clarification

Me: Guess what I have!

Jess: OH they is well pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done!

Me: HAHA. I had to commandeer them with minimal noticability. This is A) Because SH does not know A is giving the flowers away and B) Because I do not want anyone to realise that if the flowers are the same on a Monday morning, they are free for the taking and thus meaning I have flower stealing competition.
My progress was hindered by A) Not being able to take the vase and having to find a vase big enough and B) Not realising the
flowers were stuck into a big green dripping chemicalised foam block. In the end I stuck them in a Tesco carrier bag and managed to pull them out the foam in our kitchen. They are all different lengths but I have already spent about half an hour stealing them and so cutting them to the same length is a little beyond me at this point.

Jess: Dude!!! Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! A) I loved the thievery B) How irritating these thievery transfers can be.

Me: Well I always miss out on the free flowers because A gives them away on a Friday night and I never fancy carrying them around the pub. Love the sunflowers in this display. Preferred the AS YET UNOPENED lillies and bullrushes that he threw away because I was too slow. Not anymore though! Wondering what display is there today. This is the only thing exciting about Monday.

Jess: So really you're sorted for Mondays from now on!!!! I hate this place whether it's Monday or any day. AND I can't steal any flowers. Bummer.

Me: That is not good, to hate your work everyday. Although working with your pal is good.

In other news. We untaped the cat flap and it was tres amusing watching Clyde try and get in and out. Also, I like when you let him out the front door and 5 minutes later he is climbing in Sophie's bedroom window. Or you let him out the lounge window and he climbs in the bathroom. What I do not like is washing my pillowcases and hanging them up to dry on my airer and coming in an hour later to find him sleeping on them with a staircase of muddy paw prints leading up to the top case.



Jess: Oh dude laughing at that naughty cat! I put clean sheets on mine one morning (which was a feat in itself as I did it before work) anyway, when I came home I went upstairs to say hello to Izzy. She woke up, stood up and stretched, then shook her head and she must have had some food on her face because all of a sudden on my sheets was this arc of liquid cat food stretching some 3 feet, all over my newly changed sheets. It's the haughty 'what?' face that gets me.

Me: Man that is not cool! Now Clyde goes outside he covers my bed in dirt too. Worse, last night, I was stroking him and I pulled something out of his fur that looked just like a MAGGOT. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jess: OH LAUGHING!!!!!!!!! Oh god he's gonna pick up fleas next!! I'm sitting here laughing to myself at the maggot bit.....still chuckling.

Me: It was not the funnest thing ever. AND he bit me afterwards. Matt was all, MAGGOT? MAGGOT??? THROW HIM IN THE BATH
IMMEDIATELY. But I didn't because I was too busy scrubbing my hands with bleach.

Jess: HAHA!

Me: Dad was so funny last night. We went over to theirs after Spitalfields for a lovely Sunday roast. Lulu was saying she was fat and ugly again and Dad started talking about people like Posh Spice who are so thin he says they are: "dead already." HAHA! "Who is going out with these dead women?" Then he was showing off about how much weight he had lost and LOOK! LOOK what hole he uses now on his belt! And then Matt tried it on and could wrap it round himself wayyy past the buckle holes. Dad: "Matt!! You are one of those dead people. That's not right man!" And then Jamie tried it on and tried to compete with Matt and nearly killed himself.

Jess: FUNNY!!!! Mark will never be a size zero, not unless he swaps his wine for elderflower cordial.

Me: Heh. Wondering what to have for lunch. Looking forward to going to the library for a wander. How vair vair exciting. Wish it was the weekend already. Jeez. Wonder how Lulu is getting on at college too. She had to go in this morning at 9 for photos etc. And gets her timetable. She says one of her teachers is really hot and she is going to sleep with him for a good grade. Or just sleep with him because, did she mention? He is HOTTT.

Jess: DUDE! She's been hanging around you lot too long!

Me: Well it is one way to pass your exams! Hopefully there are some lovely people on the course. Apparently Toby's mate Harry is starting at the same time as her and doing art so I would love if he was in her class or around.

Jess: Oh God, wouldn't Lulu being in Harry's class be a blast!

Me: Would be good. Would give her some confidence. Or even if he is just around the college. Dad was like, don't steal anything Lu or get into any trouble because they have CCTV and will be able to recognise you instantly. As in, she is the only white blonde girl. Unlike me apparently! I went into a cafe for lunch and the guys behind the counter started chatting to me in Turkish. I was like, what? This is disorientating. I just what a sandwich. Apparently they thought I looked Turkish. A: "Hadn't you spoken yet then? Cos as soon as you open your big gob people know you're from London."

Jess: OH FUNNNY!!!!!!!!! You is a Turkish bird!

Me: Well A thought I was Australian so he can shut up. I am obviously very ambiguous and would make a good spy. "She was Australian." "NO she was TURKISH."

Jess: HAHA. Sophie just rang me. She told me how sympathetic you were yesterday!!

Me: HAH! About her rash? Because she was moaning about it continually ("Maaaaat. Maaaat! Make me a cup of teeeeeeea because my rash is itchinnnnnnnnnng") and when I had disease of the hand she was all: "Eurgh Don't come nearrrrrr me." And anyway, I was right. It WASN'T meningitis.

Jess: HAHA! Good excuse for a cuppa anyway!

Me: Yeah. S just came over to borrow some dental floss. As I said, no, keep it. Then he started flossing in front of me. I was all DUDE THAT IS SKANKING. So he said now when he is finished he is going to blow his nose too. Nice.

Jess: As long as he doesn't shit on your desk be grateful.

Me: Christ! Does someone at your work do that?

Jess: Laughing........ Alison! Just got a funny text from Sophie, apparently her and Clyde have just kipped.

Me: What a cow.

Alison: DUDE! I DO NOT SHIT ON DESKS!!!