onwards and upwards

Via email:

Me:
Guess what I am? FIRST AID OFFICER. Yeah so it's not very logical to give it to the person who will probably need first aid after concussing herself on a door but whatev. I am off now to fashion myself a badge. (What??? Noone gave me anything at *crappy ex company*. I didn't even have a business card.)
Ro
Ask me how.

Mike:
Ro, it's funny you have become a first aid officer this week, because I have become a fire warden. Look at the roles and responsibilities that open up to us now we've left *CEC* ha!
Could you make me a badge too?
Mike
Hot Stuff

Me:
So, like, does that make you, like, a kinda fireman? HELLO

Mike:
Haha. The worst thing about that is my director said she thought I should get a job as a stripper as a result of my new fire warden status...talk about harrassment in the workplace - if it wasn't M it's this lot!!!

Andy:
Sorry for late reply, just been down the gym working on my guns.
I can't believe that everyone is getting all these promotions. Mike, if your director makes you come into work in a firemans uniform, at least make sure you get a pay rise with it.
Ok let me see if I can rearrange some stuff so I can come on Friday. The lure of seeing Ro bandaging peoples heads is overpowering!

Me:
Yeah it'll totally be my own. I just fell over in Primark. Luckily it was behind a stack of crap so noone saw.
Also, nurse + fireman + um...cowboy = porn film, non?

Andy:
First walking into a door at work now falling over in shops. Sounds like your subconcious is trying to self harm....
We sound more like the 2000 version of the village people minus a red Indian and some dodgy bloke with a tash.....

Me:
You are not allowed to grow a tash.