dudes

A regular morning conversation with Clyde:

Bedroom. 6.25
Fuck off. FUCK OFF. Fuck off. fuck OFF. GO AWAY.

Bedroom. 6.45
FUCK OFF. No, SERIOULSY, FUCK OFF. Fuck offfffff

Bedroom. 7.05
Fuck off. FUCK OFF. Fuck . . OH FINE

Kitchen. 7.06
Fuck off. FUCK OFF. GOD I HAVE FUCKING FED YOU ALREADY FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFF

Kitchen. 7.15
FUCKKKKKK OFFFFF. Fuck OFFF. OMG CLYDE!!!! Blimey . . I've said fuck a lot this mor . . . FUCK CLYDE! I wouldn't trip over you if you didn't do that!


Me: Are you all round there playing golf?
S: Define 'golf'
Me: Er. Needs a stick and some balls.
S: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Young LADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Me: HA. Never thought that sentence through


Alan: Do you ever watch tv on your massive boardroom screens?
Me: Can't say I have Alan
Alan: I used to come in 'ere, back in the day . . . sit here and watch Match of the Day. When was it . . .
Me: 1912?
Alan: No it was . . wait. What?!
Me: Nothing Alan. You were saying.
Alan: I'd come in 'ere and watch football at 7 in the mornin . . .remember when it was played in China and broadcast here really early?
Me: No, Alan, for I was not born in the 18th Century
Alan: Well you missed out because . . wait... what did you say?
Me: Nothing Alan. Carry on.
Alan: Footballs great.
Me: Eh
Alan: What? Don't you watch it then?
Me: Er. NO
Alan: That is very very sad.
Me: Not really. Although my housemate supports Man U so I do watch a bit.
Alan: Eurgh! I spit in his eye!
Me: What?
Alan: I support Liverpool. We spit in Mancs eyes!
Me: Eurgh. He isn't from Manchester though
Alan: Doesn't matter. If he worked here I would spit in his eye. And he would probably spit in mine. And we wouldn't talk.
Me: How very very sad
Alan: No it isn't. It's life
Me: Whatever dude.


After hiring a woman:

R: Ok! We'll see you on Monday then! Bye!
Me: R. Seriously. What did I say? FIT MEN. Not women. Jeez.
R: HAHAHAH. Well. WHAT a sexist remark.
Me: ... point?


Sophie: Rosie, you know that guy with mental problems that looks like a fat G? This morning on the bus he called someone and said: "I'm still alive.... just.... the doctor told me if I continue I'll have another heart attack but yesterday I ate 8 slices of bread with butter and parmesan cheese." PARMESAN CHEESE ON BREAD?! He really is mental!

Me: 'another??!!' Also. What is wrong with cheddar? He MUST have problems if Parmasan is his cheese of choice

Sadie: My cheese of choice is chocolate


Sophie: I want to go to a farm. Has to be one in London we can get to without a car though
Me: I guess there are farms in London . . like Botany Bay . . .
Sophie: Matt is looking for some. He says he has found a special needs one: "a bit of acting from me, you be yourself."