Tin-Tin

Our Facebook wall-to-wall:

Me: Yo wassup dirty

F: Just stressing with revision - there is soooooooooooooooooooo much to learn! Argh!! Hope you are well. Nice to see you in another realm of the internet. xx

Me: Stalking you boy. What with the new hairdresser supply shop, Palmers Green is officially trendy. Bring on the summer switches!

Me: Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend

F: That's not very nice

Me: I have been napping and now I am almost ready for bed. This working malarkey really plays havoc with ones social life. But I am being all Mrs Robinson with Toby's mates now. Pretty much entirely accidentally as I didn't really want them all catching me in my pajamas last night. Especially since they are stripy bottoms and an Oxfam t-shirt that says 'will have sex for beer' as opposed to a slinky slip.

F: Sounds like you are playing the game juuuuuuuust right. Esp. with teenage boys!!

Me: I saw Aerosmith at Hyde Park on Sunday. Tin, I had an epiphany that day, standing in the rain. I realised I am not rock n roll. I like to observe dirt from a distance. Like my sofa. Or bed.

F: Why does that not suprise me.
I can't stand the rain... against my window...doo doo doo... Bringing back sweet memories...

Me: That's where me and ol' Tina disagree. I would have 100% preferred it against my window as opposed to on my bonce.

Me: Hey dude. Had a lovely night last night! Good seeing you. x

F: Good seeing you too. It had been tooooo long. Hope work is going well...now get back to it! Kidding! xxxx

Me: Mmmmmmm I'm sure you are meant to be doing something too - how IS the packing going?

F: Chut up! I am currently half naked with a towel loosely draped around my body. Getting into Ozzy mode. xxx

Me: "They call me bitch. At least thats what my clients say"

F: What is that from?

Me: You! It was attached to a picture message of you in a towel

F: I clearly would not be a very good celeb - I blab and blab and blab and I don't remember what I said!!!

Me: Such a Paris Hilton wannabe!!! Happy travels today dude. I hope you have your flight socks, eye mask etc etc and your sunglasses at the airport 'cos the papparazi are gonna be all over you with that new haircut thinking Beckham's in town

F: I am sooooooo not David Beckham!!

Me: How are you online already??? When are you leaving for Oz?? And what's wrong with being David Beckham? I would totally be up in your grill if you were.

F: I am here and it is noice, unusual, and surprisingly European. x

Me: I am glad you made it safe and sound and arrived looking stylishly chic, a la Posh Spice etc. V jealous of you meeting Kath n Kim and Kylie.

F: Yeah... and I'm meeting Ms.MacPherson tomorrow, then talking with Natalie Imbruglia about her forthcoming singles collection.

Me: You star seeker you xx

F: I hope you are working!

Me: Always working. It. When are you free to meet your pal for lunch?

F: Are you around on Saturday brunch/lunch-time? Because I might actually be able to find my way down to Palmers Green!
xxx

Me: I am thinking I am free to meet you on Saturday! I will ask Sophus and the Hawk also! You can text on Saturday if you are around.

F: I shall text early Friday to confirm out soiree... xxxxxx

Me: Hey you always on the run/ gotta slow it down baby/ gotta have some fu-unnnnnnnn. So...when arrrrrrrre you in P Green next?

F: Well I iz going down deeper and down on Monday night for Daddys birthday and then probably come down at the end of this week. How are things with you?! xxx

Me: Good. I bought Footloose and Flashdance for Lulu. Watched Footloose last night. As good as I remembered. I wonder if SJP and Kevin are still pals. If you around for a coffee let us know innit

F: Shall do. Glad you enjoyed Footloose - I am sure SJP and Kevin are still friends. They'll have so much to talk about - fashion, dance, being child stars... ...a bit like us

Me: Tin! I read Rupes diary. I think there are some startling parallels indeed with our lives in P Green and the library. I would go so far as to say he has stolen some moments from our lives. Especially the bit about that time in the library basement with the stripe-ed animals and dancing boys.

F: Glad you enjoyed. I thought that there would be parallels ...anything that is titled 'red carpets and other banana skins' is BOUND to refer to our lives in someway. Hope to see you sooooooooon xxx

Me: It was good. It pretty much summed up the library experience. Y'know, Madonna, sex, arguments.... Sure I'll see you next time you are in the P Green area. I will know when you are in town because they raise a sparkly flag on the triangle.

F: Oh so that is what that is for! I thought it was just to ward off the chavs (suppose it's one and the same). I am currrently alone in Paris just like Carrie in Sex and the City - just waiting for Mr. Big to come.....
.....still waiting.....
Have you started your new job yet - if so I hope it is going well! xx

Me: Well. I do not know much French but! I can teach you a song about a blackbird losing its feather. This is sure to win over le menfolk (it is totally true that if you put 'le' in front of a word it makes it French). I start my new job on Monday. My sequinned hotpants are pressed and ready. I chose those because they always make an impression.

F: I am sure they do! Hope it all goes well! I have found if I just use lyrics that involve French that usually works soooo:
je ne sais pourqai
voulez vous
voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir...
What more could you need!

Me: Oooooooooooo er

F: Hey how is the jobby going? I had a dream the other night that I was meeting you for a natter...must be time for one soooooon! Eurgh trying to do essay but is SOOOOOO sloooooooooooooooow!

Me: It's going really well! I'm happy. Stop dreaming of me. Pervert. But I am totally up for a natter. In P Green or London baby? When are you next in Peagreen? Poor you doing essays. I do not miss that. Though I seem to be writing a few for Lola. It's like a competition in our house who can get her the best grade (me). I always find a glass of red wine helps. And a monocle. xx

F: Glad everything is going good. Sorry to be pervert but it has been long. It'll probably happen in PG Tips, as I should be coming home once the Easter hols begins, which is in about a week! I have almost finished my essay - I was up till 3am, and now just adding the icing - it might make it difficult for the teacher to read but I reckon it will make allllll the difference. I think you will probably get Lulu the best grade this way also... x

Me: You know what I do for Lulus homework? You know that scene in Legally Blonde where she sprays her CV with perfume and the guy goes: "smells good?" Well...kinda like that except I'm just gonna sleep with her teachers. C'mon A*!!! Tell me when you're around and we'll hook up. Maybe go to that place that we went to that one time to have the thing and maybe the other thing. Cool. Ok. Later alligator. x

F: Okey dokey. Can't wait! Would you prefer to Palmers Green it or work it?

Me: I'm thinking Palmers. Mainly because it is bloody trendy and 'the inn place to be'

F: Tell me about it! It is such a nightmare getting into any restaurant around there! Soooo poular! PG Tips is a good idea for me. Will let you know soon! x

Me: I think it is the addition of the hair switch shop y'know. Classy.

F: Do you wanna do dinner this week some time ....? xx

Me: Hey poodle. Yes to dinner!! What night is good for you le gay Paris? I will also check with Shawkie.

F: ER I am sooo annoying - still not sure yet but I might have to be sometime next week. I will probably be at home all that week because my mum is going away to Ireland and my sister will be alone. Sorry to be a pain! Also let me know when is best for you / what days you cannot do. xxx

Me: Jeez and I had totally read Heat magazine so we had stuff to chat about too!!! Ok next week it is! Luckily I am free and easy. xxx

F: Oh no! Well, you should be doing that every week anyway. I will text you late to sort it out! xxxxxx

Me: Your new profile picture really shows off those library developed muscles. Charlies Angels c'mon!

F: Just imagine my arms before I started work in the library!

Me: I am always imagining your arms. When is the next super hot ex casual staff hook up love up then? Should start planning it now really since it is so hard to schedule in what with all the switch appointments and hair dye sessions.

F: When my exams on Madonna, elegant interior design and false nail application are finished. SO that will be in the 3rd week of June or soooo. I see you have had a very flash holiday! How was it? I hope you strutted...

Me: The holiday was a-mayzing. Went up into the Carpathian mountains but couldn't find a hot vampire to bite my neck. See you in the next life (June) then kitty kat.

Me: Looking at your "Which member of Girls Aloud are you?" results. Sarah Harding? FIXXXX. In other news... work has given me one of those pass holders you wear around your neck. It is tres snazzy and I have seriously just spent half an hour posing and taking photos on my phone.

F: It might be a bit of a fix but sometimes you have to help nature along. A bit like the IVF/turkey baster treatment. I wish I was somewhere where I could wear pass holders around my neck. I think I might just go around with my fake Britney backstage pass holder. Glad you are still posing. Work it babyyyy. WORK IT.

Me: Check it out. Working it. Rocking it.

F: That photos is tooooooo much! The weather is getting me hot and sweaty as it is!

Me: ALL OVER IT BABY

F: Hey stranger. How are things? Any gossip? xx

Me: Yo boyfriendddd. No gossip. What is up with you? How's life not as a student? xxx

F: Frightening and liberating. I am distracting myself with a trip to NY to be Sarah Jessica Parker's assistant. Have you got a cat for your flat and welcome mat...?!

Me: Does SJP know?? Also, I hear rumours she couldn't cope with the mole jokes any longer and got hers removed. CONTROVERSIAL. Niiiiiiiiice rhyme dude. Smooth as.

F: SJP will know very very soon. And she will be thankful! I am a poet and she will be impressed. Have you caught any men in your net recently...?

Me: Lucky Sarah (she said I could call her that). Re: my net, Jeremy Clarkson's people asked me to release him as APPARENTLY it is illegal to keep people as sex slaves against their will. Who knew.

F: It is so tough these days. But I am sure ol' Jer loved it! I suppose you will now have to find some kind of willing accomplise... mmm...

Me: The willing ones are never as fun

F: Methinks you are speaking from experience!

Me: HA. So when are you free for a love up catch up sexy pants? And I know they are because I stalkered your photos. xxx Also, I was in Essex on Saturday and I looked at this guy and now I think I might be pregnant. WIll you teach my baby the ways of Madonna? Thanks.

F: I don't know if you can call them sexy ...more rank. As for being pregnant - it seems to be all the rage at the mo so congratulations and yes I suppose I will have to help to educate your child in the Church of Madonna. A love up sounds rather tempting. I am working full time at the mo so maybe the weekend would be best...? When is good for you?

Me: I am thinking, re: names - Tallulah Fallulah Monday Bell. And, y'know, that is suitable for a boy OR a girl so I'm sorted.
Working full time ay? I bet that is a shock to the system. Working really cuts into grooming time I feel. Well, let us know what weekend you are free and I will put the kettle on and/or open the wine.

F: It is a shock! But I am still groomed and g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s.! We could meet up for a tea chat this weekend perhaps...although I may have to sort my sister first as she comes back from Holiday on Friday... x

Me: ALWAYS the bridesmaid

F: What does"always the bridesmaid" mean? Is Sophie getting married?!

Me: 'Always the bridesmaid, never the bride' - as in, we are coming second again in your weekend plans. I mean, not that we mind as we have important stuff to do. Napping and the like.

F: It is a rare occassion that you come second - I just have a sister that needs guidance. I am like Oprah...or Trisha... you are timeless to meeee. I shall let you know on Friday what we can get up up and then down down toooo x

F: P'haps Sunday? Tea? Gossip? Cake?

Me: Ok pokey artichokey. Will inform the brethan then get back to you

Me: FIONTANNNNNN! Around on Sunday for a brew? ARE YOU? Let me know AS SOON AS POSSIBLE so I can rearrange my schedule accordingly.

F: No I am not I am afraid as I am in New York! So you can keep your schedule nice and neat

Me: How very glamorous! Hope you are Minelli-ing it up! x

Me: I love Simon Amstell. I wish he was my boyfriend. What are you up to?

F: On the streets looking for Simon

Me: REALLY? You are such a good pal!

Me: Did you find him then? I waited up all night in my negligee. Negligee and fake penis.

F: He was already taken . . .

Me: Bum