coffee break

The CEO has started a trial of Nespressos coffee machine for the office and it is pandemonium. It is next to my reception desk and the guy showed me; D and M how to use it and left. I was all, ok I will go tell people the coffee machine is here and if they want to know how to use it to come to reception.

This is like the social area now. The Italians are standing round having a chat and I have to frisk them before they leave as we have a limited amount of pods and they are thieving the espressos.

What really made me laugh was when the guy was showing me how to use it:

Nespresso Guy: All the options, e.g. espresso button, normal, intense.., are programmed to put the right amount of water in your cup. Scientists at Nespresso worked out the correct amount and this is set. *I have shortened this for boredom related reasons but basically he rambled on for a hundred years on scientific reasons why 1.39.45 seconds is the correct bla bla*

Me: Yeh, fuck curing cancer and whatnot, lets work out the correct amount of hot water for a cup of coffee.

Then my colleague, D, got really anal and was asking about what happens if we disagree with the amount that they have programmed in. The guy looked a bit flummoxed like, we have scientists working round the clock on this...and you think you know better?? But he showed us how to change it all and IT WAS THE MOST COMPLICATED UNNECESSARY PROCEDURE IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Seriously. Ridiculous amounts of buttons and sequences and yadda yadda.

Me: Ok, we will never need to know that. Put it back on the scientific option.

(Bearing in mind that there is also a hot water option so you can top your cup up should it fall short of what you think constitutes the correct coffee size) (But you’d be wrong since you are no coffee scientist)

D: Well...never say never

Me: No, we will never need to know

D: Well...what if someone says my coffee is not big enough? Is there an option on this machine to change the size?

Me: Sorry, there is no option to do that, but here is the hot water button

D: Nope, I think it is good to know

Me: Ok, fine, it is good to know, but we will never need it and if we do tell people there is this option they will be pressing buttons and messing with it etc etc

D: But you never know... what if (CEO) might ask if..

Me: Ok then, sorry this machine does not have this option, shall I put more hot water in it for you?