8 inch cogs

Today I went to Ruths house for her birthday. Her father-in-law, Chris, is seriously one of the funniest dudes ever.

We were sitting on the sofa and Andy, Ruths husband, was saying to his daughter: ‘there are a lot of things you don’t know about grandpa. Ask him about his time in the army.’

Dot (Andys mum): NO DO NOT ASK HIM ABOUT HIS TIME IN THE ARMY

Apparently, at the end of world war 2, Chris was the reason one of the biggest Nato air strikes was called off. Because he was missing. And was found having relations with a woman. A German woman.

Now, I am not sure how much of this is true but what is true is that when he left the army his mum had remarried and moved house. Without telling him.

Chris was telling us about his bike ride to Clapton. And his 8 inch cock.

Andy: COG. 8 inch COG.

Man I got the giggles.

I haven’t seen Ruth for ages so it was really lovely snuggling with her and catching up. She pulled me into another room for a sneaky look at my tattoo. Her mum walked in. Then her Dad walked in. And out again.

Ruth: This is not such a sneaky look.

In other news there is a spot on my chin that it would be a mockery to call a little friend. He is huge. I am 27, this shit is meant to be OVAH.