M is arranging a hen party for her friend so after work she decided to head to Ann Summers for supplies. I offered to go with her for moral support. I am a good friend like that.
Before we went we were looking at the Ann Summers website where, amongst other things, you can buy a full sized strippers pole for £160.
Me: Imagine having that in your bedroom!!
M: Yeah, you’d be all swinging around it, the ceiling shaking…
Me: Your flatmate going: ‘What’s going on? What’s that noise?’
M: ‘Oh its nothing! I’m just…dancing…’
Me: *CRASH* ‘Don’t come in!! I’m fine!’
M: I can imagine so many bruises
Me: Imagine going to work the next day with a black eye or a broken arm. ‘How did you do that?’
M: ‘Oh, I just…walked into a door!’
So we went to the shop that evening and picked out the bits she wanted. Then we wandered downstairs which is where all the vibrators are kept. And oh my God. One of them looked like you could play Rounders with it.
M: What the hell would you use that for?
Me: Deter burglars?
The best part was the shop assistant in charge of the vibrators on display. There were quite a few people looking at them, picking them up etc and the shop assistant was throwing out random comments like: ‘That one is a best seller, 9/10 women agree.’ But the way he said it was like he was selling toothbrushes or something. Thee most dispassionate flat voiced commentary ever. I lost it a little bit when he was all: ‘Andddddddd that end goes in the anus whilst this part stimulates the clit-orrrr-us.’ I think that means you have been working there too long.
After the sordidness of the sex shop we needed some wine so we found a really cute Turkish restaurant and sat outside. It was a really lovely evening where you have a bottle of wine and then another and you’re best friends and you’re talking about everything…
When we had finished M went to the bathroom. The tables were quite close together and on the one next to us were another two girls. I was happily sitting there finishing my wine when I noticed that one girl had gone to the bathroom and the other was staring at me. And staring. Then she leaned in and said: ‘I think you and your friend should come back to mine. Me and my pal will show you both a good time…’
Me: Erm….
Then M came back I was like, ok lets go!
We got a safe distance from the restaurant and M said: ‘One of the girls sitting next to us totally propositioned me in the bathroom.’
It was a good night.
Before we went we were looking at the Ann Summers website where, amongst other things, you can buy a full sized strippers pole for £160.
Me: Imagine having that in your bedroom!!
M: Yeah, you’d be all swinging around it, the ceiling shaking…
Me: Your flatmate going: ‘What’s going on? What’s that noise?’
M: ‘Oh its nothing! I’m just…dancing…’
Me: *CRASH* ‘Don’t come in!! I’m fine!’
M: I can imagine so many bruises
Me: Imagine going to work the next day with a black eye or a broken arm. ‘How did you do that?’
M: ‘Oh, I just…walked into a door!’
So we went to the shop that evening and picked out the bits she wanted. Then we wandered downstairs which is where all the vibrators are kept. And oh my God. One of them looked like you could play Rounders with it.
M: What the hell would you use that for?
Me: Deter burglars?
The best part was the shop assistant in charge of the vibrators on display. There were quite a few people looking at them, picking them up etc and the shop assistant was throwing out random comments like: ‘That one is a best seller, 9/10 women agree.’ But the way he said it was like he was selling toothbrushes or something. Thee most dispassionate flat voiced commentary ever. I lost it a little bit when he was all: ‘Andddddddd that end goes in the anus whilst this part stimulates the clit-orrrr-us.’ I think that means you have been working there too long.
After the sordidness of the sex shop we needed some wine so we found a really cute Turkish restaurant and sat outside. It was a really lovely evening where you have a bottle of wine and then another and you’re best friends and you’re talking about everything…
When we had finished M went to the bathroom. The tables were quite close together and on the one next to us were another two girls. I was happily sitting there finishing my wine when I noticed that one girl had gone to the bathroom and the other was staring at me. And staring. Then she leaned in and said: ‘I think you and your friend should come back to mine. Me and my pal will show you both a good time…’
Me: Erm….
Then M came back I was like, ok lets go!
We got a safe distance from the restaurant and M said: ‘One of the girls sitting next to us totally propositioned me in the bathroom.’
It was a good night.
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