At the Gaylord Texan, the mentals are welcome

Me: I'm reading about the company who have just moved onto the 3rd floor. Some rep from there just came and said hello. Apparently they had an event at the 'Gaylord Texan.' I'm laughing. Alone. Because I'm a child.

Jess: Dude......... that's funny .. and yeh ok, a bit childish, but I'm laughing.....

Later:

Me: OH MY GOD! I've just been . . hussled or something! That guy that came into my office saying he was from the Gaylord Texan company told me they were going to rent out one of the offices here.
Me: You are moving into the building?
Him: Yep. So would be good to grab a business card.
Me: Yeah, course. Do you have one I could take?
Him: No, we'll be sending an introductory letter round though.
Me: Ok. Cool. You're renting one of the floors then?
Him: Yep. So we couldn't be nearer for business!
Me: *alrightttt with the sales pitch already*

Anyway. The point is, I asked him about 20 times whether he was moving in as I assume that we would have been told. And cos I don't always listen the first time. He leaves.

About 15 minutes later Alan comes in.

Me: I didn't know that someone was renting the floor
Alan: What?
Me: Some guy just came in saying they were renting one of the floors
Alan: . .. ...no
Me: No? What? But . . like . . he came in and said that he was. For reals. Like, discussed it with him and everything .
Alan: No . . no one is renting the floor . . when was this?
Me: Like . . 15 minutes ago!
Alan: I was on the post round . . bloody Fernando!! (Crazy cleaner left to guard reception) (FAIL)
Me: OMG!!! WHAT! He just made up a story??!! But, like, what, I wouldn't FIND OUT he's INVENTED a company! Like a wouldn't NOTICE!!

Alan asked what he looked like and has gone on the prowl. I am waiting for my introductory letter so I can email kick his ass.
Jess, you write and complain

Jess: Fd!! I'm composing as we sit.

Sadie: Bizarre! What do they hope to gain from it?

Sophie: That's what I too was pondering.

Me: Our business I guess. Although, on first impressions? FAIL

Sadie: Yup, first impression would be ' a liar who wasted your time.' I usually try for the exact opposite.

Me: GUESS WHAT. Gay Texan update.
So. Alan goes on the prowl and then comes back. And basically we have a conversation that goes something like, why did you make this up Rosie?
Me: What?
Alan: I'm really impressed what a straight face you can keep when you are lying.
Me: HAVE I ENTERED SOME KIND OF PARALLEL UNIVERSE?

So .. Alan was off on the post round and leaves Fernando at the desk. Fernando says NO ONE walked past him. Him and Alan check the CCTV time during Alans round. Nope, no one comes in the building.

Me: ...... You know, I'm not MENTAL.
Alan: NO ONE came in
Me: OMG *recaps encounter for the 129th time*
Alan: So where is the business card he gave you?
Me: He didn't give me one. I asked and he said he didn't have one . .
Alan: .....
Me: But . . . he said he would send an introductory letter instead . . .
Alan: .....
Me: OMG WHY WOULD I MAKE THIS UP. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS
Alan: Fernando, go take Rosie round the floors to see if you can see him

So I just went on some pointless tour of the building, looking at the empty offices. I don't know why. I come back and am like, well, he ain't sleeping up there so . . can I now go and ask the other companies to see if he visited them?
Alan: I looked round those ones and he wasn't there
Me: But did you ask them if he had been in?
Alan: No because he wasn't there.

Have just gone through the CCTV myself with Alan. I emailed youse guys at 11.22 about the Gaylord thing so went from 11. No one entered the building. I can't convince Alan to go from 10am SO NOW EVERYONE IS DEAD. I'VE KILLED THEM IN A MURDEROUS RAGE BECAUSE I HAD TO SAY THE WORDS: ALAN I AM NOT MENTAL STOP SUGGESTING I MADE THIS UP. And he gave me a look that said he thought I was mental.

Jess: Oh God sooooooooooooo funny!!! Well done Ro, really good wind up!!

Me:OMG you better be messing with me because I am covered in rosacea and can't breathe properly

Jess: DUDE..................... covered in rosacea a FU**ING CLASSIC!!!!!!

Me: Dude. It's unbelievable. Never before have I felt like I was going to puke, poop and explode all at the same time when Alan said I had made it up. There was so much I wanted to say that I sounded like .. like WHAT WHY BUT OMG BUT AND YOU OMG

Jess: Dude.........he's a male.....ergo...dickwad!! Make sure you exact a punishing revenge on him...

Sophie: Uh-oh. Twilight zone

Me: I actually feel sick because . . . I WAS ACCUSED OF MAKING IT ALL UP. So apparently I'm suddenly mental. I felt like one of those people that get sectioned when they aren't mad. Even though I'm all, but then why are my business cards on my desk? Why was I researching the company? Why did I email you guys about them attending an event at the Gay Texan? I so hope I hear from them. But in a way, I don't. Because I am so mad that if I see him I am not even joking when I say I will go up to him and knee him in the nuts. At least.

Sadie: Oh God, I'm laughing like a crazy woman!!!!

Me: Definitely my aunt then as apparently I'm mental

Jess: HA HA HA

Me: "Yup, first impression would be ' a liar who wasted your time.' I usually try for the exact opposite."
A LIAR WHO WASTED MY TIME AND WHO HAS MADE ME LOOK MENTAL AND WHOSE ARSE IS GOING TO GET A SEVERE KICKING IF I SEE HIM NO JOKE I AM NOT LYING. FOR REALS I WILL MASH HIM.

Sadie: Dude, laughing more!

Me: Ok. Im laughing too. But only a little bit because that wound is still OPEN

Jess: Open and weeping.

Sadie: Make it work for you. Scare the crap out of them and pretend to be really REALLY insane. Well, having said that you probably scare the crap out of them anyway.