Wednesday 28 July 2010

16

So anyways. I survived legs bums and tums. I ENJOYED the ache from it. Body pump on Sunday, however, almost killed me.

Legs bums and tums was quite hard because the instructor was crazy fast and I am crazy uncoordinated. Body Pump was relatively easy compared. Basically you have weights and a weight bar thing – no idea what the technical name for the bar with weights on either end is called – and you pump to the music. Haha. Sounds rude. Anyways. I quite liked this class. Until afterwards. We went for a nice swim and I couldn’t lower myself into the pool. And the next day I couldn’t do stairs. Or walk. I almost had to ride the train to the end of the line because I couldn’t get off it. I am still feeling uber thigh ache now. And I am going back on Friday. Madness.

Today I even bought some proper gym leggings. My previous gym clothes were mens joggers because they have pockets, and womens don’t, for my iPod. Now I just talk to Heather. Or, you know, listen to her yelling INCREASE THE INCLINE!!

The leggings are from M&S. I went to try them on and the queue was massive. Luckily I was wearing my patented shopping outfit – skirt, leggings, vest, slip on shoes. This outfit means that you can try pretty much any item of clothing on without queueing for a changing room. Although I admit, taking my leggings off on the shop floor today was the most audacious I have ever been.

There was quite a large lady also looking at the M&S gym range. I was buying from there because I know they have big sizes and they are ok priced. Not from any particular know how or whatnot. So she starts asking my advice. And I’m all.. uh.. dude.. I dunno. Basically I am getting a cropped pair because I did yoga the other day and tripped over the long bottoms on my joggers whilst doing downward dog. And in black because it matches my trainers. She was all, oh. Um. But what do you think of these? And she held up a grey pair. Now, Heather told me not to get grey because of the sweating issue and it showing through. So this lady was all, putting these back then! And what about these? And I was all, srsly, dude. WTF. Look at my butt. It clearly does not know much about gyms. NOT YET ANYWAY.

One of the additional benefits of the gym is that it stops you eating ‘bad’ food. My office is junk food central. Cookies here, brownies there. Now I am all DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE TO MARCH ON AN INCLINE TO WEAR THAT OFF?? MY THIGHS DID NOT SUFFER FOR A COOKIE. You bet your ass when I break this diet it will be for something worthwhile.

This evening I made a delicious spaghetti bolognaise. Mum was all, this is delicious. I did not know you could cook. But I am pretty sure everyone knew that I can cook the shit out of a packet of mince. This spag bol had tomatoes, courgettes, aubergines, onions, mushrooms and peppers and kidney beans. It was too too healthy and yum.

I ate it whilst watching a Gok Wan programme in mum and dads room. Lulu came in and wedged herself on the bed between them. Then she said: “Gok would just dress me naked since every part of me is hot.” Haha. Then she did a big sneeze and Dad said: “Gosh. That was so big I almost fell off of the bed."

Wednesday 21 July 2010

possibly last post

Tonight. Legs, Bums and Tums.
Or, as Heather says TONED LEGS BUMS AND TUMS YAY!

Help. me.

Tuesday 20 July 2010

splish splash i was takin a bath

On Sunday I met my pal Liz for a dog walk. She said the magic words (bacon sadwich) and I was there. I was slightly worried because my parents dogs are raving lunatics and the size of ponies. Which is a bad combination. But all was well and Lilly the lab charmed the pants off of them and they were all very well behaved.

Monty is a water dog. Unfortunately he is now an elderly water dog and streams and rivers and lakes that he would joyfully bound in he struggles to get out of. This happened in the muddiest ditchiest deepest under a bridge swamp land. I had to go and rescue him. I was wearing a nice Monsoon summer dress. Filthy. And my face. And my arms. And legs. I was like a spa victim. It is just sheer luck that I did not fall in.

We went for a lovely ramble through the woods and to a gorgeous lake. Liz was like, we just have to wait for the ducklings to swim away and then we can... SPLASH. My heffalump hounds were in. The biggest belly flops you ever did see. Ducklings scattered in all directions on a tidal wave of dirty water. Lilly gracefully slipped in. Those dogs fetched sticks and swam for ages and the whole surrounding area was absolutely ruined. Chewed sticks everywhere, mud and half the lake. That is when we decided to go home. It was rough dirty fun.

When I got home, I had just enough time to shower before Ruth and baby Megs came round. Ruth said Megs was crying because the house smelt like shit and she was right. Boris likes to perfume himself with the stench of death and decay. I locked him in the garden for a bit. I can’t believe Megs is now 7 weeks old. She is too cute and tiny and snuggable. Can’t wait to meet Baby Fabe.

Then Lulu, Ma and Pa came home and we drank champagne.Because Lulu birthdays are 4 day affairs.

Then I went to work today and shared a bottle of champagne from a patient with my boss. He has been waiting for a whole week to drink it and tonight I finally allowed it to be opened. Too exciting. This morning he was raving about someone who wrote something annoying to him. He was like, why are you not annoyed about this? Why does this not totally work you up? And I was all, a lot of caring is used up on myself, innit. And that is true. I am really not bothered about people outside my sphere of family and friends. I mean seriously, have you seen the spots on my chin?

Monday 19 July 2010

the land of the scots and heather

Well. It has been a very busy few days.
On Thursday night it was birthday drinks for Lulu who was almost 18. As dad says, old enough to buy us all a pint. Which is the most important thing. There was family, pizza and beer. Although the pizza didnt stick around for long because Boris is a ninja.

On Friday Lulu was taken to Scotland. Our aunts were born in Scotland and apparently Lulu bombarded them with messages such as: I need a wee. How do you say toilet in Scottish? (To which my aunt was replying, I am going to mash you). I decided to leave work early and walk the dogs. Obviously it was the day that I forgot my door key so I had to trek to my brothers work and home again and by that point I may as well have just finished work at the regular time. I walked the dogs with G because he was all, I would love to walk a dog, and I was all...dude. That is easily arranged. He loved holding Monty.

On Saturday my friend Heather took me to the gym. I have told her that I need to lose weight for her wedding in Cyprus in September and she has made it her mission to gym buddy me. She is one scary mother though and I thought she was going to kill me. I had my induction (when I joined a previous gym I asked for an ugly woman to show me round. Obv Hevs picks the hottest man. Him – So why are you joining the gym. Me – Oh. For entirely glamorous reasons..).

After the induction Heather was like, so, what shall we do now? And I was all, sit by the pool and have a chat? So. That was the wrong answer. Ok. 10 minutes on the cross trainer. Just whilst we are here. And I prefer it if you didn’t hold on. Puff puff. Ok. Just 10 minutes on the treadmill. Oh. Piece of piss! I can walk for England. Appaz not on an incline of MOUNTAIN going at a slow jog. Just 10 minutes was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Then we went on the power plate. I was all, yay, this one is the celebrity one that you just stand on and it does the work for you. Not in Heather land. In Heather land you hold a sit up on it, and a squat, and you feel the burn like nothing before. Although I was kept amused by some guy who was just lying on it. I tell you something though. Make sure you have gone to the toilet in all departments before you get on because everything gets shaken loose. As it were. *Ahem*

Luckily my treat was then going for a swim. Which I totally heart. I love swimming. Especially in a beautiful clean empty outdoor heated pool. And then in the jacuzzi. Then the steam room. And then a guilty squeeze of all spots that were steamed loose.

After the gym, we went to the gym cafe. I joked I was going to order a bottle of red and some cheesecake – which was randomly on the menu – but after a stern look from Heather I ordered the jacket potato.

Then my pallios came over for a drink and some pasta in the evening. Living at home makes it easy to host last minute glamorous alfresco dinner parties as my mother has hundreds of cute bowels and plates and outdoor furniture and lamps and candles.

Slept like the dead. Muscles woke me up in the morning. Every single one of them.

Friday 16 July 2010

peaceful

I think that one of my least favourite things in life is bitchy women. Especially bitchy women in the workplace. He said she said I SAID WE ARE NOT 16 ANY MORE BITCHES, JEEZ.

Living at home is going well. I have started drinking coffee in the morning before work with ma and pa. Or, rather:
Mum: Mark, make Ro a coffee
Dad: WHY DON’T I GET FUCKING STARBUCKS TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD.

It was Lulus 18th birthday evening last night. She got quite a bit of money and there was champagne and cake. She was happy. I dropped Sophie and Matt home. Matt bought out my big furry mate Clyde to say hello. I miss that mad furry bastard.

Mum and Dad have taken her to Scotland for the weekend. I am dog sitting. I decided to leave work early and have a nice afternoon with them. Obviously today is the day I forgot my keys. Had to trek to get my brothers keys and by the time I’d got thebus back home there was really not much of the afternoon left. Met G in the park. He told me last weekend that he would love to walk a dog and I was all.. easily arranged dude. We lay flat in a field for about an hour. Peaceful.

Sunday 11 July 2010

i love steps

I had a fantastic day yesterday. My friend G has decided to give up beer, fags and being a lazy uncultured bum and has decided to visit galleries around London. Yesterday he invited me to come to the National Gallery with him. I am the first to admit that I am pretty geographically clueless. I can only map parts of London in my mind once I have worked there for a while or been a few times. G tells me The National Gallery is at Embankment. We travel to Embankment.

Me - I am pretty sure no galleries are on this side of the river in this area.
Him - Eh, I dunno. Lets cross then.
Me - Ok..
*Walking along the Hungerford Bridge, we come to the map/skyline of London*
Me - Crap. The gallery is on that side.
G - O mannn. What do we do?
Me - I dunno. Carry on and walk along South Bank instead? Or go find the Gallery?
G - I don't mind.
Me - Ok, lets not be a pair of losers who can't find a famous gallery.
*We cross back over the bridge in the 30 degree heat and start heading towards The Tower of London*
G - Must be down here somewhere
Me - I just don't remember a gallery being on this side of the river in this area.
*20 minutes later*
Me - Another map over here lets just... oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
G - So lets head back the way we came shall we?
Me - Srsly. We are a total pair of losers. I'm embarrassed.
*Back to the Hungerford Bridge but right at the top instead of left*

Have you ever turned right at the top of that bridge?? There is a whole other town up there! Market stalls and whatnot. By this point though I would have stabbed a man for a glass of water. We found a little newsagent and I downed my water. Delicious. Best water ever. And FINALLY we found signs to the gallery. Which was just where I remember it being, down from Leicester Square tube. If only I'd remembered that. Especially since me, so, Matt and Lol were there on St Georges Day.

I loved that G thought the place was so amazing. He had never been before and could not quite get his head round the fact that he was 3 foot from Van Goghs Sunflowers.
"But, like, I can TOUCH that! What is it DOING here? Is this for real? Do you know how famous this picture is?? How old? How come it is here? This must be one of the best galleries in the world."

It was great taking someone so enthusiastic although he did 'wain' "get it? I am hay WAINING! Waning! Need to get out of here" after an hour. Although so had I at that point.
He loved the Constables and Turners whilst I am more Monet and Van Gogh.
When we left, we walked past the Portrait Gallery and popped in to look at the BP portrait exhibition.
G - That's a photo!
Me - No, all are paintings.
G - But this one is a photo.
Me - Nope. Brilliant isn't it?
G - THIS one is a photo. Must be.
Me - ALL of them are paintings.
G - But THIS one ..
Me - Srsly. I will kill you.

By this point we had clearly had enough culture and needed to lie flat on some grass with a sandwich. We had a slight debate about where to get a sandwich - I voted Costa or Starbucks but he was all pooh pooh American chains so we went to a Subway style sandwich shop. In HIS face though because I ordered a vege baguette and he ordered a meatball baguette and the server was a twit so he also ended up with a vege sub. Haha.
I have been very stressed recently. There were work moments that made my hands start curling into fists, I moved and my gma is very ill. So to lie in the sun on the grass was just a moment of gorgeous. I rested my head on G's stomach and he stroked my hair and we discussed the most important issues in life - if you could live anywhere but London, where would it be? Pigeons - friend or foe? Is that mark on my shirt your dribble or dressing from my sandwich?

Then we bought an ice cream and shambled over the Hungerford Bridge (for the 3rd time). It was BOILING and I'd kinda had enough of The Hungerford Bridge but it was beautiful out so I said, instead, I LOVE STEPS I DO. Which made G laugh for up to and including 4 minutes. By this time I needed another bottle of water. Hydration is very important. So we wandered along South Bank to the end where the little beach is. For some reason there was a small group of tiny flags on it with photographers. So we sat in the sun and watched that for a bit. I had another bottle of water. As G said, gosh, you like water don't you. It was really flippin hot. Then we walked back and over the bridge and walked to St James' Park. I was kinda bursting for a wee at that point but it was really too hot to look for a toilet.
We spreadeagled on the grass here, with one eye open for pelicans. Those bastards will eat anything.

Then we walked all the way round the lake and back to where we started because G wanted to know what the Horse Guard place was. Basically it was a slight tunnel thing with one poor guard standing in full dress and to attention whilst tourists hung off him for photos. As we both said, poor bastard.

Then we walked to Covent Garden.
G - Do you KNOW how to walk to Covent Garden.
Me - I know roughly where Covent Garden is and am more hinging this on that we can't miss it.

Luckily we found it; more specifically we found a pub. I went straight to the toilet. By this time I had drunk about 4 bottles of water. Deep joy. Then I washed all my makeup off because it was totally melted anyway and just covered all bare skin with sun cream. G says that there is no need for sun lotion in England but he is Italian and a twit.

So we had a nice beer in the sun and by that time it was 6pm and we both decided to head back to North London to a pub garden where we could actually sit down. It had pretty much got to the point where I had enough of standing and walking. To sit down in the pub garden finally was bliss.

Then we got some chips and walked home. Perfect end to the perfect day.

Wednesday 7 July 2010

paragraphs

Now that I have my own laptop, it is much easier to update this. Which I should really because lots of things are happening at the moment.

Firstly, I love my job. I am THAT bitch who really likes what she does. Which is ironic because I have no ambition and there was nothing I wanted to be when I was 'older.' Actually, that is a lie, I though I would be a physiotherapist. Until I realised how much studying had to go into it. Noooo thank you.

Secondly, my sister is pregnant. I cannot wait to meet baby Fabe.

Thirdly, my best friend had a baby and she is beautiful and I could snuggle her for hours.

However. All this is at the moment underlyed by my beautiful gma being very very unwell. Me and my sister went to visit her in the hospital and it was very emotional and I get very choked up thinking about it. But I am glad that gma looked beautifully coiffed, had a framed photo of her dog by her bedside and had kept her sense of humour. I hope she makes it home to a comfy chair, her dog at her feet, looking at her garden and talking to my gpa. I have my fingers crossed.

Did I just sum up the last year in a few paragraphs??!!

Tuesday 6 July 2010

hillbilly rock

I have moved back home for a bit until I move in with friends. So far it is working out ok.

Things I have heard:

STOP PISSING ON MY RHUBARB!

The box says you can leave a thin layer on overnight, or a fat layer on for 10 minutes. I am leaving a medium layer on for 5 hours because I do not follow the rules.

As well as this, my washing is done every night, my little sister makes evening cups of tea and my mum cooked a delicious lamb curry for dinner.