Unsuspecting

To: Sophie, Matt
From: Me

Hey Kiddies,

Matt, cover your eyes.

I have booked Clyde in for THE CHOP tomorrow. I phoned the vet and tomorrow is the earliest they have which means we can unlock the catflap at night! Yes! Plus I figure we can watch him at the weekend to make sure he is ok.

This means. He can have his dinner this evening but as soon as he is finished all food needs to be taken away and the catflap locked. His water can stay down until the morning when that too needs to be removed.

He needs to be at the vets at 8.30. Generally you can get your cat back mid-afternoon but it depends how they react to the anesthetic.

The operation costs £55 in total.

However. The nurse suggests that, whilst he is anesthetised, we get him microchipped. This costs £26.54
Pros:
People will know he belongs to us if found (council, police, vets, pounds)
It won't hurt him because he'll be under anesthetic.
If you get it done during the ball operation, it is cheaper

Cons:
People will know he belongs to us
I could spend my microchip money (£9) on beer

I have the whole day off tomorrow. Sorry if either of you wanted to be there. If so, emergency leave? If you really do want to be there I can rearrange?

P.s. If you say 'spading' instead of 'neutering' you will be very confused when they ask if your cat has been in season yet.


From: Sophie

Hello, oh good. Well done for booking Clyde. And sorting out Monica's rent. Matt did you transfer her money yet?

Can't believe you said spade hahaha. I want tomorrow off but don't think it's wise. Shame you dont have the car!


From: Rosie

Well. Maybe you could tell them you need emergency leave???

Shame about car but can just get the bus with you and Matt in the morning.

So, did you want the microchipping? I said yes to the nurse but we can change our mind.

P.s. No. I cannot believe I said spade either. I can do a funny interpretation of me on the phone though. Highlight was when I nearly called it 'the ball operation'


From: Matt

I wouldn't worry, when I picked up my cat from the vet after having his bollocks chopped off, I said "I'm here to pick up my cat, you've just taken his balls." She gave me a weird look.
Not sure if I can get tomorrow off but I don't think I want to be there anyway. He's gonna be a shell of a cat tomorrow I imagine.

I have not transferred the money yet as I'm very very busy but will drop everything to do it now.

I'm hungry


From: Me

HAHA!!!

Also, when she said, 'you need to starve your cat for 12 hours' I said: oh LORDYYYYYYYYYY.

Don't worry Matt, I think he'll be ok. Maybe he might even become normal!

Monica (obviously) hadn't noticed the rent money deficit yet so no worries. Sometime today is fine.

I am also hungry. Just ate a DairyLea triangle. I have a couple left if you want?


From: Sophie

Funny Hawk. I was going to ask - what does the microchip say on it?

I'll let you handle it on your own tomorrow if that's ok?


From: Matt

Quick update -

Money has been transferred and standing order corrected.

And how is clyde going to be ok????

HE'S LOSING HIS FUCKING BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not normal thing to do.


From: Me

FUNNY!!!! Loads of men don't have balls so don't worry. He'll fit in.

Good stuff on the Monica money. Well done.

Sophie - I'm fine taking him on my own tomorrow. I'll just be dropping him off anyways. And when I pick him him, I doubt I'll be his favourite person. And the microchip has name, address and number. Also, it is free to call and have numbers etc changed. No odds to them, they just change the details on the computer.


From: Sophie

Matt, if it's any consolation I imagine Clyde has already spread his wild seed numerous times and there are possibly (but Dear God hopefully not) some mini Clyde's on the way out there to the poor unsuspecting owner(s) of lady cat(s).


From: Me

We'll deny all knowledge.