what I have to put up with

Sophie: Matt- are you going to do some homework tonight?

Matt: I have brought one booklet to work with me, so I'll flick through it at lunchtime, then I have to read a chapter in my book at home. Already started the actual work but it's going slowly. Think Friday and Saturday might be the days for some Severe typing.

Sophie: I thought Saturday you were doing some severe D I Y at your Marge's?

Matt: Friday...it's only if Dominic does what he says he will... for which I'm doubtful!

Me: How comes you can be a complete Nazi with me but not make your brother pull his socks up with a firm hand? It's a mystery.

Matt: When am I ever a complete Nazi with you?

Me: "BLA BLA BLA STOP SINGINGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

Matt: Ha ha ha... that's not being a Nazi that's just trying to protect Clyde and Sophie's hearing. Plus I think I only said your singing was not up to standard with the Cheeky Girls. And, one final point, ...you never stop singing!!!

Me: Yes. That is because I am not bowing to such oppression. Freedom of speech and whatnot.

Sophie: Ohhhh! FUNNNYYYYY!

importance

Me: Sophieeee. I have really bad period pains. What should I do?

OtherSophie: Heatpad and sex

Me: Right. Not very helpful Soph. I'm at work.

OtherSophie: A Guinness!

Me: Seriously. Are you trying to get me fired?

OtherSophie: Ha. Ok. Just suggest some chocolate then! Last night I went to Chris's for dinner. Didn't get home until 1.30.

Me: Gosh. More exciting than my evening for sure. We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned our little house until it sparkled because the landlady is coming over this morning to look at the damp and MOULD on the walls. Yes. Mould. DISGUSTINGGGGGG. MOULD!! THERE IS MOULD ON THE WALLS!! ARGH! IT IS GOING TO GET INTO MY LUNGS AND I WILL DIE A MOULDY DEATH!! Plus, it makes my clean washing and clothes smell. And no one wants that.

*Later*

Sophie: "Condensation differs from rising and penetrating damp in that it is caused by excessive moisture that cannot escape from a building rather than damp coming in. The first sign that condensation is a problem is when black pinpricks of mould appear on walls, ceilings and even furnishings. There is usually a musty smell present and clothes and shoes in cupboards can become covered in a white or green furry mould. Factors, which contribute to condensation, include not opening windows, drying washing inside or using unvented tumble dryers and inadequate heating, but the biggest cause of condensation is the use of portable calor gas heaters. If the cause of the condensation is not rectified the pin pricks of mould will grow and can eventually cover whole walls and ceilings and ruin clothes and decorations."

Me: 'Drying washing inside.' Basically, we need to do that open window locking thing. Not sure about the kitchen though. She needs to sort that wall out.

Sophie: I think it's a shady area. I.e. we are living normally but that is causing it. It's not our fault that we are living in a usual manner; washing, cooking, breathing moisture into the air. Apparently we are the worst case because we work all day allowing the house to cool and then the mould to spread.
My jumper today STINKS of mould but I can't take it off. I think we have to try and dry our washing outside at the weekends (apart from it is usually pissing down).

Me: So, landlord is liable, but it's a tenant fault. Eg, it is definitely because of you drying washing in your room and there being not enough ventilation, causing excessive condensation.

Sophie: Ok, have taken my jumper off but my dress smells too and I can't take that off!!! GROSS.

Me: Monica just called. She says that she has just finished looking at the mould and it is definitely condensation. 3 of us breathing + wet washing + washing etc etc. We just need to wash the mould off and then lock the windows so they are slightly open when we leave for work to get some ventilation going. Or I guess leaving the bathroom light on WHEN I AM NOT THERE will keep the fan running and help, too.
The damp in the kitchen is not condensation. She thinks it is seeping through from the stairs up to Janet's and is going to get a company in to have a look at it. So, even though she just confirmed what we thought about the mould (it's there because of the wet washing and no open windows) she is glad we pointed out the kitchen problem. She was really nice, said sorry about it all and hopes we can deal with it.

Sophie: Plus, on the website, it suggested a dehumidifier, which we have. Did you tell her that? I'm up for the window thing. I don't know if others can smell me or if it's just making me want to vom and no one else can smell it. Paranoia. Basically we have to open the bathroom window whenever we wash and close the door so that it only escapes out the window, leave the light on, leave the windows open-locked and leave our washing til the weekend when we can hang it outside. I need to wash my wardrobe because mould has seeped in.

Me:Um. I think only you can smell it. Because I HATE that smell and whenever I've asked you if you can smell it on me, you say no. And I've asked M and other people in the pub before because I've been paranoid about it and they have all said no, too. We just need to have a demould spring clean and leave the windows 'open.'

Matt: Are we having spaghetti for dinner tonight?

Sophie: Wow.

Matt: Wow what?

Sophie: Wow we just had 10 emails about mould and you replied about spaghetti.
Do you think Monica liked the house how we have it?

Me: How could she not? The colour scheme is a work of art.

Sophie: She didn't comment? Not even on the state of our curtains?

Me: No. I guess she was more focussed on the mould than the fact you shrunk her curtains in the wash, mine are ripped to shreds by the cat, both of us bent our poles hanging up washing ... I mean, the mould is pretty spectacular

things

I met my ex work colleagues for a drink on Friday night. It was a really good evening. The pub we go to has 3 floors. We normally sit at the floor with the bar. On Friday the pub was absolutely RAMMED. I guess people have started meeting up for Christmas drinks and getting in the festive spirit. We were relegated to the downstairs layer which is where the pool tables are. It is pretty small down there and there were some amusing comments about balls and sticks. And that is because the predictable jokes are the funniest.
When I got to the station to go home, I accidentally stood near a total nutter. He was sitting on the bench and randomly swearing. Not tourettes I don't think but just random swearing. He sidled up and leaned on the wall next to me.
Hi. Shit fuck
Me: Hm. Hi.
Him: I like your shoes. Shit
Me: Thanks...
Him: And I like your dress. FUCK.
Me: Thanks.
Him: This isn't working at all, is it?
Me: Sorry?
Him: I'm not impressing you at all am I? Shit. Fuck.
Me: Um. No.
Then the train came and he got on it. I decided to wait until the next one.

On Saturday Sophie cooked some pasta and garlic bread for lunch. It was yum. The plumber came over. I hid from him. He did a fantastic job but I thought he was really odd. And I couldn't understand a WORD he said. When he called I panicked and gave the phone to Matt. Matt seemed to understand him. He was replying anyhow. When he hung up though he said he had no idea what the plumber had said but he thought he might be coming round to fix the sink.
After he had been, me and Sophie decided to leave Matt to his homework and wander to the shops. Luckily for us there was nothing we wanted to buy so we picked up some potatoes and came home. Garlic kievs for dinner and a glass of wine We were proper garlicking it up round ours. Then we had our usual Saturday night of Strictly and X-Factor and then Sophie and Matt went to bed to watch FBI Files because they are a pair of sadsacks. Them looking almost attractive

On Sunday we decided to support our farmers and so headed to the local farmers market. Sophie: But, it's all so . . dirty. . .
As you can imagine, this came as a real shock to me and Matthew. We bought some chops and sausages anyway and a whole heap of fruit and veg We also sampled a sausage, and Sophie and Matt blended in with the surrounding bumpkins Then we went to Morissons to stock up on some essentials and a festive Poinsettia When we got home, the early morning jaunt meant it was definitely time for a nap
In the evening, we went over to Mum and Dads for dinner. Mum has been cooking up a storm lately and last nights goat cheese and vegetable lasagna was delicious. And the Guinness cake was fantastic. Man. I could eat that now. Had a lovely evening in front of the fire reminiscing about what a maniac Lulu was when she was younger. Good times. Then mum gave us a nice basket to take home as a bed for Clyde because all we have given him is a cardboard box to sleep in. We're mean like that. I think he liked it.

sights

I like the clip clop clip clop of the police horses going past my office window. Soothing.

surrounded by idiots

A whole heap of stuff

I don't like not being . . . ready. If I'm going somewhere or doing something, I like to be prepared. This is why I am not normally too far from items such as eyeliners, deodorant, spare shoes, a hairbrush, a toothbrush (and paste) and a selection of reading material.

Evidence:

This is my work drawer: As you can see, it contains:
Makeup -
Number 7 Tinted Moisturiser
L'Oreal Foundation
Urban Decay Eyeshadow Palette - this is really handy as, if you forget your makeup kit or put your makeup on at work, like me, it has all the shades that match the outfits I wear. Plus a black shadow which is all I need sometimes
Number 7 Eyeliner
Rimmel Black Eyeshadow
Number 7 face Powder
Maybelline SuperStay pink lipstick
Solait Bronzer
Cocoa Butter lip moisturiser
And YES I also carry a double of all this in my bag but should I forget something? Sorted!
I also have a toothbrush, toothpaste and floss. I take mouthcare seriously yo.
Dove Deodorant and Givenchy Gentlemen perfume
Hairbrush, hairbands, hairspray
Pink, red and purple nail varnish. A nail file. Nail varnish remover pads.
Sainsburys Floracology body cream. Soap & Glory Glow lotion. Neutrogena hand cream. Estee Lauder face cream.
Vitamin C and Cranberry tablets (healthy immune system, healthy kidneys).
Tissues, plasters, panadol.
Sunglasses.

This is my second drawer at work: This is where I keep my shoes. 2 pairs of black heels and a flat pair of pumps. I think I have my bases covered. Plus a swim kit and a stack of books. There is sometimes a magazine poking around too.

I like to carry some essentials with me though, too. This is my bag. It is the bag I basically use every day and at the end of the week I try and clean it out as otherwise I can be carting around quite a lot of accumulated junk: It generally always contains:
A hairbrush
My Oyster Card
Door Keys
An umbrella
My diary and pen
A reusable bag of some kind
My work doorpass
My wallet
Some hairbands
Tissues of some kind. These are fancy ones because Matt bought them for me.
Makeup
iPod
Book

And, my God. The makeup I cart round with me is pretty impressive: As you can see, it's Wednesday and the eyeshadows are gradually accumulating. There are 6 pots of Barry M, and the permanently included black Estee Lauder. Also:
Rimmel liquid eyeliner
Estee Lauder Kohl Eyeliner
Number 7 mascara
Ruby and Milly tweezers
Estee Lauder foundation primer
Estee Lauder eyeshadow primer
Estee Lauder concealer
2 Maybelline superstay lipsticks
Cotton buds
Eyeshadow applicators

This is all duplicated in what I have at home, too. It makes me feel a lot calmer knowing I am not so far from a black eyeliner and a book.

car update

Dad: Just seen your engine. In bits.
Me: Oh Christ. I hope that isn't what he wanted the chainsaw for.

delicates

I shall call this: Clyde is fucking lucky Sophie had her contacts in

Balls

On Friday, Clyde did not become a man. Me, Sophie and Matt (well, less Matt) decided that Clyde needed to be neutered. Personally, I think that there are far too many unwanted animals in this world without people like us adding to it. And Lord knows Clyde is keen to go forth and multiply. Heres hoping that his partner on the estate is male otherwise we could be too late. I am not sure how we can deny ownership of any kittens should they be born as I imagine Clyde's genes will be pretty prominent and they'll come out with horns.

Clyde was not allowed any food after his dinner on Thursday evening at 7.30. This is probably not a problem for some cats. For Clyde, we might as well have been torturing him with endless kisses and hugs. To make sure he didn't go and eat slugs, worms, or another cat from the block, we also had to lock the cat flap. Lock and barricade. It was a very ... trying evening.

In the morning, he was pitiful. It was heartbreaking watching him pad after us, curling round our legs, pointedly staring at his bowl, miaowing. All I could think was, IT IS FOR THE BEST, IT IS FOR THE BEST. But I couldn't look at him. He got into his carrier with minimum fuss. He was pretty weak after not eating for SO LONGGGGGG. Luckily his appointment was at 8.30 as there was no way I would be able to deal with him longer. I would have cracked. I would have had to call the vets and cancel his appointment due to pathetic puppy dog eyes and whimpering. And that would have ruined my bad ass image. Ahem.

When we got to the vets, he was seen immediately. I think this is because his crying was making grown men weep. We have been slightly worried about Clydes weight. Worried that he is being fed by the crazies.
Me: Do you think we should put a note on his collar that says, please don't feed me, I have a medical condition?
Sophie: What condition? I'm a fat bastard?
So I asked the vet what she thought. She said that, though he has DOUBLED in size since he was last weighed (like, a week ago) he is at an ok weight for him. But don't let him get any bigger. Seriously, if we let him get any bigger, he would be calling the shots round ours.

When it was time for me to leave him, the vet picked him up. He was so weak from lack of food that he put up no protest. She waved his little paw at me and said, goodbye. I was all, I have got to leave before he is stripped of any more dignity. Clyde does not WAVE GOODBYE. His terms of affection are a little nibble on your elbow skin. THAT is how he shows HIS love.

I got the bus home. I walked down the drive. There was no little bell ringing as he streaked past and into the house for food. There was no miaowwwww miaowwwwww miaowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. It was all very sad. I did the cleaning. Some washing. Had a nap. In barely any time I received a call from the vet saying all was well. That the operation had gone well, that Clyde had come round and had eaten some food quicker than most dogs. She said, he is clearly a very . . robust cat. If there was a prize going out for euphemisms, that vet would have been raking them in.

I went and picked him up. When he saw me he started purring. I gave him a hug. Put him in his carrier and took him home. The vet told me to feed him small amounts as soon as I got in. When I gave him a 10th of a Whiskers packet, he nearly took my eye out. I was also told to keep him inside until the following afternoon. I think Matt kicked him out around 7am on Saturday. I was all, still sedated and drowsy my arse.

It is safe to say he is fully recovered and is no less a cat than he was before. And is LOVING his freedom. No more cat flap curfew. Clyde is free to roam all night. Although, he is always back in time for his breakfast at 5am.

sleepin, you're doin it well!!!

Today, Sophie and Matt went to Stevenage to have lunch with Matt's sister. Mainly, I napped. In our house, we are pro-nappers.

My car

I won't lie. I do miss it. It is broken.

Here is it in action: It died about 3 days later. Maybe it was the 200 wine glasses that did it.

There is a broken gasket and oil is mixing with water. Apparently, because this is a labour intensive repair job, it will cost around £500 to fix. Because the car is not even worth that much, me and my dad decided not to get it sorted. For the last 5 months it has been sitting pitifully on my parents drive.

UNTIL

My dad struck up a conversation with a neighbour. This guy had a broken car jacked up on his driveway for ages. Mum used to point out to us the plants growing out of it. And then, he managed to fix it. And then his wife took it out about a day later and smashed it up again. Whoops. Anyway. This guy has offered to repair my car. Dad made a deal with him. Under £200 or the car is yours.

I asked my dad what this guy was like. He said:" I like him. He's an animal." I don't know what is worse. That my dad has entrusted my car to this fella or that this is a quality my dad likes in a man. Also, dad has lent this guy his chainsaw. He thinks this will reduce the cost of the repair work.

Texting my dad -
Dad: Car is with neighbour
Me:YAY! How long do you think it will take him to fix it?
Dad: Don't know how long, the man is a nutter. He might blow car up and nick my chainsaw for all I know.

Sophie: Ro, when he has repaired it, I would take it on small journeys first. Like, not down the motorway straight away. Just to be on the safe side.
Me: *.........*

But I am looking forward to getting it back. I LOVE driving.

I think I know who did it . . .

and it weren't the Colonel

Unsuspecting

To: Sophie, Matt
From: Me

Hey Kiddies,

Matt, cover your eyes.

I have booked Clyde in for THE CHOP tomorrow. I phoned the vet and tomorrow is the earliest they have which means we can unlock the catflap at night! Yes! Plus I figure we can watch him at the weekend to make sure he is ok.

This means. He can have his dinner this evening but as soon as he is finished all food needs to be taken away and the catflap locked. His water can stay down until the morning when that too needs to be removed.

He needs to be at the vets at 8.30. Generally you can get your cat back mid-afternoon but it depends how they react to the anesthetic.

The operation costs £55 in total.

However. The nurse suggests that, whilst he is anesthetised, we get him microchipped. This costs £26.54
Pros:
People will know he belongs to us if found (council, police, vets, pounds)
It won't hurt him because he'll be under anesthetic.
If you get it done during the ball operation, it is cheaper

Cons:
People will know he belongs to us
I could spend my microchip money (£9) on beer

I have the whole day off tomorrow. Sorry if either of you wanted to be there. If so, emergency leave? If you really do want to be there I can rearrange?

P.s. If you say 'spading' instead of 'neutering' you will be very confused when they ask if your cat has been in season yet.


From: Sophie

Hello, oh good. Well done for booking Clyde. And sorting out Monica's rent. Matt did you transfer her money yet?

Can't believe you said spade hahaha. I want tomorrow off but don't think it's wise. Shame you dont have the car!


From: Rosie

Well. Maybe you could tell them you need emergency leave???

Shame about car but can just get the bus with you and Matt in the morning.

So, did you want the microchipping? I said yes to the nurse but we can change our mind.

P.s. No. I cannot believe I said spade either. I can do a funny interpretation of me on the phone though. Highlight was when I nearly called it 'the ball operation'


From: Matt

I wouldn't worry, when I picked up my cat from the vet after having his bollocks chopped off, I said "I'm here to pick up my cat, you've just taken his balls." She gave me a weird look.
Not sure if I can get tomorrow off but I don't think I want to be there anyway. He's gonna be a shell of a cat tomorrow I imagine.

I have not transferred the money yet as I'm very very busy but will drop everything to do it now.

I'm hungry


From: Me

HAHA!!!

Also, when she said, 'you need to starve your cat for 12 hours' I said: oh LORDYYYYYYYYYY.

Don't worry Matt, I think he'll be ok. Maybe he might even become normal!

Monica (obviously) hadn't noticed the rent money deficit yet so no worries. Sometime today is fine.

I am also hungry. Just ate a DairyLea triangle. I have a couple left if you want?


From: Sophie

Funny Hawk. I was going to ask - what does the microchip say on it?

I'll let you handle it on your own tomorrow if that's ok?


From: Matt

Quick update -

Money has been transferred and standing order corrected.

And how is clyde going to be ok????

HE'S LOSING HIS FUCKING BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not normal thing to do.


From: Me

FUNNY!!!! Loads of men don't have balls so don't worry. He'll fit in.

Good stuff on the Monica money. Well done.

Sophie - I'm fine taking him on my own tomorrow. I'll just be dropping him off anyways. And when I pick him him, I doubt I'll be his favourite person. And the microchip has name, address and number. Also, it is free to call and have numbers etc changed. No odds to them, they just change the details on the computer.


From: Sophie

Matt, if it's any consolation I imagine Clyde has already spread his wild seed numerous times and there are possibly (but Dear God hopefully not) some mini Clyde's on the way out there to the poor unsuspecting owner(s) of lady cat(s).


From: Me

We'll deny all knowledge.

What I saw on the train

I get to the station and wait for my train. It pulls in and the doors open. A group of hot lads jump off and strip on the platform, throwing their discarded items back onto the train. Before the doors close they all manage to leap back on. People on the train are looking startled but no one says anything. A few older men look disgusted. A few older women try and get in sneaky glimpses. Others stare, some try and take a surreptitious photo. All in all, the reactions of the people on the train was entirely British. There were no catcalls, no comments. The platform attendant ignored it, but pointedly said: "This train is ready to leave. Stand clear of the closing doors.'

So. If you are wondering what would happen if you stripped on a station platform, leapt on a train and redressed, the answer is, not a lot.

Later on that evening, the train driver said: "There are beggars operating on the train. Please do not give them any money as, truth be told, they probably have more than us."
At the next station 2 women got off the tube, babies strapped to them, and went to throw their empty Coke cans at the drivers compartment. A man on the platform said: "I wouldn't do that. People on the train are watching you and those that would maybe give you money next time will definitely not." They walked off.

I was just thinking, if I had to beg, I think I could cope without needing to spend money on Coke. Branded Coke at that.

Actually, it was a pretty tame journey considering there was a big Arsenal match on.

Happy Birthday Jamie

Today is my brothers 22nd birthday. On Saturday night, mum invited some people over for drinks and food and told me and Sophie to make him a cake. We decided to make him a banana cake because we knew it was one of his favourites. Also, it seemed pretty simple. And the Nigella recipe we chose said: This is a very Forgiving recipe. Which me and Sophie are plenty glad for. Making the cake did not start well as we had forgotten to buy any eggs and I had to run out in the rain wearing the most eclectic outfit ever, plus the night befores eye make-up. Luckily the general populace of our local area is crazy and so to go out the house looking mental is just a case of blending in.

Then came the task of weighing out our ingredients. We didn't realise we owned weighing scales until we had worked out how much sugar we needed through math (what is 175+175? 250?), marking out rough halves and quarters and badgers. Then we remember (I remembered) that we had been amazingly proficient in our first IKEA shop and had purchased some scales. I guess it was a sixth sense that knew, 5 months down the line, we would make a banana cake.

Nigella said, put your butter and sugar in a bowl and let the mixer machine do the rest. Well. We did not have a machine that worked without someone holding it and were using a large fruit bowl. This meant that butter and sugar were being flicked all over the shop. Including into Sophie's tea. Which she weren't too happy about. Sophie then tried melting the butter a bit by putting the bowl into hot water. Obviously doing this our way simply meant plunging the bowl into the frothy washing up water. It didn't really work.

Next came blending in the eggs. Something disgusting fell out one of the eggs and I had to interrupt the creaming and blending to dry heave into the sink.

Sophie: The recipe says mash the bananas *slices the bananas and thwacks with the back of the knife* MASHED

Then we had to decide which tin to cook our cake in. Banana cake is typically a loaf and we had bread tins but we didn't want to make him a banana loaf, we wanted to make him a cake. We also had a huge roasting tin. This was too big. So. We did what anyone normal would do and put the loaf tin at the end of the roasting tin and covered it all in grease proof paper. Sophie made me butter the grease proof paper. I was all, why are we buttering grease proof paper? And she said, THIS IS WHAT THE RECIPE SAYS. But when I read the recipe afterwards it said grease the tin and put the paper on top. This was one of many things that could have affected our cake which didn't. It really was a very forgiving recipe.

After we poured our batter in the makeshift cake tin and put it in the oven, Sophie left to go to the Opticians. This made me very nervous as I had to watch the cake. But. After 75 minutes, it was done. I made Matt check it was done as well. It was definitely done.

When Sophie came home, and the cake had cooled, we removed it from the tin. Because the loaf tin didn't entirely cover the end of the roasting tin, some of the cake mix had seeped down the sides. Sophie decided to square the cake up a bit. I don't know why we allowed this since she will freely admit she can't cut straight for shit. Luckily, whilst her cutting was slightly skew whiff, the cake looked fantastic. We all tried a piece of the bit she cut off to make sure. It is vital to do this. You should also lick the batter spoons etc along the way. Just to make sure you do not poison your brother with his own birthday cake.

Then we iced the cake. I used nearly a whole box of icing sugar.
Me: Sophie. Iced cakes are SO unhealthy!!! I've just tipped a whole box of pure sugar over our cake!
Sophie: Well, more like, cakes in general are unhealthy Ro.

We made sure all the cake, top and sides, were covered with icing. Icing covers every flaw and it pretty fantastic. Then Sophie wrote happy birthday on the top and drew a ninja banana. For some reason my brother thinks he is a ninja. It is best not to question these things.

In all, the cake was perfect and Jamie enjoyed it. As did everyone else. Although I have to say, next to my mothers cakes, ours looked unbelievably home made. Whatevs though. She is just a big show off.

The party was brilliant. Mum and Dad emptied out and cleaned the shed and put in a gas fire, a heater and loads of candles. My little sister printed out some posters and me and my dad nailed them on the walls. It had a table and chairs and cushions inside and looked better than some of the places me and So and Hawk looked at to rent.

There was also a massive fire pit on the patio, which noone fell in, so that was a bonus. And there was a TON of food. My Dad and brother Jamie cooked up a storm on the BBQ and it was delicious. MMMM MEAT. Plus my mother had done loads of salad and pasta and vegetables etc. We had to take home a cake dog bag because I was so stuffed. The cake was especially delicious on Sunday night though.

On Sunday me and Soph and Hawk decided to go to Asda and buy some fruit and vegetables. This is because we do not trust Tesco to deliver us good ones since Lord knows they can't get the rest of the order right. We also were thinking to buy a microwave since ours is a health hazard and danger trap and we are sick of risking life and limb to use it. However. Instead of a microwave we somehow ended up buying Scrabble and Cluedo. Clyde enjoyed a game but he didn't win as he only knows how to spell a few words. Cat. Clyde and GIVE ME SOME FOOD BEFORE I RIP YOUR FACE OFF.





It was a very enjoyable weekend. I loved it.

nerves

Sophie's interpretation of a genuine problem:

robot me v pirate Cor

Happy Ending

But she does still pee in the pool. Dirty

how to impress

*knock on the door*

Me: Hello?
Guy: Hi, I've got an interview with R?
Me: O ok I'll just go tell him

Me: R, Mr M is here
R: WHAT? WHY? He is an hour early!! And E won't be back until 2.30!
Me: .... I dunno
R: Could you go and tell him the interview is at 2.30 and we cant see him until then because E is out
Me: Sure

Me: Hi, Mr M, you're interview was actually at 2.30...
Mr. M: Yes, that's right
Me: So . . you're an hour early. . .
Mr M: Sorry?
Me: Well, it's only 1.30 . .
Mr M: OH SHIT I FORGOT TO PUT MY WATCH BACK
Me: Dude. It's Wednesday
Mr M: Ahem
Me: HAHA

Me: R, he's gone to get some lunch. He's forgotten to put his watch back an hour . .
R: Lord. This doesn't say much for him . .
Me: WHAT? I think he is FANTASTIC!
R: Yeah but you walked into a door when you started
Me: Thought you'd forgotten that . . .
R: ...no. And we'd already hired you.

Cycle of Life

My friend Chris spent about 3 months cycling across Africa, with his friends, for charity. On Wednesday night I went to the RGS to listen to his friend, and organiser of the trip, Barty describe what just sounds like the most incredible journey.

I met up with M and Hollie and we managed to bag seats near the front of what quickly became a packed out auditorium. I am so happy that loads of people turned up because I think that what he did was amazing.

Barty stood on stage and said that he didn't know so many people were going to have shown up. He cleared his throat a few times. Rustled his papers. I guess speaking in front of hundreds instead of the family members and friends that you were just expecting is pretty daunting.

I was worried that I would fall asleep. There is just something about lecture halls that makes me feel sleepy. But. This was not the case. Barty captured peoples attention immediately with photos and his whole talk was peppered with anecdotes and humour and yet the importance of the trip was foremost in his speech. The idea was to draw attention to the poverty in Africa, as well as to the conservationist side.

Their journey took them through Zimbabwe where the currency was something like 5000 to a pound. When they left, 9 days later, it was something like a million. This was smack in the middle of the election period and the drama surrounding Mugabe and his treatment of his opposition. They also set up camp one night, to the total consternation of a native who told them, no, this area is "too animally."

Things that made me laugh:

Pictures of Chris with his wild man of Borneo hair
Chris's brother joining them on the trip and them posing for a photo doing the most excited faces
One of the guys accidentally running over a snake
Chris being really anal regarding timing and numbers
Barty buying flour instead of meal. They have a photo of when they all found out, after 8 hours cycling. Too funny.
When Mark Beaumont joined the group for the last leg of the journey and all the photos of the team cycling along with him holding hands or touching his butt.

I can't imagine doing something like that and then coming back to a 9-5 job. I also know that I probably would have had a tough time dealing with the sights that they saw so am glad I did the best I could to help by donating. They raised £60,000 and I am so proud of Chris.

To learn

To Donate

Happy Birthday Sadie!

Well, our order arrived at the right house, in our order slot. Now we just have to figure out how to store it all.

Clyde says he thinks he has figured out where to put all the cat food

The dishwasher tablets were on special offer. Bargainous. Wedge them in the shed.

Me: Sophie, CORRRRRR. 'Ow we gonna fit THESE in the cupboard??!!
Sophie: SHUT UPPPPP. It is very difficult to see the size of something on screen
Me: CORRRR

Why do we have so much tomato sauce?

Me: Why do we need so much bathroom cleaner?!
Sophie: I never ordered that many! I only ordered one!
*Checks substitution list*
Sophie: Oh. I see. They have substituted all our bleach for bathroom bleach
Matt: Well, we probably won't need to order bleach next month then
Sophie: Or the month after that . . .


Toilet roll mountain

Fat Matt

All that thinking fair tuckered him out