insults of my time

A guy came to read our meter. I told him I had no idea where it was and he would have to come back when my dad was home. He was all, thats fine. I'll come in and have a look for it.
Um. No, I am not letting a strange man wander around my house. Sorry.
But you are a BIG strong girl. What's an itty bitty man like me going to do to such a BIG strong girl...
Repeat until Soph came down and shut the door in his face.

Buying a kebab with Sophie.
Kebab man to Soph: Hi Sky Girl!! Sky Girl!! What can I get you Sky Girl??
Kebab man to me: You are big and strong like an ox!!!

A, at work: There used to be a company working here that used to give me loads of free tickets to things. Once I was invited to watch the races in their company box. They were eating strawberries and drinking champagne. It was too posh for me so I went and sat on the grass. You would probably sit on the grass too, ay?

Me: What? No. I would be in with the posh peeps drinking champagne. Don't you know my goal in life is to marry a millionaire?

A: They wouldn't have you.

Me: Charming!

A: Well they stick together don't they. You aren't one of them. You aren't rich or posh enough.

On another occasion I gave him some letters to post and he said, I can tell you never addressed these. The handwriting is too posh (I hadn't addressed them).

Grandma: Rosie! Oh I am so glad you aren't one of them skinny lollipop heads! Oh Luce (my ma) you've raised such a farm girl!!!

Emailing someone I used to work with:

J: Hey petal, thinking about moving to Spain, better quality of life and weather. Do you know a phrase more useful than donde esta la playa? Things that might help with the ladies.

Me:Tu es muy bonita, petalo?

J: Gracias, yo lo se!! We're on fire now!!

Me:En fuego? Muy hace calor!

J: Wow!! That's it, i'm going to find a spanish bar tomorrow and practise some more!! Although the last bit is probably for when/if i get lucky... Btw, have you been getting help with your Spanish?

Me: Nah, why, are you impressed? I did GCSE Spanish y'know. I can also tell you the streets are dirty, the sharks dangerous and the pandas endangered. I was all, this is all well and good but not going to get me a sandwich and a beer. I once did a speech about olives. Dont know why. But I got best marks in the class.

J: Well, don't take this the wrong way but I never realised you were so gifted!

J used to insult me continually when I worked with him. He said he hoped I was replaced by someone hot. That I should leave the math to him, that the abuse was all in my head and that when I get another job I'll actually have to do some work.

The last two things made me walk away from him and practice deep breathing. My last job was hard. Example -
"Your replacement got sacked after 4 days, 1 hour and 30 minutes. Apparently she had a problem with being shouted at and abused. This is what happens when you give women the vote!!"