riddles and revelations

Sophie: There's a body lying dead on a bed, and on the floor beside it is a pair of scissors. The scissors were instrumental in his death, yet there's no trace of blood. The body reveals no signs of any cuts or bruises. How could the person have been murdered with the pair of scissors?

Me: Rubber/metal allergy. You hear about people with allergies like that. They can't wear condoms.

Jess: Shouldn't we call the police instead of trying to solve the crime ourselves? I mean...someone's dead!

Sophie: I think they need to call EXTREME FORENSICS!

Me: I reckon
he swallowed the scissors
and then
pooped them out.
No need for extreme forensics. I'm on it.

Jess: FD!! It's rather sad that i immediately think of stupid things to say RATHER than actually be bothered enough to work out the riddle... I spose it's because I just don't really give a f**k... and I'm immature.

Sophie: Or me:
What was he wearing? What time was it? How long had he been dead for? Where was the suspect? Was there any DNA evidence? Fingerprints?
Actually, that line of questioning would serve me well for a career with the fowensics.

Jess: FD!!!

Me: No. You'd be going:
Where did he get his socks from?
What was his paternal grandparents called?

Jess: She SO would!!!

Sophie: Background research!!!

Me: She'd keep on like that until there was a new murder. Hers.

Jess: FD! Fowensics funny! It was probably a perverts death of some sort anyway.

Me: CASE CLOSED

Me: YOU CAN ALL GO HOME. SORTED.

Me: PUT THAT MICROSCOPE AWAY! DIDN'T YOU HEARRR??? PERVERTS DEATH

Jess: Oh reeeely laughing here!!!!

Sophie: I’d LOVEEEEEEEEE that job. Best job ever.

Me: That job is GROSS. You have to deal with dead bodies in refrigerators. That is not my idea of a good time. Unless I put them there.

Jess: FD! I could kill very easily.

Sophie: Me too, especially with a gun where you wouldn’t have to jab flesh or anything squeamish

Me: I've never thought of shooting anyone. If I was going to kill someone I could easily run them over. Or beat them to death. I think once I started battering someone, I wouldn't stop. I'm not like one of those people who get startled by a burglar or attacked and who manage to knock them down but then run off. If I got them down I am going to mash them. Get Clyde to sit on them whilst I call the old bill. Throw bleach and nailvarnish remover at them. ... I've thought it through.

Jess: Srsly you HAVE thought this through!!!

Jess: Oh man I'm still pissing myself here!!!! NAILVARNISH REMOVER???? BLEACH????? What is WRONG with you???

Sophie: Dunno but getting scared. Especially with the sleepwalking tendencies.

Me Srlsy, Sophie threw that shit in my eyes once. Thought I'd been blinded.

Sophie: WHAT! WHEN?

Me: Years ago. You were sitting on the top bunk. I was standing. I remember the burn like it was yesterday.

Jess: Snigger.......elephant memory much!

Me: It is hard to forget these things. Also, if you are ever attacked and you throw nailvarnish remover at them and you survive... YOU'RE WELCOME

.
.
.
.
.

Sadie: Am on a course..
At 4.30 I had had enough.
At 4.45 I had had more than enough.
At 5.15 I had zoned out
At 5.20 I threw a murderous look at Paul when he said 'can I just ask..............'
At 5.21, with the aid of a pair of scissors...............