offensive to millions

Sophus: Hey ladybird . . . found the best pubs in Hertford tonight. Can you come to mine next w.end and we will go? SXXXXXXXXXXX

Me: I think I have a window in my diary to come to yours doll!!! I have just noticed all this superpoking business going on! Lesbian. And what is going on on your wall? Dirttttttt

Weeing myself - how funny is my wall. My sister is a dirtbag! Did you get the pic of my bum I sent it to everyone by accident! Oh well - I need to stop drinking! So when are you free? Saturday? Friday? SX

Your wall is a shocker! Only on Facebook for minutes and already your dirtbagginess shines through. And your lesbatronic tendencies. Saturday night sounds good to me! And no, no bum picture. I know that cos I still have vision in both eyes

Sounds like a plan stan! You wait you will get the bum! I can't help it I'm a dirtbag thru and thru - been drinking all day - waahoo! sx

Duuuuude I totally got the bum. See you and your sexy ass Saturday. Though it better be beclothen.


Off work sick at the mo, have cold and sickness -yum yum yum! Need to change jobs can you help!

You can be my bitch? The pay is pretty shoddy but you can totally see my boobs.

Ah then it would be worth it - I would volunteer to see those charlies!

One word 'saturday'

Three words - BRING IT ON!


Hey hey. I think you called me earlier but I was on the train and my phone died. Then I got home and flat out forgot to call you back. You totally love me lesbotronically. Don't lie........ I just listened to your message. Sexy.

You're still dirt Ro - You're still DIRT! When we gonna hook up again - and whats up - any news? sx

Har. You left it. Sullying my voice mail. I have a new job! woooooooooooop. That is le gossip. We can hook up again next month some time innit. My last day here is next Friday and im finking im gonna be having a drink. Or 7. And this weekend i have shit planned. Anyway. So we will pick a March type date and I'll come see you and you'll get all lesbotronic on my ass and i'll be all, Sophs how many times, i like you an all, and you'll be going, just once! and i'll say, ha, you will never be able to have this just once! And you'll be all, ok ok fine but then you'll try and get me drunk and i'll be all, dont tihnk i dont know what you are trying to do lord knows i have done it enough, anyway. you'll cry and be all sad and rejected and so see you soon yeh? cool

You're so funny- So new job - eh? What - where . . . etc? I'm so glad for you! Are you going to replace Summer in Hollyoaks and then become a big West End STAR! sx

For sure. I'm all over that Edelweisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Edelweisssssssssssssss and frolicking over the mountains.
Whats new with you anyway? I hear (lurking and stalking your comments) that you also have a new job? Is high class lesbian call girl really what you want to do? What? Oh, sorry, its just, y'know, i misunderstood when you mentioned 'bushes'


Yo Dolly . . . Keeping missing each other on the phone! So you got an Azalea as your leaving pressie then? Hows work going? Any nice boys to have a cheeky flirt with! sx

You know why i am laughing? Because you knew what plant that was. Big ol gardening lesbian. New job is going well. When are we going to meet for a love up catchup?

I know I'm so sad!!!! Well whip me with a palm leaf and call me lesley! Free for your love up time - all the time. yagetme!

Ye home dog! Its been bare time mate. We will arrange something soon but I aint whippin u with no foliage aittttttttt.

Touch me cos you want to not because you can sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx all over you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx including your toes XXXXXXXXXXX

Oi you big smelly head. When are we meeting and drinking? Also, did you try and call me yesterday? Looked like a countrified lezzer type number

When are you free? Yes tried to call you . . . you didn't answer so i got off with someone else. sx

I am free on saturday. Is this convenient for you or do you have some other lesbian type farmerish activities to attend to?

Can't do Saturday this week . . . are you free next w.end? sx

Sounds like a plan little bush monkey.

Are you free Wednesday night this week? Come eat and drink on me . . . naked?sx

Well y'know, there is little I like more... x