling you that he had just had a baby, what have socks got to do with anything?
Sadie: Snorting! What was your expression Rosie, eyes on the story?
Sophie: Whatever!
Me: Yeah. Exactly. When I worked with Giovanni, I couldn't tell him anything either. He does the same thing as Sophie. You're trying to tell some 3 minute anecdote and he is asking who their grandparents are or something. I told Sophie something once and she asked her usual 23 questions and I was all OMG. And then, we were in the library, I told Giovanni. Like, 2 minutes later. And he asked hundreds of questions too. I remember being all THAT IS IT I AM NOT TELLING YOU TWO STUFF ANYMORE. Matt clearly hasn't learnt.
Sophie: Some people just aren't 'bigger picture' people
Sadie: Laughing!
Jess: Pi**ing myself!!!!
Me: Mate. It is the most annoying thing ever.
Jess: Funny tho......
Sadie: Laughing! So whilst the rest of us are often saying TMI, Sophie is saying TLI - too little information.
Sophie: It's just those stupid jokes that you don't get are jokes. e.g. a man walks into a bar..... I need background like what bar? when? was he alone? But obviously not as obvious as that.
Me: Well. Sometimes . . .
Sadie: You would be perfect for my job!!! The old joke goes -
God said "Let there be light"
The Business Analyst says " What colour do you want? When should it come on?"
Sophie: Lamp or wall fixture?
Sadie: Laughing!
Do you want it to turn on and off automatically? Do you ever want it to flash? Should there be an override switch? How do you want it powered? Who will have access to fix it when it goes wrong? What do you want as an area of coverage? Do you want it off in some places and on in others? When you say white, what shade of white?
My job can be very fulfilling sometimes.
Sophie: I find it excruciating when Matt casually throws stuff in like: "My sister watched Iron Man as well... and oh yeah, she's pregnant." Really? how far pregnant? Does she know what she's having? And he's just like I don't know for eff sake I was asking her about Iron Man. He is the opposite to me. Absolutely painful.
Jess: FD! Got woken up this morning by a full-blown-right-in-the-face-wet-far-reaching cat sneeze...Me: DUUUUDDDDDE
Me: DISGUSTING
Jess: Was. I'm not concentrating on what's going on in the office as I'm on the net reading, but I'm sure I just heard R ask C something and C replied: "We can't put her there because she's a hippo" ...........I'm not asking.
Me: I bet she wasn't as big as the half ton son. Me and Sophie watched that last night. Sophie laughed when this seriously seriously obese woman crashed her mobility scooter thingy into an underwear stand in a shop. I tutted at her and she was all: WHATTT? She's not that fat anymore and it's ok to laugh now! And I was all, ok HAHA
Sadie: Good to see the spirit of Christian Christmas goodwill and loving is still with us
Jess: Snigger
Me: Sophie: MATT MATTTTTTT MATT MATT MATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MATT MATTT MATT
Matt: *Coming out of his bedroom where he has been doing homework* What?
Sophie: Watch half ton son with us!!!
Matt: This is really not my thing
Sophie: No! It is great! Look at him!
Matt: No, seriously. This is not my thing. I'm with you on the forensic programmes but this I will leave ... why is she feeding him hamburgers?
Me: Dude. That's nothing. He was sitting on the toilet a minute ago and his belly covered the whole thing, right down to the floor! And then his mum had to wipe his butt!
Matt: *Looking at us* *Leaves the room*
Sadie: Oh God, laughing!
Jess: Oh srsly...............funny.... but I'm gonna have to go with Matt on this one...........*looking at you*
Me: A neckerchief?! Really!? When?!
Matt: Dude, not the cat, Clyde. Cli-V-e. From work.
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Matt: I think they wear them where he's from
Me: The Scouts?!
Matt: No, South Africa
Matt: Jesus, I wish I never bother sometimes.
Me: Funny. I don't like telling you stories because you question everything. E.g, what colour where his socks? And I'm all, dude, I was telling you that he had just had a baby, what have socks got to do with anything?
Sadie: Snorting! What was your expression Rosie, eyes on the story?
Sophie: Whatever!
Me: Yeah. Exactly. When I worked with Giovanni, I couldn't tell him anything either. He does the same thing as Sophie. You're trying to tell some 3 minute anecdote and he is asking who their grandparents are or something. I told Sophie something once and she asked her usual 23 questions and I was all OMG. And then, we were in the library, I told Giovanni. Like, 2 minutes later. And he asked hundreds of questions too. I remember being all THAT IS IT I AM NOT TELLING YOU TWO STUFF ANYMORE. Matt clearly hasn't learnt.
Sophie: Some people just aren't 'bigger picture' people
Sadie: Laughing!
Jess: Pi**ing myself!!!!
Me: Mate. It is the most annoying thing ever.
Jess: Funny tho......
Sadie: Laughing! So whilst the rest of us are often saying TMI, Sophie is saying TLI - too little information.
Sophie: It's just those stupid jokes that you don't get are jokes. e.g. a man walks into a bar..... I need background like what bar? when? was he alone? But obviously not as obvious as that.
Me: Well. Sometimes . . .
Sadie: You would be perfect for my job!!! The old joke goes -
God said "Let there be light"
The Business Analyst says " What colour do you want? When should it come on?"
Sophie: Lamp or wall fixture?
Sadie: Laughing!
Do you want it to turn on and off automatically? Do you ever want it to flash? Should there be an override switch? How do you want it powered? Who will have access to fix it when it goes wrong? What do you want as an area of coverage? Do you want it off in some places and on in others? When you say white, what shade of white?
My job can be very fulfilling sometimes.
Sophie: I find it excruciating when Matt casually throws stuff in like: "My sister watched Iron Man as well... and oh yeah, she's pregnant." Really? how far pregnant? Does she know what she's having? And he's just like I don't know for eff sake I was asking her about Iron Man. He is the opposite to me. Absolutely painful.
Jess: FD! Got woken up this morning by a full-blown-right-in-the-face-wet-far-reaching cat sneeze...Me: DUUUUDDDDDE
Me: DISGUSTING
Jess: Was. I'm not concentrating on what's going on in the office as I'm on the net reading, but I'm sure I just heard R ask C something and C replied: "We can't put her there because she's a hippo" ...........I'm not asking.
Me: I bet she wasn't as big as the half ton son. Me and Sophie watched that last night. Sophie laughed when this seriously seriously obese woman crashed her mobility scooter thingy into an underwear stand in a shop. I tutted at her and she was all: WHATTT? She's not that fat anymore and it's ok to laugh now! And I was all, ok HAHA
Sadie: Good to see the spirit of Christian Christmas goodwill and loving is still with us
Jess: Snigger
Me: Sophie: MATT MATTTTTTT MATT MATT MATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MATT MATTT MATT
Matt: *Coming out of his bedroom where he has been doing homework* What?
Sophie: Watch half ton son with us!!!
Matt: This is really not my thing
Sophie: No! It is great! Look at him!
Matt: No, seriously. This is not my thing. I'm with you on the forensic programmes but this I will leave ... why is she feeding him hamburgers?
Me: Dude. That's nothing. He was sitting on the toilet a minute ago and his belly covered the whole thing, right down to the floor! And then his mum had to wipe his butt!
Matt: *Looking at us* *Leaves the room*
Sadie: Oh God, laughing!
Jess: Oh srsly...............funny.... but I'm gonna have to go with Matt on this one...........*looking at you*
just bein fancy
Text
Me: Hey Lo, just emailed the homework to you
Lol: Just looked at it. I like the picture of Big Ben
Me: That isn't Big Ben. It is the clock tower on the Houses of Parliament. And I labeled it as that!
Lol: I just thought you were being fancy
Me: Hey Lo, just emailed the homework to you
Lol: Just looked at it. I like the picture of Big Ben
Me: That isn't Big Ben. It is the clock tower on the Houses of Parliament. And I labeled it as that!
Lol: I just thought you were being fancy
Tuesday 13 January 2009
mental
David: Alright. I've decided I should probably actually do some decent work. At least for a few days
Rosie: Why are you talking to me then?
David: Well, I can talk to you a bit
Rosie: I just got accused by the doorman/security guy of making up an encounter with some sales guy. It was like being in the twilight zone. Like one of those people that get sectioned when they aren't mental
David: What sort of an encounter?
Rosie: Some sales guy came and chatted to me and told me his company were renting one of the free offices here. Turns out, he was lying. I mentioned it to the doorman and he was all, noones renting the upstairs . . and I never saw this guy . .
David: ok...
Rosie: No one saw him come in so I've been accused of lying. And making the whole thing up. Because apparently I'm mental
David: Haha, tricky situation.. can you prove to him that you're not a delusional mentalist? Probably not
Rosie: DAVID! Apparently saying WHY WOULD I MAKE THIS UP doesn't convince them
David: That is pretty funny
Rosie: OMG
David: That's exactly what a mentalist would say though...
Rosie: I will prob think this is funny by our drinks on Thursday but now? DAVID I AM COMING TO MASH YOU
David: Haha I'd like to see you mash me
Rosie: I'd give it a go. I'm a little on edge now what with - Alan: Rosie, how do you keep such a straight face when you are lying?
David: Did he say that with a totally straight face?
Rosie: Yes ... Why? You think he is winding me up? Because he isn't. I had to walk round the building looking for this guy. And check the CCTV. But they would only let me check half hour. We didn't see the guy so he still thinks I have made it up
David: Oooh see that s just gonna make you look more mental
Rosie: DAVID
David: Looking at CCTV for a guy who isn't there . .
Rosie: OMG
David: .. maybe you should take some time off
Rosie: Am not speaking to you anymore. Am on way. Prepare for a beatdown
David: Bring it
Rosie: I am. Have packed those old phones I was telling you about. All 43 of them. Am going to start by individually throwing each one at your head
David: And you think I'm going to sit there and let you throw all 43 phones at my head? Maybe the first 2 might catch me off guard but then I'd be all over you like a powerful moss
Rosie: They will probably daze you. They are from the 80s. I'd only need one good hit
David: Yeah true could be fatal. They probably weigh about 100k
Rosie: Just slightly smaller than a phone box. And my rage will be carrying them. Actually, "powerful moss" has just cracked me up so I forgive you and have put them away.
David: Nothing quite as hot as an angry woman with huge phones coming at you.
David: Oh ok well thats good
Rosie: YOU ARE SO LUCKY.
Rosie: HAHA. It won't be hot once they start ricocheting off your bonce
David: I dunno..what will you be wearing?
Rosie: Currently, I am all in black. Like a ninja. You won't even see me coming
David: Damn you have got it all planned out. I'm a dead man
Rosie: Nah. I told you. You said powerful moss and I liked you again
David: I'll remember that. Next time Rosie wants to beat you to death, just say something slightly ridiculous and she'll probably calm down
Rosie: I'm easy like that. Am going to make a cup of tea. BRB.
David: Cool
Rosie: Made a tea
David: Quick work
Rosie: I am a tea drinker expert
David: Yeah I'm quite addicted. I'll drink any tea too. Earl Grey, peppermint, Echinachia, Rasberry . . . I'm hardcore
Rosie: Peppermint. For when Earl Grey isn't gay enough
David: What you trying to say?
Rosie: That when peppermint isn't gay enough, you just get some guy to dip his balls in the hot water
David: But always use a tea strainer. Don't want to have to pull anything out of your teeth
Rosie: Thee ol' classy ball hair remover maneuver
David: Yup. I know all the tricks of the genitalia based hot beverage trade
Rosie: Skillz
David: I dont like where this conversation has gone...
Rosie: Our conversations always end up with you coming out
David: You must just have that fag hag vibe about you
Rosie: That still makes you gay
David: And what?
Rosie: And nothing. Elton
David: Haha nice. Liza
Rosie: Ah touchè
Rosie: Why are you talking to me then?
David: Well, I can talk to you a bit
Rosie: I just got accused by the doorman/security guy of making up an encounter with some sales guy. It was like being in the twilight zone. Like one of those people that get sectioned when they aren't mental
David: What sort of an encounter?
Rosie: Some sales guy came and chatted to me and told me his company were renting one of the free offices here. Turns out, he was lying. I mentioned it to the doorman and he was all, noones renting the upstairs . . and I never saw this guy . .
David: ok...
Rosie: No one saw him come in so I've been accused of lying. And making the whole thing up. Because apparently I'm mental
David: Haha, tricky situation.. can you prove to him that you're not a delusional mentalist? Probably not
Rosie: DAVID! Apparently saying WHY WOULD I MAKE THIS UP doesn't convince them
David: That is pretty funny
Rosie: OMG
David: That's exactly what a mentalist would say though...
Rosie: I will prob think this is funny by our drinks on Thursday but now? DAVID I AM COMING TO MASH YOU
David: Haha I'd like to see you mash me
Rosie: I'd give it a go. I'm a little on edge now what with - Alan: Rosie, how do you keep such a straight face when you are lying?
David: Did he say that with a totally straight face?
Rosie: Yes ... Why? You think he is winding me up? Because he isn't. I had to walk round the building looking for this guy. And check the CCTV. But they would only let me check half hour. We didn't see the guy so he still thinks I have made it up
David: Oooh see that s just gonna make you look more mental
Rosie: DAVID
David: Looking at CCTV for a guy who isn't there . .
Rosie: OMG
David: .. maybe you should take some time off
Rosie: Am not speaking to you anymore. Am on way. Prepare for a beatdown
David: Bring it
Rosie: I am. Have packed those old phones I was telling you about. All 43 of them. Am going to start by individually throwing each one at your head
David: And you think I'm going to sit there and let you throw all 43 phones at my head? Maybe the first 2 might catch me off guard but then I'd be all over you like a powerful moss
Rosie: They will probably daze you. They are from the 80s. I'd only need one good hit
David: Yeah true could be fatal. They probably weigh about 100k
Rosie: Just slightly smaller than a phone box. And my rage will be carrying them. Actually, "powerful moss" has just cracked me up so I forgive you and have put them away.
David: Nothing quite as hot as an angry woman with huge phones coming at you.
David: Oh ok well thats good
Rosie: YOU ARE SO LUCKY.
Rosie: HAHA. It won't be hot once they start ricocheting off your bonce
David: I dunno..what will you be wearing?
Rosie: Currently, I am all in black. Like a ninja. You won't even see me coming
David: Damn you have got it all planned out. I'm a dead man
Rosie: Nah. I told you. You said powerful moss and I liked you again
David: I'll remember that. Next time Rosie wants to beat you to death, just say something slightly ridiculous and she'll probably calm down
Rosie: I'm easy like that. Am going to make a cup of tea. BRB.
David: Cool
Rosie: Made a tea
David: Quick work
Rosie: I am a tea drinker expert
David: Yeah I'm quite addicted. I'll drink any tea too. Earl Grey, peppermint, Echinachia, Rasberry . . . I'm hardcore
Rosie: Peppermint. For when Earl Grey isn't gay enough
David: What you trying to say?
Rosie: That when peppermint isn't gay enough, you just get some guy to dip his balls in the hot water
David: But always use a tea strainer. Don't want to have to pull anything out of your teeth
Rosie: Thee ol' classy ball hair remover maneuver
David: Yup. I know all the tricks of the genitalia based hot beverage trade
Rosie: Skillz
David: I dont like where this conversation has gone...
Rosie: Our conversations always end up with you coming out
David: You must just have that fag hag vibe about you
Rosie: That still makes you gay
David: And what?
Rosie: And nothing. Elton
David: Haha nice. Liza
Rosie: Ah touchè
At the Gaylord Texan, the mentals are welcome
Me: I'm reading about the company who have just moved onto the 3rd floor. Some rep from there just came and said hello. Apparently they had an event at the 'Gaylord Texan.' I'm laughing. Alone. Because I'm a child.
Jess: Dude......... that's funny .. and yeh ok, a bit childish, but I'm laughing.....
Later:
Me: OH MY GOD! I've just been . . hussled or something! That guy that came into my office saying he was from the Gaylord Texan company told me they were going to rent out one of the offices here.
Me: You are moving into the building?
Him: Yep. So would be good to grab a business card.
Me: Yeah, course. Do you have one I could take?
Him: No, we'll be sending an introductory letter round though.
Me: Ok. Cool. You're renting one of the floors then?
Him: Yep. So we couldn't be nearer for business!
Me: *alrightttt with the sales pitch already*
Anyway. The point is, I asked him about 20 times whether he was moving in as I assume that we would have been told. And cos I don't always listen the first time. He leaves.
About 15 minutes later Alan comes in.
Me: I didn't know that someone was renting the floor
Alan: What?
Me: Some guy just came in saying they were renting one of the floors
Alan: . .. ...no
Me: No? What? But . . like . . he came in and said that he was. For reals. Like, discussed it with him and everything .
Alan: No . . no one is renting the floor . . when was this?
Me: Like . . 15 minutes ago!
Alan: I was on the post round . . bloody Fernando!! (Crazy cleaner left to guard reception) (FAIL)
Me: OMG!!! WHAT! He just made up a story??!! But, like, what, I wouldn't FIND OUT he's INVENTED a company! Like a wouldn't NOTICE!!
Alan asked what he looked like and has gone on the prowl. I am waiting for my introductory letter so I can email kick his ass.
Jess, you write and complain
Jess: Fd!! I'm composing as we sit.
Sadie: Bizarre! What do they hope to gain from it?
Sophie: That's what I too was pondering.
Me: Our business I guess. Although, on first impressions? FAIL
Sadie: Yup, first impression would be ' a liar who wasted your time.' I usually try for the exact opposite.
Me: GUESS WHAT. Gay Texan update.
So. Alan goes on the prowl and then comes back. And basically we have a conversation that goes something like, why did you make this up Rosie?
Me: What?
Alan: I'm really impressed what a straight face you can keep when you are lying.
Me: HAVE I ENTERED SOME KIND OF PARALLEL UNIVERSE?
So .. Alan was off on the post round and leaves Fernando at the desk. Fernando says NO ONE walked past him. Him and Alan check the CCTV time during Alans round. Nope, no one comes in the building.
Me: ...... You know, I'm not MENTAL.
Alan: NO ONE came in
Me: OMG *recaps encounter for the 129th time*
Alan: So where is the business card he gave you?
Me: He didn't give me one. I asked and he said he didn't have one . .
Alan: .....
Me: But . . . he said he would send an introductory letter instead . . .
Alan: .....
Me: OMG WHY WOULD I MAKE THIS UP. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS
Alan: Fernando, go take Rosie round the floors to see if you can see him
So I just went on some pointless tour of the building, looking at the empty offices. I don't know why. I come back and am like, well, he ain't sleeping up there so . . can I now go and ask the other companies to see if he visited them?
Alan: I looked round those ones and he wasn't there
Me: But did you ask them if he had been in?
Alan: No because he wasn't there.
Have just gone through the CCTV myself with Alan. I emailed youse guys at 11.22 about the Gaylord thing so went from 11. No one entered the building. I can't convince Alan to go from 10am SO NOW EVERYONE IS DEAD. I'VE KILLED THEM IN A MURDEROUS RAGE BECAUSE I HAD TO SAY THE WORDS: ALAN I AM NOT MENTAL STOP SUGGESTING I MADE THIS UP. And he gave me a look that said he thought I was mental.
Jess: Oh God sooooooooooooo funny!!! Well done Ro, really good wind up!!
Me:OMG you better be messing with me because I am covered in rosacea and can't breathe properly
Jess: DUDE..................... covered in rosacea a FU**ING CLASSIC!!!!!!
Me: Dude. It's unbelievable. Never before have I felt like I was going to puke, poop and explode all at the same time when Alan said I had made it up. There was so much I wanted to say that I sounded like .. like WHAT WHY BUT OMG BUT AND YOU OMG
Jess: Dude.........he's a male.....ergo...dickwad!! Make sure you exact a punishing revenge on him...
Sophie: Uh-oh. Twilight zone
Me: I actually feel sick because . . . I WAS ACCUSED OF MAKING IT ALL UP. So apparently I'm suddenly mental. I felt like one of those people that get sectioned when they aren't mad. Even though I'm all, but then why are my business cards on my desk? Why was I researching the company? Why did I email you guys about them attending an event at the Gay Texan? I so hope I hear from them. But in a way, I don't. Because I am so mad that if I see him I am not even joking when I say I will go up to him and knee him in the nuts. At least.
Sadie: Oh God, I'm laughing like a crazy woman!!!!
Me: Definitely my aunt then as apparently I'm mental
Jess: HA HA HA
Me: "Yup, first impression would be ' a liar who wasted your time.' I usually try for the exact opposite."
A LIAR WHO WASTED MY TIME AND WHO HAS MADE ME LOOK MENTAL AND WHOSE ARSE IS GOING TO GET A SEVERE KICKING IF I SEE HIM NO JOKE I AM NOT LYING. FOR REALS I WILL MASH HIM.
Sadie: Dude, laughing more!
Me: Ok. Im laughing too. But only a little bit because that wound is still OPEN
Jess: Open and weeping.
Sadie: Make it work for you. Scare the crap out of them and pretend to be really REALLY insane. Well, having said that you probably scare the crap out of them anyway.
Jess: Dude......... that's funny .. and yeh ok, a bit childish, but I'm laughing.....
Later:
Me: OH MY GOD! I've just been . . hussled or something! That guy that came into my office saying he was from the Gaylord Texan company told me they were going to rent out one of the offices here.
Me: You are moving into the building?
Him: Yep. So would be good to grab a business card.
Me: Yeah, course. Do you have one I could take?
Him: No, we'll be sending an introductory letter round though.
Me: Ok. Cool. You're renting one of the floors then?
Him: Yep. So we couldn't be nearer for business!
Me: *alrightttt with the sales pitch already*
Anyway. The point is, I asked him about 20 times whether he was moving in as I assume that we would have been told. And cos I don't always listen the first time. He leaves.
About 15 minutes later Alan comes in.
Me: I didn't know that someone was renting the floor
Alan: What?
Me: Some guy just came in saying they were renting one of the floors
Alan: . .. ...no
Me: No? What? But . . like . . he came in and said that he was. For reals. Like, discussed it with him and everything .
Alan: No . . no one is renting the floor . . when was this?
Me: Like . . 15 minutes ago!
Alan: I was on the post round . . bloody Fernando!! (Crazy cleaner left to guard reception) (FAIL)
Me: OMG!!! WHAT! He just made up a story??!! But, like, what, I wouldn't FIND OUT he's INVENTED a company! Like a wouldn't NOTICE!!
Alan asked what he looked like and has gone on the prowl. I am waiting for my introductory letter so I can email kick his ass.
Jess, you write and complain
Jess: Fd!! I'm composing as we sit.
Sadie: Bizarre! What do they hope to gain from it?
Sophie: That's what I too was pondering.
Me: Our business I guess. Although, on first impressions? FAIL
Sadie: Yup, first impression would be ' a liar who wasted your time.' I usually try for the exact opposite.
Me: GUESS WHAT. Gay Texan update.
So. Alan goes on the prowl and then comes back. And basically we have a conversation that goes something like, why did you make this up Rosie?
Me: What?
Alan: I'm really impressed what a straight face you can keep when you are lying.
Me: HAVE I ENTERED SOME KIND OF PARALLEL UNIVERSE?
So .. Alan was off on the post round and leaves Fernando at the desk. Fernando says NO ONE walked past him. Him and Alan check the CCTV time during Alans round. Nope, no one comes in the building.
Me: ...... You know, I'm not MENTAL.
Alan: NO ONE came in
Me: OMG *recaps encounter for the 129th time*
Alan: So where is the business card he gave you?
Me: He didn't give me one. I asked and he said he didn't have one . .
Alan: .....
Me: But . . . he said he would send an introductory letter instead . . .
Alan: .....
Me: OMG WHY WOULD I MAKE THIS UP. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS
Alan: Fernando, go take Rosie round the floors to see if you can see him
So I just went on some pointless tour of the building, looking at the empty offices. I don't know why. I come back and am like, well, he ain't sleeping up there so . . can I now go and ask the other companies to see if he visited them?
Alan: I looked round those ones and he wasn't there
Me: But did you ask them if he had been in?
Alan: No because he wasn't there.
Have just gone through the CCTV myself with Alan. I emailed youse guys at 11.22 about the Gaylord thing so went from 11. No one entered the building. I can't convince Alan to go from 10am SO NOW EVERYONE IS DEAD. I'VE KILLED THEM IN A MURDEROUS RAGE BECAUSE I HAD TO SAY THE WORDS: ALAN I AM NOT MENTAL STOP SUGGESTING I MADE THIS UP. And he gave me a look that said he thought I was mental.
Jess: Oh God sooooooooooooo funny!!! Well done Ro, really good wind up!!
Me:OMG you better be messing with me because I am covered in rosacea and can't breathe properly
Jess: DUDE..................... covered in rosacea a FU**ING CLASSIC!!!!!!
Me: Dude. It's unbelievable. Never before have I felt like I was going to puke, poop and explode all at the same time when Alan said I had made it up. There was so much I wanted to say that I sounded like .. like WHAT WHY BUT OMG BUT AND YOU OMG
Jess: Dude.........he's a male.....ergo...dickwad!! Make sure you exact a punishing revenge on him...
Sophie: Uh-oh. Twilight zone
Me: I actually feel sick because . . . I WAS ACCUSED OF MAKING IT ALL UP. So apparently I'm suddenly mental. I felt like one of those people that get sectioned when they aren't mad. Even though I'm all, but then why are my business cards on my desk? Why was I researching the company? Why did I email you guys about them attending an event at the Gay Texan? I so hope I hear from them. But in a way, I don't. Because I am so mad that if I see him I am not even joking when I say I will go up to him and knee him in the nuts. At least.
Sadie: Oh God, I'm laughing like a crazy woman!!!!
Me: Definitely my aunt then as apparently I'm mental
Jess: HA HA HA
Me: "Yup, first impression would be ' a liar who wasted your time.' I usually try for the exact opposite."
A LIAR WHO WASTED MY TIME AND WHO HAS MADE ME LOOK MENTAL AND WHOSE ARSE IS GOING TO GET A SEVERE KICKING IF I SEE HIM NO JOKE I AM NOT LYING. FOR REALS I WILL MASH HIM.
Sadie: Dude, laughing more!
Me: Ok. Im laughing too. But only a little bit because that wound is still OPEN
Jess: Open and weeping.
Sadie: Make it work for you. Scare the crap out of them and pretend to be really REALLY insane. Well, having said that you probably scare the crap out of them anyway.
Sunday 11 January 2009
bad book review
Me: I just finished reading a book that was basically about this girls countdown to save her father. He was stuck in a container on a port and she had to travel across continents for keys and whatnot. It was great. She managed to get to him in the end with 7 minutes remaining. THEN he fell off the port into the water and died. Me - *..........*
Jessica. I need you to write and complain.
Jess: OH MY GOD!! that's just sooooooooo not right!!!! I'm onto the complaint now....
that ac/dc lot are very rude.... they just replied back....oh not fu**ing YOU again!!!! I shall now write to complain about THAT!!!!
Me: Man. They are So cheeky. I would send 2 complaints AT LEAST to that. And ask to speak to their manager.
That book! Oh. My. God. It was 341 pages long and he died on page 336.
The hottie has been moved to another site. He came and told me this morning. For some reason I never asked if he wanted to get a beer at lunchtime. Now I'm depressed. What the HELL is the point being here now? Work? God.
Jess: Oh dude........hottie moving...man that's not right.....bummer..... only hotties in my life is ones in my mind....dayum.
Me: Rubbish. Totally rubbish. I'm going to end up having to talk to the crazy cleaner at this rate.
Jess: Dude.....resist....
Me: Doubt it will be too hard. He just did some weird sideways star jump thing past my office window waving at me. Weird sideways star jump on weirdo.
Jess: I'm laughing here at 'weird sideways star jump' image funyyyyyyyyy
Me: It makes me jump when he does things like that. At least I can see him. When I cant, he is normally hiding in the womens toilet.
Jess: Smooooooooooth.
Sophie: Bummer about the book. so busy here that i dont have time to blink. tfi Friday!! And dont talk to crazies
Me: Oh well. Since I read it on the train and in work mainly I don't feel like there was anything more productive I could have done. I try not to talk to crazies. They seem to gravitate towards me. The only thing that stops them is if I walk with M.
Jess: ok...3rd time I got this email!
Me: You should write and complain
Jess: Good idea!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmm.....is injunction a bad word to keep throwing at me?
Me: Nah. Injunction and restraining order are how they show they have received your mail
Jess: Ok then!
Me: Text:
Ruth: Hey Ro. What you doing? I'm ill. At home watching tv. Dad is going on at me to do the dusting. HELLO?!
Me: When he comes home, arrange yourself so he finds you lying on the floor with dusters and Pledge strewn about. you can be all *weak voice* just give me a minute . . I'll try again. If you could also arrange a pile of puke that would add authenticity.
Ruth: He just hoovered round me!!!!!!
Jess: SNIGGER!!!!!!!!!
Me: Funny. Wish I were at home. Although not unwell.
Sophie: I think most shocking about this is ARWEL HOOVERING
Me: Yeah but he hoovered round her so not a very good job
Jess:THIS IS TRUE....and so obviously Arwell.
Jessica. I need you to write and complain.
Jess: OH MY GOD!! that's just sooooooooo not right!!!! I'm onto the complaint now....
that ac/dc lot are very rude.... they just replied back....oh not fu**ing YOU again!!!! I shall now write to complain about THAT!!!!
Me: Man. They are So cheeky. I would send 2 complaints AT LEAST to that. And ask to speak to their manager.
That book! Oh. My. God. It was 341 pages long and he died on page 336.
The hottie has been moved to another site. He came and told me this morning. For some reason I never asked if he wanted to get a beer at lunchtime. Now I'm depressed. What the HELL is the point being here now? Work? God.
Jess: Oh dude........hottie moving...man that's not right.....bummer..... only hotties in my life is ones in my mind....dayum.
Me: Rubbish. Totally rubbish. I'm going to end up having to talk to the crazy cleaner at this rate.
Jess: Dude.....resist....
Me: Doubt it will be too hard. He just did some weird sideways star jump thing past my office window waving at me. Weird sideways star jump on weirdo.
Jess: I'm laughing here at 'weird sideways star jump' image funyyyyyyyyy
Me: It makes me jump when he does things like that. At least I can see him. When I cant, he is normally hiding in the womens toilet.
Jess: Smooooooooooth.
Sophie: Bummer about the book. so busy here that i dont have time to blink. tfi Friday!! And dont talk to crazies
Me: Oh well. Since I read it on the train and in work mainly I don't feel like there was anything more productive I could have done. I try not to talk to crazies. They seem to gravitate towards me. The only thing that stops them is if I walk with M.
Jess: ok...3rd time I got this email!
Me: You should write and complain
Jess: Good idea!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmm.....is injunction a bad word to keep throwing at me?
Me: Nah. Injunction and restraining order are how they show they have received your mail
Jess: Ok then!
Me: Text:
Ruth: Hey Ro. What you doing? I'm ill. At home watching tv. Dad is going on at me to do the dusting. HELLO?!
Me: When he comes home, arrange yourself so he finds you lying on the floor with dusters and Pledge strewn about. you can be all *weak voice* just give me a minute . . I'll try again. If you could also arrange a pile of puke that would add authenticity.
Ruth: He just hoovered round me!!!!!!
Jess: SNIGGER!!!!!!!!!
Me: Funny. Wish I were at home. Although not unwell.
Sophie: I think most shocking about this is ARWEL HOOVERING
Me: Yeah but he hoovered round her so not a very good job
Jess:THIS IS TRUE....and so obviously Arwell.
Saturday 10 January 2009
return
Sadie: I watched Lucy's dvd 'Return' last night, girlies you will love it. Some serious arse kicking - make that arse evisceration actually. It really put me in a good mood, one of those real feelgood films.
Me: 'Return' or 'Taken?'
Sadie: Ah yes, 'Taken' that's the one, a senior moment.
Me: Funny though - 'taken' and 'return.' Could have changed the whole plot of the film. YOU HAVE TAKEN MY DAUGHTER!! WAITTTT. Oh. You have RETURNED her. Well. Thanks very much.
Sadie: Laughing here so much!!!!!!! Oh god, I've got tears running down my face!!!!
Me: 'Return' or 'Taken?'
Sadie: Ah yes, 'Taken' that's the one, a senior moment.
Me: Funny though - 'taken' and 'return.' Could have changed the whole plot of the film. YOU HAVE TAKEN MY DAUGHTER!! WAITTTT. Oh. You have RETURNED her. Well. Thanks very much.
Sadie: Laughing here so much!!!!!!! Oh god, I've got tears running down my face!!!!
Friday 9 January 2009
I'm an ass-assaulter
Email to Sadie:
All
I'd just like to say thanks for another job well done today. As ever you set the standard. I will be paying a visit to the boss tomorrow to "enquire" as to what he plans to do about the skills gap in his team. Thanks
Sadie: At 11 am yesterday I get a call from Tony saying because the support team are in a workshop all morning can I deal with an urgent helpdesk call. I was slightly f*cked off by this as I AM NOT SUPPORT but nevertheless we are one team one dream etc etc etc… so I had a look. After a little while I realised we had a serious problem which affects about two hundred people and about a dozen different systems. So I had to drag the Support team out of their workshop to help me deal with the crisis.
A bit later I said to them, so, what was your workshop about? Oh they said, its about what to do when we have a crisis. Well, I said, I think the first thing that would help is if you weren't all in the same bl**dy workshop and could deal with the calls as soon as they came in. Anyway, Tony's comment is quite right. I do indeed 'set the standard.' WHOOO HOOO!!!
Me: MIGHTY SADIE!!!!!! Well Done!!!! That's brilliant! x x x
Jess: Sadie the sorter!!! Or assorter!!!
Sophie: Or assaulter?
Jess: OR INDEED ASSAULTER!!!
Sadie: Yes, OK, OK.
Jess: What's asaltpetre?
Me: Assault of a petri dish. Its very common in labs everywhere.
Sadie: Isn't saltpetre what they gave soldiers in the war to control their, er, libido?
Jess: Oooh er I think I may have to Google!
Sadie: "And despite its reputation for lowering libido, there is no evidence that it would help you. Potential side effects include stomach upset, headache, anemia, and kidney damage. " .. Well, if I had all those symptoms, I wouldn't exactly be up for it!
Me: What a brilliant idea. Debilitate the soldiers. I bet it is a German invention. Blimmin germans.
Sadie: Sneaky blimmin germans
Me: Man am I mad at them. I'm gonna write and complain
Jess: I'm onto it now... Dear Mr Ac/dc fan club............
Sophie: Jeeez... couldn't they just have knocked one out in a trench?
Sadie: GOOODNESS GRACIOUS ME!
Jess: SOPHHIEEEE!!!
Sadie: That's pretty much what my reaction was. Shocking.
Sophie: Er, whatever. How is that worse than kidney failure.
Me: Fair point.
All
I'd just like to say thanks for another job well done today. As ever you set the standard. I will be paying a visit to the boss tomorrow to "enquire" as to what he plans to do about the skills gap in his team. Thanks
Sadie: At 11 am yesterday I get a call from Tony saying because the support team are in a workshop all morning can I deal with an urgent helpdesk call. I was slightly f*cked off by this as I AM NOT SUPPORT but nevertheless we are one team one dream etc etc etc… so I had a look. After a little while I realised we had a serious problem which affects about two hundred people and about a dozen different systems. So I had to drag the Support team out of their workshop to help me deal with the crisis.
A bit later I said to them, so, what was your workshop about? Oh they said, its about what to do when we have a crisis. Well, I said, I think the first thing that would help is if you weren't all in the same bl**dy workshop and could deal with the calls as soon as they came in. Anyway, Tony's comment is quite right. I do indeed 'set the standard.' WHOOO HOOO!!!
Me: MIGHTY SADIE!!!!!! Well Done!!!! That's brilliant! x x x
Jess: Sadie the sorter!!! Or assorter!!!
Sophie: Or assaulter?
Jess: OR INDEED ASSAULTER!!!
Sadie: Yes, OK, OK.
Jess: What's asaltpetre?
Me: Assault of a petri dish. Its very common in labs everywhere.
Sadie: Isn't saltpetre what they gave soldiers in the war to control their, er, libido?
Jess: Oooh er I think I may have to Google!
Sadie: "And despite its reputation for lowering libido, there is no evidence that it would help you. Potential side effects include stomach upset, headache, anemia, and kidney damage. " .. Well, if I had all those symptoms, I wouldn't exactly be up for it!
Me: What a brilliant idea. Debilitate the soldiers. I bet it is a German invention. Blimmin germans.
Sadie: Sneaky blimmin germans
Me: Man am I mad at them. I'm gonna write and complain
Jess: I'm onto it now... Dear Mr Ac/dc fan club............
Sophie: Jeeez... couldn't they just have knocked one out in a trench?
Sadie: GOOODNESS GRACIOUS ME!
Jess: SOPHHIEEEE!!!
Sadie: That's pretty much what my reaction was. Shocking.
Sophie: Er, whatever. How is that worse than kidney failure.
Me: Fair point.
Thursday 8 January 2009
homework
Something else I did this Christmas was help my little sister with her college homework. I wrote about art movements through Kindergarten Cop, I wrote about Classical Architecture through Drillbit Taylor and I wrote about the Industrial Revolution through Iron Man. I am not sure WHAT the Industrial Revolution had to do with an art history course. Matts suggestion was to write 'This has nothing to do with art history and so I am not answering it' underneath the question but I didn't. I don't rage against the machine, rebel against the man etc. Although I DO get a bit crotchety in Tesco. Oh you better BELIEVE I will lay the smack down on your arse if you start trying to knock me out the way when I'm packing or putting my wallet away.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Muzletov!
Cor. The 23rd December seems AGES ago. I had SUCH a good Christmas holiday - spanning from December 24th-January 5th - and it has been really hard coming back to work and getting into the swing of things again. Not to mention the fact that it is zero degrees and a hazard to be out of bed.
So. Christmas Eve was brilliant. Me and Sophie and Matt went to Cafe Rouge for dinner. Sophie was sad because she didn't get mussels but me and Matt had delicious steaks each. Matt ate his in about 3 minutes. Then Sophie said something REALLY rude, which I can't remember, and then Matt said something EVEN RUDER. I can't remember what he said either but it was shocking. I was all, it is the eve of the Baby Jesus. Jeeeeeeez. When we got home me and Sophie convinced Mat that we all needed to open our 'Secret Santa' presents. I put that in quote marks because they weren't secret or really from Santa. I got a beautiful scarf and some funky shoes and a necklace and earring bumblebee set. I like bumblebees. They seem all big and fluffy. But they sting me ALL THE TIME. And mum is all, quit stroking the bumblebees! And I'm all owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Anyway. We went to bed pretty late. Going to bed late has been a definitive characteristic of this holiday. We were going to bed around 3am and getting up at midday. Coming back to work and alarms going off at 6.30 has been a right shock to the system. Very distressing.
On Christmas morning I was hoping to have a lovely lie in. This plan was immediately scuppered by scarily enthusiastic adults texting me at 7.30, 8.13 and 8.38. DUDES. And then Matt "couldn't sleep" and apparently had been awake since 5am so we were up pretty flippin early I can tell you.
Sophie and Matt opened their presents and then we headed to our respective families houses. Christmas at our house is always great. We'd watched the Christmas special of Gavin and Stacey when we got back from Cafe Rouge and there is a scene in it where the dad is worried about his Norfolk gold headed red breasted diamond egged turkey. Or whatever. WE GET THIS TURKEY TOO!! The dad is basting/soaking his turkey in a bucket. Those birds are flippin ginormous sometimes and last year our bucket was barely big enough. This year ours was soaking in some kind of laundry basket thing. Brilliant. Anyway, we could totally relate to the dad muttering about his Jamie Oliver recipe and Nigella and whatever. Funny.
Then our uncle Paul turned up with the usual crate of champagne! Much appreciated. I got a beautiful pair of gold hoop earrings that I have wanted for ages and some makeup. Brilliant! I think my brother Jamie sorted mine and he did a very good job. Later on, we watched Mama Mia. Mama Mia is proper cheese and my brothers made some very funny comments through out. Like, oooo girls gossiping and reading diaries! I can NEVER get enough of that... etc. Whatevs. It was a good Christmas day movie.
Me and Sophie sat navved Matts address around 12-1am and headed off to pick him up. The sat nav doesn't like Matt's address and corrects it to where it thinks we should be going. It's always the right place but . . . whatever to not recognising number 5 or whatever.
Boxing day was a total chill fest round ours but we decided to head to Brent Cross on the 27th to pick up some New Years Eve outfits. Lulu stayed round as I wanted to leave early, around 9, because otherwise I assumed it would be MAYHEM. I was not wrong.
I can't remember what we did on the 29th. Presumably chilled out. Ate. Napped. I napped SO MUCH this holiday that it was less napping and more full on heavy sleeping. But in the evening me and Sophie went to ma and pa's for my birthday dinner. Matt was unwell so we left him at home so's as not to ruin the party atmosphere. Mum cooked a delicious dinner of pasta and garlic bread and even a salad which, after all the crap I had eaten, tasted bloody delicious. Then we had a chocolate cake that I think Matt would have been real sad to miss. For my birthday I got a MASSIVE jewellery box from my sister and Matt. It is absolutely brilliant and I love it. I love that I can see all my jewellery and I love all the compartments so it's like a treasure trove of things. Me and Sophie bought some silver dip and tidied our boxes (we both have the same one. I have coveted hers for ages). Shamefully it was still a tight squeeze getting it all in. I also got some purfume, my mum made me an amazing necklace and earring set, lulu bought me a little Aladdins lamp charm, Jamie bought me a book on manners (rude! although I heart etiquette books) and Toby bought me a bunch of flowers. It was a great evening.
The 30th, my actual birthday, Ruth came over and cooked me lunch and bought some Bucks Fizz. She also bought me a really really cool necklace made from an old farthing. I love it. It was a wicked day.
News Years Eve we spend at my families house. I love the eclectic gathering of friends and family and me, Sophie, mum and Lulu had all managed to buy beautiful dresses. Me and Sophie were given the task of crudites and rice crispy cakes. After making the 112 cake I would have been happy not to have seen them again. But they were bloody delicious. Sophie's friend Natalie was very very funny. Her boyfriend bought her a cook book for Christmas and she had turned down the corners of the pages of the recipes that she liked the sound of and handed it back to him to cook them!!! What a GREAT idea! Also, apparently they made a Venison Surprise Pie. The surprise part was no venison. HAHA.
On New Years day we were woken up by our family, up bright and early at the crack of dawn and asking if we wanted to go for a walk. Me and Sophie managed to heave ourselves out of bed but it was an effort and pretty much the only exercise we did all Christmas.
I had a Cracking holiday and a much needed break from working and getting up early and whatnot. This is my first week back and it is SO HARD. The lack of sleep is causing a twitch above my right eye and it is bloody cold. Oh well. Nearly the weekend.
So. Christmas Eve was brilliant. Me and Sophie and Matt went to Cafe Rouge for dinner. Sophie was sad because she didn't get mussels but me and Matt had delicious steaks each. Matt ate his in about 3 minutes. Then Sophie said something REALLY rude, which I can't remember, and then Matt said something EVEN RUDER. I can't remember what he said either but it was shocking. I was all, it is the eve of the Baby Jesus. Jeeeeeeez. When we got home me and Sophie convinced Mat that we all needed to open our 'Secret Santa' presents. I put that in quote marks because they weren't secret or really from Santa. I got a beautiful scarf and some funky shoes and a necklace and earring bumblebee set. I like bumblebees. They seem all big and fluffy. But they sting me ALL THE TIME. And mum is all, quit stroking the bumblebees! And I'm all owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Anyway. We went to bed pretty late. Going to bed late has been a definitive characteristic of this holiday. We were going to bed around 3am and getting up at midday. Coming back to work and alarms going off at 6.30 has been a right shock to the system. Very distressing.
On Christmas morning I was hoping to have a lovely lie in. This plan was immediately scuppered by scarily enthusiastic adults texting me at 7.30, 8.13 and 8.38. DUDES. And then Matt "couldn't sleep" and apparently had been awake since 5am so we were up pretty flippin early I can tell you.
Sophie and Matt opened their presents and then we headed to our respective families houses. Christmas at our house is always great. We'd watched the Christmas special of Gavin and Stacey when we got back from Cafe Rouge and there is a scene in it where the dad is worried about his Norfolk gold headed red breasted diamond egged turkey. Or whatever. WE GET THIS TURKEY TOO!! The dad is basting/soaking his turkey in a bucket. Those birds are flippin ginormous sometimes and last year our bucket was barely big enough. This year ours was soaking in some kind of laundry basket thing. Brilliant. Anyway, we could totally relate to the dad muttering about his Jamie Oliver recipe and Nigella and whatever. Funny.
Then our uncle Paul turned up with the usual crate of champagne! Much appreciated. I got a beautiful pair of gold hoop earrings that I have wanted for ages and some makeup. Brilliant! I think my brother Jamie sorted mine and he did a very good job. Later on, we watched Mama Mia. Mama Mia is proper cheese and my brothers made some very funny comments through out. Like, oooo girls gossiping and reading diaries! I can NEVER get enough of that... etc. Whatevs. It was a good Christmas day movie.
Me and Sophie sat navved Matts address around 12-1am and headed off to pick him up. The sat nav doesn't like Matt's address and corrects it to where it thinks we should be going. It's always the right place but . . . whatever to not recognising number 5 or whatever.
Boxing day was a total chill fest round ours but we decided to head to Brent Cross on the 27th to pick up some New Years Eve outfits. Lulu stayed round as I wanted to leave early, around 9, because otherwise I assumed it would be MAYHEM. I was not wrong.
I can't remember what we did on the 29th. Presumably chilled out. Ate. Napped. I napped SO MUCH this holiday that it was less napping and more full on heavy sleeping. But in the evening me and Sophie went to ma and pa's for my birthday dinner. Matt was unwell so we left him at home so's as not to ruin the party atmosphere. Mum cooked a delicious dinner of pasta and garlic bread and even a salad which, after all the crap I had eaten, tasted bloody delicious. Then we had a chocolate cake that I think Matt would have been real sad to miss. For my birthday I got a MASSIVE jewellery box from my sister and Matt. It is absolutely brilliant and I love it. I love that I can see all my jewellery and I love all the compartments so it's like a treasure trove of things. Me and Sophie bought some silver dip and tidied our boxes (we both have the same one. I have coveted hers for ages). Shamefully it was still a tight squeeze getting it all in. I also got some purfume, my mum made me an amazing necklace and earring set, lulu bought me a little Aladdins lamp charm, Jamie bought me a book on manners (rude! although I heart etiquette books) and Toby bought me a bunch of flowers. It was a great evening.
The 30th, my actual birthday, Ruth came over and cooked me lunch and bought some Bucks Fizz. She also bought me a really really cool necklace made from an old farthing. I love it. It was a wicked day.
News Years Eve we spend at my families house. I love the eclectic gathering of friends and family and me, Sophie, mum and Lulu had all managed to buy beautiful dresses. Me and Sophie were given the task of crudites and rice crispy cakes. After making the 112 cake I would have been happy not to have seen them again. But they were bloody delicious. Sophie's friend Natalie was very very funny. Her boyfriend bought her a cook book for Christmas and she had turned down the corners of the pages of the recipes that she liked the sound of and handed it back to him to cook them!!! What a GREAT idea! Also, apparently they made a Venison Surprise Pie. The surprise part was no venison. HAHA.
On New Years day we were woken up by our family, up bright and early at the crack of dawn and asking if we wanted to go for a walk. Me and Sophie managed to heave ourselves out of bed but it was an effort and pretty much the only exercise we did all Christmas.
I had a Cracking holiday and a much needed break from working and getting up early and whatnot. This is my first week back and it is SO HARD. The lack of sleep is causing a twitch above my right eye and it is bloody cold. Oh well. Nearly the weekend.
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