love

From: Mike
To: Rosie, Ale, Andy, M, Lorenzo

Hope everyone is well – it’s been ages!

I just wanted to send an email to invite you for some drinks on Friday at The Castle in Holland Park to help me celebrate my birthday.

Feel free to drop by for a couple on your way out/home. You’ll see from the map (below) that it is very close to the tube.
(If rain is forecast I may switch the venue).

Feel free to invite mates etc if you wish!

Hope to see you soon, either next week or another time!

Mike


From: Ale

Darn it!. Mate I’m taking a flight to Barcelona that afternoon so not going to be able to go. Let’s do drinks before at some point, Rosie has missed me for too long now ;)


From: Me

I can't deny it.
Also, Sam emailed me. Says he is having his leaving drinks on the same Friday ...


From: Andy

Hey Mike,

I will definately be there to celebrate!!

As Rosie said, Sam is having his leaving drinks that night, so I don't know if you want to combine the two? If not I'll pop into the pub for one to say goodbye to Sam and then make my inebriated way to the Castle!!


From: Mike

Good news mate! Yeah I saw that email from Sam too and, as much as I'd like to go and wish him well, I guess I better be at the Castle!! That said, if he ends up getting smashed, bring him down too!!


From: Rosie

So I will be going from here to Holborn then here again and back past Hoborn to get home? That does not totally sound awesome. But I will do it. And that is a testament to my love for you Mike. Or to drinking. Whichever.


From: Mike

I love you too, Rosie


His birthday -


From: Mike
To: Rosie
Subject: Thanks for the birthday text Ro!

Hope you're all good. I'm not going to go to Sam's leaving drinks on Friday as I guess I should be around incase any of my friends turn up at the Castle....

Laters Ro-Ro


From: Rosie
To: Mike
Subject: That's alright Mike!

'allo.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MON PETIT CHOUX FLEUR!

It is vair vair sad to be at work on your birthday. I hope someone has made you a birthday cake to make up for it.

Am looking forward to Friday drinks! Will head down to say goodbye to Sam (I kinda owe him that. What with checking my CV, being my reference and writing my resignation letter and making me feel better by saying mean things about Dr PooChunks) (although he does drink a HIDEOUS cup of tea) and then I will head to yours with the Gun Squad and Lady M. All your regular mates are meeting you in the pub I guess? I mean, us peeps aren't your only pals, riiiiight? Although, don't deny that we are the most awesome.

In other news. I had Friday and Monday off and it was good. Now I am back at work and am very nippy noodles. I am sitting here wondering . . how cold do I have to be before my chest explodes? (I was going to say another part of my anatomy then but am not sure who reads your work email) (although I guess those brackets cancel out my caution).

I am now going to make a cup of tea.

Ro
Tea Maker Extraordinaire


From: Mike
To: Rosie

Hi Ro

I've loved reading your email this morning. I am not too sad to be at work on my birthday - I'm having an excellent birthday week so all is good. Very much looking forward to Friday.
I'm really sad I can't make Sam's drinks. I shall drop him an email to let him know and wish him well. He has been really great to us all and you're right, we owe him that! I can't believe you were so generous to call his hideous brew "tea".

Not sure about any other friends. None of them have got back in touch with me yet so it may be just me, you, M, Guns and Lotts. Nevertheless, that would be fun! So, as such, this DOES make you my most awesome friends.

Pleased you had a good weekend, did you go away or stay domestic? Loved your chat about your chest exploding. Highly amusing birthday conversation.

Ton petit choux fleur
x


From: Rosie
To: Mike

Ha. You are one of about 5 people who think I am amusing. And one of those 5 is my cat. And I think he is just pretending to smile because he wants me to feed him.

I am very glad to hear you are having a tres fantastic birthday week! That is more than the baby Jesus and he turned water into wine. Which made for a very cheap party. Just had to pay for the sausage rolls and fairy cakes.

If none of your friends have replied and you end up alone in Holland Park like the twiglet bowl at a party, come to Holborn. Don't sit there on your own waiting for us. Drinks going flat, balloons drooping etc.

Sam still drinks (open irony quotes) "tea" (close irony quotes) but it is low down on the scale. See, there are CLASSES of tea. There is your regular old tea. Then there is a builder tea. There is also an 'NHS' tea. And then there is a 'milkshake.' Sams tea falls between the NHS and milkshake. If I drank his tea there is a 82% probability that I would fall down, hit my head and die. That is math. Also, I explained this to someone I work with here and he said: "Have you been smoking crack?" And it makes me think that some people do not take tea drinking as seriously as they should.

I took Friday off because my parents went to Budapest and I had to look after the dogs, my little sister, make sure my brother didn't burn the house down and to stop any wild parties. So, to check these things off - I walked the dogs every day DESPITE the fact that my park is full of trees (little known fact about parks) which had hundreds and millions of caterpillars swinging gaily from. Now here is some very important information about me. I FREAK if something lands in my hair. Just the thought has made me spaz out a touch. I do not know why. It is probably something to do with a story I read where someone had a bat caught in their hair and it clung on and the only way they could get it out was to kill it. Or it could be the time when I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled out the biggest beetle you have ever seen and the grossness was so bad I died. True story. So anyway. I looked after the dogs.

The sister. She has started college and is doing an art course so we went to the Tate Modern on Friday where she kept saying what the abstract work looked like to her . . . well. I won't repeat some of it but for one piece *I* saw an elephant trunk and ears because I have an innocent mind. On Saturday we went to the Thames Festival and met up with Lady M who went to the Slovakia stall to be amongst her people. Then on Sunday we did some shopping and then went to the cinema where the only film in our time zone was Mama Mia. Which was actually really good. I mean, come on. Pierce Brosnan singing ABBA was some funny stuff man.

The brother. Even though I have 2, one I can trust not to burn the house down and whatnot. The other has a history of starting fires and, even though firemen turning up is hot, it is also embarrassing.

It has been so long since I started writing this because I got interrupted by people asking about lame things like work so I am going to reread your email and see if I addressed everything . . . ok. I think so. This is actually longer than some essays I have written. Work avoidance? Much?

You know, I think the literal translation of ton petit choux fleur is something like 'your small cabbages flower' which sounds really kind of saucy. Or creepy. Kinda Lolita-ish.

Laters, conserves au vinaigre x


From: Mike
To: Rosie

I rarely laugh until I cry. I have done that twice today, and one was due to your email!
Mike


From: Rosie
To: Mike

Were you laughing at the caterpillars in my hair? Because that was traumatic. But don't worry. One fell into my bra and suffocated.