unfortunate incidents

Me: Man. Only 11.30 and yet I have done LOADS. What is the point in doing loads if the time does not go any faster?

Sadie: Heh. Also, well done you for asking for a review...................Bugger, just noticed I have a one to one at 10.30.

Sophie: So . . . now then.

Me: Don't worry, being late makes you look important . . . right? I am glad I asked for a review because I worry that, because I was recommended, they won't say anything. Actually I definitely think they would but it was nice to ask. I wonder how Jessica's boiler situation is. And how was the wedding Sadie?

Sophie: 1 for the money and the free ride
2 for the lie that you deny
ALL RISE
ALL RISE
3 for the calls you been makin'
4 for the times you been fakin'
ALL RISE

Me: Going to have that stuck in my head all day now.

One for the money and the free rides
It's two for the lie that you denied (ohhh)
All rise (ohhh) all rise (uhuh uhuh)
Three for the calls you've been making
It's four for the times you've been faking
I said all rise
I'm gonna tell it to your face
All rise, I rest my case (uhuh uhuh)

Sadie: Well, thanks for the toon buzzing round my brain. Oh yeah. Jess's boiler fixed, a snap at £250!!! And she can now wash her skanky dishes up. Wedding was very gay. Kylie warbling as they walked up the aisle. Alison Moyet as they walked back down the aisle. Heaven remix by DJ Sammy as the first song. Venue was lovely and clear blue sky all day so they where very lucky. I looked stunning, naturally, and to celebrate my stunningness, I drank several glasses of champagne. I don't recall much about the evening........

Me: AWESOME! Kylie? HAHA. Which song? Do the locomotion? What did you wear? God. £250. Poo chunks to that. Although, what the price of a hot shower?

Sadie: Dude it was proper gay. I vaguely knew the Kylie song but it wasn't one of her big hits. I have a pic of me in my day dress I'll send, but not in my evening dress which was gold and brown, with gold and brown shoes and a gold bag. I was all bling bling bling.

Me: Haha to proper gay. Cool. Was it the gold and brown M&S dress then? You managed to squueeeeeze yourself in? Laughing at the bling.

Sadie: Yes, it was. Much easier to do up a side zip when someone else does it for you. All I had to do stick my arms straight up in the air and suck it all up. Not glamorous, but effective.

Sophie: At least you got it on (as it were). This reminds me - chatting to D in the kitchen whilst putting Vs 5 sugars in her tea. I told him that I normally put in less and don't tell her. He said "innuendo." I was like, pardon? And he said "I mean, placebo."
I don't think it's either but how strange. Music sounds awful but at least you looked good. Did you get a tear to the eye?

Sadie: Only of laughter. For some reason the word 'ring' set me off. Not innuendo or placebo, just kindly! I mean, 5 sugars, who needs 5 sugars????? Must taste like tea flavoured sherbert.

Me: HA. Freudian. Kinda placebo as she drinks the tea because she thinks it has the 5 in. But ... not really.
Two things of note which have happened this morning. And they aren't even that noteworthy:

1 - R just mistook me for S. I am wearing a black dress, am about a foot and a half shorter and NOT A MAN. He says it is because I sneaked up on him and that is what S does.

2 - Phone call:

Me: Hello, TG
Person: Hi, it's Shaun from ST. May I speak to someone regarding your printers please.
Me: Ok, that would be me. How can I help?
Person: Well, I wanted to really talk to someone in the IT department who knows what I am talking about
Me: . . . . . . Afraid you only get me. How can I help?
Person: It's quite complicated though. . .
Me: Well, I'll try and understand . . .
Person: It's about printer auditing and how we can save you money
Me: Right. So, you want to know how much we print and whether, if we change to you, it'll save us money? This doesn't sound complicated. And I'm sorry but it really isn't something we will be interested in.
Person: You see, this is why I need to talk to someone in IT, because they would understand.
Me: . . . understand better than me that you want to sell us your printers because they POSSIBLY could be more cost effective than ours?
Person: Yes. Exactly!
Me: Well, I think I understand the nub and the thrust of this conversation well enough . .
Person: I don't think you do.
Me: We are not interested. But thanks. That was a good effort. Goodbye.

Sadie: Oh dude, LAUGHING!

Me: Nothing else to report since then. No sales people telling me I am stupid because I don't understand printer efficiency. And haven't been mistaken for a man again. So.... OH. Did I mention? Crazy cleaner is back!!! Back to either locking the toilet door or loitering inside. Back to saying 'alriiiiiiightttttt darlinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng.' Back to randomly peering through the window of my office door. I would take a photo of his little Columbian head but I think it will only encourage him.

Sadie: Our cleaners wait till you are busting, then slap the keep out notice on the door for half an hour. When they've finished I like to pee all over the floor to get my own back. Not really, but I have been known to splash the sink up unnecessarily. I'm a rebel, me.

Me: Dude

Sadie: I'm really laughing cos JUST had an emergency loo situation, rushed to the loo and the keep out notice was on the door. Had to run back to my desk, pick up my pass and go down to the first floor. She must have been reading my emails!

Sophie: Emergency loo situation.... g---ross

Me: Luckily the toilets are across the hall from us so would have to be pretty sheer desperadoes to have an emergency loo situation. Had a homemade tuna salad for lunch. Was delicious. But now I have an onion headache and onion breath.

Sophie: I have a driving lesson and I feel anxious for some unknown reason. I too have onion breath and think I just ate my last bit of chewie.

Sadie: Am not liking the sound of onion breath. Never had an onion headache. Have had a football headace when someone threw a football at my head but I suspect is not the same thing.

Me: Sorry, I know it was bad but, I am remembering when someone threw the football at your head and am laughing . Which is bad because I think your glasses got broke. Oh dear. Now am thinking of the dog shaking and covering you in worms and when the oven exploded and blew your tights off. HAHAHAHHA.

Sadie: You mean when my £600 glasses broke. Yes, I don't remember laughing hysterically! Probably other people have been the victims of worm shower, or the victims of oven fireballs, but few people have had the misfortune to be victims of both. Just me most likely.

Me: I know. Ain't standing next to you in a thunderstorm

Sadie: Oh oh oh LAUGHING!