tinfoil hats

On the train home last night was a crazy person. My crazy antenna is finely tuned so I made sure to sit near enough to witness any crazy action but far away enough so it didn't involve me.
So this American tourist with her other American tourist pal got on and crazy sensed foreign and vulnerable and pounced.

Crazy: (to American Tourist 1) Is that your natural hair? (fair question. It was massively permed and orange.)
AM1: Em...yes.
Crazy: I once permed my hair. I had a photoshoot and I wanted to look good for it and I thought a perm was the way to go.
AM1: Right. Ok. I bet that looked real nice honey.
Crazy: Where you from?
AM1:America
Crazy: Ever been to Scotland?
AM1:No can't say I have
Crazy: Because I have a kilt. I wore it to the photoshoot. I had on my kilt and sporran and I had on some nice shoes and the right socks. Not the small socks. You have to wear the big socks with the kilt. Y'know? The big grey ones. Anyway. I did that. The kilt and sporran is everyday wear really. Can wear it all the time. Everyday clothes. Just casual y'know? But smart.

Then the train stopped randomly in the tunnel.

Crazy: I hate when the train stops like this. And they don't tell you what is happening and you just sit here and have to wait and I have places I need to go. I need to maybe go for a photoshoot and...
Train Announcer: Sorry for the delay. We are just waiting for the train in front to leave the station. We will be moving in just a moment.
AM1: There you go sweetie. No problem. Only a minute.
Crazy: But SOMETIMES they don't tell you and you sit here thinking it could be anything. It could be MONSTERS on the track or something and we would be sitting here and noone would know to run away and . .
AM1: Erm...sweetie. That's not likely to happen because . . .
Crazy: And it makes me soooo nervous because they don't say and

Then the train pulled into the station

AM2: Oh look! Our stop!
AM1: Oh, no our stop is. .
AM2: This one!! Ha ahahah ahha Come along Barbara.

Then I got off the train and received a message from my sister saying:

Oh my God there is a complete Alpen head sitting in front of me on the bus and I feel so sick.

That is the worst kind of crazy. The smelling, diseased, sick etc ones. My old business studies teacher had a car accident and it left his balding head covered in scabs. The whole back of it. Gradually they dried but instead of creaming his head up and washing it he left it for ages. Everytime he turned to the blackboard I retched. It put me off business studies totally.